This is my first Grey's fanfic. I have been a fan for all nine seasons, but have been really excited about this season, specifically JApril. This is an idea that came to me a few months ago, and I was finally able to get it down on paper.

It explores what could have been for Jackson and April if she had actually been pregnant. Please read and review – I'd love to hear if this is worth continuing!

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing of Grey's Anatomy or the characters. Just my own musings on what might have been…

(April's POV)

I stared at the screen on my computer, reminding myself to keep breathing. It's not the end of the world. Things could be worse. Don't let one piece of bad news ruin such a big day. The cycle of clichés ran on repeat through my head without a successful outcome.

Pulse racing… shortness of breath… blurry vision. Even if I were not a doctor, I would know that I was exhibiting all the symptoms of a panic attack. However, the nausea was something completely separate. That had been almost constant for weeks. I was so accustomed to it that it barely phased me anymore.

"April, are you okay?" Meredith questioned as she walked into the lounge to refill her coffee.

I shook my head, blinking back tears and trying to stop my hands from trembling. My friends were accustomed to me freaking out, so I needed to find some way to indicate that this was more than just a small issue.

"Alright then," she soothed, approaching me and taking a seat next to me. "Let's just work on breathing. Can you do that?"

I followed her lead, counting the rhythm of her breaths and using the pattern to reestablish my own. My heart rate went down, but the tears spilled out.

"Okay, what's going on?"

"The-they're not coming," I whispered, turning the laptop toward her. "None. Not a single one of them."

She took a few minutes to read the email on the screen and, in typically Meredith Grey fashion, plastered a fake smile on her face to try and keep me calm. "So what? April, people get married all the time without everybody they're ever met being in the room. I mean, look at Derek and me. It doesn't make our marriage or our family any less valid."

"You're different," I sobbed. "You and Derek... you didn't have your family at your wedding because you didn't need them. You have your McDreamy husband and your cute and adorable little daughter and your equally gorgeous baby on the way, and your family is fine. Your families have accepted it all because you're these independent, have-it-all-together people. Me and Jackson… we-we're not like that. We didn't plan all of this, and I-my family… I can't be this person who has this husband and this baby that are not accepted by my own family because I messed up and made Jesus hate me."

"You're gestating and hormonal," Meredith explained, "And I know this because, I, too, am gestating and hormonal. And you're getting married today, so you're allowed to panic just a little. But you want to marry Jackson because you love him. So he is going to be your family along with the tiny human inside of you. Those other people – the ones that send you hateful e-mails and accuse you of being a terrible sinner – they don't deserve to be your family."

I laid my head on the table and groaned. "This is so not how this day should be starting."

(Jackson's POV)

"You set me up to sit by some super hot nurses at the reception, right? Because I got a new tux and everything…"

I looked up at the intern across the operating table from me and narrowed my gaze at him. "Dr. Ross, the next 18 hours of my life are going to be all about flowers and seating charts and making nice with about 200 people that my mother insisted be there for what she calls the social event of the decade in the Avery family. But in this room, in my operating room, for the next 28 minutes, we are solely focusing on this patient and our work. Do you understand?"

"I'm sorry, Dr. Avery. I'm just so very honored to be attending your wedding. It's all everybody is talking about."

I rolled my eyes and chose not to respond to him. Having everybody in your life constantly reminding you what a big deal your wedding was might be flattering for most people. However for me, it just meant pressure. It felt like all I had felt for the past three months was pressure.

I knew that marrying April was the right thing to do. I loved her, and I loved the baby that we made, but giving her the wedding that she had dreamed of inevitably meant involving my mother, which led to her meddling in ways I never thought possible. She had turned a day that April had dreamed about as a little girl into an event warranting mention in every society page on the West coast, not to mention the eastern seaboard – home of the Avery legacy.

So instead of spending the entire morning pacing around the botanical gardens which were to be the background of our winter wonderland wedding, April and I made an executive decision to work through lunchtime. I scheduled back-to-back surgeries, and she had a long list of post-ops to monitor. It was the perfect reason to keep my mother off of our backs.

I was just about to close on my patient when Dr. Webber stepped inside of the OR and cleared his throat. "Dr. Avery, are you all wrapped up?"

"Just about," I answered, "But I thought this OR was free for the rest of the day. Is there a trauma coming in? Because I could totally scrub out and back in quickly if you need me to."

"No, it's not a trauma. In fact, it has nothing to do with surgery at all, which is probably a good thing, because you have a wedding to get to."

"It's not for another six hours. It will only take me 20 minutes to shower, shave and put on a tuxedo. I can stay here for awhile and be useful."

"You are going to be useful to your fiancee," Dr. Webber instructed, "And your mother, who sent me in to talk to you. She said there has been a change in the bridal party, so your sister is going to fill in as a bridesmaid. She wants you to pair her with your most eligible groomsman."

I removed my attention from my patient for a brief moment and looked at my former chief-of-surgery with wide eyes. "Are you being serious right now? No offense, Chief, but did you really need to come into my operating room to make special wedding requests on my mother's behalf?"

He chuckled. "Son, your mother is the last person I am going to argue with today. Word to the wise – just go with whatever she asks of you today."

I groaned, turning my attention back to the patient to finish suturing. "Believe me, that's all I have been doing for the past several weeks."

"A few more hours won't kill you," he replied, "So an eligible groomsman for your sister – got it?"

"Yes," I answered, handing the surgical instruments in my hand off to the scrub nurse and following Dr. Webber out of the room so I could scrub out. "Although I don't understand why my sister is now a bridesmaid."

My sister was not exactly the nicest person in the world. In fact, she spent all of her time making me feel like a failure. I had not even wanted to tell her that I was getting married, but unfortunately, that was not an option. However, I had been successful in keeping her away from April up until that point, and the thought of her up close and personal with the bride all day definitely made me worried.

"I can't answer that," Dr. Webber replied, "But I can give you another small piece of advice. I know that this day is not exactly what you or Kepner had in mind. Just try to keep perspective. You're going to have a lot of days in your life together, and this day is just a formality. So keeping your mother happy for the next few hours is a small price to pay."

"Easy for you to say."

(April's POV)

I sat across from my locker, staring at my reflection in the compact mirror in front of me. I had finally stopped crying, but now my eyes were red and puffy. In fact, most of my body was puffy. I was only fifteen weeks pregnant, and all of the books said that I would barely be showing at this point, which is exactly why we had rushed to schedule the wedding for that day. But I was already wearing a bigger size of scrubs, and the seamstress had to take my dress out twice.

Nothing was going the way it was supposed to go. I knew that nothing was perfect, especially weddings. But perfection was a far cry from what I had hoped for, and I was not even close to achieving that.

I was supposed to be in a limousine on my way to get my hair done twenty minutes earlier, but all I could do was stare at myself in the stupid mirror at my pathetic reflection. I would have started crying again, but I was too dehydrated to produce any tears.

When the door to the locker room opened, I lunged to seek shelter in the bathroom, praying that Catherine Avery was not hunting me down. Fortunately, it was Jackson's voice that called out to me.

"April…"

"I'm so glad it's you," I exhaled, crossing the room and burrowing my face against his lab coat.

"I thought I was going to have to wander through massive botanical gardens to find you," he soothed, running his fingers up and down my back. "The itinerary clearly stated that you were to leave the hospital an hour ago."

"I went AWOL," I sighed. "Want to go AWOL with me?"

"More than you know," he replied. I couldn't see his face, but I could hear the hint of a grin in his voice. It was almost enough to make me forget about my puffy face and look up at him. "Meredith told me about your family. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve that."

"It's not just that they aren't coming," I admitted. "It's that they can't forgive me. And it's taken me so much time to forgive myself, but their refusal to absolve me from this is getting in the way of them knowing the best parts of me. You and this baby – you are the most amazing parts of my life, and I can't share that with my own family."

He moved his hands up to frame my face and leaned down to my eyesight. "Do you want to postpone the wedding? I can go down there and make everybody go home."

"No," I refused, ignoring my instincts to take his hand and run away from the impending train wreck that was sure to be our wedding ceremony. "I've already received hate email from all of my family members and had a nervous breakdown. I just want to get this all over with and be your wife. I don't think anything more can go wrong."

"I wish you wouldn't have put that out there," he grinned, kissing my forehead. "Because with our luck, I have a feeling something else will inevitably go wrong."