The eldest Gallagher laid back in her bed, unable to sleep.
In the past few weeks, no, the past few months, it had seemed like everything that could have possibly gone wrong had done so. Fiona's life had never been easy, she had learned that the hard way when Frank had left her and her little brothers, Ian deathly sick, on the side of the road, and she relearned it every time that Monica came back, every time that Jimmy had offered to take her away, every time that she thought that she might have been able to take a step back. So of course, right when everything seemed to be going well, right when everything had appeared perfect, she had fucked it all up.
She had had a stable job, a real job, one with good hours and benefits, and a new boyfriend. A good boyfriend, one who really cared about her, one who would be able to help with the kids and love her in a way that would have lifted her up inside. So it was only natural that she had slept with his brother. She had blamed Robbie at first, blaming him for coming on to her, for kissing her. She had blamed him for everything, but she had let it happen, she could have pushed him away if she had really wanted to. She could have stopped it.
But she didn't.
Maybe it was because she had always craved for excitement in her life, craved for that natural high that came from riding in a stolen car with Jimmy. So when someone had made her feel that high again, she couldn't resist. She was addicted to danger. And when she had realized what she had done, how she couldn't fix it, she had replaced the natural high with a chemical one, and it had made her feel good. It had made her feel good in a way that she hadn't been able to admit to herself, a way that she couldn't admit, because that would mean that she was just like Frank, and being like Frank had always been her biggest fear.
The brunette rolled over in her bed.
But for that night, she had been high, and she had felt good in a way that she hadn't felt sense Jimmy had disappeared. And then everything had gone wrong, as things tended to do in her life, and Liam, her littlest brother, the baby, her baby, was in the hospital and it was all her fault and she was being arrested and it had felt like the world was crashing down on her shoulders. She had hit a new low, one that she didn't even know existed, on that she wished that she had never found.
She had blamed Robbie again, she had cursed him and wished that he had never come into her life. She had thought of all the what if's, and it had done her no good, because in the end it had always been her choice.
And she had chosen wrong.
She couldn't fix this.
Fiona got out of bed and started to clean the house, needing a distraction from her thoughts.
A/N: Just a little perspective on what might have been going through Fiona's mind when she couldn't sleep. Thanks for reading!