This is what I got up to while I was away on holiday =) Ipod on shuffle, guess what song comes on… Anywho, this plot bunny nestled itself in my brain, and when I came back I ended up spending the time when I was supposed to be sleeping typing this up. I've no idea how this will turn out…my other songfic-style story Snapshots was exactly that…snapshots. So…fingers crossed =)
Disclaimer – I don't own the song or the show. All I own are the spelling mistakes since my spellchecker is refusing to work again =) and the slightly sunburnt plot bunny!
Against All Odds by Westlife ft Mariah Carey
How can I just let you walk away,
Just let you leave without a trace,
When I'm standing taking every breath,
With you
You're the only one who really knew me,
At all.
"Special Agent Gibbs" Jenny's tone was steely, readying herself for a fight. She glared at Gibbs as he ascended the stairs, "On the job it is Director Sheppard or m'am."
"And what about off the job?" Gibbs said the words, but he already knew the answer. He couldn't see any uncertainty in her eyes – her mind was made up.
"There will be no off the job, Agent Gibbs." Jenny didn't drop her Director façade, he had crossed a line and he knew it. She hadn't even been in the job a day and he was already undermining her authority. It probably wasn't the best way to try and rekindle their relationship.
"That's a shame. I missed you, Jen."
He saw a flash of something in her eyes but before he could identify it, it had disappeared. Even he could hear the normally concealed emotion in his voice. He hadn't attepmted to conceal it. He loved her – always had, always will – he wasn't just going to let her go. She had just breezed back into his life…and she was about to waltz straight back out again. He didn't know why, but it was harder to watch her walk away the second time around.
How can you just walk away from me,
When all I can do is watch you leave,
Cause we shared the laughter and the pain,
And even shared the tears,
You're the only one who really knew me at all.
Jenny stared out the window with her arms crossed and her back to him so that he couldn't see the hurt in her eyes. She watched his reflection in the glass, and sighed as he stormed out of her office. This was the part that she hated. God knows she wanted to follow him, but her hands were tied.
This wasn't like when she was an agent – the stakes were so much higher. She was the head of an armed federal agency. He was one of her lead agents.
Your best agent, a small voice in the back of her head corrected her.
She didn't know how he felt, and she couldn't put her heart and her job on the line for a maybe. She'd hurt him, she'd hurt herself, and she had no one to blame but herself. He shouldn't take her back because she didn't deserve a second chance.
Second? The voice, which sounded scarily like her mother, laughed, Come on Jenny. How many 'second chances' have there been since you came back? You've gotta be on at least six.
Jenny moved away from the window and sat back down with a sigh. The voice was right. There had been so many opportunites to right the wrong that she just hadn't been strong enough to take.
What was worse was that she hadn't just lost her lover; she'd lost one of her best friends. They'd shared everything. Simple things like coffee and take-outs. The bad things like losing friends in the line of duty and mountains of paperwork. She still remembered what it had been like when they worked together and their biggest worry was Burley and Decker finding out or how much Stan was going to brag about his latest conquest.
And then there were those memories. Paris. Postiano. Serbia. Marselles. The ones which made her smile and want to cry at the same time. She knows why she gave it all up…but at the same time she doesn't. She doesn't know why she gave up the only man who understood...the only man who wouldn't have stood in her way. The one who keeps just as insane hours as her, and even now, after everything they've been through, he still understands.
So take a look at me now,
There's just an empty space,
There's nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face,
Jenny Sheppard sat outside the London café. Alone.
She didn't care that it was raining. The awning above her head made sure that she stayed dry. She didn't care that it was cold. She hadn't really felt anything in weeks. Besides, the bad weather guaranteed her some privacy. She stared desolately into the street, as if she was hoping that the rain pounding down on the pavement would give her the answers. Closure. A sign. Anything.
She knew she should be having the time of her life. She was in London, a city she'd wanted to visit her entire life. She'd been promoted. She had moved one step closer to achieving everything in her five point plan. It was raining. She used to love the rain.
But she couldn't even muster a smile.
She'd never felt so empty before. Not when her mother had died. Not at her father's funeral. Never. She should have been ecstatic, but she was just going through the motions. Something was missing.
Someone was missing.
She sighed as she glanced down at her untouched cup of coffee. Nothing was the same here.
She supposed she should be glad. This place was totally foreign. There was nothing to remind her of her broken heart. She'd left the coat on the plane. The jewellery was in the hidden drawer in her jewellery box. Pictures had been sent home to DC with instructions for Naomi to put then in the attic. They even made the coffee differently. She didn't have to remember Leroy Jethro Gibbs or his insanely blue eyes. She didn't have to remember how he made her feel like the only woman in the world. She didn't have to remember that she was in love with him.
But it didn't work like that. Forbidden to remember, frightened to forget. She sighed again as she turned her focus back to the street. All she had left now were the memories…
So take a look at me now,
There's just an empty space,
If you're coming back to me it's against the odds,
And that's what I've got to face.
She was gone. She wasn't coming back. Two facts that Jethro Gibbs just couldn't get his mind to accept.
He stared forlornly at the shell of his boat. Right now, he was two things. He was emotional and he was drunk. There was no way he was going near his boat like that. A disfigured boat was all he needed right now.
He sighed before taking another gulp of bourbon. He had already realised that the alcohol would do nothing to ease the pain. He realised that a good few bottles ago.
Heartbreak.
He knew this feeling. But he didn't know why it was so much worse this time around. Shannon and Kelly had been his life. And they had been taken from him. Murdered in cold blood. Jenny was his everything. She'd taken him as he was – broken, angry, everything that made him who he was – and she'd put him back together. She hadn't tried to change him, but she'd put his heart back together anyway. He was in love with her. He'd told her that. Then she left. Left him with a coat and a letter.
Some would call it heartless…he didn't know what to think. He only knew three things.
He was drunk. He was hurt. And if she was coming back, she was doing it on her terms.
I wish I could just make you turn around,
Turn around and see me cry,
There's so much I need to say to you,
So many reasons why,
You're the only one who really knew me at all.
Jenny watch as Gibbs stormed down the stairs. It was the same old argument. She had rules that she had to play by, and he just wanted to close the case. She was being the Director, but he wanted the agent – the Jen he knew – back. He didn't want to see the cold façade she put on – hell, she didn't either – but it wasn't like she had a choice.
She knew all that, but it didn't make watching him walk away any easier.
"Jethro!" Jenny shouted after him, completely letting the 'Director' mask fall. This was Agent Sheppard…and boy was she pissed. "Look at me!"
She could hear the anger, the hurt and the tears in her voice even though she knew barely anyone else would pick it up. No one would know…except him. He could read her like a book, so picking up on her tone of voice wouldn't be so hard. There was so much she wanted...needed to say to him. She wanted to tell him to just screw the rules…that he was right…that she loved him.
But he didn't turn around.
He didn't see the tears in her eyes or the hurt on her face. He kept walking down the stairs. Away from the argument…away from the hurt and the pain…away from the woman he loved. He didn't turn around because he knew she'd see it all – the love, the hurt, the anger – and he didn't know if he could go through the heartbreak again.
So take a look at me now,
There's just an empty space,
There's nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face,
So take a look at me now,
So there's just an empty space,
But to wait for you is all I can do,
Then that's what I've got to face.
He was typing away at his computer, trying to finish the paperwork as soon as humanly possible. Just as he was about to finish the report, he sensed someone's gaze fall on him. He knew it was her. He'd know her gaze anywhere; the elevated position only cemented his assement. They were so attuned to each other that they didn't need to speak…or announce their presence.
After typing up the last sentence, he hit save then looked up at Jenny. She was leaning against the railing. Her eyes roamed the room but somehow always ended back on him. When she noticed he was finished, she offered him a strained smile which he quickly returned. The cause of her stress was obvious – running the agency wasn't exactly easy, and scuttlebutt had it that one of the teams in LA had screwed up big time.
Jenny's eyes flicked quickly to her office questioningly, and after a moment he answered with a discrete nod. It looked like it was his turn to bring dinner. A genuine smile lit up Jenny's face for a moment before she quickly controlled her features. A voice shouted for her attention and she tensed, quickly falling back into 'Director' mode. She rolled her eyes slightly before inclining her head in the direction of MTAC and pushing away from the railing.
Once she was gone, Gibbs had time to ponder their situation. Right now, it seemed like they were stuck in a kinda of limbo. He knew how he felt, but he didn't know how she felt. There was no room to make a move. There was no room for mistakes.
And even if he wanted to, they weren't ready to make the move. They liked limbo. Limbo wasn't complicated. Limbo was comfortable…until someone stepped out of the routine. He still felt that empty feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he couldn't deny that it had shrunk some since she had waltzed back into his life. His memories were nothing compared to the real thing.
He didn't care how long it took. She'd come back to DC. All he had to do was get her back. He'd just have to wait.
Take a good look at me now,
Cause I'll still be standing here,
And you coming back to me is against all odds,
And that's the chance I've got to take.
"I'm still here!" Jenny shouted at Gibbs as he walked towards her door. She didn't care if half the building heard...as long as he did. Gibbs paused where he was, one hand on the door handle.
"I'm not going anywhere." Jenny couldn't keep the tremor out of her voice as she spoke. She inwardly cringed when she saw him tense. She knew that he probably didn't believe her words.
Gibbs turned around slowly, not sure what to make of her revelation. They'd been arguing and Paris had inevitably come up, but he hadn't expected this. Yes, sometimes it felt like things had never changed, but at other times it was obvious that so much had. When he looked at her, he saw that she was on her feet and looking at him with tears in her eyes.
She shook her head slightly as she spoke, trying to convince him. "Not this time. I don't make the same mistake twice." Her voice broke on the last word, knowing that the chances of him taking her back were minimal. She'd hurt him too much, and nine years was too long to expect someone to wait. Either way, she had to let him know…even if it cleared the air between them on the subject of the past.
They both looked at each other in silence, seeing each other with their guards completely down for the first time in far too long. After a long moment, Gibbs took a deep breath and a step towards her.
Got to take
Got to take
Ooh
Take a look at me now
"How long do you think it'll take them to notice?" Gibbs murmered into Jenny ear as they stood on the catwalk. Jenny was resting her arms lightly on the rail, while Gibbs had his arms either side of her, effectively trapping her in.
It was four weeks after that night in her office. Four weeks since they'd gotten back together. And now the time for hiding their relationship was over. SecNav knew, and he while he hadn't tried to stop them it was clear he'd disapproved. However, after he'd gotten over his fear of political backlash, he'd decided that he was actually okay with it. So after a week of brainstorming and conversations with Ducky, they had finally decided to just act like nothing had changed and wait for everyone else to figure it out.
Abby and Ducky knew of course. Ducky – he had been their friend for years, he had stuck with them through it all. They couldn't not tell him. Besides, he would have noticed immediately. Abby was…Abby. She had noticed the change in dynamic a few days after they had rekindled their relationship. The only reason that bets hadn't been settled was that she had been bribed with Caff-Pows and free reign when planning their next team-building day.
Jenny's eyes roamed the Squad Room as they normally did. Her eyes skimmed over Jethro's bullpen as the team was yet to make an appearance, and she imagined Tony's annoyance that he wasn't the first one to find out. She noted several agents glancing up at the catwalk, then doing double-takes when they saw that Gibbs had his arms around her. She smirked as she answered, "I'd say a few minutes. The entire building will know within the hour."
"Wanna know whose week it was in the pool?" Gibbs replyed, pressing a chaste kiss to her temple while ignoring the speculative and shocked looks of the agents below.
"Ducky?" Jenny guessed, not putting it past Jethro to fix this so that Ducky was the one who benefited most.
"Palmer gets when we go public…McGee gets when we actually got back together."
Jenny's eyebrows rose, surprised at this development. Tony really was going to be annoyed. Speaking which, said agent had just exited the elevator along with Ziva, McGee, Abby and Jimmy. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Jenny started mentally counting down in her head, waiting for him to notice. Six. He looked up. Five. Four. Three. His mouth dropped. Two. One. He started gesturing frantically to the others.
Grinning slyly, she turned to look at Gibbs, whose face was only inches away. She whispered, "I think they noticed." before quickly closing the gap between their lips. The kiss was perfectly appropriate for company, but it was all the evidence that the agents needed to conclude their bets. Ignoring Abby's familiar squeal and the catcalls/wolf-whistles of the few agents brave enough to react, Jenny turned in Gibbs' arms to deepen the kiss.
Take a look at me now.
So…what did you think? Was it okay, or should I never go near a songfic again? =P
Originally, I had planned to put this up with the next chapters of Back to the War and Paris Never Dies but I just got back from on holiday and my gran got taken into hospital last Friday night so my life is kinda on hold at the minute. I'm slowly getting up to date with my inbox and I am getting the next chapters written, but it's just taking a bit longer than I'd anticipated and this was already finished.
HesMines xx