This moment of peace, calm bliss.
It fills the air with ease, a bit too well for any good. It is a lovely poison, waiting for the moment when it will be taken. Like sweet quick death, to die with the last taste of honey.
But because it is not death, it is a crash of a drug you can't afford for a second try. Losing your mind over every turn and corner, when sanity is no longer real. When paranoia makes it's home where all your trust lies.
But for now I am gratefully gluttonous with the time I am given, here, in this moment. Where peace exist in a still of time. Please let me free into my moments desire, but don't spare the rod and do not let me spoil.
As if eternity is thought of sweet, so is the shortest moments of happiness. More than a million years of life. Do not let me be in agony, in an eternity with but a memory is torture. Strike me as it all ends.
I am a needy child, with the intentions of greed. But I am appreciative as the goods come and go, forgive me. I am a lost adult, knowing and understanding my sin. I am not innocent, but even the forsaken deserve happiness in whatever form it may be. So I am forever on my knees.
But do not pity me, don't ever let me have my way. I understand happiness is most precious when it leaves, when blood and sweat is poured for it with one's own hands, when it is not for the belief of someone else's Bile and Needs, but for the expense of those who want little but to live, and give life for all and not for one.
In a contradiction, this is also war no matter a reason of any individual. But does not mean there is no good, nor is there evil among the wolves themselves but among the rats pulling the strings of the puppets. To take away what was never theirs.
This is why I greed with in the moments bliss, why I am gluttonous with what I am given but strictly which what is mine. To allow it to be torn away the moment it needs be done. Then may I be struck with the pain tenfold as the happiness I was given, that is how precocious I will make my memory. How sweet the honey when it is my last.
May Father Forgive Me.