~Did you miss me? (Devious smile) I'm back (after, like, 5 months), & I've got a different kind of story for you to read! This story, unlike my other stories, is all about laughs! I hope you likeee!
Please enjoy!
Bear Feet
"Mom, can you tell Uncle Jimbo I'm sick?" Stan pleaded across the kitchen table, & poking at his plate with a fork. The Marsh family was having dinner, eating veal. Stan hated veal, & the only reason his family ate it was because Randy liked it. At least Stan had some side vegetables to snack on.
Sharon Marsh, the mother, was chewing on some of her meat, & had to swallow it down with a glass of water before she could answer her son. "No, Stan. That would make him sad. Do you really want to upset your Uncle Jimbo?"
"No, I don't!. I just don't want to hunt! I hate killing animals!" Stan retorted, slightly irritated.
"We've gone through this several times," Sharon warned through gritted teeth. She gripped her fork tighter in her hand & continued, "& you never change your mind!"
"That's because I can't!" Stan slammed his fists on the table with so much force, it flung Shelly Marsh's soup into her face. (A/N: Shelly was eating soup because her headgear wont let her eat meat without it getting stuck in the braces. Ok, I'll shut up. Continue reading...)
Then Stan continued on, not noticing Shelley staring at him, face tomato red, with the bowl stuck on her face.
"Remember the time I took dozens of baby calves hostage just to protect them? Or the time I put a fallen baby bird back into it's nest on that hiking trip to Pike's Pe-uh! (GASP) (WHEEZE)" Shelley kicked Stan square in the nuts under the table. Stan grabbed his crotch, cheeks red & eyes squinting in pain. He bowed his head, breathing unevenly & gasping when he had the chance. Then Shelley ripped the plate off her face, & smashed it over Stan's head, causing him to black out & fall out of his chair.
"Stupid turd." Shelley spat through her headgear, staring at an unconscious Stan on the floor, with his hands still between his legs.
For about 5 seconds, Randy & Sharon just stared at Shelley. Sharon's eyes were as small as fleas, & her mouth was forming an "O".
"Well that escalated quickly." Was Randy's remark.
Stan woke up the next morning in his bed. His room was so bright, Stan's instincts immediately kicked in, & he shielded his eyes with the back of his hands from the bright light. And that's when it him: as soon as the sun's huge rays hit the surface of his puny eyeballs, it seemed to have triggered the formed headache from yesterday. Stan sat up in his bed, clutching his head & squinting, & blindly closed the blinds on his window. (A/N: Ha! See what I did there?) When the blinds were closed, his body felt the freedom to open his eyes all the way. When he did, he moaned & rubbed a lump on his head. "Goddamn it, Shelley" he muttered.
Stan hopped off his bed, & slowly shuffled out of his room. Out in the hall, he started to walk to the bathroom to check out the lump on his head when he was shoved into a wall, face first. Then a pair of hands flipped him around, so his back was against the wall. His nose was now bleeding as he faced his 13-year-old, superhuman-strengthened sister, Shelley. (A/N: Surprise, surprise!)
"Where're YOU going, little brother?" Shelley's snarl was as horrible as her steamy breath.
Stan gulped, shivering from head to toe, & trying not to choke on her strangling breath. "T-t-the bathroom, Sh-shelley. W-w-w-why?"
"Listen, numb nuts," at this, Stan took a quick glance at his pants. "your stupidity got me grounded from listening to ANY of my Britney Spears records for a whole week!"
"S-s...s-sorry, She-" Stan was cut off by a big smack across the face, & hotter breath.
"SORRY'S NOT GOING TO CUT IT, SHITHEAD!" Shelley shrieked in his face.
"Shelley!? What in the hell is going on up there!?" Sharon yelled from downstairs.
"Urm...uh, nothing, mom!" lied Shelley. She may have loosened her tone, but she kept a menacing glare at Stan. Sharon came marching up the stairs & saw Shelley pinning Stan to the wall. She ordered her to let him go, & Shelley sent a final nut-cracking kick to Stan's balls & stormed into her room. Stan fell to his knees, his legs squeezing his hands between his legs. Sharon didn't seem to care & said, "As for you, Stan, you need to get ready for Uncle Jimbo & Ned. Get dressed & come down for breakfast." Stan replied with a puff & fell to the floor.
~Yeah, I'm sorry it's a short chapter. The other chapters will be longer, I promise! :)
Anyways, I will get the next chapter up as soon as I can! Thanks!