In Amestris, I grew my hair out to be closer to Brother. When I looked in the mirror, wearing his red coat and long hair, I could imagine he stared back at me. I could smile at him, and imagine his answering grin--the wistful, lopsided one that meant he was really happy. I used to spend hours daydreaming about our reunion, child's romantic imagination churning out one happy ending after another.
Instead there was war. Instead, there was him. I thought when I stowed away on the other world's plane that as long as Brother and I were together, everything would be okay. I didn't count on Alfons Heiderich.
What difference is there between Alfons and Alphonse? A few letters--they sound just the same. Height--but this body is only thirteen, and Heiderich was seventeen when he died. Blue eyes, instead of brown. Short, blonde hair.
Brother never said anything about my long hair, never said why'd you grow your hair out, Al or your hair's so long now, Al. Sometimes when he looks at me, I think he looks through me. Doesn't see me. Doesn't see the long caramel hair or the red coat or the transmutation circles on my gloves (his old gloves). I wonder what he sees. I want to ask, but I don't know if Brother will answer.
I cut my hair, shorter than Heiderich's in the picture that Brother keeps with him, but our faces are the same. He smiles like I do. (Or do I smile like he did?) I thought maybe Brother would see me then, if I looked more like the other me. Now, I'm not sure which of us he sees when he looks at me, and that's worse than not being seen at all.
Noah said before she left that Heiderich sounded like I probably will, when I get older. That if my eyes were blue and my hair a bit lighter, we could be mistaken for twins. (I don't need her to tell me that.)
When I wrap my arms around Brother from behind, he closes his eyes and relaxes into me with a small smile--not quite that half-quirked grin, but close. I don't say anything, though I desperately want to ask is it me, Brother? Is it me in your thoughts right now? Are my arms holding you? He doesn't say anything either. And he doesn't turn around.
And when he says, softly, "Al," in the sheltering darkness, I don't know who he's saying it to. I don't ask. I think Brother would lie.