Hello once again, awesome readers! I got the Dragon Age itch again and this small story has been rattling around inside my head for quite some time now. This story features the same Male Mage Warden from my other DA story, "Kissing Has Two Ss, Right?" Only this story is going to be a lot more serious but I feel like so much more could have been done with the Warden's relationship with Jowan that I had to write this. I hope you enjoy this! Cheers! -LCB
Oh, how the Warden pleaded for peace. The screams inside his head would forever go unheard, but if they ever did they would be loud enough to fill every hall of Castle Redcliffe, a castle that he and his companions had only just recently purged of all of its darkspawn and abominations. But one demon remained, the demon inside Connor, Arl Eamon's son. The Arl could also do nothing about it, for he lay poisoned and unmoving on the extravagant bed within his chamber.
And all of these problems were being blamed on the man that stood before the Warden, locked up in a cage like an animal. But this man was no animal. He was a mage named Jowan, a mage who had trifled in the forbidden art known as blood magic and was now standing as a criminal in Redcliffe for it.
But more than all of those things, Jowan was the Warden's oldest friend.
"Please..." Jowan pleaded from behind his bars, his eyes filled with sadness and marred with the redness of exhaustion.
"Let me explain."
"Explain what, exactly?!" The Warden found himself barking out, his anger and exasperation peaking from the stress of the day's battle through the castle.
"Will you attempt to explain why you deceived the Arl and then poisoned him? Why you invited the depths of hell itself into the castle? Why you allowed the demonic possession of the Arl's son?!"
The Warden jammed the end of his staff into the black cobblestone floor of the dungeon, accentuating his rage.
"Tell me, which point would you like to address first?"
Jowan looked absolutely crestfallen. "Please, Nicolae, there's more to it than that..."
"There had better be," the Warden growled.
Jowan twiddled with the thin golden rope serving as the belt of his blood-stained robes.
"Connor has the potential to become a mage," Jowan said. "He needed training..."
"From a much more capable mage, Jowan!" the Warden cut off. "Not one who dabbles in the dark arts like it's a change of robes!"
The Warden gestured around the dungeon. "You may believe your intentions to be justified but your past has come back to haunt Redcliffe! You opened the pits and unleashed its prisoners on the royal family!"
"None of that was my fault!" Jowan protested. "I was already imprisoned when all of that started!"
"And I'm to believe you just because you say so?" the Warden asked, marching toward the cell until his face was mere inches from the bars.
"But none of that explains why you poisoned the Arl!"
Jowan's despondent face looked to the ground, his hope slipping away.
"It sounds like you want me dead too...old friend."
That gave the Warden pause. For a moment, his words were caught as his throat swelled shut. As much of an idiot the Warden believed Jowan to be at the moment, their friendship still spanned back longer than either of them could remember. It was the only thing keeping the Warden going, trying to make sure all of the castle didn't string Jowan up right then and there. The Warden inhaled deeply and attempted to calm himself.
"Just tell me why, Jowan," the Warden uttered through clenched teeth. "Why did you do it? Who put you up to it?"
Jowan said nothing, knowing full well that the answer would anger his oldest friend even more. By the Maker, he couldn't even look the Warden in the eye, but that didn't stop the Warden from banging the bars of the cell with his staff and yelling again, the little patience he had already gone again.
"Who, Jowan?! Give me a name!"
"It was Loghain!" Jowan cried out.
The Warden stumbled back from the cell's bars, his stomach dropping through his feet. Loghain?! His oldest friend was now working for the Grey Wardens' greatest enemy? No amount of hours would help the Warden process this information properly. The man sighed heavily and leaned his weary head upon his staff, eyes closed, mind pulsing with what to do next. If Jowan was in league with Loghain...the Warden's options just dwindled tremendously.
As if Jowan could read his friend's thoughts, he spoke up hurriedly, trying to plead his case further.
"Loghain hired me to poison the Arl in exchange for helping to restore me to the Circle of Magi! He said he could get me back there!"
Jowan gripped the bars tighter until his knuckles whitened, desperation coursing through his every taut muscle.
"I was scared, Nicolae! I was all alone! I had nowhere to go, no one to help me and not a coin to my name! What else was I supposed to do?! I needed to get back home!"
"And clearly, you abandoned reason for fear, Jowan. You always did." the Warden said softly, not opening his eyes. "Did you really think Loghain would have the power to restore you to the Circle? After you performed blood magic in front of blasted Templars?! I'll tell you what would have happened. If he even did attempt to make good on his promise, you would have been escorted back to the Circle and then out of it two minutes later...in chains."
The Warden looked up to face Jowan dead in the eye. "You were deceived, Jowan, just as most of Ferelden currently is thanks to the teyrn."
Jowan opened his mouth to try a rebuttal but quickly closed it again. Nicolae was right, and he knew it. Nicolae was always right...since they were kids he had always been in the right in the eyes of the First Enchanter.
Nicolae pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and turned away from the cell, stepping into a darker part of the dungeon liberated from the flickering glow of the torches on the walls. He now had one of the biggest decisions he could possibly make in his life fall squarely on his shoulders.
"I don't know what to do, Jowan. I'm at a loss."
"What do you mean?" Jowan's trembling voice asked.
"I mean the royal family of Redcliffe is putting the life of my oldest friend in my hands."
"Open up your hand! Show me!"
"No way, Jowan! Ger'off me!"
The two 8-year-olds were locked in mortal combat with one another, Nicolae with his hands grasping one another as if he was holding something delicate and Jowan with his hands firmly latched on to his friend's arms, pulling at them.
"C'mon!" the young Jowan whined, his bright hazel eyes glinting with determination. "Is it a butterfly? Where'd you find it?"
"No, Jowan! Don't be stupid! Why would it be a butterfly if we never get to leave the tower?"
"We have windows...in some places..."
Nicolae snorted at his friend, standing steady on his feet despite Jowan's tugs. His short dark hair was constantly unkempt in a boyish way.
"You're a stupid nug-head, Jowan. It's not a butterfly."
"But I always wanted to see one! All I get are the ones in my books."
Jowan kicked the dark stone of the tower dormitory floor.
"And they're not even real!"
"This is much better than a dumb butterfly. Only ones who like butterflies are stupid girls," Nicolae announced, tipping his chin up in pride.
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yeah-huh!"
"Well, what is it?! I just wanna peek!" Jowan demanded.
Nicolae conspiratorially looked from left to right, then gestured with his head for Jowan to come closer. Once he had, Nicolae cracked his palms apart just enough so his friend could have that peek.
Jowan jumped back. "Eew! An ugly lizard!"
"Uh-huh," Nicolae happily nodded. "And it's going straight into smelly ol' Leorah's robes!"
Jowan's eyes took to the size of dinner plates, as if the frightening figure of his father had just stepped into the room.
"You can't do that!" Jowan practically screamed. "She's a senior enchanter! You'll get in huge trouble!"
"So what?" Nicolae defiantly asked.
"They'll flog you again!"
"I already got flogged four times. It's not that bad."
"It really hurt for me!"
"That's 'cuz you're a whiny baby who likes butterflies."
"Shut up!" Jowan said, feeling the burning tears welling up in his eyes.
Nicolae stood his ground, smirking.
"Make me!"
Jowan ran forward and gave his friend a hard push. Nicolae wasn't expecting this and ended up falling hard on his butt, his hands flying aprt and dropping the lizard. The tiny creature skittered away to the nearest crack in the wall or floor it could hide in. Nicolae rolled onto his stomach, pawing at the ground furiously.
"No! No, no, no, where'd it go? It's gone!"
"So what?" Jowan spat, suddenly feeling cocky after the success of his attack. "It's just a stupid lizard."
That made young Nicolae's head snap up, anger blazing on his face. He yelled, scrambled to his feet and tackled Jowan. The two boys were now rolling on the hard stone floor together, punching, kicking, and scratching at each other.
The sudden din attracted attention. In only a few moments the door to their dormitory flew open and a tall, intimidating female mage stalked into the room. Her voice rang out through the room, carrying to its every corner.
"Enough! Both of you, stop this nonsense!"
The woman stepped in and grabbed both of them by their ears, the pain of such an action immediately halting their brawl and separating them. The room was soon filled with "Ow, ow, ow, ow"s instead.
"That's better," the woman authoritatively affirmed. "Now in the name of all that is good and decent, why were you two fighting in such a way?"
"Jowan pushed me!" Nicolae accused, wasting no time.
"You started it!" Jowan countered. "You called me stupid!"
"It matters not who started what," the female mage uttered tiredly, already weary of the two hellions. "There is enough stupidity within the both of you to fill the entire tower."
She released their ears. "Now, both of you, apologize to one another this instant."
Both boys scowled at each other but with another stern look from the older mage, they relented.
"'Msorry."
"Sorry."
"Now both of you get to bed right now!"
Both boys hung their heads.
"Yes, Senior Enchanter Wynne," they said in begrudging unison, dejectedly climbing into their respective bunks.
"How could you have been so stupid, Jowan?"
"I was desperate! I was trying to survive! Being an apostate is a life of persecution and endless running for my life!"
Jowan looked down again. "I just wanted to be home again, back to the only home I've ever known. The only one we've ever known."
The Warden took another breath, trying to calm himself. He was angry with Jowan, alright, but he couldn't fault him for wanting a return to normalcy. The Warden had often wondered himself what life would be like if he could shrug the burden of his mission and return to a life of peace and solitude within the tower. It would all be a lie, though, and he knew it. There would be no peace as long as the Blight continued and the darkspawn pressed on with their march.
"Things can't be the way they used to be, old friend," the Warden reasoned. "The tower is no longer a home for either of us."
"You're still a mage!" Jowan exclaimed. "We're still the same, you and I!"
Jowan peered hard over at the Warden, as if he was searching for something in his friend's face that he couldn't quite find.
"What happened to my friend who wasn't afraid of the world or any of its consequences?" Jowan asked.
"Your friend was forced to survive the Harrowing and the Joining!" The Warden retorted, feeling a little insulted by Jowan's statement. It wasn't that he was afraid at all. He merely had the burden of knowledge, the knowledge of what was really out there. The Archdemon spared none in its quest to ruin the world.
"I'm a Grey Warden now, Jowan," he continued. "One of only a handful in Ferelden who are still alive, thanks to the man you were helping! The taint of the darkspawn lies within me now and the fate of all of Ferelden partially rests on my shoulders, so you'll forgive me if I get a little tense from time to time!"
The Warden growled and stomped his staff into the ground again in frustration, trying to bite back the bile he seemed to be constantly hurling at his friend. He didn't want to hurt him or make things worse for him, but there was far too much at stake now! A young boy's life hung in the balance. An entire Blight was biting at their heels. The possibility of death was around every corner, and if he and Alistair died, so did the last of the Grey Wardens and the last line of defense against the Blight.
"What would you have me do, Jowan?" The Warden wearily asked.
"What I would have you all do is light the campfires in front of you," Senior Enchanter Leorah instructed the group of teenaged apprentices standing before her in one of the many tower training chambers. This chamber was a large, plain square room made of gray stone walls. This chamber was perfect for testing an apprentice's skills with fire magic. Fire was already unpredictable in and of itself. Young people entering the first lap of puberty trying to shoot it from their hands was even more dangerous.
The 13-year-old Nicolae stood resolutely over his own campfire, which at the moment was only a pile of rocks forming a circle around a stacked upside-down cone of wooden logs. He bore a lopsided, cocky grin, prepared to show everyone what he could do. Plus, Aaryn and Mylena were watching, giggling and shaking their heads at him.
Showtime.
"Jowan, we will begin with you."
Nicolae's shoulders slumped slightly. Showtime would have to wait. Instead, the young apprentice cast an encouraging glance over at his jittery friend.
Jowan ran a shivering hand through his shoulder-length, jet-black hair. He just stared at his own empty campfire for the next minute, feeling the stares of every other apprentice in the Circle boring into him. Their eyes were like drills carving through his flesh, leaving him paralyzed where he stood. He needed to light his campfire. If he didn't, he would once again be the laughing-stock of his fellow students. He felt ice-cold fear freezing the pit of his stomach and spreading throughout his body.
He needed to do something and he needed to do it now. So then why couldn't he just do something? Why was he stuck in place like some statue?
"Look's like Jowan the Joke's freezing up again!" 12-year-old Drayden called out, accompanied by giggling from about the half the circle of apprentices.
"Hey, shut up, ratface!" Nicolae fired back in defense of his friend.
"What'd you call me, Dickolae?" Drayden countered, his hands forming into fists.
"I called you a ratface, Drayden," Nicolae said calmly, pushing up the sleeves of his own robes. "You need me to say it louder for you?"
"ENOUGH!"
With two fluid spins of her staff, Leorah lashed out with two magical rushes of wind, enough to knock both arguing boys down on their butts.
"The both of you will cease your prattling immediately or be faced with the flogging of your short lives!"
"Just shut up!"
Leorah turned and looked at the now shouting young Jowan. His eyes were shut tight and he had his hands over his ears, as if he were trying to block out the world around him.
"All of you shut up and let me do this! I can do it!"
In a fit of fury, Jowan's eyes snapped open and he lashed out with both open palms at the campfire, which immediately exploded into flames, so much so that it knocked both Jowan and Leorah to their backs. The flames easily engulfed the small campfire and then shot up several feet until it seemed to be a towering inferno that stretched to the ceiling. The other apprentices screamed and scattered as crimson, orange and yellow flames raged and spread, jumping from apprentice campfire to campfire. Jowan looked up in time to see the flames coming straight for him as well. There was nowhere for him to run. He threw up his arms in front of him and shut his eyes tight, waiting for the burn.
A burn that never came.
When Jowan opened his eyes again, he saw a lone defender keeping the blazes at bay.
Nicolae squinted his eyes forward, his brow furrowed in deep concentration. Light blue waves of energy were spreading out in large, wide circles from his friends. Jowan didn't know what kind of spell it was, but it was holding the flames back, almost like it was containing the flames.
"Jowan!" Nicolae shouted through clenched teeth. "How in the Fade did you do this?!"
"I...uh...I don't know. I didn't mean to!" Jowan cried out from the floor.
Whatever inferno Jowan had created, it didn't last much longer. Just as he finished his sentence, his fire was blown to nothing as if by a great whirlwind. When the last lick of fire disappeared, Leorah stood alone, her staff held poised at her side. She relaxed and stuck her gaze straight at Nicolae and Jowan. The rest of the apprentices looked unharmed but were all cowering in the corners of the room, forzen where they crouched.
"All those who have suffered any burns will be escorted to the healers now." Leorah harshly whispered with barely conceiled venom. "Jowan, you will be brought before the other Enchancters for discipline."
Jown shivered. "But...but I..."
"Enough out of you. Get up."
Jowan scrambled to his feet, practically whimpering.
"I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I was scared. I was mad."
Nicolae stepped in front of his friend. "Enchanter Leorah, Jowan was provoked into anger by Drayden. It's not his fault."
"Do not speak with wisdom you're too young to understand, Nicolae, and do not fight Jowan's battles for him." Leorah chided. "You are to report to First Enchanter Irving himself."
Nicolae's eyes shot open in shock. "Me? But...what'd I..."
"I am THROUGH being questioned!" Leorah yelled.
"Well, what did you get from questioning him?" Alistair asked.
"Loghain promised him amnesty in the Circle if he poisoned Arl Eamon." The Warden responded, sighing. The two of them were leaning against one of the many stone walls of Redcliffe Castle. It was a quiet corner where The Warden could seek counsel with his trusted friend.
"As if Loghain could ever grant something like that," The Warden sighed bitterly. "Just one more lie from the resident Serpent of Ferelden, only this one came with a steeper price."
"That's treason," Alistair said, trying his best to contain his emotion. He knew this mage was important to his friend, though it was growing harder to stop his rage over the poisoning of a man that was like a father to him.
"He'll be hanged for this."
"I think that's exactly what they want." The Warden tiredly consented, leaning against his staff. This was a heavy burden on his mind. "But even faced with undeniable evidence pointing to such a punishment...I find myself unable to deliver the sentence."
The Warden pinched the bridge of his nose. "What should I do, Alistair?"
"He's your friend," Alistair said, shifting on his feet. He wasn't quite sure what advice to give.
"And I trust you with my life, Alistair," The Warden insisted. "Your counsel is important to me."
"You know him better than I do," Alistair continued. "Is there any indication at all that you see that he could be lying?"
The Warden's eyes looked to the floor. He studied every crack and pebble, looking for the answers he so desperately sought. Finding nothing, he sighed again and looked up to Alistair.
"I've known Jowan since we were little, growing up in the Circle. I know when he's lying and when he's not. I know he wasn't lying to me, but that doesnt solve the problem."
Alistair arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
The Warden looked down again. "He may not be lying about being tricked by Loghain, but that also means he's not lying about poisoning the Arl. I have no doubt that he did it...so now we're back to Square One."
"Which is?" 17-year-old Jowan asked, staring up at the brown mahogany of the top bunk bed above him.
17-year-old Nicolae's face popped out upside down from the side of the top bunk.
"That we...take a break...from our lessons, go outside and skip rocks across the lake. Call it a day off."
Nicolae deftly leapt to the ground and walked over to the wardrobe, messing with his brown hair.
Jowan sat up in bed. "You can't honestly be suggesting what I think you are, Nicolae."
"Aww, come on, Jowan, you're the smart one," Nicolae called out. "Use that big brain of yours. It'll come to you."
"We can't skip out on our lessons!" Jowan argued, standing up off his bed. "You especially."
"Why me especially?" Nicolae asked, not taking his eyes off the mirror, running his hands around his eyes, inspecting every inch. "I'm thinking of face tatoos. Black, like, flames, all over. What do you think?"
"Vain and dreadful, suiting you perfectly," Jowan answered, plowing through to his point. "I mean especially for you, being Irving's star pupil and all."
That made Nicolae stop his primping. He turned around slowly to face his friend, his eyebrow arched. "Star pupil? Do I detect a hint of bitterness there, Jowan?"
Jowan stroked the goatee coming in on his chin. "Oh, I don't know, why would I be bitter? I'm just looking out for my friend, making sure he doesn't lose face with the First Enchanter."
Nicolae cocked an apprehensive grin and folded his arms, unsure of where his friend was going with this. Jowan continued.
"Look, I know," he said bitterly. "I know how you disappear every day. You're called out of lessons every day and none of us see you for hours on end. Every day you reappear around meal times."
Nicolae shrugged. "Can't miss my three squares a day."
"We all know you're having private lessons with Irving," Jowan pressed. "You've been having them for years now, ever since you...saved me from that fire..."
Nicolae's smile faded. "If you have something to say, Jowan, you better say it right now."
"Why are you having these lessons, Nicolae?" Jowan asked. "We've been best friends since we were kids but you can't tell me?"
"It's...on a need-to-know basis, Jowan," Nicolae said, looking down. "I don't know what else I can tell you. When First Enchanter Irving tells me not to tell anyone any details about this, it's not like I can say no."
"Right, because you're his pet now." Jowan spat.
In a few seconds Nicolae crossed the distance to Jowan and grabbed two fistfuls of his robes, hoisting him up in the air slightly. For a few moments, the two were frozen, locked together. Jowan's eyes looked fearfully down at his friend's, which held fast in a determined glare. Then Nicolae cracked a smile.
"Careful, Jowan," he whispered. "Your backbone's showing."
In the next moment he released his friend and the two were laughing again, shoving at each other's shoulders.
"Tell you what," Nicolae said, bounding for the door. "Come with me to skip rocks. You let me stay tight-lipped on my lessons and, in return, I'll also stay tight-lipped about thet Chantry girl you've been eyeing."
Jowan's eyes turned to dinner plates. "Wha-What?!"
Nicolae grinned evilly. "Oh, did you not hear me, Jowan? Maybe I'll say it a little louder, then. I WAS TALKING ABOUT STAYING TIGHT-LIPPED ABOUT THAT CHANTRY GIRL YOU'VE SNUCK OUT TO SEE ON A NUMBER OF OCCA-"
"SHUT UP!"
Jowan rushed forward, nearly tackling Nicolae. Nicolae stopped him right before contact but they both just fell to the ground on top of each other, Nicolae laughing and Jowan terrified.
"What if the Templars hear?! I'll be made Tranquil for sure!" Jowan practically yelled.
"Calm down, buddy, calm down!" Nicolae placated while pushing his friend off. "If the Knight-Commander comes barreling through our door, just point the finger at me and he'll know it's nothing but nonsense caused by the resident hellion of the tower!"
Nicolae stretched out his hand and Jowan helped pull him back up to his feet.
"You know I would never do anything to hurt you, Jowan," Nicolae said, more serious this time.
Never do anything to hurt you.
Those words echoed inside The Warden's mind as he gazed down at his trembling friend sitting inside that cell. There was only one option left to him, the only option that would end this incident once and for all. The Warden knew what it was yet could hardly bring himself to do it.
The Warden inhaled deeply and then pointed his staff at Jowan's cell.
"It's time, Jowan," he said.
Jowan started crawling away from the bars backwards on his palms.
"Nicolae, no! Please! Just let me out and I can help make all of this right again! I swear it!"
"Just calm down, Jowan," Nicolae repeated. "I promise, you won't feel a thing."
"No! Please! I don't want to die!"
A deafening smash exploded throughout the prison and Jowan shut his eyes tightly, waiting for the end to come. When it didn't, he cracked his eyes open and saw no Fade or any other kind of afterlife. What he did see was the door to his cell blown off its hinges and The Warden standing there, looking down at him.
"Go. Get out of here," he said.
The Warden walked over to the corpse of a recently killed darkspawn inside the prison and withdrew the knife he kept hidden within his mage robes. He sliced the creature's throat open and closed his eyes and lips as the expired body's blood spattered all over his face and the front of his robes. Adequately garnished with darkspawn blood, Nicolae dropped the corpse and walked back over to the cell, where Jowan was still frozen where he lay.
"I'll buy you some time, but they're sure to have heard that. They'll be here any minute. You need to leave now."
Jowan's mouth still hung agape, his eyes wide with astonishment but his friend's warning made him scramble to his feet and rush out of the cell.
"Nicolae, let them come. Let me tell them I can help! I can help you release the demon from Connor!"
"The Circle has already volunteered their help," The Warden emotionlessly stated. It was getting harder and harder for him the longer his oldest friend just stood there.
"But...then...where will I go?"
"Anywhere but here or the Circle," The Warden said. "Settle somewhere. Start a new life. Purge all magic from your life and start anew. Whatever you must do."
The Warden grabbed Jowan's arm and threw him toward the opposite corridor that would eventually lead to the trapdoor found in the Redcliffe Windmill.
"Jowan, go! Now!"
Jowan froze again, unsure of what to do. He was torn between his desire for freedom and his desire to stay with his oldest friend.
"Nicolae...I...I..."
"I never want to see you again, Jowan."
Jowan almost stumbled back.
"Wha-What?"
"You need to leave and start a new life. I can no longer cover for you. I can't explain what you've done to anyone. They won't believe me. As a Grey Warden, they'll want me to kill you. This is the path you've chosen for yourself, old friend. I'll help you, but after this day, I never want to see you again."
The Warden shut his eyes and turned away, walking away toward the prison door that he knew his companions would be bursting through any moment now.
"Now go."
Heavy footfalls were emerging from down the hall. The Warden just kept walking. Jowan frantically looked around, stealing one last tear-filled look at the back of his friend before dashing down the hall.
The Warden shut his eyes, calling on the power that resided inside of him. He whirled arounda and fired a blast of energy from his staff at the ceiling above the corridor Jowan had just run down. Stone smashed apart and crumbled into an impassable heap, sealing off the corridor.
Finishing the illusion, The Warden let his staff fall from his grip. It clattered on the floor as Nicolae fell back against the wall, letting his head sag to the side and closing his eyes.
The prison door burst open seconds later.
"Nicolae! Nicolae!" yelled Alistair, the first to barrel through the door, shining sword out and at the ready. Lelianna, Bann Teagan, Morrigan, Sten and Wynne were right behind them.
"There!" Lelianna cried out, spotting The Warden.
Alistair rushed over and shook his friend a few times.
"Nicolae, can you hear me? Wake up! Are you alright?"
Showtime.
The Warden's eyes shot open and he bent over on the ground, coughing and hacking in what he hoped was a convincing matter. It seemed to fool Alistair, anyways.
"Mate, you're covered in blood! Are you hurt?!"
"Jowan..." The Warden croaked out. "Blood...magic...escaped..."
"He what?!" Bann Teagan cried out. "Where did he go?"
"Didn't...see..."
Teagan ran through the prison, checking the other cells as Lelianna crouched next to Alistair to tend to The Warden, helping him back on his feet.
The Bann let out a frustrated growl. "Sure enough, he sealed the passage behind him. We know where he's going but we'll have to take the long way around. By the time we get to the Windmill, he could be miles away!"
Teagan looked to The Warden.
"What exactly happened? How did he do this?"
"Blood magic is a dangerous and ferocious art," Wynne explained, trying to calm the Bann. "Unpredictable by its very nature, Jowan could have used a burst of overwhelming force to make his escape."
"Indeed he could have," Morrigan added half-heartedly, stooping to pick up The Warden's staff. As The Warden reached out to receive it again, he could see the skeptical look in Morrigan's eyes.
"It is a most...curious affair," Morrigan inferred.
The Warden nodded to Alistair and Lelianna to release him. He stood on his own, staring straight into the eyes of the Witch of the Wilds.
"However curious it may be, the fact of the matter is, Jowan is now once again on the run," he stated resolutely, turning to the Bann. "I shall inform the First Enchanter immediately. Jowan may be apprehended again, if they look hard enough."
"Yes...yes I suppose they could," the Bann nodded, disappointed to have lost the chance to punish the man who poisoned his kin.
The Warden couldn't help but feel guilty over deceiving the Bann. He, in truth, had no intention of informing anyone about Jowan's escape. He wanted to buy his oldest friend as much time as could be given.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I need some air before the enchanters arrive for Connor's ritual."
The Warden didn't even wait for a response, pressing forward through the small crowd of his friends, down the winding stone halls of the castle until he was down the steps leading into the castle courtyard.
Here the sun shone warmly, but only cold bitterness resided within The Warden. Even the crunch of grass under his boots and the soft songs of the birds hardly resonated in his ears. Instead, The Warden gave an angry howl and threw his staff through the air, watching it cascade end-over-end before crashing to the ground.
The Warden buried his face in his hands, horrified at what he was just forced to do. Alistair had told him that being a Grey Warden meant making many sacrifices, but The Warden never saw sacrificing his oldest friend coming. Why did that need to happen? Before, The Warden had been all too content knowing that he wouldn't see Jowan again because he didn't know where he went or what happened to him. The universe saw fit to place the burden on his mind that now he knew he would never see Jowan again, this time due to his own actions.
"You let him go, didn't you?" Lelianna asked.
The Warden turned around to see the girl standing behind him, sympathy shining in her eyes.
"What the Circle did to Jowan was wrong," The Warden said. "They raised me and they were all I've ever known. I was happy to help them and carry out their cause, but on this, they were wrong. I decided that if the rest of the world wouldn't give Jowan a second chance, I would."
Lelianna walked over and slipped her smooth hands across his shoulders, rubbing them.
"It's not a sign of weakness that you chose to spare him, I promise you," she whispered reassuringly. "Rather, it shows strength. A hand can easily lash out, but it takes a strong will to hold it at bay. You honored your friend and honored life and mercy."
She kissed the back of his neck and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"I would expect nothing less from the kind of man you are, Nicolae," she whispered in his ear.
Comfort began to spread through The Warden's body. He closed his eyes and sighed, turning his head until they were cheek-to-cheek, standing alone together in the quiet of the courtyard, a quiet that they had spilled blood to obtain.
"But why me?" The Warden whispered. "Why was I uplifted and Jowan spurned?"
"The Maker cannot force our paths to go a certain way. We must choose them for ourselves, trusting in his guidance and doing what's right," Lelianna said. "Whatever past the two of you shared, your paths are still being laid. You have yours and now, thanks to your mercy, you have given Jowan a chance to have his, laid the way he chooses."
The Warden turned around in Lelianna's arms and held her with his own. For a moment, the two just looked at each other. The Warden knew what he wanted to say, how he wanted to communicate his feelings. But, once again, that old familiar lump caught in his throat and stopped him.
"You...you always know the right things to say," The Warden finally managed. "There's an awful lot of wisdom behind that young, beautiful face."
Lelianna's cheeks flushed and she cleared her throat, as if the question she wantd to ask next would be more like an imposition.
"If you'd like...we could perhaps...pray...for him?" she asked.
The Warden smiled warmly and nodded, assuaging her fears that he would be offended by the religious exercise.
"I...don't know the words."
Lelianna entwined her fingers with his.
"That is why you have me," she said.