Author's Note: Alright, so the first few chapters of this work are going to be based in Sumer, the world's oldest civilization, and will be following an invaluable source of information telling us what exactly happened back then called the Sumerian King List. A few important things:

Lines like this denote actual information from the King List.

Lines like this are onomatopoeia.

This is normal text, bruh.

Historical context will be given at the end of every chapter, for those who may be confused or those who are history nerds (like me).

Chapter 1: The Sumerian King List

After the Kingship descended from Heaven, the Kingship was in Eridu. In Eridu, Alulim became king; he ruled for 8 sars. Alulim was succeeded by Alalngar; he ruled for 10 sars.

Then Eridu fell and the Kingship was taken to Bad-Tibira. In Bad-Tibira, En-men-lu-ana became king; he ruled for 12 sars. En-men-lu-ana was succeeded by En-men-gal-ana; he ruled for 8 sars. En-men-gal-ana was succeeded by Dumuzid, the Shepard; he ruled for 10 sars.

Then Bad-Tibira fell and the Kingship was taken to Larsa. In Larsa, En-sipad-zid-ana became king; he ruled for 8 sars.

Then Larsa fell and the Kingship was taken to Sippar. In Sippar, En-men-dur-ana became king; he ruled for 5 sars and 5 ners.

Then Sippar fell and the Kingship was taken to Shuruppak. In Shuruppak, Ubara-Tutu became king; he ruled for 5 sars and 1 ner.

Then the flood swept over.

"Great history lesson, old man, but what exactly are you trying to tell us?" said the obstinate young nation with the long, loose hair and beard sitting across from the ancient, patient (though at this point that patience was approaching its limits) Eridu. They were in a temple, already old in thirty-first century BC, that was dedicated to An, chief of the Sumerian gods. Near the central altar, the old city-state sighed and continued with his speech.

"The flood is over. None of the five original city-states are in any condition to take up the Kingship, so the Gods have decreed it be passed to one of you youngsters… regrettably." he explained.

"Sounds like a good deal. Unless, of course, you're giving it to my pain of a brother here," muttered the nation with his hair short and braided and well-trimmed beard to boot, standing to the right of the other, more energetic one, "Uruk couldn't be trusted with anything more than tending to his livestock; it might overload his brain."

"Hey!" the first nation, Uruk, responded, "As if you'd make a better king than me, Ur! You might be closer to the coast but my city is older, bigger, and sexier than your dump of a town." The two began to bicker like children (compared to Eridu they might as well have been, the ancient nation surmised), and it was clear their sibling rivalry surpassed all rational thought. Eridu was more concerned with the third city-state, going by the name of Kish, who stood in front of him. His hair was cut short, and his face clean-shaven. He stood with a more composed and dignified air than the other two, and Eridu could immediately tell that the Heaven's had chosen well.

"By the authority granted in me, the holy city of Eridu, by An, Ki, Enlil, and all the other Gods; I pass on the Kingship of Sumer to the city-state of Kish. May he use it wisely." declared Eridu, and a bright light briefly shone upon Kish, causing Uruk and Ur to cease their bickering and stare in awe and/or shock. The light vanished as quickly as it appeared.

"What?!" Uruk exclaimed, "That pretentious little— he can't be the next king!"

"I'm afraid Heaven's authority on this matter is final," Eridu replied, "I can only hope Kish will sustain the Kingship better than I and my old comrades have." He motioned to four other city-states at the edge of the temple, all wrapped in bandages and leaning on each other for support.

"As you can see, the Kingship is quite a burden." the ancient nation observed.

"What the hell?! What kind of curse have you shoved on us, you lying old bastard!"

After the flood had swept over, and the Kingship had descended from Heaven, the Kingship was in Kish. In Kish, after 9,190 years, Etana the Shepard became king, who ascended to Heaven and consolidated all the foreign countries.

Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack…

"Ow! Hey! What are you doing?! Stop that! OW!" yelped Uruk, under the complete and total smackage of Kish.

"I am the king. You're too independent and need to be controlled." Kish replied stonily.

Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack…

"Okay, okay! I submit! Stop that! Stupid freaking kingship!"

In Kish, after 7,205 years, En-me-barage-si became king, who made the land of Elam submit.

"I'm so fed up with the way Kish runs things around here, bro. He's taking this kingship thing too far." Uruk whined. He was standing in the port of the city that shared his brother's name, Ur. Merchants and commoners bustled about, trading this and that back and forth and awaiting shipments of exotic materials from across the Persian Gulf.

"Whatever you say, brother. I'm on the coast, so as long as I can trade I'm fine." Ur replied, writing up trade manifests with a Harappan merchant whose ship had just arrived after the long journey from the coasts of India.

"Ugh, yeah, yeah, you and you're stupid Indian pen-pal. How do you know you're not just sending your stuff to sink in the ocean?" Uruk snarked.

"Easy, brother. I get spices. You don't." Ur motioned to several barrels of spices being unloaded from the Harappan's ship with a smirk. Uruk's expression soured, and he was about to release a witty comeback when a man crashed through their door. Tanned, muscular, and with shoulder length hair, the man leveled a short sword with Uruk's nose. Somehow he had slipped in with an army completely unnoticed.

"Uh…who might you be?" Ur inquired warily, suddenly noticing the massive force in the center of his city.

"I'm Elam, from lands east of here! I've come to take your cities and your wealth!" Elam exclaimed with a flourish of his blade, "Now surrender or suffer the consequences!"

CRASH!

Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack…

The door had been burst open once more, but this time by Kish, who had Elam on his knees and was repeatedly smacking him into submission.

"OW! Who—ah! Stop! I am Elam! You can't stop me—ow! Sheesh, okay, I surrender! Ow!" Elam sputtered as he slowly succumbed to the Sumerian's attacks. He made for the exit, but was stopped by Kish's hand on his shoulder.

"Weapons. Now!" The city-state demanded, and Elam reluctantly handed over his sword. He walked out the door, stopping to turn around and point at Kish accusingly.

"I won't forget this! You'll all bow down to the power of Elam soon enough! Mark my words!" With that he ran off into the highlands.

Then Kish was defeated and the Kingship was taken to Uruk.

"Hah, Kish! You can't hold me down anymore, not with my epic new king Gilgamesh! Who's the boss now?!" Uruk exclaimed as he faced down Kish on an open plain on the outskirts of the latter's city, a mass of troops at his back. Kish stared icily onward, and simply gave his troops the order to charge. Within seconds, the plains of Mesopotamia were engulfed in the chaos of bloody battle. Kish and Uruk were in the center of it, clashing blades.

"You think you can beat my armies? Gilgamesh has beaten Gods! You stand no chance, you stuck-up has-been!" Uruk declared between blows, slowly beating Kish back with the ferocity of his attacks. He struck Kish in the side.

"Ha! Another successful attack! Admit it, Kish, you're going to lose and the Kingship will be mine!" he proclaimed exuberantly, winning another blow to Kish's sword arm. The city-state lowered bowed to his knees in submission, cowed by the forces of Uruk.

"Yes! Victory!" Uruk exclaimed, raising his blade to the sky. He looked down at his fallen foe in confusion.

"Are you seriously going to give up the Kingship without a single word of resistance?" he taunted. Kish looked back up at his brother, eyes broiling with disappointment.

"Yes." He replied simply. Uruk shrugged and stood tall once more, the bright light from Heaven shining upon him as he took the Kingship.

"Today is a great day! Uruk is the new king of Sumer, and I'll never be beaten, ever!"

The Uruk was defeated and the Kingship was taken to Ur.

"Didn't you say something about never being defeated those 260 years ago when you took the Kingship from Kish, brother?" Ur said smugly as he surveyed the battlefield of his recent complete and total victory over his sibling.

"Agh! You've got some nerve, Ur! I'll get the Kinship back from you!" Uruk replied impetuously.

"Not without your precious king Gilgamesh you won't. Let the King List decree, 'And after Gilgamesh died Uruk became weak like he had always been and his brother Ur had to take the Kingship to ensure the safety of Sumer'" Ur retorted with a chuckle, "I've always been your better, brother, and now I've proved it."

"Gah! You bastard!"

Then Ur was defeated and the Kingship was taken to Elam.

Ur stumbled to the ground, caught off guard by the swift and well-trained forces of his eastern enemy. He rose to his feet, glaring at the man at the head of the charge.

"You arrogant fool. I'm King of Sumer, and if you think I'm giving up my land without a fight, you're wrong." Ur growled.

"Oh, I agree Sumerian. But without that scary Kish to guard you, my forces are clearly superior. Elam will take the Kingship from you Sumerian fools and make it our own! You stand no chance!" Elam taunted, and with that he charged. His attack took Ur off guard, and the city-state, unaccustomed to fighting, was quick to submit to the might of the Elamite.

"Grr…you bastard, you'll pay for this…" Ur muttered, nursing his wounds.

"As if! Without Kish to guard you, Sumer will be forgotten, and Elam will reign supreme!"

The Elam was defeated and the Kingship was taken to Kish.

CRASH

Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack…

"OW! What?! No! Agh! Stop! Get away! I thought you were gone! Ow! Why does this always happen?!" Elam cried and Kish beat him into submission, "I've only been king for 356 years! I haven't done too much damage! I'll go! I'm leaving!" With that the would-be conqueror ran back to the east from whence he came. Kish stood proudly as the bright light from the Heaven's signaled the Kingship was his once more.

"Ah, so, uh, Kish. I see you've become King again. I want to assure you that I am completely on your side and only took the Kingship to keep it out of the hands of my idiot brother until you had the strength to bear it. I hope we can be allies?" Ur said, walking up to Kish.

"Bastard! You wanted the Kingship just as much as I did, you conniving weasel!" Uruk yelled from behind him.

"The Kingship is back where it belongs. That is all that matters." Kish replied. With a swish of his leather cloak he walked off the battlefield to return to his city.

"This is just great…" Uruk muttered, "Now we're under the command of Captain Two Syllables again. I almost wish Elam were back."

"Oh, shut up." Ur snapped, "Maybe things will return to normal now that Kish is back in charge."

Alright, so there's quite a bit of historical stuff to be covered here. First off, Sumer was a Middle Eastern civilization that arose on the shores of the Persian Gulf in Mesopotamia, or modern day Iraq. Sumer, much like Classical Greece, was not so much a coherent state as it was a bunch of independent cities constantly vying for dominance. These cities were, among others: Kish, Uruk, Ur, Lagash, Adab, and Umma (who all will eventually make an appearance in this fic). The Kingship was supposedly granted by Heaven to the most powerful city-state (in other words the one who could kick the most ass). Of the five city-states that ruled before the Flood (the Sumerian version, as all ancient civilizations seem to have some sort of water-related disaster in their mythology), Eridu went on to become a major religious center, thus his ability to grant Kish the Kingship. This period where the city-states of Kish and the other fight for dominance is called the First Dynastic Period of Sumer. Elam, on the other hand, arose to the east of Sumer in what is today Iran. Elamites and Sumerians were different races, so naturally a rivalry emerged between the two (though they traded as well). Elam was also divided into city-states like Sumer, but unlike Sumer there were clear and long periods of dominance of one city over the others. This personification of Elam represents Susa, which was dominant for all of the Early Dynastic Period. Harappa is briefly mentioned; it was the first civilization to arise on the Indus River in India/Pakistan, and had established trade with the Sumerians by 2600 BCE, around the same time that the Kish-Elam War (the first recorded war in human history) occurred. Finally, those weird time periods at the beginning of the chapter, sars and ners? They're ancient Sumerian units, one sar was about 3,600 years and one ner was about 600 years, so those early (and largely mythological) kings ruled for crazy long periods of time.

That should just about cover it, feel free to correct any historical information you think is wrong in the comments!