The Rule of Three

For the July 2018 Roll-a-Drabble, I rolled:
Pairing: Neville/Hermione/Blaise
Trope: Fake Dating.

Summary: What to do when you are someone's beard and get asked out by your fake boyfriend's crush?

Hermione was having "A Bad Day". But a promise was a promise. Besides, Blaise always invited her to the most expensive places to eat. It wasn't even to show off how full his Gringotts vault was. No, he just wanted to makes sure the right people got to ogle his beard, and as many of them as possible.

She sometimes wondered about the wisdom of having accepted to be the man's fake girlfriend. She hadn't even known him that well at the time, and it's not like it was such a big deal to be gay nowadays, even less so in the wizarding world. But she had been promised a hot meal, good conversation and Blaise had these puppy-dog eyes that no Slytherin should be allowed to possess.

At least she'd made a new friend, and how strange was that?

"You don't look well tonight, sweetheart. What's wrong?"

"Neville asked me out."

Blaise frowned.

"The Snake Slayer?"

"You guys seriously call him that?"

"Are you kidding? We're all terrified of the bloke. It's sexy as hell."

Hermione snorted and choked on her wine. Blaise handed her a napkin and patted her hand.

"I guess he is," she admitted although she'd always had trouble not seeing him as the chubby boy who always forgot the common room password, his homework, his toad, his way to the classroom… "But it's a moot point since we are dating, and I told him so."

"And what did sex-on-legs say?"

"He said you were as gay as a unicorn and that he was going to prove it."

Blaise's eyebrows crawled steadily higher as she spoke.

"And how is he going to do that?"

"I have no earthly idea, but don't underestimate a Gryffindor on the warpath."

"Oh, I'd never do such a foolish thing. Counterproductive to the whole cunning shtick we've got going. Besides, he's not wrong."

Hermione laughed, but stopped abruptly upon hearing his next words.

"Not entirely right either, however. That might be a problem."

"What do you mean?"

"Men, women… it's all same to me."

Hermione snatched her hand back, belatedly realising Blaise had even fondling it for the last ten minutes. She'd let her guard down because he was supposed to be her gay friend.

"But… I'm your beard."

"And quite a nice one too. One I'd like to keep."

"But…"

"Oh, come on, Hermione," he purred. "You wouldn't have given me the time of day before this whole set-up. Now we're friends, good friends. Hopefully more very soon."

"You… you're such a Slytherin!"

"Why, thank you. Does that mean I'm forgiven?"

"No," she said and crossed her arms over her chest, smirking when she noticed an approaching figure. It was not their waiter, more like an oncoming storm. "Prepare for your punishment."

Blaise's eyes widened a fraction as he followed her line of sight. He didn't even have time to brace himself when he was yanked out of his chair by a fuming Neville. Blaise was right. The knight in shining armour was definitely a good look on him.

What she hadn't expected was for Neville to kiss Blaise smack on the lips in front of the entire restaurant. It was quite a show, and Blaise was not putting up much of a fight. In fact, once the shock had passed, he was the one in control and mauling poor Neville. Hermione bit her bottom lip as she stared at the two very different men kissing so fiercely. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't a bit turned on, and knew the heat in her cheeks had nothing to do with the wine.

Finally, they parted and she could breathe again. Blaise dropped back in his chair, his eyes unfocused.

"See?" Neville panted. "Gay. He's using you."

"Bisexual, actually."

"W- what?"

Hermione conjured a chair for Neville to sit down with them, then a privacy charm because they'd made enough of a scene for tonight already. The wait staff shot her a grateful look and carried on as if such scandals were a daily occurence.

"Blaise is bisexual. He likes both men and women."

"Oh," Neville said, confusion evident before he turned bright red. "Oh!"

"But we were pretending to date. Doubly so for Blaise."

"Were?" Neville asked hopefully.

"Yes, Hermione. That past tense has me quite titillated too."

Neville glared at him, but gave up when Blaise only winked back.

"I don't know!" she huffed. "You just confused the hell out of me. You, Blaise, with your underhanded seduction, and you, Neville, for just asking me out of the blue."

"It's just taken me this long to gather up my courage to ask you out," Neville confessed.

Hermione blinked at him.

"You stood up to Voldemort," she deadpanned.

She couldn't possibly be scarier than the darkest wizard to have walked the Earth.

"You slew his Snake with a mythical sword," Blaise added with a hint of awe.

He was such a fangirl. Maybe she should leave and let those two get better acquainted.

"Yes, well…" Neville shrugged, blushing under both their attention.

He's so precious, Blaise mouthed at her across the table.

I know, she replied, forgetting she was supposed to be mad at him.

She worried her bottom lip again, unsure where to go from here, then threw caution to the wind. For once in her life, she was going to follow her instinct and not care about the consequences.

That might be the wine talking.

"Besides, the two of you…" she paused to clear her throat. "That kiss… it was hot."

She glanced around, just to make sure no one else had heard, or that a bolt of lighting wasn't going to strike her down.

Neville looked away, but Blaise smirked at her knowingly, the prick.

"It's fine, sweetheart. I sure enjoyed it, and I can assure you Neville did too."

"I did not!" Neville protested.

"Boners don't lie, Slayer," Blaise singsonged. "I say the three of us have dinner together like civilised people and get to know each other better."

"You mean like a date?" Neville squeaked, but he wasn't leaving.

Hermione doubted the idea had even crossed his mind. She laughed. This was going to be the best date ever.