NARRATOR: BEFORE WE BEGIN NARUTO UNLEASHED, WE'RE GOING TO SING THE NARUTO UNLEASHED THEME SONG!
SINGING BADLY TO THE POKEMON THEME SONG, AND INVENTING A TUNE OF HIS OWN:
♪OH, NARUTO, YOU'RE THE BEST NINJA THERE EVER SHALL BE!
DON'T WORRY – YOU'LL NEVER GO TO JAIL!
YOU HAVE A FURRY BUTT AND NINE TAILS! (THAT'S WHY HINATA LIKES YOU!)
OH, NARUTO, YOU'RE THE BEST TO ME!
YADDA YADDA, SASUKE! BLAH BLAH, SAKURA! HEE HEE, KAKASHI!
BO-BO-BO BO-BO-WRONG SHOW! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!♪
BROADCASTER: PLEASE STANDBY………………………………………………
???: YOU'RE ON THE AIR IN 3……2……1……
NARRATOR: ahem SORRY ABOUT THAT FOLKS! I HAD A LITTLE UH, "ACCIDENT".
NARUTO: THE WIMP PEED HIS PANTS! BELIEVE IT!
NARRATOR: SHUT UP! IT'S NOT TIME FOR YOU TO GO ON YET! …… BESIDES, I ONLY WENT A LITTLE BIT
NARUTO ROLLS EYES: YEAH, OK… THAT'S WHY EVERYONE ALL THE WAY UP TO THE THIRD FLOOR OF THE STUDIO DROWNED, AND YOU'RE ONLY ON THE FIRST FLOOR (SWIMMING IN PEE!)
NARRATOR SWEATING AND SWEARING: …EH…HEH, HEH…UM…LET'S JUST START THE STORY! NARUTO, THE NINJA IS ON AN –
NARUTO: OOH! HOW ABOUT "NARUTO THE GREAT NINJA"?
NARRATOR: FINE. NARUTO, THE GREAT NINJA IS ON –
NARUTO: CAN I BE AWESOME TOO?
NARRATOR: SURE… NARUTO, THE AWESOMELY GREAT NINJA IS –
NARUTO: DON'T FORGET "SUPER"!
NARRATOR:………………………… NARUTO THE –
NARUTO: CAN I BE RIDING IN A GIANT MIDDLE-AGED ITALIAN PURPLE KANGAROO/CYBORG NAMED LARRY WHO CAN SHOOT FIRE OUT OF HIS BUTT AND HIS SOLE PURPOSE IS TO TELL BAD JOKES AND STEAL THE CHEESE OFF OF CHEESEBURGERS EXCEPT I TURNED HIM GOOD SO NOW HIS SOLE PURPOSE IS TO TELL BAD JOKES AND STEAL THE CHEESE OFF PLAIN HAMBURGERS EXCEPT THERE IS NO CHEESE ON PLAIN HAMBURGERS SO HE ISN'T STEALING ANYTHING AND CAN ONLY GET SENT TO JAIL BY TELLING BAD JOKES AND BURNING PEOPLE WITH BUTT-FLAMES?
NARRATOR: WHATEVER! NARUTO THE AWESOMELY GREAT SUPERNINJA IS RIDING IN A GIANT MIDDLE-AGED ITALIAN PURPLE KANGAROO/CYBORG NAMED LARRY WHO CAN SHOOT FIRE OUT OF HIS BUTT AND HIS SOLE – ARGH! FORGET IT! WE'RE STICKING WITH THE SCRIPT!
NARUTO: ……CAN I BE AWESOME?
NARRATOR: NO!
NARUTO: CAN I BE SUPER?
NARRATOR: NO! YOU STAY AN LN!
NARUTO: OH, FOR LEMONY NARUTO?
NARRATOR: …………………………………… NO! FOR LOSER NINJA!
NARUTO: I'M TELLING KAKASHI-SENSEI! BELIEVE IT!
NARRATOR: DON'T BOTHER! HE'S READING MAKE-OUT PARADISE!
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MEANWHILE:
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KAKASHI: HUH? …… I FELT A DISTURBANCE… IT FEELS AS THOUGH A NUMBER-ONE LOSER NINJA AND A NUMBER-ONE LOSER NARRATOR ARE FIGHTING… AND I'M SOMEHOW INVOLVED! …………… AH, WELL! BACK TO READING! …………………………………………… HEE, HEE, HEE!
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BROADCASTER: NARUTO! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! YOU'VE KILLED ANOTHER NARRATOR!
NARUTO: WOW, I DIDN'T REALIZE ANYONE COULD BLEED THROUGH THEIR NOSES THAT BADLY!
BROADCASTER: …………………… WHAT DID YOU USE ON HIM?
NARUTO: …………… NINJA CENTERFOLD…………………HEH, HEH……………………………….
BROADCASTER: …………………………………………WE'RE ON IN 3…2…1…
NARRATOR2: NARUTO, THE NINJA IS ON AN ABANDONED ISLAND, TRAINING WITH MONKEYS WHEN –
NARUTO: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE STORY "KAKASHI AND A MONKEY"?
NARRATOR2: UH, NO…
NARUTO: IT'S REALLY GOOD! OK, WE HAVE KAKASHI AND A MONKEY, AND THEN THE MONKEY'S –
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MEANWHILE:
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KAKASHI: HUH? …… ANOTHER DISTURBANCE! IT FEELS AS THOUGH A NUMBER-ONE LOSER NINJA IS TELLING A STORY ABOUT ME AND A MONKEY TO A NUMBER-TWO LOSER NARRATOR ……………… AH, WELL! BACK TO "BUSINESS", CHIMPY!
CHIMPY: MAKES MONKEY SOUNDS
KAKASHI: …………………………………………… HEE, HEE, HEE! OOH, THAT TICKLES!
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NARUTO: – THE END. UM, ARE YOU OK? …HELLO?
BROADCASTER: YOU KILLED ANOTHER NARRATOR!!!
NARUTO: IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT HE DIDN'T LIKE THE "KAKASHI AND A MONKEY" STORY! …………………………… ARE YOU OK, BROADCASTER?
???: AFTER SEVERAL FAILED ATTEMPTS AT TRYING TO BRING THE ORIGINAL NARRATOR BACK TO LIFE, WE HAVE FINALLY SUCCEEDED…
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NARRATOR: NARUTO, THE NINJA IS ON AN ABANDONED ISLAND, TRAINING WITH MONKEYS WHEN –
NARUTO: HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE STORY "KAKASHI AND A MONKEY"?
NARRATOR: UH, N–
A FLASHBACK OCCURS IN THE NARRATOR'S MIND, AND HE REMEMBERS THE TIME (EARLIER) WHEN NARUTO ASKED THE EXACT SAMEQUESTION TO ANOTHER NARRATOR, EVEN THOUGH THIS NARRATOR WAS DEAD AT THE TIME
ACTUALLY, YES! NOW WHERE WAS I?
NARUTO: IN A FLASHBACK! BELIEVE IT!
NARRATOR IGNORING NARUTO: NARUTO, THE NINJA IS ON AN ABANDONED ISLAND, TRAINING WITH MONKEYS WHEN IRUKA APPEARS!
IRUKA: SO, NARUTO, ARE YOU READY FOR A BOWL OF RAMEN?
NARUTO: BELIEVE IT, IRUKA-SENSEI!
NARRATOR: SUDDENLY IRUKA TRANSFORMS! IT WAS REALLY KIN USING HENGE-NO-JUTSU – THE ART OF TRANSFORMATION!
NARUTO: ……YOU'RE CUTE! BUT NOT A MATCH FOR SAKURA! BELIEVE IT!
KIN: LET'S FIGHT AND YOU SHUT UP YOU COWARD!
NARUTO: WHY WOULD I FIGHT A LOSER LIKE YOU? (AND THAT SENTENCE WAS NOT GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT!)
KIN: GRR! THROWS SHURIKEN AT NARUTO
NARUTO DODGES SHURIKEN: HA!
NARRATOR: REINFORCEMENTS HAVE ARRIVED! HERE COME TENTEN, SHINO, SAKURA, AND EBISU!
NARUTO: YES!
NARRATOR: THE FIGHT RAGES ON! NARUTO PUNCHES KIN! TENTEN KICKS SHINO IN THE BALLS! SAKURA THROWS A KUNAI KNIFE AT ME! (OW!) AND EBISU IS BITING BARNEY'S (WHERE'D HE COME FROM?!) BUTT!
THE RESULTS – KIN HAS FOUR BLACK EYES. (SHE RECENTLY GOT GLASSES!) OOH, TENTEN'S STILL KICKING SHINO… SAKURA FELL DOWN A DEEP, DARK PIT THAT DOESN'T END UNTIL NEXT CHAPTER!
SAKURA: WHAT?! THAT NEVER HAP – AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FALLS INTO A PIT THAT MYSTERIOUSLY (NOT!) APPEARED BENEATH HER FEET!
NARRATOR: AND EBISU WAS KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS BECAUSE BARNEY FARTED!
BARNEY: ♪YOU LOVE ME, I HATE YOU; BITE ME AGAIN AND I'LL KILL YOU!♪
NARRATOR: NARUTO RETURNS TO KONOHAGAKURE…
NARUTO: HI, THIRD HOKAGE!
THIRD HOKAGE: NARUTO… I'M NOT IN THE MOOD…
NARUTO: IS IT BECAUSE THE WRITER OF THIS "STORY" IMPLANTED INTO YOUR MIND THE TRUTH THAT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE REVEALED UNTIL VOLUME SIXTEEN OF MY MANGA THAT YOU DIE TRYING TO SEAL AWAY THE SOULS OF THE ARMS OF OROCHIMARU? HUH, IS IT? HUH? IS IT? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH?
THIRD HOKAGE: …………………………… WHO THE HECK IS OROCHIMARU?!
NARRATOR: SUDDENLY, A SNAKE-LIKE MAN JUMPS OUT FROM BEHIND SOME BUSHES!
OROCHIMARU: HA! I THE HECK IS OROCHIMARU! FROWNS WELL THAT CAME OUT WRONG! AND NOW I'VE BLOWN MY COVER!!! STARES AT NARUTO AND THE THIRD HOKAGE WELL, THIS IS AWKWARD……………………………………………………
NARRATOR: TO BE CONTINUED……………………………………
CHAPTER ONEPOINTONE: SAKURA IN THE PIT!
SAKURA: WOW, IT SURE IS DARK IN HERE! …… EEP! HEY, WHO'S THERE!
OROCHIMARU: UM…NOBODY!
SAKURA: OH, GOODY! I WAS AFRAID THAT I WASN'T ALONE!
OROCHIMARU: YOU AREALONE! NOBODY'S HERE, NOT EVEN ME!
SAKURA: THAT'S GOOD……… HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! YOU'RE OROCHIMARU!
OROCHIMARU: WHO THE HECK IS OROCHIMARU?
SAKURA FOOLISHLY: I DON'T KNOW!
OROCHIMARU: OH, WAIT! I THE HECK IS OROCHIMARU! I FORGOT!
SAKURA:……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
WAIT, WEREN'T YOU WITH NARUTO AND THE THIRD HOKAGE?
OROCHIMARU: YEAH! BUT THAT STUPID NARRATOR BROUGHT IN A STUNT DOUBLE!
SAKURA: OH. ………SO HOW'D YOU GET HERE?
OROCHIMARU: BEATS ME. GETS TRANSFORMED INTO A BEET
SAKURA: HE SAID "BEATS ME" NOT "BEETS ME"!!!!
NARRATOR: OH, SORRY!
OROCHIMARU GETS TRANSFORMED BACK, THEN HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A 700-POUND BEET
NARRATOR: THERE! THE BEET "BEAT" HIM!
OROCHIMARU: OW!
SAKURA: ………………………………………………………
NARRATOR: TO BE CONTINUED……………………………………