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EPOV

I woke up with a slight smile on my face and a picture of my girl in my mind. She didn't know it but she was my savior. I had no idea how much worse off I would be without her. Bella allowed me to escape from my life and the god forsaken orphanage I'd been in for six years. No one knew that I lived there, especially Bella. I hoped that she would never find out about this part of my life because I didn't need her pity. Too many people looked at me like I was a charity case when they found out that I had no family. Of all people, I didn't want the girl I was in love with to see me like that. Of course, she had absolutely no idea about my feelings toward her. I'd hidden any emotions from the outside world and built a wall around my heart. I didn't need people seeing me as the weak, abandoned kid that I knew I was. The only thing that saw me like that was my bedroom at that horrible orphanage. Thank god, I only had one more year left there. Of course, then I was kind of screwed, since they would be throwing me out, on my own.

Staring at the ceiling, I realized that if there was any chance of Bella loving me back I would have to let down my walls a bit, if not, completely. She'd probably be shocked to see me showing any sign of actual feelings. I figured that she would need to know who I secretly was as well; instead of the so-called "bad ass" of Forks High (I'd always acted apathetic and did things on impulse just to forget my life). After these realizations, I could feel a sense of anxiety settling over me. All of the 'what ifs' started to run through my mind. What if she does pity who I really am? What if she acts different towards me? What if she leaves me because of all of my baggage? What if? What if? What if?

I waited for Bella on the swings of the empty elementary school. I could feel myself shaking from my nerves over what I planned to tell her. Staring at the empty parking lot, I let my mind drift to how she had acted on the phone. She sounded so empty and cold. At the time I'd hoped it had nothing to do with me, but then she dropped a bomb by saying that she needed to talk to me about something, too.

The roar of my baby's truck brought me straight out of my thoughts and pulled me back to reality. I pushed all my worries aside and ran up to hug her when she stepped out of the cab. She looked at me in shock; I wasn't surprised, as I never showed much affection, even to her. She returned the hug fiercely, as if she was scared to let go, which terrified me more than any of her actions over the phone. As she pulled away I saw a tortured look on her face and the beginnings of tears. I opened my mouth to ask her what was wrong, but she just bit her lip and shook her heard, leading me back to the swings.

I sat down and tried to pull her into my lap, as per our usual, but she resisted and sat next to me. She looked at me sadly as I felt a knife go through my heart. My nerves from earlier came back full force, but for a completely different and worse reason. There was obviously something wrong between us. We looked at each other for a few moments before she finally decided to speak. "Edward, I…," she stuttered. "I need to…I..here, just read this and then I have to go," she finally pushed out while handing me and envelope that I had not noticed before. My face must have been a mask of confusion because she just flicked her wrist at me in a manner that told me to just read.

The ominous atmosphere only increase as I tore open the envelope and took out one, lone sheet of paper covered in her adorably messy writing. I began to read and felt my body start to tremble as the first sentence sank in.

Dear Edward,

I cannot imagine my world without you. If you can imagine yours without me, then leave. If I'm not worth it to you then I won't let you be worth it to me. I really should have expected this from the beginning. I knew you were no good for me and I guess I just hoped you could change. You embodied the iconic 'bad boy,' what every girl wants to have and tame. Your random ideas and disregard for trouble were exhilarating; freedom at its finest, in a way.

I find it ironic how you promised me you would change and I swore I'd never become anything like you. In the end you broke your promise and I can see part of you in who I am now. We did the exact opposite of what we planned. To be fair, you didn't give off all horrible aspects. Thank you for making me braver and more outgoing. You taught me so much about myself and life. I just hope that I, at least, did the same for you.

I promised myself I wouldn't fall for you because I had a feeling that, with your 'lack of feelings,' you wouldn't be there to catch me before I hit the ground. I honestly thought I could handle how you act as if you don't have emotions. You've hidden everything about what you really think and feel, while I've shown you almost everything. There is only one feeling you don't know about and I don' know if I can tell you because I'm positive your stoicism won't let you reciprocate it. That honestly breaks my heart. God, I wish you could feel what I do, but I know that, even though you haven't told me, things from your past aren't letting you open up to me. I've tried so hard to change that. I'm sure even you can see that.

I can only make you one more promise for now: I will never forget you. I hope you can see that I mean it. For now though, Edward, I have to say goodbye. Maybe someday when you've grown and learned to open up I can see you again, but, right now, I've got to live my life. I guess now would be a good time to tell my secret feeling…even if you don't agree and I don't see you again. I love you, baby. I really do. I just wish you could feel the same. This is my goodbye for now, love.

Forever yours,

Bella Swan

My lower lip shook as I took in a ragged breath. My angel looked at me with a desperately lost expression. As I started to understand that she was leaving me, even though she loved me, I let out a pathetic whimper. She looked taken aback at that, but closed her eyes as I crashed my lips to hers. She grabbed my hair and pulled me closer. Once I felt her tears on my face I let my own start to flow. When I could no longer breathe, I pulled away only to place my face into the crook of her neck. I could not stop the tears as they fell onto her skin. I could feel her trembling as she slowly pulled away and started walking to her truck with a whispered good bye.

I tried, desperately, to hold myself together. I didn't want her to see how completely broken I was. When she was half way back to her truck, I felt my breathing become more ragged. Before I could stop myself, I fell off the swing and crumbled into a mess of tears and loud sobs. I thought I heard someone gasp loudly but I knew she was gone.

All I could think was that my life was over. The one thing I adored was gone. I had lost her by not showing her I cared. Lying on the ground, I held my middle desperately tight, in hopes that my body would not break like my heard had. Since I was positive she had left, I didn't care about the pathetic sounding moans and whimpers that were escaping me. I didn't care about other people seeing me. I didn't care about my reputation as the tough guy. I only cared about Bella. I just needed Bella. I loved Bella.

Keeping my eyes shut, I opened my mouth and let out a desperate cry. "God, Bella, I'm sorry. I just wanted to…I love you too, Bella! I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner! Please, Bella! I just…I-I-I I need you," I whimpered before dissolving back into to nauseatingly hysterical sobs. I felt the ground shake slightly as someone ran towards me. I decided to ignore whoever it was. I didn't need someone to ask me if I was okay when it was fucking obvious that my life had you been destroyed. Realizing that the person was not going to leave, I turned my head into the bend of my arm and whimpered, "Please leave me alone. I know you'll probably ask if I'm okay. I'm not. The only person who truly cared for me just broke my heart. The only girl or person, for that matter, that I've loved just destroyed my world." I realized I could no longer speak, so I let the sobs rip through my once again, not caring about the audience by my side.

The person still did not leave and I thought I heard a muffled sob, but realized there was no reason for a stranger to cry over me. I tried, to no avail, to slow my crying jag and the trembling as the person sat down, on the sand, next to me. They sat silently for a while before I felt them place a finger on my back. I jumped slightly at the contact, but went back to ignoring the person. I soon found that to be impossible as they began to trace letters on my back. I felt the small finger form the shapes that eventually spelled out 'I'm sorry.' Keeping my head on my arm I just shrugged.

I jumped again as I felt the fingers move up my back and into my hair. They started to scratch my scalp in a calming, all too familiar motion. I gasped as I realized who was sitting next to me. Desperately hoping for her to be there when I opened my eyes, I slowly lifted my head. I blinked my eyes furiously at the light and looked into the tear stained face of an angel, not caring that she had seen me break down. Tears continued to flow from my eyes as I reached a hand out to cup her cheek. My breathing stuttered as I desperately tried to speak. "Bella… I-I-I I love you, B-Bella. Please, God, please don't leave me. I n-n need you…s-so much," I slurred out, in exhaustion. I held my breath as I looked into her eyes trying to read what her response would be.

A few tears escaped her eyes as she leaned down to me. I allowed a tiny bit of hope to shine through on my face before she softly pressed her lips to mine. I slowly lifted myself out of the fetal position to kneel before her and pull her into my arms. We sat kissing each other for an immeasurable amount of time before she pulled away and stared into my eyes. Reaching out to wipe away my slowly fading tears, she began to speak in a voice rough with emotion. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't know the letter would affect you that much. That's what I meant, though. You never made it seem like you really cared. I won't leave you, but you need to put an effort in."

"I promise, Bella. I'm going to make the best effort you've ever seen. I…um..well, this morning I decided to tell you everything. I'm..I'm to, but I guess you deserve to know. I just..um.. you should just know that I didn't act like a robot to hurt you. It just hurts so much to think about everything that's happened," my voice cracked with emotion at the end.

She smiled at me with complete trust and love. For the first time in over six years, I felt like I was safe and that everything would work out just fine.