SOMETIMES I LOVE YOU IS SIMPLY I LOVE YOU
By wanderingquill
EPISODE TAG: 2X08 (FURT)
DISCLAIMER: Don't own Glee. This is purely fictional and derivative.
SUMMARY: Kurt thinks a little too much about Burt's words during the wedding ceremony.
Finally, it was finished.
Kurt took a deep breath as he surveyed the now empty reception hall. After that night's celebration, its sudden emptiness and lack of life was startling and depressing. The only ones left aside from him were the hired cleaners, who were slowly mopping the floors. Even the caterers have left.
Kurt stood there, dressed in a pair of last season's pinstriped trousers with a black muscle shirt. He accessorized with a red, pink, and white Burberry scarf and his favourite red Converse shoes. After the guests had left, he had changed into a spare set of clothes so he could help out with the cleaning up, along with Finn and the other New Directions kids. They had all finally left an hour or so ago, with his step-brother being the last one to go with Puck. Finn was staying with Puck for the weekend, leaving Kurt alone in the house. Burt and Carole had already left for their honeymoon weekend at a special hotel in Westerville that had a spa, an excellent steakhouse, and a short distance to a drive-in movie theatre that Kurt had bought a couple of tickets to. He knew his dad had loved drive-ins when he had been younger.
He fiddled at a leftover bouquet, a splash of bright autumn flowers against the dreary emptiness. Thoughts that he had banished in the hectic rush of the wedding and reception were starting to resurface against his will. He couldn't help biting his lip, ugly, ugly thoughts swirling in his head. His eyes pricked.
"Kurt?"
The boy spun around, shocked. His father stood there, still dressed in his wedding tuxedo. "Dad! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Westerville by now!"
His dad walked towards him, eyes intent. "Carole accidentally left out a bag and we turned back to go to the house. I didn't see you there so I called Finn and he said that he left you here about an hour ago." Burt dropped both hands on Kurt's shoulders, looking his son straight in the eyes. "What's this about, huh? You crying? Did anyone make any smart remarks about . . . you know . . . "
Kurt shook his head, quickly running his fingers against his eyes. "No, no, I'm not. It's nothing, Dad." He smiled. "Just a little emotional about everything. I can't believe it's over now. And I'm just here to make sure the clean-up is going well. I was just about to go home." He grabbed his dad's hands and tried to tug the bigger man away. "Come on, it's your honeymoon night, don't make Carole wait."
"Kurt, I'm not going to enjoy anything with Carole when you're like this. Now, what is it?"
The boy stood still and took several deep breaths. "Okay, okay." He swung back to look at his dad. "What . . . " he swallowed, tears starting to well up again, " . . . what did you mean . . . you know . . . when you were apologizing to me? During, during the ceremony? I . . . I just don't understand . . . I mean, aside from being gay, I thought we . . . I thought we were doing great . . ." He stifled a hiccupping breath.
Burt looked confused, then his eyes cleared. The man's face softened. "Kurt," he said softly, "sometimes, for your sake, I hate this world so much." Kurt stared, wide-eyed. "I hate that this world has made you so insecure, so fearful . . . so . . . so distrusting that you always manage to put the worst spin you can on anything I say." He pulled his stunned son into his arms. Kurt resisted initially, a teenage reflex, but then allowed himself to relax and lay his head against his dad's chest. The strong beating heart thudded comfortingly against his ear.
"You must know that what I said was not about how bad our life was. We had a great run, kid, you know we did. Sure it wasn't perfect. Hell, if it was, you'd have come out in middle school and not high school, and you wouldn't have felt as if you needed to prove anything to me by playing football." Kurt smiled against his dad's chest. He would never admit it to anyone, but amidst the fear, exasperation, and total discomfort of being surrounded by people who spent their formative years bullying him, he would never regret his short time as McKinley High's kicker. He even had the winning football mounted as a special trophy that his dad kept in the auto-shop office, where he bragged about it to his staff and customers.
"But the two of us together, our life was a bit like your teacher's junk heap. It runs and is good enough to get you where you're going and well-loved for all that it probably breaks down every two months. But you know that that car could have had so much more potential, could have been so much more. And that's really what I meant, Kurt. I loved your mom, you know I did, but our life would have been so much richer, so much better if she was still with us. She would have been there during all the hard times, she would have been able to give you all the talks that I couldn't. That's what I hope Carole and Finn will bring into our lives. Maybe filling up some of those empty spaces that your mom left behind. Not replacing her, no," Burt pulled Kurt away, hands on his boy's shoulders, and stared straight into his son's eyes again, intent on ensuring that there were no more misunderstandings. "No, no replacing. I can't be Finn's real dad any more than Carole can be your real mom. But together, we can be family to each other. Do you understand?"
Kurt was crying silently, knuckles pressed against his lips, while the other hand clutched at his dad's lapel. He nodded his head. "I, I understand, Dad."
"Sometimes, Kurt," Burt took a deep breath, obviously taking his time to think through his next words, "sometimes I love you is simply I love you. Sometimes the only things we can offer each other are words and actions come later. No hidden meanings, no ulterior motives." Burt shook his son slightly for emphasis. "I don't know what will happen. I hope that Carole and I will be together for a long, long time. I hope that Carole and Finn are exactly what we've seen and felt them to be. But right now, kiddo, right now, I'm just going by gut and trusting that when Carole says she loves me that she means it. And that's what I want for you, Kurt. I want you to know that I love you, just that. Maybe I'll mess it up because I'll say something that may make it seem as if maybe I don't. Or maybe I'll do something that makes it seem like I like Finn or Carole or someone else better. But you know, kid, you also gotta have enough faith that your old man loves you, you know? Sometimes saying I love you has to be enough because there's nothing I or anyone else can do to prove it to you if you are determined not to believe it."
Kurt choked and lunged back into his dad's arms, wrapping him into a tight hug. The bouquet fell to the floor, forgotten. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'll trust you." He pulled back and smiled widely, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I love you, too, Dad. I love you so much." He leaned back in, snuggling against that familiar, comforting warmth.
Burt planted a fond kiss on the top of his head, hugging him back. "I know, kiddo, I love you too. Now, what do you say we head on home, okay?"
Kurt wiped away the tears, unable to stop smiling. "Okay, Dad."
-FIN-
Is this angst? Is this fluff? Did I do Kurt and Burt justice? I have no idea, but I hope that you enjoyed it. Please review as I'd love to hear what you thought of it.