Hey everyone, just a shoutout to y'all that are reading this!

It's my first fan fiction, so plzzzz bare with me.

I had this idea in my head for a while and I just decided to write, so here it goes.

Yes, the first few chapters are super short, I'm sorry!

But I promise they get longer.

All rights go to Cassie Clare.

Cℓαяу

August 14th

I've heard depression is a lonely thing.

But I have to differ,

I enjoy the sweet serenity of silence.

I savor my time alone, which is mostly twenty-four hours.

And most of all, I relish the sensation when those dancing stars appear in my vision and it feels like it's all almost over.

August 16th

I hate the expression, 'you have nothing to loose' because you have everything to loose. And on May 10th, not only did I loose my mother; I lost myself.

Have you ever heard of oblivion? It's the state of being unaware or unconscious of what's happening around you. That was me. Correct, *is me.

When my mother passed away, I didn't believe the police officers. I couldn't process the thought of my mother not being in this world anymore. It was like I was physically numb; I was emotionless for a few days. I didn't cry, never really talked to anyone for a while because I believed someone was playing a joke on me. Some sick, cruel joke that somehow they would find amusing. I actually believed my mother would pop into my bedroom one night and be like, "surprise!". And everything would be normal again. It was sad, because back then, I had hope. Hope that things could get better and life wasn't just a miserable place where I was along for the ride.

But then one day, about five days after the accident occurred, it all sunk in.

Every Tuesday Night, my mother and I would go to a yoga class in upstate Brooklyn together, it always loosed up my muscles for the upcoming cheerleading practices. And when she didn't show up, something clicked inside of me. It's like during tests in school when you don't know the answer to a difficult question and finally the solution pops in your head. But except during school, it's always a positive resolution. And in that moment, when everything clicked, it shattered my entire world.

I completely broke down at the yoga place, crying, and throwing whatever shit I could get my hands on. The police were called on me, and there were rumors flying around in the tiny town I live in that I was crazy. Things like, "poor messed up little girl," and "it sucks to be her." Which you would think people would be a little bit more symactic to a girl who has just lost her mother, but no. I'm just Clary Fray; the art freak that never talks, and hangs out with those other losers, so I guess it was all coming to me.

But at the end of the day, who really cares what other people think. I've only loved three people in my life, my mother, Luke, and my best friend Simon. And I've lost basically all three of them. It's only me now. I guess you could toss in the cheesy pun, 'it's only you against the world' right now. But at the end of the day, I'm being 100% serious.

I don't mind it just being me. I guess I have Luke since he is my stepfather, but since the accident, he's gone off the rails as well. I couldn't blame him, he loved my mother so much and to loose someone you care about, it's tough.

I barely see him though, he wakes up and heads to the little bookshop he owns on the corner of 9th, and doesn't come home until around seven or eight. Then he grabs dinner and heads to his room, saying he's on the verge of exhaustion. Aren't we all?

I don't know what happened to us. I've known Luke since I can remember. He taught me to ride my bicycle, he's always been to all my ballet recitals, and now, he's a complete stranger to me. And when I think of it, my mother wouldn't have wanted this. But I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do about anything anymore.

August 18th

"CLARY! CLARY! CLARY!" an irked voice shouts from downstairs.

I jerk my earphones out, ending Coldplay in the middle of a sentence, "Yes?" I call back shortly to Luke, annoyed, he usually never bothers me this early in the morning.

"I have to meet with the lawyer about your mother's will today…" and there it is again, that sensation as if all your oxygen gets cuts off. Mother, mother, mother. Breath Clary, breath. "Can you watch the bookstore?"

Well, I was planning on savoring the last two weeks of summer vacation by sitting in my bedroom and doing absolutely nothing, but I guess I could postpone it. "Yeah I guess, sure…" I mumble to him, hoping he'll hear.

I stuff my earphones attached to my phone, my sketchpad, pencils, and wallet into a backpack and slowly descend down the stairs. Luke is standing near the door, looking impatient, while slowly tapping his foot up and down.

"Thanks…. this really helps a lot…. I'll see you later…." Luke says awkwardly, we don't really do this chitchat sort of thing.

I give him a two finger wave and head towards the back door when he calls me back, "Clary…. wait" he says impatiently, "do you remember the Lightwoods? They're your moth- my old friends." I know what he actually meant to say. "They're moving into the house across the street tomorrow." We live on a private road; it was just our ranch house and the Victorian home across the way. At first I thought it was kind of lonely, but now I wish it was only me. Luke continues, "I'm going to help them move in and afterwards I was going to invite them to dinner." He waits for my responds but receives silence instead. "So please be prepared, dress nicely, and have a smile on your face," he finished acutely and with that, he walks out the door.

I huff, dress nicely? I stare down at my worn out blue jeans and aged sneakers, I'm pretty sure I can exchange the sneakers for flats and that's a golden outfit for tomorrow night.

The Lightwoods. I rank through the name on my way to the coffee shop trying to come up with an idea. But nothing comes up as I pull into the brewery. The only distant memory I can remember is when my mother would talk about them. I believe she was close with their parents and they had kids around my age.

The brewery. It's a small coffee shop that I been going with my friends since forever. And now, I barely go. It's always crowded with people from my school and I always do my best to avoid them. But today, my body buzzes for caffeine. And the cheap stuff Luke always pays for looks like mud and taste like it too. I duck into the door, keeping my head low, ignoring the whispers that I come with.

Things like, "creepy crazy girl" and much worse like "disturbed bitch" which didn't even make sense since I never really talked to anyone.

I order a large black coffee, and wait huddled in the corner, staring at the ground, when someone calls my name, a familiar person. I frown and look up, meeting a face, Maia. She's sitting at a booth with Simon and her boyfriend Jordan. Maia waves me over. I guess I can't escape now.

I grab my coffee, now ready, and stroll over, pulling my hoodie down, and trying to put a semi-excited expression on my face.

"Hey" I say to them, not sure what else to say.

Maia grins, but I can tell it's forced. "Clary! Where have you been all summer?" I glance briefly around the table, getting a shy smile from Jordan and a blank expression from Simon.

"Just hanging around here." Leaving the details short.

Her smile fades, "Oh! We all should do something soon," I can tell she's trying to make an effort, "are you free now?" as soon as the words spill from her mouth, I see the panic look from Simon and even from Jordan. This whole 'us hanging' thing isn't going to happen. I know it, they know it. I'm surprised Maia even asked.

"Thanks for asking but I was just stopping by to get coffee before I have to watch Luke's bookstore for the day. " I take a few steps back, wanting to feel the fresh air against my face and get away from the noisiness of the people around me. "See you around." I mutter while basically running out of the brewery, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

The fresh air hits me like a slap to my face. Why do I always do this? My emotions buddle up as soon as I get around others. Especially people I once cared, people I do care about.

When the accident occurred, I didn't want to be around others. I locked myself in my room for four days straight one time. I survived on bathroom sink water and power bars stuffed under my bed. Simon and Maia, my two best friends at the time, attempted to talk to me, comfort me. But I only lashed out. I pushed them away, and I didn't give it another thought.

And now I'm here. Unlocking the door to a small, dusty bookstore, wondering if I did the right thing. But at the end of the day, I always prefer to be alone. Blasting ear-bleeding music all day long while sketching whatever comes to mind. I did that most of the summer. That's how I spent my summer vacation, while everyone else was having the time of his or her lives.

I change the closed sign to open and leave the door slightly open, allowing the warm, crisp August air to flow through the shop. Then I pluck down on the chair behind the cash register, immediately spotting a small paperback book in the corner of the desk. I reach for it blindly, searching for the title of it. When I see the cover, I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry.

Oblivion.

Yep, that's the name of the book.

Why would Luke be reading something like that?

I flutter my eyes shut, while slowing tracing the title with my small, skinny fingers.

And then I let the darkness wash me away.

So what do you think is happening with Clary?

Hmmmm...review me if you have any ideas!

I put another chapter up there to keep things going, since 'the golden boy' hasn't shown up yet!

Enjoy, review, tell me your thoughts! It would mean a lot.