Optimus stared at his present not knowing what to do with it. It was a double-bladed axe with Cybertronian symbols inscribed on its handle that read, "A Valiant Leader with a Heart of Gold." Who gave it to him was a mystery and he was eager to find out. So his unusual adventure began.
He went to Knockout and Breakdown first since he knew the medic admired him and the brute felt similar. Luckily, they were in the Medbay but both shook their heads "no".
"I would've given you something voguish," the Aston Martin replied.
The blue mech agreed, "And I would've given you something to practice your skills on. It's not us, Big Guy, but we do have gifts for you. Keep looking and you'll find him, or her."
Well, that was a letdown. The next people on his list were Bulkhead and Dreadwing. The answers were the same as the medic's and his assistant's. They were in the Training Hall practicing pit maneuvers and sorrowfully said otherwise for the question that was: "Are you my Secret Santa?"
The Wrecker groaned at Optimus' disappointed face. It made him feel guilty but he couldn't lie to his leader. "Sorry, Optimus, but I'm not your bot. Maybe Megatron knows or perhaps Bumblebee?"
The blue seeker twirled his thumbs uneasily, "I didn't send you that, but judging by the fact that it's a weapon, I'd say it may be Arcee or one of our Dracon comrades like Tigressa. You know where the Nest is, ask her or her sister, Kalypso; she can help you."
Seeking out Megatron was no picnic but he found the ex-gladiator flying about around the human military base, scaring others and nearly giving some heart attacks by appearing suddenly behind them. He, too, had nothing to do with the gift.
"Hm, I wouldn't have bequeathed you with an axe, perhaps a sword or an upgrade of sorts. Nah, you're betting zero, my friend. An axe seems more like the Dracon style despite they prefer tooth and claw over actual weaponry. Ask them or Bumblebee, he knows a lot of who has an interest of what," the warlord declared, pointing to the direction of the scout.
That was no help either, but some guidance was better than nothing at all. Bumblebee was like what Megatron had stated; he knew bots like the back of his servo. Well, mostly. The Prime would bet anything someone had a secret the Urbana didn't know about. He could tell instantly that the mech he considered a son wasn't the anonymous sponsor of his.
The perky Autobot beeped and whirled delightfully when he heard of Optimus' hunt for the being responsible for the present. Although he admitted he wasn't the giver with a sad whine, he gleefully mentioned Arcee and Soundwave.
Soundwave was too much of an enigma himself to assume he was the one who did it, but everyone had a chance. However, it was time to go to the Nest and get a hint at who it might be out of the remaining bots.
Optimus was greeted by several curious Metal Heads, all willing to guide him to their leader without pause. When he entered the worn gold-covered chambers, Tigressa was asleep with Eclipse, Phantasmos, and the four former-Cybertronian younglings huddled in the coils of her tail. One of the Metal Heads made a risky move by whispering in her ear and waking her up; she didn't look all too happy.
Without delaying her any more sleep, he raised the axe and said, "I was wondering if you gave me this as a present. I'm desperate to find out whom to thank."
She groggily looked at it before blowing trapped smoke from her nostrils impatiently, "Why would I send you this? I'd personally used it for myself. Besides, the only gift I'd ever give you is something useful to distract you for some time so I can get peace and quiet from you and your Cybertronian cronies. My siblings may know and I know well enough the Water twins didn't give you it because they already have a present for you that you'll only get on Christmas Day."
That went better than expected but having to journey around the Nest for the others sucked as much as learning everyone so far wasn't his Secret Santa. The responses were always "no" though Blossom and Firefox wished they could say "yes".
"Sorry, dude, can't help you," Demon shrugged.
Poltergeist and Spirit only exchanged looks and pointed at Entity. The orange and black dragon did the same to Ghost, who merely said, "If you want to find the person you're looking for, seek the least likely to give."
Those words didn't absorb well into Optimus' processor. He stood there trying to understand its meaning but got nothing. Why did the most complex words of wisdom have to be very helpful but impossible to comprehend? That or Ghost didn't word it right. Then again, the wise never revealed what was hidden in plain sight, nor did they ever make things easy for everyone else.
Blossom kissed his cheek as a "hello" gesture but couldn't help him at all. The same went for Firefox; at least she had a perfect reason not to know. ElectroHyena just said "piss off" and he got the memo she wasn't in the mood. Kalypso, however, did know something.
But like her twin, her words were too wise for him. He only fathomed the first half of the two sentences. "You'll find your secret admirer back where you started, aboard the vessel of your former enemies. The giver knows you best and keeps his emotions in check."
A little more self-explanatory but "…keeps his emotions in check"? That's nearly half the damn crew! This quest just became a mind game.
Returning to the Nemesis brought dread upon him. If he was going to search the ship from bow to rear, he felt he would die by the time he reached the middle of it. Reluctantly, he sought out Arcee and the first mech that came to mind of the "no emotions visible when among others" ordeal, Soundwave.
Arcee was performing wheelies with a group of Vehicons, all of whom were in their alt. modes. Seeing him, she transformed and listened to his case. "Arcee, I assume you are not the person who gave me this. Do you know who would have?"
The motorcycle pondered for a second, "Well, Wheeljack loves weapons as well as Ultra Magnus. They may know. Sorry I'm not your Secret Santa."
Growing tired, he rushed through the next few meetings with the remaining Cybertronians. Things weren't looking to great in his favor, and from some of the responses he's been getting, he was ready to strangle somebody in an un-Primly fashion.
Soundwave wasn't his bot, of course, and the silent mech literally posted a sad emoji on his screen for not being the right Cybertronian that gave him the gift. Whoopty-freaking-doo, he wasn't the mech Kalypso had described being the most non-emotional out of all. Now that he thought about it, nobody was as emotionless as Soundwave so who would be the closest?
Wheeljack was next, and no, he wasn't either. "Can't help you, Boss. I give explosives, not fighting weapons though that's a nice axe. You wanna trade for it?"
The Prime shook his head and held the weapon close to show he was fond of it. The white Wrecker merely shrugged and went about his maintenance on his personal ship.
Ultra Magnus was an automatic "no". Then again, what did he expect from his Commander who didn't like human holidays at all? He was the Grinch of their world, no doubt. Surprisingly, he was one of the mechs like Soundwave, though he actually spoke. His emotions died on Cybertron but like the slender Con, he wasn't the mystery mech.
Starscream, no. Predaking, nope. Smokescreen, although the young rookie would have died to be his Secret Santa, not a chance. None of them supplied him with his present, though he would've been shocked if Predaking was the one who did it.
Next up: Shockwave and SkyQuake. It was weird seeing those two together but there they were, performing experiments to their spark's desire. Shockwave had to be it. Like Soundwave, his emotions, if he truly did have any, were kept hidden twenty-four seven. He doubted the green seeker at first glance.
"I am sorry, Optimus, I am not the logical answer to your riddle of this 'Secret Santa'. SkyQuake doesn't give gifts either, much less weapons like an axe."
Bummer. Angrily, he kicked over a stack of Energon crates before sitting on them and hiding his face in his servos. He was fed up with this "secret admirer" bullshit. He was done. That was until he felt a hand over his shoulder.
"You alright, Optimus?" A voice he knew all too well asked.
He turned his head to the source with hope. Who it was made him feel like a fool: Ratchet.
The medic stood by his side, attempting to not look too concerned. Of course, it was Ratchet. He kept his emotions in check and knows him better than even Megatron. Well, maybe not Megatron, but most Cybertronians.
"Yes, old friend, I'm fine. But I am curious about one thing. I was wondering whom to thank for this axe. You must know who it is," the Prime said as he raised a brow.
A blush crept up on the orange and white mech's face before he began stammering suspiciously, "I-I don't know about such a thing. Who did give you that double-bladed axe? I certainly don't know. I…"
He was cut off when the Autobot leader drew him towards his warm chassis with a hug which Ratchet could say was bolt breaking. The medic didn't know what to do. He was torn between hugging back and smiling or trying to free himself and just complimenting the Prime. He thought on his options for a second.
Slowly, a smile formed on his faceplates and he returned the hug, only to be squeezed even more. "Optimus, I'm going to die here in a minute! If you crush me, I won't be able to say 'you're welcome' and the human term 'Merry Christmas!'"
He finally let go of the old mech who grabbed his knees and bent over to catch his breath. "By the Allspark, you have one hell of a death grip!"
"Sorry, old friend. I'm in a much better mood now that I know who my 'Secret Santa' is. That truly is you, isn't it?"
Ratchet mused before smirking, "And don't ever forget it either! Even scrooges like me have something to give to another. Just be thankful I chose you!"
Optimus let a soft laugh. "Glad to finally see you in the holiday spirit."
"Yep, but don't get used to it. It'll only happen one night a year and I used it early this stellar cycle, so Christmas is going to have to deal with a grumpy medic whether it likes it or not!"
"Merry Christmas, Ratchet."
AN: Yep, the "Secret Santa" is Ratchet. I decided to let Tigressa and the rest of her family and monsters join the TFP gang so they'll make occasional appearances in short stories, though they won't always be the nicest.