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"Mother is the name
For God on the
Hearts and Lips
Of all Children"
Innocence Lost
Tears run down the little boy's face. He is hiding in a closet, very scared, very afraid of the events that are taking place in his mother's bedroom. He can hear his uncle screaming at her, and the pitiful cries of his mother. "Goddamnit bitch, what did you do with my fucking money?" he screams. He backhands her, knocking one of her teeth onto the floor.
"Mother…" the little boy mumbles out, so softly that only he hears it. "I don't have it! I needed to buy food for me and Gavin," the mother says through the blood in her mouth. "Does it look like I give a damn about you or that bastard son of yours?" the uncle Lucien yells.
"Just don't hurt him!" Sondra, the mother, exclaims. "Oh, I'm going to hurt you both very badly if you don't come up with my fucking money in about two minutes!" he yells. "Lucien, I don't have your goddamn money!" she says. He hits her again, this time harder than the last.
Little Gavin hugs his teddy bear, tears flowing down his face. He prays to a God he doesn't understand. He prays for mercy. Lucien walks over to a small table by the bed and gets his beer. He guzzles down half the bottle and continues to yell and scream at Sondra about his money.
She makes the mistake of saying, "What do you care about that money anyhow? You were just going to use it buy more crack!" That comment only enrages the drunk and high Lucien even more. He reaches under the back of his shirt and pulls out a pistol. He points the gun at Sondra and screams, "What the fuck did you say bitch? How dare you insult me? I have done nothing but take care of you and your son since Marcus died!"
"You have done nothing but leech money off of me and abuse us! Get out of my home, get out of my fucking life!" the nerve-wrecked-mother yells. Lucien uses the butt of the pistol to hit Sondra across the face. Blood splatters on the closet door. Gavin looks down to see blood dripping on the floor, the blood of his own mother.
Not a day goes by that Gavin doesn't think of his father Marcus. His father was murdered two years ago in the back of an alley. He was shot four times in the chest, robbed of all his money and valuables. Gavin knows that if his father were still alive, then Lucien wouldn't abuse him and his mother. For the past two years, ever since Marcus hasn't been around to protect them, Lucien has stolen their money, hit them, and abused them in every way possible.
Gavin can remember all the nights when Lucien has come into their home drunk or high or both, and raped his mother. Gavin always hides in the closet, always listening to the sounds. Now he sits listening to his mother crying, he watches her blood drip onto the floor.
Sondra cries out, "Just leave us alone! We don't want your pain anymore!" Lucien kicks her in the stomach, causing her to vomit. "Shut the fuck up bitch!" he yells. He points the gun at her and says, "Goddamnit, your nothing more than a whore. You should be glad Marcus is dead; he was nothing more than a pussy anyhow. I'm much more of a man than he ever was."
Lucien leans over her, trying to force himself on her. But Sondra is tired and worn out from the constant fighting, the constant abuse. She knees him in the groin and he backs off screaming. "Fuck you bitch!" he screams. "I told you to leave us alone!" she screams back. He shoots a bullet through the ceiling and Sondra screams for her life. In the closet, Gavin shudders at the sound of the gun. He squeezes onto his teddy bear even tighter.
"Now maybe I'll put the next bullet in you!" Lucien screams as he aims the gun at Sondra. "Burn in Hell you bastard!" Sondra cries out. "That's it bitch, I've had enough of you!" Lucien yells.
Suddenly from the closet, Gavin comes out running. Lucien pulls the trigger, sending a bullet speeding towards Sondra. However, as fate would have it, Gavin intercepts the bullet with the center of his forehead. The fallen child lies before his crying mother. "Oh my god…" she mumbles out. She takes the dead bloody child into her arms and screams a scream like no other.
Lucien just laughs and says, "Might as well. I was going to kill the kid anyhow. And you know what is ironic? This is the same gun I used to kill Marcus with." Sondra looks up at Lucien with wide eyes and mumbles out, "No…" "Time to meet your maker, bitch!" Lucien says as he pulls the trigger.
The fallen mother falls over her fallen child. Two bodies, bonded by DNA and undying love, have just died together in each other's arms. Two beautiful souls destroyed by evil, destroyed by darkness of the world.
Lucien knows the police have already been called because of the gunfire. As he rushes out of the room, he notices something strange. Sondra's blood on the closet door has splattered into a unique pattern, the pattern of a bloody bird. He stares at the symbol for a moment, but then he hears the sound of police sirens. He rushes out into the night.
Now there is no more pain for them.
Pain is for the enemy.
Pain and bullets.
River of Blood
The sky above is a very dark blue. How did I get here? The water is black like oil. Who am I? Above in the sky, three black crows fly gently. Soaring above all hate and pain, soaring above this river of blood. Is this a dream? The small wooden boat slowly makes it way down the river. A small boy wearing a black robe and skull mask paddles the boat along. Or is this a nightmare?
The crows start to caw, as if signaling for something. The small boy stops paddling and turns around to look at me. The skull mask looks like something from a festival or a cheap horror movie. "Are you awake yet?" he asks me. I still feel so dazed and confused. "I guess…" I mumbled out.
I sit up and look around. All I can see is the black oily water. And above, I can make out the golden eyes of the three crows. "Where am I?" I ask. The boy replies, "You're stuck."
"Stuck?"
"Yes, stuck. Stuck between this world and the next."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Hell has nothing to do with this. This has to do with love, with revenge."
I look back up at the three crows. They continue to soar gracefully above us. I feel like I could lose myself in their golden eyes. "Their names are Merlin, Draco, and Taurus. I suggest you become friends with them quickly," the boy says. "Why?" I ask.
"Because they are your guides back into the World of the Living."
"Guides for what?"
"Fear."
"This has to be a dream."
"No, but the nightmare is just beginning."
The small boy begins to rock the boat side to side. He giggles that unforgettable laugh of a child. As the boat rocks, I begin to lose my balance. "Hey, what are you doing?" I yell. The small boy just continues to rock the boat. Finally I lose my balance all together and fall into the black oil.
I can't swim! I sink into complete blackness. Shouldn't I be drowning? But why do I continue to breathe underwater. Wait a minute, was I breathing before on the boat? Quicker and quicker I sink to the bottom. The darkness around me swirls and consumes me. Slowly, I begin to lose consciousness. Then I see a face in the water, the face of a woman. I feel somehow connected with this woman, like we share some great bond. And that was it. I lost it. I drowned in the darkness.
The Road Through Hell
A lightning storm rages above. But there is no rain, only lightning and loud thunder. I scream as I roll on the ground. I can hear the crows cawing, hitting their beaks on something hard. I open my eyes to see a world around me. A world of the dead. Tombstones as far as the eye can see. Hills and hills of the dead. I roll onto my knees and look up at the crows.
All three of them are perched on a tombstone. It has the name of Gavin Walker written into it. According to the dates, he was 10 years old. Just a boy, just a child. There are fresh flowers on the grave, and on the next two graves. They have the names of Marcus Walker and Sondra Walker. A whole family dead?
The crows continue to caw and hit their beaks on the tombstone of the young boy. I reach out and touch the tombstone, and suddenly my mind is flooded with raging memories, emotions, and the past itself.
I see a wedding of two young lovers, the woman already pregnant. I can see them kissing, and how white her wedding dress was. I see the husband carrying his pregnant wife into the home, just like the old tradition. I see happiness, I see bliss. But then I see pain, I see death. I see the husband, Marcus, having a fight with some mysterious figure in an alley. Then gunshots ring out. Marcus falls to the ground dead, and I hear a somewhat familiar laughter.
I scream with rage and punch as hard as I can into the ground. The crows continue to caw. More visions enter my head. I see a young boy, Gavin, playing with his happy father. I see him getting a teddy bear for Christmas. The Christmas before his father died. It was the last thing he ever gave him!
Visions of a funeral come next. Everyone dressed in black, all of them mourning over a silver casket. Inside lays the body of Marcus, the lover, the father. I see the small boy Gavin being led by his hand by his mother up to the casket. Pain! Torment! All of these emotions raging through my body. I scream again into the endless night.
Then I see a mysterious figure abusing Sondra and Gavin. Hitting them, kicking them, making them hurt, making them bleed. This torment of abuse lasted for two years until it finally ended. With another violent vision, I see Gavin running out of the closet to save his mother from a bullet. I see the bullet tearing into his head, killing him. I see his blood and brains splattering onto his mother. Then another gunshot, and the mother fell over her own child. Both of them murdered!
I stand up and try to hit the three crows, but they fly off before I can even come close to touching them. "Why are you showing me this? What does any of this have to do with me?" I scream. The ground around Gavin's grave begins to shake and rumble. I watch with horror as the words on his tombstone form the letters, REINCARNATION. Mysteriously, the letters form back to the original writing.
Small skeleton hands reach up from the grave and grab me. It tugs and pulls at me until finally it surfaces. It is the skeleton of a small boy, ripping and tearing at my chest. I scream as I fall to the ground. I can see the three crows circling around in the air. Painfully, the small skeleton rips into my chest and crawls inside me.
Lightning lights up the night, and thunder shatters all sound barriers. I am Gavin Walker, reincarnated. I am a ghost, an enigma of life. I run through the large cemetery, following the three crows. They lead me to the gate, and with ease I climb over it. On the streets, I continue to follow my black-feathered guides.
Violence Fetish
The crows lead me into the city's back allies. The one named Merlin lands on a trashcan and caws. I walk over to the trashcan and the crow flies back up into the air. I open it to find a torn and shredded long black jacket. I put the jacket on, flipping the collar up. I look back up at the sky, at the thunderstorm rolling in. The crows continue to caw and begin flying to my next destination.
"Freaks, get off our turf!" one of the guys says. There's a group of five, three guys and two girls. All of them from rich families, all of them dressed in the most expensive teenage designer clothes. But there stands Margaret and her two girlfriends. They are freaks, from head to toe: wild colored hair, body piercings, tattoos, black clothing, chains, spikes, you name it. The movie theater has always been the hangout for the preps, but on this night the freaks decided to come out and play.
My memory is still full of holes, and I need answers. The crows led me to this place for a reason. I recognize Margaret as being my cousin. And it looks like those preppy motherfuckers are picking on her and her friends pretty bad. "This is a public place, we can be here if we want," Margaret says. "No, this is a 'no freaks allowed' public place. So get lost," one of the rich girls says.
"Just let us by so we can buy a fucking ticket," Margaret says. She attempts to walk by them, but one of the guys pushes her down to the ground. Margaret gets really pissed and kicks him in the balls. "Fuck!" he yells. As her two friends help her back up to her feet, one of the other guys pull out a pocketknife.
He puts the blade up to Margaret's face and says, "Get lost, whore." "Like the lady said, this is a public place, asshole," I said. Like a shadow I appeared out of nowhere, standing right next to the guy with the knife. They all look at me: dirty, wearing nothing but torn black pants and a torn long black jacket. "Oh God, another freak," one of the rich girls say.
Margaret asks, "Who are you?" I smile and say, "A friend." The guy with the pocketknife points up to my throat and says, "Well you can get lost too, freak." I laugh a little and say, "'Let the bodies hit the floor'." I grab the guy's arm and break it. He screams and falls to his knees.
The other two guys jump on me, punching and kicking. I punch one in the ribs hard enough to break a couple, then I kick the other guy in his knee, snapping it backwards. With the three of them moaning in pain, I grin and say, "Goddamn I love violence!" The guy with the broken ribs picks up his friend's pocketknife and slashes me across my chest.
I don't bleed. The wound just heals itself. I look at the guy with the knife and say, "Naughty, naughty!" I snatch the knife away from him and stab it into his shoulder. He falls to the ground screaming. One of Margaret's friends says, "Holy shit." I point a finger to the ground and say, "No, trust me, there's nothing holy about this!"
The two preppy girls have alerted security of the situation. A security guard comes running out pointing a gun at me. He yells, "Freeze!" I start charging towards him, and he starts shooting me. The bullets have no effect on me. I charge right into him, knocking him to the ground. I snatch the gun away from him and hit him over the head with it, knocking him out cold.
"Hey, come on!" Margaret yells to me. I look over at her and her friends getting into their car. I can hear the police sirens nearby heading my way. I look up and see the three crows circling around in the air. "I don't think going to jail would be a good thing at this point, do you?" I say to them before I take off running for Margaret's car. I hop in the backseat and we take off out of the parking lot.
Her two friends are up front; Margaret is in the backseat with me. The driver asks, "What the hell are you?" "Death with wings," I respond. Margaret asks, "You look so familiar, do I know you?" I look into her eyes for a brief moment to answer, "You might." I look at my reflection in the window; I'm in the teenage body of myself, there's a hole in the center of my forehead, two black lines running all the way down my face from each of my eyes, black lips, and straight black lines running out of the corners of my mouth.
I look behind us to see the police speeding into the movie theater parking lot. I look up at the crows soaring above our car and whisper, "Close call back there, boys." "What did you say?" Margaret asks. I shake my head and say, "Nothing." The girl in the passenger seat asks, "Hey, what's your name?"
"In due time, all your questions will be answered. But first I need some answers of my own."
"Like what?" Margaret asks.
"How long has it been since I…Gavin Walker was murdered?"
"My cousin? It's been, oh what, three months I think. Why? Did you know him?"
"You could say that."
"How did you know him?"
"Just did."
"That's not an answer."
"It'll have to do. Where are we going?"
"My house," Margaret responds.
Mr. Teddy Did It
About ten minutes later we pull into Margaret's driveway. She lives in a trailer park full of whores and drug addicts. Her two friends decide to go on home, while Margaret takes me inside her trailer. "Just make yourself at home," she says. "I don't have a home anymore," I said.
Margaret goes into the small kitchen and fixes herself a Coke. She comes back and sits down on the couch. "So are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?" she asks. "I'm a witch, I can use magic to heal myself and dodge bullets. Look outside your window and you'll see three very large black birds, those are my pals, my buddies, my partners, my comrades, my…" "I get the point," she interrupts.
"Yeah, sorry. I'm here to investigate the murder of your cousin and his parents. So anything you have to offer at this point would be greatly appreciated."
"You don't look like a cop. Hell, you look like your dead," she laughs, but I keep a straight serious face.
"Oh let me guess, other than being a witch, instant healing, dodging bullets, and having three crows for friends, you're also dead? Do you really expect me to believe any of this?"
"Why not, you've already seen what I can do? And if you didn't believe some of it, then why am I standing in your living room?"
"I told you, you look very familiar to me. Do we go to school together or something?"
"Did the police catch who killed your cousin?"
"No, they never found him."
"Any leads?"
"None that I know of. Why the hell do you care anyhow?"
"Like I said, I use to know him."
"My cousin was a ten-year old kid, how could he ever possibly have a fucked up friend like you? How do I know you're not his murderer?"
"Because I said so."
"Fuck you, I'm calling the police."
As she got up and reached for the phone, I reached out and grabbed her wrist. A mental connection was made. I saw her being abused by her father, and then she would let out her anger and aggression by cutting herself with kitchen knives or razors. I saw her trying to overdose on painkillers, but it didn't work. I see her crying on her bed, with cuts and bruises on her body. And she saw me for who and what I am.
She stood back with very wide eyes. "It can't be you, can it?" she mumbled out. "Anything is possible. So I assume you believe what I'm saying now?" She nodded. "Good, now help me find the motherfucker who did this to me and my parents," I said. "Follow me," she said. I follow her into her bedroom.
She opens up her closet and pulls out a box. Written with black marker on the box are the words GAVIN'S STUFF. She lays the box on her bed and opens it. "It's mostly your clothes and toys. Your old teddy bear is in here." I walk over to the box and look down into it.
Lying on top of some folded clothes is my old teddy bear that my dad gave me. I pick up the teddy bear and more visions come to mind. Christmas morning is always the most exciting time of the year for a child. I wake up and rush to get my presents. Of course there are clothes, but wrapped up in a box is a teddy bear my dad bought me.
I gave my dad the tightest hug I could. And when he left to go to work the next day, I would never see him ever again. He was murdered the night after Christmas. I roar with anger and throw the teddy bear across the room. Margaret runs over to her dresser and pulls out a pack of cigarettes from her sock drawer. She hands me a cigarette and a lighter.
I sit on her bed smoking, trying to block the horrible images of my father's murder from my mind. Margaret picks up the teddy bear and looks at it. There are bloodstains on it. "I still can't believe any of this…I'm fucking dead, but I'm not dead. I'm hunting down a murderer so I can murder him. Eye for an eye. Blood for blood." Margaret sets the teddy bear down next to me and says, "I don't think its eye for an eye, or blood for blood. I think its love. If you didn't love your parents so much, then your soul wouldn't have had the strength to come back. I guess love is stronger than death."
I look outside her bedroom window and see the three crows perched on a tree. "Yeah, I guess it is." I stand up and say, "It's time. I have to find the one who did this to us. If not, my soul will never rest." Margaret says, "Let me help you."
Her older brother was sent off to boot camp. She goes through his things and finds stuff useful to me. A black t-shirt, black army style combat boots, and a black bandana to cover up my bullet-hole head. Right before I'm about to leave, she tells me to wait. She connects a portable CD player to my belt and hands me the headphones. "I've got a kick ass heavy metal CD in there. Should set the tone and get the blood pumping," she says. "Thanks. I'll be back later." I put on the black and silver headphones and push play on the CD player.
Outside, the crow known as Draco leads me over to someone's pickup truck. In the bed of the truck is a large chain. I take the chain and wrap it around my waist. Should strike some more gothic fear into the heart of evildoers everywhere. God I wasn't cut out for this "hero" bullshit.
As if on cue, it begins to rain. As I'm running through somebody's yard, I pick up some kid's skateboard and begin skating down the streets. The three crows fly through the air, leading my way. They lead me straight to the police station.
Two Blind Mice
The rain pours down heavier on me, but no heavier than the weight of pain on my soul. I welcome the cold rain with a wide smile. I walk around to the back entrance of the police station and break open the door with a simple push. The crow named Taurus flies inside while the other two crows wait outside.
I walk through the halls of the police with complete silence, just another shadow on this dark night. No one sees me, no one hears me. I am the enigma with black wings. The crow leads me to the evidence room door. Once again, a simple push breaks open the door. The crow flies inside to lead the way, but I already know what to look for.
In a filing cabinet labeled WA, I find the file on my parents and me. According to the police report, the same bullets used to murder my father were also used to murder my mother and me. This indicates that the same gun was used to kill us all, and therefore the same suspect. Also within the file are photos of the crime scenes. More visions of bloody death enter my mind. I can hear my father's last scream, my mother's final heartbeats, and see my final tear hit the floor.
There is a photo of the closet door where I hid. My mother's blood splattered a mysterious symbol of a bird on the door. I hold the photo up so the crow can see it. "So you guys have been watching me from the very beginning?" I asked. I look at the picture again and grin, "Nice craftsmanship." The crow caws and flies onto my shoulder. I continue through the police report and find a name.
Although there were no solid leads, they did have one suspect. A Mr. Gary Cage. He was arrested near the scene of the crime shortly after the murder of my mother and me. He was raping a 14-year old girl in the back of his van. He is in prison now for the rape of 14 other 14-year-old girls. The name of the prison and cell number is given. Thank God for detailed police reports.
As I'm putting the folder back in the cabinet, a picture falls out. I pick it up and look at it; it's a family picture of us. Suddenly I can see my father's face melting away in bloody chunks. Then I remember sitting in the closet, hugging onto my teddy bear, while listening to my mother get raped and beaten right outside in her bedroom. I remember her screams, the moans of the forceful man, and the sound the bed made as he raped her.
The crow flies away from me as I scream. I pick up the whole filing cabinet and throw it across the room. The music of Slipknot fuels my dead adrenaline even harder. I bang my fist through walls and kick over more filing cabinets. I roar with anger and pure rage. Two police officers come into the evidence room with their guns drawn at me.
"What the fuck is he suppose to be? It's a little early for Halloween isn't it pal?" one of the police officers says. "Do you like judging me? You must think I'm insane for the way I'm dressed and the way I'm acting. I'm sorry officers, please accept my apologies," I say with my hands up in the air like a caught criminal.
"Shut up shithead, just keep those hands where we can see them," the other police officer says. "Do you know that the eyes are the windows to the soul? Tell me, what do you see when you look into my black cold eyes?" I ask. "Goddamnit shut the fuck up! We don't care about any of this mental bullshit," one of the police officers yells.
"Oh but you should care! Because when I look into your eyes, I don't like what I see. And neither does my friend," I grin. The two officers look around, one of them yells, "Okay, come out where we can see you!" "Your wish is my command," I laugh.
Taurus the crow flies out from behind me and attacks one of the officers in the face. It pecks its beak into his eyes, stabbing and ripping them out. While the sight of gore before him distracts the other officer, I pull out my gun and shoot a bullet through each of his eyes. The two officers fall to the floor at the same time, both of them dead.
I laugh and dance over their bodies, screaming, "'I could see, I could see, but I'm going blind!'" I know more officers will be coming quickly, so I disappear from the grounds just as easily as I appeared. Back outside on the wet streets, I hop on my stolen skateboard and let the crows guide me to the prison.
Convictions
The three crows land on the barbwire at the top of the tall fence stretched around the prison. I climb up the fence and use my supernatural strength to rip two pieces of the barbwire off. I jump over the fence and land safely on the inside. I take the two pieces of barbwire and wrap one around each hand. Any cuts made by the barbwire heal. I take a moment to look at my new weapons, and then I continue my way towards the prison.
Just like the police station, it is rather easy for me to sneak into the prison. Break open a few doors, sneak by a few guards, and boom your walking down the dark halls of the sleeping inmates. All three crows fly shortly in front of me, always leading the way. We stop at cell D-17.
Gary Cage is sitting in the corner of his cell, shaking very violently. He holds up a small wooden cross, whispering, "It is the Devil himself. Oh God give me salvation!" "What are you babbling about, rapist?" I ask. He points to the three crows now perched on my shoulders and head, and says, "I have seen them in my nightmares! They have been haunting my dreams ever since I was arrested that night three months ago!"
"Is that a fact? And why do you think you have had these nightmares?"
"God is going to judge me for the crimes I have committed."
"And what crimes are those?"
"Taking away the innocence of all those girls. I really should have kept my hands to myself, but I couldn't resist! I swear I couldn't…"
There's a bible on the floor by his bed. I say, "Temptation was the fall of man, Gary. As men are we destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over until the end of our lives?" Gary continues to shake and tremble, not taking his eyes off of the three crows perched on me. "I don't know man, I just pray that God has mercy," he mumbles out.
Within the blink of an eye, I am standing in the cell with Gary. The three crows fly up and down the halls. "'Inside my shell I wait and bleed'" I quote from a song playing in my headphones. I pick up the bible and open it and laugh at what I find. The inside has been hollowed out to hide a syringe full of morphine. I take the syringe and drop the bible to the floor.
"How did you get all those girls to lay down with you, Gary? How did you lure them into the van?"
"Different ways. Some with money, others I had to gag and drag. But two of them came along willingly, little sluts."
"Tell me Gary, where do you think a child goes when it dies?"
"I dunno, Heaven I suppose."
"Nope. It goes with its mother hand in hand down the yellow brick road!"
I stab the needle into his left eye, injecting all the morphine into his head. He shakes violently and is able to let out a scream. I put my finger up to his lips and say, "Shhh, you'll wake the dead." The crows begin cawing to warn me of approaching danger.
I look down at his body and whisper, "God does have mercy, Gary. But I don't." Through the eyes of the crow, I can see armed guards running towards Gary's cell. I rip off Gary's right arm and use it as a bloody paintbrush to write a message on the cell wall.
The guards get to Gary's cell too late. They arrive to see Gary lying on the floor with a syringe stuck in his eye and one of his arms missing. Written in blood on the cell wall are the words, "'I KNOW WHY JESUS WEPT, MOTHERFUCKERS'". "You better call the warden, he's going to have a field day with this one," one of them says. Another one says, "Somebody check the security tapes and see what the hell happen in here!"