Disclaimer: Alice in Wonderland (All Versions) along with Harry Potter, does not belong to me.
General Warnings: AU. Madness. Somewhat radical thought process.
Summary: To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. So where would the Mad Hatter be in Death?
Mad as a Hatter
Ten Years. Seven Months. Thirty, nearly thirty-one, days. Twenty-three hours. Fifty-seven Minutes. Fifty-eight... fifty-nine... Fifty-eight Minutes. Three Seconds. Four... five...
Harry James Potter checked his pocket watch, a rather large object - at least twice the size of a normal watch. With a click of his tongue and a slight of his hand, the watch was gone and in its place, a pristine, white kerchief.
Wiping the remnants of the scones from his mouth with careful movements, Harry checked his pocket watch once more, watching the large and short, golden hearts hit the twelve surrounded by a crown.
The watch shut with a deliberate click as the small child sighed in exasperation, a shaped eyebrow rising and expressing his impatience. "Bad timing. Pity. Reliable help is so hard to find these days," He murmured with ironic amusement, a mocking curve to his lips that looked slightly out-of-place on the face of a, now, eleven year old child.
"What would the Queen have said?" He questioned himself, green eyes no longer holding the mad glint many would have recognized him for, though the large top hat sitting upon his head might have given something away. "What would Alice have said?" And that was the thing, his adventures in Wonderland were finished, happening way before his current time and would never happen again.
Alice had saved Wonderland, reverting the cursed world to its original glory - how could Harry tell? Well, he was sane enough at the moment, if that answered anyone's question. He shivered, remembering the horrors he had been through before and how it had felt to step on his dear friend, the White Rabbit. How terribly drab, to step on a creature as pathetic such as he.
Oh dear, the Queen was rubbing off on him more than possible.
Going into the kitchen, a place only himself and Petunia are allowed near - Vernon and Dudley were more likely to burn the kitchen down - another pot of tea is being created, for himself and his soon-to-be here guest. Eleven Years. Three Minutes. Fifty-nine... Four Minutes. Three Seconds. Only a bit more then. Pouring a steaming cup of tea into delicate china, Harry seated himself in settee.
Long legs are crossed, cladded in black slacks - a thin ribbon of green on either leg, wrapped in a swirl from the bottom to the top - a stark white shirt along with a dark green vest finished his simple - for Harry - ensemble. But, the Mad Hatter couldn't be seen without his signature top hat. A matching green ribbon was wrapped around the brim with a black and white checkered pattern framing, in remembrance of Alice, the astronomical signs Venus and Jupiter.
*Clink*
A measured look was aimed at the door, tea-cup put back in its plate and green eyes anticipating. And it was worth the eleven years - ever since he had found his 'mother's' trunk in the attic, an object Petunia had obviously no idea of or it would have been thrown away a long while ago. Evidently, Lily Evans had left her trunk from her Seventh Year in hopes she would be able to go back for it.
A safety measure, for when she needed it. To her, no one would look at Petunia - magic/hating/Petunia - to hold something so valuable.
It was then a sound, not unlike a cannon going off, came from the door - the hinges shaking because of the power held behind that knock. Guests.
Rushing to the door and ignoring the Dursley's who stumbled down the stairs, Harry pulled it wide open and grinned, "Come in, my dear sir, you're just in time for tea!" The look that crossed the giant's face was worth the impatience he had felt. So, forgiving the suddenly awkward Wizard - and wasn't that just a bucket of tea? - he pulled the larger into the house and sat on the couch, patting the spot next to him.
"Would you like a little more tea?"
He questioned when the bemused giant finally sat, still willfully ignorant of his Aunt and Uncle's sputtering. The giant of a man shrugged his shoulders and muttered something that sounded like an affirmative, so Harry grinned - before pausing. That little tea-cup wouldn't do. Taking his top hat off - and showing a head of spikes that stood unnaturally high - he reached in and pulled out a larger, sturdier container. One made of smooth wood...
...though still a tea-cup.
With all the grace of a lazing cat, Harry set the cup upon the table and poured elegantly, finishing the movement with a quick flick of his wrist - a mint floating gently along the golden liquid as a result. "Darjeeling Tea, hint of mint and none of that yucky aftertaste those Americans created." Just as the man was about to drink - with a not-supposed-to-hear 'Wouldn'ta minded some'thin a li'ttle stronger - it seems Vernon had finally gained a voice.
"Boy! What are you doing?" Harry would have thought it was obvious, but it seemed not. So, with exaggerated movements, he sipped from his tea-cup and still managed to look like the epitome of a gent.
"I'm drinking tea, Uncle Vernon." Polite, without the slightest hint of censor or sarcasm. Green eyes widened in slight awe. Without Wonderland, the child didn't think people's faces could turn such a perfectly purple color.
"That's not what I meant-!"
"I apologize for the interruption, Uncle Vernon, but don't you think it rude to ignore such an illustrious guest." If looks could kill. It clearly said exactly what the eldest Dursley thought of their distinguished guest.
"Are you out of your mind, boy!"
Harry paused, tea-cup to pink lips, head cocked at the rather quizzical question, though not phrased like a question. "... Mind?" He asked, as if the word completely dumbfounded him, aided by the look of pure befuddlement on his countenance. He switched his confused gaze to the clearly amused giant.
"Mind?"
"Aye, mind."
Vernon's eye was twitching. "Get this, this - Freak of a Giant! Out of my house this instance, boy!" Now that wasn't something Harry could stand. Vernon could be rude all he wanted, within reason of course, but this was taking it too far.
He stood, to his full height - and still shorter - only to scowl petulantly. "Why is it -" He wondered aloud. "- you're always too small or too tall?" Then shook the thought out of his head and frowned severely, looking about as dangerous as a declawed kitten. "Uncle Vernon, how could you do something so horrendous as send such a kind man out on his way without any tea to take?"
Petunia, who had been way quieter than what Harry was used to, took this time to speak. "Boy, who is this... man?" Ah, the more reasonable woman of the house, the only reasonable person in the house. Happy that someone was finally asking the correct questions, Harry grinned widely enough to flash white teeth.
"Why, he's a Wizard of course."
What followed was both meaningful and profound, waking Dudley who had fallen back asleep on the floor.
"Wha-?"
"It's one of them, Vernon!"
"I know Pet, what are we going to do?"
"You know full well what."
Beady eyes were squinted in anger, "Boy!"
"Man!"
"What."
"Oh, it wasn't a game?"
Vernon took a deep breath and released it, face loosing some of its red color. "Take your friend out of this house," At Harry's raised eyebrow, the male Dursley added a swift, "And take your tea with you!"
Once again, his face lit up. "Thank you very much, Uncle Vernon." Turning to the man, he held a hand out and pulled - easily lifting the giant up and gently leading him out the door. Before they were locked outside, Harry could hear Petunia interrogating the suddenly complacent Vernon.
"He was a freak, Vernon! Why would you allow the boy to go with him!" They might turn him more into a freak than he already is.
"Well, at least now we have a chance to get rid of the boy. Maybe they'll keep 'em once they figure out the boy's one of them."
"... That sounds-" The rest was cut off and Harry was sure the giant could hear exactly what Vernon and Petunia was saying as as soon as they were out the door, the man patted him heavily on the shoulder, seeing as his head was taken, a gruff, "S'okay 'arry." was said roughly.
Titling his head to the side, Harry wondered what was going through the other's thoughts as the pre-teen hadn't given any sign of distress towards their situation. So he went on to more important topics. "Where do I get my wand?" He wanted to know, totally ignoring the fact that a total stranger should have no idea to what his name was.
Copying Harry's actions - cocking a bearded head to the side - the man just smiled, looking like a younger Santa Clause. "Aye, but before that, 'arry. 'ave you 'eard of Hogwarts?"
Nodding, Harry grinned. "Of course, my mother had left her books here." Saying nothing about the rest of the items included in the trunk he had found. "It had a lot of information about, 'Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.'" The last is said in a over dramatic tone of voice, accompanied by a deep bow and a silly tilt to his hat.
The man's smile widened. "And probably nuffin' about me, eh?"
"Do I know you?"
"I 'aven't seen yeh since yeh was a wee babe. Knew yeh mum and da, I did." Straightening the large coat, the giant looked down and introduced himself in a voice that bespoke of sincere pride. "I am Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts, m'here because yew haven't been answer'in yeh post."
Laughing, Harry spun around the lamppost, tea spinning prettily in his cup. "Post..." Those owls in the trees perhaps? But Ravens were much smarter. A flashback flashed before his eyes, him - still sane (well as sane as the Mad Hatter could be) - and a much younger Alice.
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" The Mad Hatter proposed aloud, the ever-present gleam of madness somewhat dulled.
Alice frowned severely, knowing the Wonderland denizen was changing the subject at hand, but still considered the question. "Riddles? Now let me see..." Thinking and pondering did not help and Alice was obviously stumped. "...why is a raven like a writing desk?"
The Mad Hatter seemed a bit startled, "I beg your pardon?"
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" She repeated, wondering why the man looked so surprised when it was his own riddle.
More than a little alarmed, "Why is a what?"
His dear friend, the March Hare downed another cup of tea, before looking to Alice with a deeply philosophical opinion accompanied by a nod of complete belief. "Careful, she's stark ravin' mad!"
Alice spluttered denials, though words slurred, her meaning came out quite clearly. "But it's your silly riddle. You just said - "
" - Easy, don't get excited!" The March Hare interrupted, glaring, gesturing for a pot of tea to come flying down the length of the long table. Pouring the delicious smelling mixture into a cartoonish cup, he held it out. "How about a nice cup of tea?"
This time Alice had the last laugh, a squinty look appearing in her eyes, one that bespoke of haughtiness and irritation. ""Have a cup of tea," indeed! Well I'm sorry, but I just haven't the time!"
"'arry?" And then he was once again in front of dear Hagrid, who was looking at him with confusion in those kind, yet beady beetle eyes. Oh my, he must have been out longer than he thought. "Have you ever start to think and forget to start again?" The inquiry was rhetorical, so Harry wasn't really expecting an answer. So he continued, "The post, the post was lost in the mail." Was the answer, an innocent smile on his lips. "Was I suppose to get something?"
"Aye." Searching his pockets, Hagrid handed over an envelope, addressed so plainly there could be no mistake:
Mr. H. Potter
The Cupboard under the Stairs
4 Privet Drive
Little Whinging
Surrey
The envelope was thick and heavy, made of yellowish parchment, and the address was written in emerald-green ink. There was no stamp. Turning the envelope over, a mad grin on his face, Harry saw a purple wax seal bearing a coat of arms; a lion, an eagle, a badger, and a snake surrounding a large letter H.
"My, my. I haven't been this excited since performing for the Queen." Of course, after he had finished, the Queen had ordered his head off, so maybe not the right kind of excited.
"Yeh performed fer the Queen? What'fer?"
"A trial, of course." Surprise was in his eyes at what he thought was a stupid question. "Why else would I see the Queen?"
Hagrid nodded his head knowingly, "Must'a been fer one of yer, what'cha ma callits, school plays, aye?"
Harry merely nodded, an innocuous mien sliding onto his face. "Of course, of course."
"So, what was yer part?"
Excitement filled his veins, 'It's been so long since he'd put on a show.' Tea cup in hand, he swept his arms out and leaped to his feet, green eyes sparkling with eager anticipation. "The very best." He paused for effect. "I... was... the... witness ~" And, without letting Hagrid speak again, cleared his throat and began his prose, tea teasing the edges of its cage.
"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat -"
And just like his 'script' had written, 'hiccupped' as if drunk, gesturing wildly with his tea hand, wishing for one melancholic moment - that his friend, the Dormouse could be there. The mouse's version was quite funny as well. Twinkle twinkle little skunk, how I wonder if you're drunk!
"How I wonder -" Hiccup. "What you're at
Up above -" Hiccup. "The world so high -
Like a tea-tray in the -" Hiccup. "sky
Twinkle, Twinkle, little bat
How I wonder, what -" Hiccup. "you're at-"
He bowed, extremely pleased he had remembered it, even after all this 'time'. Spinning around, he looked at Hagrid, reading his expression and added a curtsy. "So? What do you think? Wasn't I marvelous?"
The Gamekeeper laughed, a great, booming sound echoed through the streets, the late night stopping anyone from investigating. Calming down, the giant nodded, "Aye, t'was a performance fit fer the Queen." He agreed, not getting the references at all, but enjoying the song all the same.
Shivering Hagrid was extremely glad it wasn't anything like the Headmaster's. As much as he respected the old man, Dumbledore had horrible tastes in music. And this came from the man who thought Giant (really really hard) Scones were perfect for normal, human children.
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" The randomness - the absurdness - of the question made the man stumble.
"Wha-?"
Harry nodded, strangely eager for this man's answer. "Yes, why is a raven like a writing desk?" And, unlike with Alice, the pre-teen was curious. For Alice, the question was merely a distraction - one that worked very well, but now... for some reason it was different. Mayhaps it was the magic in the air, or the feather in his hat, but even the Cheshire Cat couldn't answer that.
Hagrid paused, though, then thought some more. Just when Harry thought the giant wasn't going to answer, he did - in his own way of course. "I don't rightly know 'arry, cause s'not."
"S'not what?"
"S'not?"
"S'not."
"S'not like the writin' desk. The raven's a raven and the writin' desk's a writin' desk."
Harry's gaze was a bit unnerving, though not because he looked upset about the answer, but because those green eyes had begun to glow.
"Not. Like. The. Other." Harry enunciated, voice clear and heard. "Not like the other." Then he started laughing, a laughter of amusement - a reason Hagrid didn't start running immediately. It sounded like Harry was enjoying some sort of inner-joke that no one on the outside would ever get. "Ah, what a bucket of tea, wouldn't the Cat like that answer." Wiping a tear from his eyes, Harry grinned sharply.
"I apologize for my outburst, dear sir. I must sound..." A glint entered his eyes, making the boy looked like he was about laugh once more. "... a bit mad. But you see, that questions been on my mind and I must confess, I would have never guessed that."
Hagrid nodded and gruffly led the child forward, having enough jokes to last a long while. Hagrid thought Harry Potter was going to drive someone spare.
Harry Potter thought Wizard Sense was going to drive him to Madness.
Too bad both were right and neither was wrong.
"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense"
"Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't"
"And contrariwise, what it is it wouldn't be"
"And what it wouldn't be it would"
"You see?"
AN: What an ending, ne? Abrupt and hardly something worth reading. The ending, that is. Hopefully you found the beginning and middle good enough to read. I was thinking of leaving this a one-shot, but that depends on how well-received this is. If so, then it will be slightly drabble-ish in its order, but length-wise, about the same as above.
The title, I know cliche.
Anything else... oh yeah. There's a lot of quotes up there from the following; Alice in Wonderland (McGee), Alice in Wonderland (Movie 2010), Through the Looking Glass and Harry Potter. Though only one Harry Potter quote which was the summary. If I have anything you perceive as wrong, then you're probably looking at the wrong movie/book/game.
Please review.