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This is yet another trim into the skewed mind of one IrishKaoru hope that it is to your liking!!!

The Note

I use to laugh a pity the fool who was afraid to tell someone that they were in love. Who would have thought that one day it would happen to me? I was always a firm believer in telling someone that you liked them... it was easier on both parties that way. But for some reason or another when it comes to you it is as if all of my words have been locked away up tight in my heart and I can't tell you the truth.

I remember the first time you asked me if I would love you. We had just been partnered up and the thought of inviting Bikky into my home, well I'm guessing that it frightened you. (If I remember correctly you said something about how a kid on the street could rob me blind in the middle of the night.) I of course ignored you and you stayed the night to "protect me." Some how we started talking about out families and you let out that perhaps you didn't grow up in the most loving environment. (Although it was much later that I would find out the truth.) You had said something along the lines of "sometimes I wonder but you'll love me right?" (Or something like that) I'm guessing that I looked rather confused because you pushed me in a joking way and told me to forget about it. Truth be told I couldn't I obsessed about that one question all night and it got me nowhere.

The next day you ran to Bikky's aid as he was being kidnapped. (Although I knew that you rather disliked the kid) In the process you yourself were taken as a hostage. When I saw you and Bikky in that car my heart just stopped. The look of your face (from the quick glimpse that I caught) was angelic and I couldn't help but feel a little protective you at that moment. It was more or less you I was worries about. (Don't get me wrong I was worried about Bikky as well. You just happen to be the first person I thought about) I knew you could handle yourself but with that brash attitude of yours I thought that it would be better if I found you before your actions got you killed.

Needless to say I was rather reckless when I snuck (if that is what you can call it) into the strong hold. (You remember the ticking time bomb I'm sure (it is kinda hard to forget)) But in the end everyone was alive and unscathed apart from you who did one of the noblest things I have ever heard of. We left to go to the hospital but some how ended up in central park. (Under the lover's trees no less) and that is where it happened... our first kiss.

I was feeling a lot of emotion in those few seconds. A lethal mixture of joy, fear, and embarrassment, none the less it happened. Happiness because I found out that my assumption was true and you did play off what happened the night before as a joke when really you were serious. Fear because that is when I had to make the choice to either admit that I was attracted to the same sex or hide of what I knew to be true. And Embarrassment because it was not only my first kiss with a man but it was in a public place none the less. I guess that is where it all started.

When I say that I mean my denial. I was angry at you for the next few days and pushed you away when really all I wanted to do was pull you closer to me and never let go. Something about you made me feel safer than I had ever felt before. You were like a calm in my hectic world. (Although you were the cause of my problems more often than not.)

My world became just that much better after we became partners. I found that given enough time I was slowly beginning to fall for you and let down the protection that I had placed around my heart so long ago. I found that I was longing for your touch more and more, wondering how it would feel the next time you put your lips against mine, your arms around my waist, when you held me close the rest of the world would be at a stand still. Only you and I existed.

Till this day I haven't really told you what I feel. I wish more than anything that I could come out of this prison that I have put myself in and let you know that you are my world. I know it sounds so cliché but you are. It's amazing to think that you have held on for a year and a half. Am I really that special?

I'm sorry Dee. I promise that I will tell you someday in the near future. I know that it something that I have to do. It is no fair to you and even though it sounds selfish it is no fair to me either. I don't want to keep on living in this lie that I have come to believe. Please wait a little longer for me. Dee I Love You and that is all that there is to it. You make my world go round, you are my spring after the bleak winter, you are the icing on the top of the cake, and all of the other cliché sayings that there are out there. You are perfect the way you are and for that I love you more than anything.

Love always

Ryo

Dee read the letter over a third time before smiling to himself. Placing the placing the paper back amidst the mess that littered Ryo's desk he let himself laugh. It was only after he was able to pull his gaze from the table did he look back at Ryo's sleeping form. He placed the glass of water that he had gotten up to get on the nightstand and climbed back into the bed with him. Wrapping his arms protectively around "his" Ryo he kissed the top of his head. He was content waiting for Ryo but he knew his life would be complete after hearing those words he read come from Ryo's mouth and not his pen.

"I love you Ryo." Dee whispered softly and he pulled Ryo close to him. He let another grin adorn his face as Ryo nuzzled a little closer and subconsciously muttered his name.

Please review! Thank you IrishKaoru