Dear Diary,
I hate it! I hate the way I feel because I've never felt this way before. Sure I've had boyfriends but never have I felt like this.
It sounds corny but I feel when he's around. I can sense him near me and when I look at him it feels like I can accomplish anything. It doesn't matter if the world end's tomorrow (which is always possible on the hell mouth) but as long as we're together I feel safe, happy and complete.
I don't want to feel like this but you can't help who your heart goes to. I look into his eyes and the world, along with all of my problems, dissolve away until it's just him and me.
It can't ever be. Well, I mean, we can't ever be together. He's a vampire and I'm the slayer. He's tall, dark and handsome and I'm just…me. A girl. A 16-year-old girl who has no experience of love. I try to put my feelings away and concentrate on work but how can I do that when he's around?
Just when I think I'm over my crush on him, he mysteriously pops up and throws some crap about a prophecy or the next big bad and all I can do is focus in on his lips and eyes and how does he do his hair with no reflection?
Plus those are good, strong, lean arms to have wrap around my body, holding me close while his lips descend down towards mine and my hands glide up his muscled chest to clasp around his neck while our lips touch and spark a feeling in me I've never felt. Like an electric current shooting through me to every nerve ending. My legs turn to jelly and without those strong arms around me, making me feel safe, I would've collapsed by now. We pull apart so I can breath and we just stand there, holding each other and look into each other's eyes.
He can tell what I'm thinking and feeling at times but he has a mask covering what he feels and thinks. It doesn't matter really because he knows me and I know him.
I know he's probably done hideous things in his 200 years of being a vampire but he's changed. That's not who he is any more. The only thing that matters is the here and now and right now my heart is fluttering in my chest because of the way he's looking at me.
He's looking at me like I'm his world and nothing matters. It amazes me because he knows all of my flaws / bad points and yet he looks at me like this. I can't help it. I love this feeling that he produces in me but I know I shouldn't feel like this.
A simple task of writing in my diary has been disrupted by him…I told you I couldn't concentrate with thoughts of him swimming in my head and my heart beating his name. A simple task of an entry in my diary evolved into my fantasy. I've got to get him out of my head or someone could get hurt or killed.
Buffy.