WARNING: Not a Harm/Mac Fic. If you don't like the idea of Harm or Mac with any other partner, then I advise you not to read.
This is definitely AU, set late in season nine, and was inspired by the dignified way Rachel Smithfield handled the heartbreak of losing her only son in 'Coming Home' (Season 9). Starting about six months after the episode, Harm and Mac's relationship still hasn't recovered from the mission in Paraguay and the events that followed. At the start of the story they are barely on speaking terms and Mac is still dating Clayton Webb. Tom Johnson could not stay on the wagon, so Mattie never went back to him and Harm is still her legal guardian, and they, together with Jennifer Coates are still sharing their unconventional living arrangements in the loft near Union Station
Homecoming
The Story
"Yes!" Harmon Rabb leapt to his feet and exultantly punched his fist into the air as Mattie's spike almost howled between the two opposing blockers and slammed into the floor of the volleyball court. His demonstration of pleased excitement brought curious looks from the other moms and dads who had come to watch their daughters' volleyball game and to show their support for the school sports teams, but Harm couldn't have cared less! Mattie Grace was the best thing that had happened to him in a very long time. Just her being there and loving him had gone so very, very far to heal the hole that had been torn in his heart. In his turn, he was not only very proud of her, but had learned to love and more importantly he had learned how to show that he loved.
His height made him conspicuous and Mattie readily identified him amongst the crowd of spectators as the two teams filed past each other, shaking hands as they made for the locker rooms and the showers. Mattie grinned up at him, already coiling her outrageously wild pony-tail into a scrunchied bundle on the crown of her head and tapping her wrist to indicate the watch she wasn't wearing, held up one hand, triple-flashed all five digits at him and pointed to the exit, meaning that she'd meet him outside in fifteen minutes.
Still smiling to himself, he made his way down from the bleachers and joined the crowd pressing towards the exit, and as he shuffled forward with the pack, he was taken off-guard when, "You seemed to be enjoying yourself, Commander," a coolly amused voice said almost in his left ear. Curious to know who had identified him in this, for him, alien setting while he was dressed in a black sweater and faded jeans rather than his summer white uniform, he glanced round to see that he had been spoken to by a tall, slender, auburn haired woman who was looking quizzically at him with a pair of amused blue eyes. She was a little younger than himself, he guessed, maybe three or four years; plainly, but neatly and even elegantly dressed in tan slacks and a brown button down shirt, with a rich red sweater hanging loosely across her shoulders, its arms crossed in a half-knot at the front.
She looked familiar, but for a moment or two he was unable to place her, and then his mind made the connection between the school and the woman now looking at him with a definite smile on her face.
"You don't remember me, do you Commander..." she began.
Harm smiled at her, partly in pleasure at seeing her here and partly in relief at having recognised her, "Of course, I do. It's Mrs Smithfield. I haven't seen you since..." He coughed, to hide his faux pas. Crap! I didn't need to go reminding her that the last time I saw her was at Arlington when she buried her son!
"Since Joe's funeral. It's alright Commander, you can say it; I won't break. Although sometimes it's hard not to look round for him to share a family joke, or when I think I hear his voice, or his laugh. But we're getting there, me and Susan."
"How is Susan? I've asked Mattie from time to time, but all I get is, 'oh, she's OK, I guess.' I don't reckon I need to tell you just how uncommunicative teenage girls can be?"
Rachel Smithfield looked at him again as they strolled down the hallway to the exit, the laughter lines at her eyes becoming more pronounced as she did so. "You didn't recognise her. Susan I mean, this evening did you?"
"Mrs Smithfield, I don't think I even saw her!" he protested.
"Oh, yes you did. She was out there on the court, she was playing!" Rachel was almost openly laughing at his confusion.
Harm was forced to join in the laugh against him, "One of these days, Mrs Smithfield, I'm going to be able to open my big dumb mouth wide enough to get both feet in at the same time!"
"Oh, it's not entirely your fault, Commander, she's shot up in the last six months, she must have grown at least four inches, she's also lost quite a bit of weight, and she's had her hair cut down to 'no longer than three inches from the scalp'." She continued looking at his face, but the amusement in her own had quite faded away. "I'm glad we met this evening, I'm at a bit of a loss, dealing with Susan, and seeing you again has given me an idea..." she said hesitantly before drawing a fresh breath and saying, "This is probably going to sound like one of the strangest requests ever, Commander, but I could really use your advice in dealing with her at the moment."
Harm stopped in his tracks, generating an angry splutter from the middle-aged and overweight man behind him who had to execute some fairly nifty footwork to avoid cannoning into the suddenly stationary officer. Harm looked at Rachel Smithfield, honest bewilderment in his face, "I'm sorry, you want my advice in dealing with Susan?"
Rachel Smithfield looked away, almost shyly. "Yes," she said in a muffled voice, "I would like your advice on handling Susan. I know it sounds peculiar, but..."
"I'm sorry," Harm repeated, his mind obviously still fixed on her initial request. "But let me get this straight; you have had fifteen years of learning how to look after Susan. I have had about eight, maybe nine months trying to look after Mattie. Do you see where I might be a little confused over this?"
Rachel gave a weak half-smile, "I did say it was one of the strangest requests ever, but it's not just one of those teenage girl banging heads with mom things. I could really use a man's perspective. Actually I could really use a military man's perspective... Please?"
"I... uh... can't think how I can help... but..." Harm glanced at his watch and made up his mind, "OK, for what it's worth I'll try and help. Look, we've still got ten minutes, why don't we grab a cup of coffee, and you can tell me what's on your mind?"
Rachel looked at him doubtfully, "I don't think a quick-fix over a cup of coffee is going to work, Commander. It's..."
"I am sorry, Mrs Smithfield, I've just realised how crass and flippant I sounded. I didn't mean to imply that whatever is worrying you could be instantly fixed. I just thought... Uh, well, no, I guess I just didn't think. When would it be convenient for you to talk with me about Susan?" To cover his embarrassment, Harm retreated behind a facade of clumsy formality.
"Do you remember where we live?" Rachel asked, and without really waiting for his answer, continued, "Can you spare an hour or so tomorrow evening? Say at seven o'clock. Susan will be at the gym, as usual," there was a definite bitter edge to her voice there Harm thought, "and we will be quite uninterrupted for at least an hour..." She finished on a hopeful note.
"I'll be there, ma'am," he assured her. He had barely made his promise when a slim arm wrapped itself around his waist, and a riot of copper curls was pressed against his arm, "Hiya, Mrs Smithfield!" Mattie exclaimed, "Susan's right behind me! Hey Harm, did you see me tonight! I was freaking awesome. Man! That last spike - I'll dream about that for months!"
Harm smiled down at her, "Hey Squirt, you might want to power down on the modesty switch there, or they won't be able to hear you in Pittsburgh!"
It took a second for Mattie to work through what he'd said, and although she reddened slightly, she giggled, "Yeah, maybe I did sound just a little bit full of it."
"Gee, ya think?" He teased her.
"No, not really, but I thought it might make you happier if you thought that that I thought I did!"
Harm grinned, she knew him so well already! He handed her his keys, "Go on ahead Matts and wait in the car, please. I just want a very quick word with Susan's mom, and then I'll be right with you!" He wasn't being entirely honest with Mattie, but at the moment he wasn't quite sure what he might be getting into and he wanted to see how Susan acted with her mother, without the distraction of her friends being at hand. "Mrs Smithfield, I hope that I can help you, but teenage girls..."
Rachel Smithfield who had just been thinking how good he had been with Mattie was honestly surprised at his self-doubts. "Commander," she told him softly, "I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just seeing you with Mattie did an awful lot to ease any worries I might have had about asking you."
Uncomfortable with even this mild praise, Harm coughed and muttered, "Well, Mattie's not exactly typical, she had to grow up pretty fast and on her own, so she's a little more mature than most kids. I owe her big time for her not being a pain in the..." he stopped in confusion, realising that his favourable comments about Mattie could equally well be taken as criticism of other teenagers, including Susan. To his relief, however, he saw that Rachel was smiling and gently shaking her head rather than showing irritation at his clumsiness. Of course she thought, it would never occur to him that Mattie's behaviour was influenced by his treatment of her!
"Tell me, does Mattie play her music too loud? Does she sometimes zone out so completely that you practically have to scream at her to bring her back to the real world? Does she suddenly go from being the sunniest natured girl in the whole world to being impossibly morose and sulky? Does she, at the drop of a hat, find reasonable sounding excuses for not doing her homework, or for not falling in with plans that you have made?"
"Uh... yes, to all of the above, I guess." Harm was forced to admit.
"Then you have absolutely nothing to worry about, Commander," Rachel grinned triumphantly, "what you have is a perfectly typical fifteen year old girl! So, I'm sure that you can help me with... Oh, she's here." The smile left Rachel's face as she saw her daughter walking down the hallway towards them.
Harm's last memory of Susan was of a fifteen year old girl, her face awash with tears as she knelt by her adored older brother's casket, her hands resting lightly on the polished wood. The girl he saw now was completely different. Her once shoulder-length blonde hair had been cropped so that it clung to her scalp, she had grown, maybe three or four inches, and she had lost, he estimated abut twenty to twenty five pounds, and her arms where they weren't covered by her T-shirt sleeves suggested that she had been pumping some serious iron. Most striking was her face. Instead of the open, friendly if bewildered face she had shown the world, even when trying to cope with the first news of Joe's death, her face was now a rigid, expressionless mask, as she swept past her mother, with a curt "Ready, mom?"
Rachel Smithfield looked despairingly at her daughter's back as Susan walked on towards the exit without breaking her stride. Then she looked up again at Harm with something very like a plea in her face.
Harm had been taken aback at Susan's rudeness to her mother. It didn't matter that she hadn't acknowledged him. After all, she might not have recognised him out of uniform. But in his world children, even teenage children, didn't treat their parents in so cavalier a manner. If anything had been needed to convince him that Rachel Smithfield needed a friend then Susan's treatment of her mother had filled that need.
"Yes," he confirmed, "I'll be at your place at seven o'clock tomorrow evening, and I will try and help you."
Rachel Smithfield smiled at him, "Thank you, Commander."
Harm smiled his acknowledgement, and nodded a brief farewell as he said, "Until tomorrow, Mrs Smithfield," and waited until she trailed after her daughter, until he turned and walked out of the building and to his waiting SUV.
Opening the door, he was met by Mattie's brilliant grin and the sight of her head bobbing up and down. Seeing the two thin leads coming from her ears and meeting below her chin, he grinned and shook his head in uncomprehending indulgence. Despite all his warnings to the contrary, Mattie seemed determined to inflict permanent damage to her ears by listening to her MPV player, or whatever it was called, at full blast. Settling behind the wheel, he turned the key in the ignition and slipping the selector into drive, he pulled out of the parking lot and into the traffic as he headed in the direction of Union Station.
After a few minutes, he leaned across and tapped Mattie on the knee, and when she looked at him he pointed to his ear and made a 'cut-off' signal by drawing the edge of his hand across his throat. Mattie reached down to her waist band and turned off her I-pod while at the same time pulling the ear-bud nearest Harm free.
Now that she was physically, at least, prepared to listen, Harm asked her, "OK, Mattie, what's the deal with Susan these days?"
"How do you mean?"
Harm stole a glance across at her, the dominant expression on her face was confusion, but he thought he also detected an indication of guilt.
"Well, I thought that she and I had at least got to the stage where we might be able to exchange greetings, but she just blew straight past me a few minutes ago while I was talking to her mom, so what's going on there Mattie... and she looked a little different from when I last saw her?"
Mattie squirmed uncomfortably. She thought she knew a little bit about what Susan was doing, but she wasn't certain. Her once very good friend had morphed into an almost casual acquaintance, and had become shut off and secretive and somehow driven by something that Mattie certainly didn't understand, and was pretty certain that Susan didn't understand either. And then there was the question of being truthful with Harm to be balanced against loyalty to Susan.
"Yeah, well she's had her hair cut, and she's been working out a bit. Yeah, and she's got a bit quieter, she doesn't talk to people much any more, I guess she's finding it harder than we thought, getting to grips with Joe's death, you know?" Mattie finished her response with an upward inflexion and the hope that Harm would be satisfied with her vague and incomplete answer, and let the topic drop.
Harm listened to what Mattie had to say and inwardly shrugged, she'd just about been as forthcoming as he'd expected, and maybe a little more so than she'd realised. Time for a little reward he told himself.
"What say we stop at Antonio's on the way home, and get a half and half pizza?" he asked, "you can even have a free choice of toppings for your side."
Mattie grinned delightedly. She didn't know what she'd done to deserve this treat. Harm could be really, really intense about healthy eating, so she wasn't about to look this gift horse in the mouth. "Ham, mushrooms and pineapple?" she beamed.
Harm shuddered; pineapple and pizza just did not go together in his world. But, she was a teenage girl, and as the last few months had brought him to realise that at times they might as well be a totally alien species. "If you must!" he reluctantly agreed, ignoring the crow of triumphant laughter from the passenger's seat.
The following evening, in deference to the fact that he was visiting somebody else's home Harm decided to wear slacks with a button down shirt and a light jacket, in preference to his normal jeans and T-shirt combination, and well aware of his besetting sin of unpunctuality made sure the he parked the Lexus just down the block and across the street from the Smithfield house in plenty of time so he wouldn't be late. As he walked up the pathway to the front door, he saw with no surprise, that a Gold Star Flag hung in the window alongside the front door. He would have been surprised if there had not been a flag; Rachel Smithfield was the great-granddaughter, granddaughter, niece, widow and mother of marines, she grieved her loss, but she was proud of her son and would find it impossible not to honour his memory.
She answered his knock at the door within seconds, and he couldn't help but notice the light signs of relief on her face as she did so. "I'm so glad you came, Commander," she welcomed him, stepping back to allow him to enter. "It struck me on the way home last night that perhaps I'd been putting unfair pressure on you."
He smiled a greeting at her, "No, I don't think you did put any pressure on me. You asked for my help, and quite frankly having seen just how much Susan has changed in such a short time, I'm glad you did. I may not be able to help, but if even all I can be is someone to whom you think you can talk, then I am not only happy to help, but flattered that you should even think to ask me."
"Oh, I'm sure you'll be much more help than that." She sat, carefully smoothing her skirt beneath her as she did so, "When I think of how much you did for us, when you didn't have to, when Joe came home..." she paused for a moment to gather herself, "And that's why I felt I maybe put pressure on you... like I was taking it for granted that you would step up again for us... for me. But I would be grateful for your help, your advice, Commander."
"Why don't you make that Harm? I'm not really comfortable with all this military formality when I'm a guest in your home."
"Very well," she replied, "but if you're Harm, then I'm Rachel. Agreed?" She held out a slim hand, and when he took it in acceptance of her terms he was pleasantly surprised by the firmness of her grip.
"Agreed." He waited a couple of seconds for her to speak again, but when she stayed silent, he asked her, "Does wanting my advice having anything to do with Susan suddenly becoming withdrawn?" He saw the surprise on her face and he grinned awkwardly, "I have a confession to make, I tried to grill Mattie on the way home last night, but although she told me that Susan had changed, she didn't seem to know, or maybe want to tell me why, and I... uh... didn't want to push it. And then again, I wasn't expecting her to fall on my neck yesterday evening, but it did make me wonder when she just brushed right past."
Rachel looked ashamed, "Yes. I cannot even begin to apologise for her behaviour last night. I did try to speak to her about it, to say that whatever her issues might be with me, she had no right to behave like that to someone who had been such a good friend to us, but all I could get out of her was 'Whatever, he's a grown man, he'll get over it.' Of course that was just before she stormed upstairs and locked herself in her bedroom."
Harm winced, he'd one or two of those discussions with Mattie, and while Mattie hadn't carried a grudge - mainly he suspected because Jen had straightened her out - he felt more than just a twinge of sympathy for the woman sitting opposite. "Do you have any idea what's behind all this?"
Rachel stood and crossed to the bureau standing against the wall. She opened the roll-top and brought out a slim folder, "This," she said simply, "this is the problem," and she passed the folder to him.
Harm raised his eyebrow in question, and Rachel nodded her agreement. Harm opened the folder to see an utterly familiar document. "This is an application for a place at Annapolis!"
"Yes," Rachel sat down again. "And I'm not sure that I want her to go there."
"And it's your uncertainty that's caused the problem?"
"Yes."
"OK... I think I can guess at the reason behind your reluctance," he said slowly, "but would you mind telling me, preferably in words of one syllable so that even I can't misunderstand them?"
Rachel nodded, "That's only fair. You know that I am proud of my family," she indicated the photographs and the two flags, sharply folded into triangles, proudly displayed on the mantel wall above the hearth, "and I'm proud of their tradition of service to the Corps and to the country. But, Harm, the family has given enough. I lost my husband and my son while they were marines. I have given enough. I don't want to lose my daughter too. I don't really expect you to understand how I feel, but no parent should have to bury their child; I had to bury Joe, and I'm afraid that if Susan joins the Corps, then I'll end up having to bury her too."
"Rachel," Harm said in a voice of warm sympathy, "Actually I do have an idea of what you're feeling; I guess it's pretty much what my mother felt when I put the same piece of paper in front of her for her signature. She point-blank refused to sign it. My father went MIA in Vietnam. His father was shot down over the Pacific during WW2 and his father was KIA in France in 1918. Like you, my mom felt that enough was enough. And it took my stepfather, a man I had no time and no use for, to point out that if she didn't sign the application, then I would try for NROTC at college and if that failed then I would probably walk right out of college and straight into the nearest navy recruiting station. And he had me pretty well summed up. So, in the end and not without protest, and I'm sure not without a lot of doubts and some tears, she signed."
Rachel responded indignantly, "So are you saying that I should just cave-in and sign?"
"No... I'm not suggesting that at all. Just think about what I told you about the options I'd had, and tell me honestly that you don't think Susan isn't capable of working out those choices."
"No, she's plenty smart enough to do just that," Rachel agreed with a sigh.
"It still might not happen, Rachel," he tried to comfort her, "It's going to be eighteen months before she can even attend Plebe Summer. She's going to have to have a SATs score that would earn her an Ivy League offer; she's going to have to be a straight 'A' student, not just in her mandated classes but in her electives too. She's going to have to have an absolutely spotless character record, and then she's going to have to write a first-class letter of application, and she'll also need letters of recommendation and pass an interview board. Even then, there is no guarantee that she'll make the cut. But I do think it will make life easier all round if you could show her that you'd be willing to support her."
Even as he spoke, another thought struck him, "Is this also connected to the change in her appearance?"
"Yes, she went on-line and read up on the navy's height and weight requirements and what's needed to pass the twice yearly physical performance thing. So she started working out at the gym and watching her diet. But Harm... I may be reading too much in to it, but the changes in her body... they just seem to have happened too quickly... I sometimes wonder... I'm sometimes afraid that she might be taking some drug, some body-building enhancer."
"Steroids?" Harm definitely raised his eyebrows at that. "If she's found to have been taking steroids at any stage in a Navy or Marine Corps career, she can say a definite and very quick goodbye to the military, after a salutary term in the women's brig at Miramar!"
"Harm, what can I do?"
He shrugged, "Keep on loving her, duck the punches you can, and roll with the ones you can't." He grinned mirthlessly, "and that bunch of clichés wasn't much help at all. Look, Rachel, maybe if I talk to her, I can get her to straighten up and fly right. Because, and judging from what you and Mattie carefully haven't told me, without a major attitude adjustment, even if she makes the cut for the academy, she won't last out plebe summer."
Rachel looked at him thoughtfully. "Tomorrow is Sunday, and I know you keep Mattie on a pretty tight schedule on school nights. So how about the two of you coming to lunch tomorrow and maybe we can swing it so you and Susan can have that talk? Otherwise it's going to have to wait a week, isn't it? And I don't think I can stand another week of Susan like she is, not now that there's a chance of getting her straightened out."
Harm thought for a moment or two. Even though he hadn't know Rachel Smithfield all that long, or all that well, he'd always considered her to be a strong woman, but her last words had not only had a surprising, pleading quality, but they had also trembled on the edge of tears. "OK, thank you, we'll come. But there is just one thing... I uh... don't eat meat. I'll eat fish, most seafood and eggs, so if that's a problem, I can whip something up at home and bring it along for re-heating if that's OK?"
Rachel stood, Harm following suit. "Don't you dare to even bring a gallon of ice-cream for dessert Commander Rabb! I promise you that whatever I serve you tomorrow will match your preferences! So we'll see you at about twelve-thirty hours tomorrow!"
"Yes, ma'am!"
"And Harm, once again," she held out her hand and again he was surprised at the firmness of her gip, "thank you, thank you very much."
Lunch hadn't been too bad, all things considered. True, Susan had been... well, uncommunicative was as good a word as any, he supposed. Susan had been mostly silent throughout the meal, hardly even acknowledging the prayer when Rachel said grace. And apart from a hissed threat to Mattie that Susan would 'get' her for ratting her out, she had stayed silent, but as Mattie hadn't seemed concerned at the threat, both he and Rachel had decided to let that one slide. Lunch over, Rachel had asked for Mattie's help in policing the kitchen, leaving Harm and Susan at the table. Susan had promptly risen and had muttered something about going to her room, but Harm's quietly spoken "Stay a moment, please Susan, and tell me about your plans for the academy," had persuaded to sit back down again.
It was that 'please' that had done it. It had changed a directive into a request, and Susan hadn't received many requests recently, even so, she still felt irritated that a comparative stranger should be privy to what she considered to be her private business.
"Simple enough," she scoffed, "I go to the academy, graduate and then..." he eyes dropped and her voice lost its bravado, "and then, if I'm good enough, flight school!"
"H'mmm, that's a worthwhile ambition," he acknowledged.
"What? You don't think that's dumb do you?" Susan asked him, for the first time raising her eyes to his.
"No... how can I think that's dumb, when it's exactly what I did?"
"Oh."
"But I will tell, you what I think is dumb, and that's the way you're lining yourself up for your crack at Annapolis..."
Harm spent a good while talking to Susan, explaining how plebe summer was a winnowing process, and despite having been appointed to the academy, many plebes did not survive the deliberately gruelling weeks of plebe summer, that were expressly designed to find hidden attitude and character flaws in the would-be naval officers.
As he finished speaking, he saw Susan's brows furrow in thought and she considered what he'd said. After a while she rose and walked slowly into the kitchen, from where in a very few moments a grinning Mattie arrived, put her arms around his neck from behind and hugged him.
Harm and Mattie left at about four o'clock, Harm pleading uniforms to prepare for the morning and the need to check that Mattie's homework was done. As they left Harm looked back to see Rachel and Susan standing together on the front porch, and although they weren't exactly fully at ease with each other, there was something in their body language, especially Susan's, that gave him some hope for the future.
It was nearly two weeks later that Harm received the 'phone call. He had just returned, literally minutes before, from a four day JAGMan investigation at Key West. He hadn't even taken his flight jacket off, let alone started to unpack his bag, when the shrill tones of his landline caused him to cast a loathing look at the instrument. But knowing that it could be anyone from the Admiral with a new assignment to the school saying that Mattie needed him to be there, he merely sighed and picked up the handset. "Rabb" he said in as neutral a voice as he could manage.
"Harm, good afternoon, it's Rachel Smithfield... Ummm... I tried calling on Monday, but the young woman who answered your 'phone said that you were out of town, but that you'd be back today. I just wanted to say thank you for whatever you said to Susan."
"There are no thanks needed, Rachel. Susan is a bright, intelligent and highly motivated young lady, once I'd pointed out the pitfalls for which she was headed, she was only too ready to back up and look for a smoother road." Harm disclaimed all credit for any changes Susan had made in her behaviour.
"Well, I happen to think that thanks are needed. Susan and I aren't quite back to our old relationship yet, but we are getting there. So, thank you Harm."
"As I said, no thanks necessary. Really."
"You're not going to be reasonable about this are you?" Rachel asked, with a hint of laughter in her voice.
"I am being reasonable!" he retorted, trying but failing from responding to the humour in her voice.
"Well... are you going to this week's game? If so, at least let me buy you a cup of coffee..."
"Yes, it's a home court game isn't it? So unless I get sent out of town again tomorrow, then I'll be there. But as I recall, not only did I offer to buy you a coffee, but you also fed both Mattie and I, so if there's any coffee to be bought, I'll do the buying, OK?"
"You know, Mattie was right! You really are one of the most stubborn... oh, no, I've just ratted her out, haven't I?"
"Rachel," he laughed, "if stubborn is the worst thing Mattie calls me, then I've gotten off lightly. Don't worry, I shan't tell her you squealed! And I'll see you at the game, tomorrow."
"Yes, OK. 'Bye."
"Goodbye Rachel."
They had met at the game, and as he had promised, he bought the coffee. They had sat together to watch the game and at the end when the home team went down 21-18 in the final tie-breaker game in the match, they had waited until the disappointed players emerged gloomily from the locker room and had done their best to cheer up the girls, both shrugging their shoulders and grimacing behind Mattie and Susan's backs as they herded them into their respective cars.
The following Monday evening, while Harm tried to initiate a highly sceptical Jen into the mysteries of making meatless meatloaf, Mattie curled up one end of the couch and struggling with her chemistry homework interrupted the cookery lesson, "Harm, would it be OK if Andre and Susan came to dinner tomorrow?"
Harm turned towards her and with a hint of suspicion in his voice said, "What are you up to, Squirt?"
Mattie put her chemistry text book down and sitting cross-legged on the couch she said, "Well, we've got calculus class tomorrow, and Mr Bryant always give us shi... uh... loads of homework," she hastily amended her sentence as both Jen and Harm's eyebrows started to rise, "And... uh... it's not exactly our best subject... well, Andre does OK, but Susan and I..."
"Mattie, tomorrow is a school night..."
"Umm... yeah, that's more or less the whole point of it, Harm," Mattie explained with great patience.
Harm continued to look at her somewhat sceptically. "What do you think Jen?"
"I'm not sure, do you want the apartment overrun by teenagers?"
"Oh, we wouldn't be a nuisance, in fact, we'd probably be in my and Jen's place, and..."
"H'mm, I'm not sure whether that's a comforting thought or not... but if it's for homework, and if their parents are OK with, then I guess..."
"Wow, thanks Harm!" Mattie proffered a slip of paper, "These are the numbers for Susan and Andre's folks. I told the guys that their folks should probably expect a call from you..."
"Taking a lot for granted there Miss Grace, weren't you?"
"No... well, perhaps... but the only thing I really took for granted was that you'd be checking to make sure everything was OK with Mrs Smithfield and the Le Blancs."
Harm was forced to smile, although he turned to look at Jen as he did, so that Mattie wouldn't see his amusement. "Mattie Grace, you're getting to know me way too well!"
"That's because you are about as hard to read as a book, and... it's because I love you!" she finished on a rush.
Harm stopped dead in his tracks and exchanged a startled look with Jen who mouthed at him "tell her back!"
Harm nodded, and turned towards Mattie, and sitting on the couch next to her, and ignoring her squeak of protest, swept her into a hug, "And I love you too, Squirt," he murmured into her hair.
Mattie squirmed free, and although she had meant what she'd said, she wasn't above taking advantage of the situation, "Does that mean you'll call them?" she asked with a grin that said she knew she was playing Harm, and ignoring Jen's shocked, "Mattie!"
Harm held his hands up in surrender, "OK, OK, I'll call! And am I now supposed to think that you and Susan have become best friends again?"
Mattie simply smiled and said "You bet your a... uh... six!" she hastily amended her sentence halfway through a word she knew Harm wouldn't tolerate her using...
The study date had gone well, at least according to Jen who had chaperoned the three teenagers, and had ended promptly at eight-thirty when Rachel Smithfield had arrived as arranged to take both Susan and Andre home. Harm and Rachel's brief conversation, held with difficulty over the hubbub of three teenagers saying their own goodbyes had ended in an agreement that as this week's volleyball game was at Fairfax, they could save gas by travelling in one car.
The match against Fairfax High had gone extremely well, Mattie's team winning by two straight sets, whitewashing the Fairfax team who couldn't cope with the combined skills of the visitors. Mattie's agility and Susan's power had been two of the most important factors in their team's landslide victory, and as a result it had been two very excited girls in the centre seats of the Lexus, their whoops and cries of enthusiasm being so loud, persistent and distracting that Harm had been forced to pull over for safety's sake. Even so, he couldn't resist the joy expressed by the girls and had happily shared an indulgent smile with Rachel. His attempt at calming his passengers was a spectacular failure, his suggestion that they stop for pizza at a family-friendly restaurant only elicited more squeals and yelps of pleased excitement, a resigned shrug from him and a 'you've only got yourself to blame' look from a highly amused Rachel.
The shared rides and the after-match pizza-restaurant stop soon became a ritual, extending the couple of hour's attendance at the match into an evening long event that saw a gradual ripening of the friendship between Harm and Rachel. The weekly calculus homework sessions also became part of their joint calendar, each family taking it in turn to host the evening while the parents of the visitors alternated in collecting the teenagers from the various homes.
Their schedule and the evenings were only interrupted when Harm was out of town on investigations, and then again after three months when he was TAD to the Seahawk to keep his carrier landing qualifications updated. Even that event was tinged with sadness, the withdrawal of the F-14 from naval aviation made it extremely likely that Harm had made his last ever trap in a Tomcat.
The Friday before he'd taken the COD out to the Seahawk had held a pleasant surprise for him though; after their pizza meal, he had stopped the Lexus outside Rachel's home, and while Susan was extricating herself and her gym bag from the rear of the vehicle, Rachel had leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek, saying "Be careful out there, and fly right. Good luck, Harm."
He had been rendered momentarily speechless and had been unable to respond before she had slipped out of the car and headed for her front door. Then catching Mattie's amused eye in the rear-view mirror, he had quickly looked away and had studiously avoided meeting her gaze for the rest of the drive back to the Union Station neighbourhood.
The kiss hadn't gone unnoticed by Susan, who as they entered the house dropped her gym bag and with a teasing note in her voice and a similar gleam in her eyes accused her mother, "Mom, did I or did I not just see you kissing Harm?"
For some reason she couldn't quite fathom, Rachel felt her cheeks burn and was thrown on the defensive, "It was only a friendly kiss on the cheek, just to wish him good luck for while he's flying next week."
Susan smiled indulgently at her mother, "Yeah, mom, riiight!"
"Susan Smithfield!" Her mother exclaimed halfway between outrage and laughter, "Go to your room right away and go straight to bed!"
Susan caught her mother in a hug, reached up to kiss her cheek and said, "'Night mom. I love you. Even if you are one of the biggest fibbers ever!"
Rachel burst out laughing but managed a pointing finger and a "Bed! Now!" as Susan skipped up the stairs. Later, lying in bed Rachel Smithfield tried to analyse just why she had kissed Harmon Rabb. As much as she had protested to Susan, it hadn't been just a goodbye and good luck kiss, but what had it been? An expression of friendship? Well, yes, Harmon Rabb had, over the last nine or ten months, more than proved himself a friend. And he'd certainly, and in just one afternoon, set Susan's feet back on the straight and narrow, so was it just gratitude, for the interest he had taken in Susan's future? But Rachel had other male friends, and she didn't kiss them when they were going out of town for a few days. And gratitude was a lousy reason for kissing anyone. So why kiss him and not, say, Eddie Fowler whom she had known for a lot longer, or even Sam Weissenbruck with whom she had attended High School, or Bobbie Wilson, for whose wedding to Marian she had been a bridesmaid? Oh, God, was that it? Of all her male friends, Harmon Rabb was the only one who was not married! No, that was dumb, in the ten years since her husband died, she must have met and liked and got to know other single men, but she'd never kissed any of them! So why Harm? Well, he was tall, and so was she and she liked being able to look up at him... but she'd known other tall guys before. He was undeniably good looking, handsome in fact, and those blue eyes and that devastating smile... she smiled, those attributes alone ought to be illegal anywhere in the civilised world... but that was dumb, she told herself. She just didn't go around kissing guys just because they had a cute smile! And besides, Stevie Elgin was just as good looking, but she'd never even thought of kissing him - even before he'd gotten married to that shrink, Inez, or whatever her name was! Still trying to figure out just why she had kissed Harmon Rabb, Rachel Smithfield drifted off to sleep to dream of a pair of blue eyes and a cocky pilot's grin.
Harm woke up late after a restless night, a good part of spent recalling the feel Rachel's lips on his face, and wondering why she had done it. Not that he objected to the idea, or even the idea of her doing it again, in fact he'd quite enjoyed the almost-forgotten sensation of being kissed. It had seemed years since he'd been the recipient of any sign of tenderness from a woman, other than his mother. Oh, no, that wasn't quite true. Harriett had kissed him on the cheek more than once since his last minute acquittal on the charge of having murdered Loren Singer, and then again when he'd been allowed to rejoin the navy, but other than that nothing, and anyway, being kissed by Harriett was like being kissed by a little sister, or Mattie. And thinking of Mattie, he could definitely hear voice coming from the kitchen, and was that fresh-brewed coffee he could smell? Yep, it certainly was. Pulling on a pair of jogging bottoms and a Raptors sweat-shirt, he shoved his feet into his flip-flops and sortied out to greet the day.
Jen's cheery, "Good morning, sir!" was just a little too cheerful to be entirely innocent, as was the wide-eyed expression she wore on her face.
Mattie's "Good morning," was less suspect, but she slid down from the stool at the kitchen island, and walked up to him, circling around at the last second to force him to turn his face to the light as he watched her suspiciously.
"H'mm..." she gazed intently at him with her bright blue eyes, scanning his face for something. Eventually she reached up gently pushing against his chin she tilted his head slightly more towards the light. "No... I guess that's OK. You must have washed your face!"
By this time both girls' eyes were dancing with amusement, and although Harm had by now a pretty good idea of what Mattie meant, and that she'd also told Jen of last night's... incident? Occurrence? Whatever; he decided that his best defence would be a dignified silence. He had managed to cover himself in enough confusion last night when he and Mattie had got back home, and she had commented, almost in passing, that she hadn't thought he could do such a perfect impression of a Koi Carp His blustered denials that he had never looked like a fish of any sort, and that anyway he didn't know what she was on about, had only brought him an old-fashioned look from Mattie that forcibly reminded him of when, as a young boy, he had gotten similar looks from his grandmother when he had crossed one of her lines, accompanied by a disbelieving sniff, and a dismissive, but tender, "Yeah, whatever," before she had hastily skipped out of arm's reach before letting herself into to her own apartment and calling out from behind the shelter of the partially opened door, "Goodnight, Harm!"
He had been compelled to grin as he'd replied, "Yeah, goodnight to you too, Squirt!" But this morning he really didn't feel like smiling or grinning. In his opinion Mattie had taken the whole thing just about as far as she ought. It quickly became obvious that Mattie, and even Jen, were not really inclined to take his opinion seriously, and although he'd started fuming at their intransigence, their wide-eyed-and-innocent protestations that they were glad he'd found a soul-mate were so outrageously transparently false that once he'd downed his third cup of coffee and demolished a short stack of Jen's cinnamon pancakes then he was once more able to relax. Even Mattie's little doggerel, "Harm and Rachel, sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G", deliberately pitched so that he could only just hear it over the clatter as the two girls policed the post-breakfast kitchen wasn't enough to break his sunny mood.
Breakfast over; it was Harm's turn to set the pace. He reminded both Jen and Mattie of the rules to be followed in his absence. Mattie's bedtime was twenty-one-thirty hours, Sunday to Thursday - absolutely no exceptions. Friday was match night, so Mrs Smithfield, a glare at Mattie's sotto voce "Rachel" sufficed to silence her, would collect Mattie from the game. Whether or not the three of them stopped for Pizza was entirely Mrs Smithfield's decision; a pause to allow Mattie to chirp in was wisely declined by that young lady, and drew an ironic "Good call, Mattie" from Jen. Tuesday was calculus study night, here, at home, and it was Mr or Mrs le Blanc's turn to collect Andre and Susan.
Then it was the next Saturday morning and a red-eyed Harmon Rabb had just gotten in from Andrews JAF where the Seahawk's COD had delivered him at some unbelievably early hour of the morning, and where he'd had to wait for well over an hour after a desperate 'phone call had dragged a frowsty and grumbling Jen to collect him from the airfield and return him to DC, where she had grumped that she was going to back to bed until a civilised hour for a Saturday, thank you very much!
Tuesday evening saw a slightly apprehensive Harm knocking on the Smithfield's front door as he waited to collect Andre and Mattie. This was the first time he'd seen Rachel since the Friday she'd kissed him good luck, and he wasn't quite sure what her reaction was going to be. Hell, he wasn't even sure what he wanted her reaction to be, and he certainly wasn't anywhere near sure what his reaction to seeing her would be.
Rachel came to the door in answer to his knock, and gave Harm a warm smile of welcome. She held out her hand and said, "Harm, it is good to see you back."
He held out both hands to her and was inordinately please when she placed both of hers in his without the slightest sign of hesitation, but then they both stood in awkward silence until he cleared his throat and replied, "It's good to see you again, Rachel."
The two stood holding hands and looking at each other for what seemed a long minute, before Mattie's cry "Hey, Mrs S, is that Harm already?" brought them to realise that that they had actually been standing in the doorway for far longer than was strictly necessary.
Mattie had held her peace until after they dropped Andre of at his home, but then as Harm engaged the drive on the Lexus, Mattie turned to him and with frank curiosity asked, "What were you and Mrs Smithfield talking about for so long?"
"When?" asked Harm, not picking up on the context of the question.
"Next New Year's Eve," Mattie answered sarcastically, "When you two were at the door just now."
"Huh? Oh... nothing, just saying 'hello'."
Mattie looked unconvinced, and waiting for the Lexus to be stopped by a red traffic signal, suddenly demanded, "Harm! Look at me!"
Startled by the sharpness of her voice, Harm did just that, and was about to protest, when almost simultaneously Mattie sighed and said in resignation, "Oh, OK", the lights changed to green and the driver of the car behind irritably leaned on his horn.
"What was all that about?" he asked.
"H'mmm...? Oh... what...? No, nothing." Mattie dissembled, after all there had been nothing on his face.
It took another five minutes driving before the little light-bulb in Harm's brain started glowing. "Mattie Grace! Did you... did you just check my face for lipstick?" he demanded in amazement.
"Ummm..." Mattie desperately wanted to deny that, but part of the deal that she and Harm had made was to be totally honest with each other at all times. "Well, yeah, kinda..."
"I can assure you Mathilda Grace, that such a thought never entered our minds!" he denied furiously.
"Umm... well... no, it must have done," Mattie reasoned, "Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked me the lipstick question."
Harm was forced to acknowledge, even if only to himself, that the infuriating girl in the passenger seat had a point, and could only glower at her silently for a moment or two until he had recovered enough to try and explain how he saw matters. "Mattie, yes, Rachel Smithfield kissed me - once - on the cheek - before I went to do my quals. She said I was to fly safely and wished me good luck. It was a friendly kiss for a friend who was going out of town for a few days nothing more than that."
"Ya think?" Mattie responded cynically. "Then how come all the while you were gone, Mrs S wandered around the house with a sappy smile on her face and then nearly wet herself every time the 'phone rang?"
"And you would know that how, Miss Clever Pants?" Harm was nearly as cynical as Mattie, but somehow his heart gave a little jump at the thought of Rachel Smithfield missing him.
"Well, firstly, Susan's my friend," Mattie responded, "and she tells me things; she told me about the goofy grin. Secondly, when I 'phoned Susan the other day, Mrs S answered the 'phone, and when I said it was me, she almost had a fit, and asked me was it bad news, had anything happened to you. And then on Friday, when she took me home after the game, she came in for ten minutes and gave Jen and me the whole third degree thing about where you were, what you were doing, and when did we expect to see you back."
Harm acknowledged Mattie's explanation and then lapsed into silence for the remainder of the drive home, while he digested what she'd said. It certainly seemed that Rachel Smithfield had been thinking about him while he was gone, and if he was honest with himself, in the few minutes down time he'd had aboard the Seahawk, he had found his mind drifting in her direction. But he still found himself with a load of unanswered questions.
Friday had been the last volleyball match of the season and it had been Rachel Smithfield's turn to drive. The match had gone well and when the season's points had been added up it was found that the Mattie and Susan's team had been just beaten into second place in the league by one point. And although most of the team and its supporters had been expecting to finish as league champions, the after match celebrations still promised to continue until long after the normal finish time. Harm and Rachel had, as usual, sat together throughout the game, but the atmosphere between them had been slightly strained. At length as the on-court celebrations continued, Harm turned to her and asked, "Rachel, walk with me, please?"
The two slipped unobtrusively though the crowd and into the hallway walking slowly towards the exit. Unaware that two pairs of teenage eyes were following their every move. Once outside, Harm indicated that they should take a stroll along the pathway that bordered the lawns surrounding the sports complex. Rachel walked silently beside him, her eyes down and her arms folded. At length Harm said in a more or less conversational tone, "It's not going to go away, you know."
Rachel didn't even try to pretend that she didn't understand him. "The kiss-shaped elephant, you mean?"
"M'mm" was Harm's eloquent reply.
Rachel sighed, "I knew we'd have to talk about it. This evening's been pretty crappy for you, hasn't it? You've been on edge all night, and I haven't felt much better. I'm sorry, Harm."
He looked at her curiously, "What are you sorry for, Rachel?"
"I should never have done it. I should never have kissed you. It wasn't fair of me, and all I've done is wreck our friendship."
"Umm... why did you kiss me, Rachel?"
"I honestly don't know. You're kind, generous, thoughtful, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. And you were about to go flying off a carrier, and I was worried about you, and I wanted you to know that while you were out there that somebody back here was thinking of you and praying that you'd come home safely. But..." she sighed, "I guess I blew it, huh?"
"Yeah, you did - a little bit." Harm told her gravely.
Rachel was surprised by his candour, "Oh... I guess I was kinda hoping that..."
"Yeah, your aim was way off," Harm smiled at her. "What you should have done is kiss me like this." He turned to face her fully, and with a gentle but relentless pressure he raised her face to his and gently pressed his lips to hers, The kiss lasted only a few seconds, just long enough for Harm to feel Rachel's lips relax against his, and to feel her begin to lean against him before he broke off.
Rachel straightened her back and stood tall, raising somewhat troubled eyes to him and said, "Why did you just kiss me?"
"Because you're brave, kind, generous, caring, and because it seemed, and it still seems, like a good idea, and mostly because I've wanted to ever since you blindsided me and kissed me, and because even while you kissed my cheek, I was wishing I had been brave enough to turn my head just those few inches and kiss you back," he answered just as gravely as she had asked her question.
Rachel continued looking at him with that same grave, slightly troubled expression in her eyes. "Oh." was the only word she could find.
"And I'm sorry," Harm continued as if she hadn't spoken, "if you disliked it. Or... or.., I misread the signals or..."
"No, I didn't dislike it..." Rachel interrupted him, "and no, you didn't misread the signals. I... I'm just a little bit concerned that I might have sent out the right signals for the wrong reasons..."
"How do you mean?" Harm asked reaching for her, a gesture she saw, interpreted correctly and placed her hands in his.
Rachel held onto Harm's hands for a few moments while she gathered her thoughts before she released them, turned and started to walk, still heading away from the sports complex, her head up, but her eyes fixed straight ahead. "You are the first man I've even kissed, and the first man to have kissed me since my husband died. I am afraid that I kissed you for the wrong reasons; from fear of loneliness, from being tired of being lonely, being tired of being single, and because you were kind and gentle, and because you were there. And none of those are good enough reasons and I don't want to start anything for those wrong reasons when it will all just blow up in our faces and we'll end up making ourselves and each other miserable."
Harm nodded; what Rachel said made a lot of sense to him, but... "That's quite a good argument counsellor, but there's a fatal flaw in your reasoning."
His light tone may have had something to do with the lightening of her expression and the way she abandoned her steady stare as she turned her head towards him, "And what might that be?" she asked
"You're arguing from a position of fear and negativity, as if you were already convinced that anything we might allow to grow between us is already doomed. I would prefer it if we were to start from a positive base and nurture and protect whatever we might have. But such growth is a slow process, so we would need to take things very slowly, and give growth a chance. What say you, counsellor?"
"I say you are a cunning, sly wordsmith, who could probably talk the birds down out of the trees. If you really think we could have something between us and you're happy to take baby steps and see what happens, then yes, we could see where our paths lead us. But there's not only us to consider: there are the girls."
Harm grinned, "I don't know what, if anything, Susan has said to you, but if the ribbing I've been getting from Mattie is any indication, then I think she'll be more than OK with there being an 'us'."
They stopped again and as if by mutual consent turned to face each other and exchanged another gentle kiss before turning back towards the sports complex, but this time hand in hand, where their return was eagerly awaited by two nervously excited teenage girls, who on seeing them return as a couple turned to each other, grinned and chorused "Yes!" before giving each other a high five.
The celebrations for the end of the season finally over, Harm and Rachel rounded up the two girls and shepherded them into Rachel's Taurus, and once everyone was settled and buckled in, Harm turned towards Susan and Mattie and nervously clearing his throat said, "Uh... girls, we've uh... got something we need to tell you. Susan, your mom and I have become good friends this semester, and we thought that we might like to see where our friendship might take us, so we're planning to see more... a lot more of each other over the summer and then maybe..."
"Does this mean that you guys are going to start dating properly?" Matte demanded.
"Umm... yes it does."
"At last!" breathed Mattie in a sigh of relief.
"Yeah, it took you long enough," Susan endorsed Mattie's comment.
"You mean... you… knew?" a thoroughly confused Rachel asked.
"Duh! Like only forever!" Susan grinned cheekily, as Mattie just raised her eyes heavenwards.
Harm and Rachel could only look at each other helplessly as the two girls in the rear seats dissolved into a pair of giggling messes.
Harm and Rachel spent that summer taking things slowly, progressing from one date a week until by the time the new school year was about to start they were meeting on an almost daily basis. Their courtship was low key; Harm hadn't wanted to go public with it at JAG until he was certain that there was something between them about which to go public. He could well do without snide comments from his former partner, with whom he was still barely on speaking terms. Consequently they were happy to go for quiet dinners in small, out of the way restaurants or on a couple of occasions to take Sarah, Harm's Stearman N6 Trainer, up for a hop and a picnic or to spend quiet evenings spent either in the loft or at the Smithfield house - sneaking around like teenagers with disapproving parents as Mattie scornfully told them; a comparison which had them both curled up on the couch and laughing openly at the exasperated teenager. The one potential leak in Harm's security system was Jennifer Coates. Not that she would intentionally out them, but she was gregarious and vivacious by nature and might easily have let something slip accidentally, had Harm not made a special point of asking her to be very cautious in what she said about him at JAG. Mattie's threat of dire but unspecified vengeance - 'I know where your underwear drawer is', a reference to Jen's prized collection of La Perla and Victoria's Secret lingerie might also have helped Jen to keep her tongue between her teeth.
Not all of Harm's circumspection and Jen's new-found ability to keep a secret was sufficient to keep the other members of JAG Ops from noticing that he seemed to be more at peace with himself and his fellow man, or from noticing the new spring in his step. More than once Bud Roberts found himself watching Harm with a speculating eye, but with Harriett having reserved her commission there was no-one with whom he could discuss his friend's new-found lease of life. An attempt to engage with Commander Turner had been met with a crashing snub, and somehow Bud didn't think it would be appropriate or safe to mention his suspicions to Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie.
It wasn't until the new school semester had started that Harm and Rachel decided that they had got something worth telling the world about. And that decision had been made as they sat, or rather lounged on the battered couch in Harm's apartment. Harm half lay on the couch, his feet resting on the occasional table in front of it while Rachel sat with her back to the couch arm and her thighs resting on Harm's as her legs lay along the couch, and their arms twined around each other. Jen and her new boyfriend, Petty Officer IST First Class Brendan or Brandon Something-or-Other, had taken Susan and Mattie to the movies with the promise of a Chinese restaurant meal to follow, allowing as Jen had said with a wink and a grin, Harm and Rachel to have a quality Saturday evening. Harm was idly running his fingers through Rachel's hair when he said, "How about doing something a little bit different next weekend?"
"M'mm, like what?"
"Oh... I don't know; maybe go the Surface Warfare Ball?" Harm suggested and then held his breath as he waited for Rachel's answer.
Rachel tilted her head back and squinted up at him. "Oh, OK," she said placidly. "I take it that's a black tie affair?"
"Yeah, 'tis." Harm agreed.
They both sat silently for a minute or so, until Rachel felt the vibrations of Harm's nearly silent chuckle deep in his chest and smiled sleepily up at him. She loved his laugh, it was so rich and mellow, and because it was so rare, she cherished it even more on the occasions he did let go.
"What's so funny?" she asked as his amusement showed no signs of dying down.
"Well, we've been fighting desperately all summer to keep a low profile, using all sort of tricks to avoid being seen together, Mattie has threatened Jen with some sort of horrible fate if she accidentally spills the beans, and now we're going to come out on perhaps the highest profile public platform that the Navy has in DC!"
Despite his initial concerns over revealing their relationship, now that they had decided to go public, Harm felt he had nothing in the world to worry about as he dressed for the ball the following Saturday. He had made it to the Smithfield house in plenty of time, so early in fact that he sat in the Lexus for ten minutes before he walked up to the door. When Rachel answered the door she almost took his breath away; she had chosen a simple full-length, mid-green sheath dress of some silk-like material with a modest neckline and a slightly scooped back that suggested rather than revealed her slim figure. The dress had spaghetti straps that left her shoulders virtually bare and its colour seemed to emphasise the very slight hint of green in her eyes.
Harm also felt a flash of unholy glee as Bud and Harriett Roberts gawped as he led Rachel to the table they shared with Kate Pike and her date, another Commander who also worked at the Pentagon. He had known Bud and Harriett would be present; Mattie was baby-sitting the Roberts tribe, and would be sleeping over at their house, while Bud and Harriett took a well-deserved break.
If Bud had look astonished when Harm and Rachel joined them his face fell into what Jen had once disrespectfully referred to as his 'officially stunned' expression when Harm introduced Rachel Smithfield to the newly promoted Lieutenant Commander and Mrs Bud Roberts, and Bud after a few seconds made the connection between the beautiful woman who stood smiling at him with her hand extended, and the mother whose marine son had died because of a fault in the manufacture of his body armour.
The table soon filled as others from JAG made their appearance, Alan and Jackie Mattoni had come up from Norfolk. Sturgis Turner and Varese Chesnut made a striking couple. Tracy Manetti, although no longer officially part of JAG now that she had returned to work for SecNav, still wore her mill rindes, and on introducing her fiancé was persuaded to join the table. Rachel needed to be introduced to General Cresswell, the new JAG, who with his wife Dora joined the party as did, and Harm drew a breath of nervous anticipation, Mac with her escort for the evening, whom she introduced as Captain Tom Merrick, and whom she said worked for the CNO at the Pentagon. Mac seemed to be in a mood to be pleased, and acknowledged Harm's introduction of Rachel with a pleasant smile.
It had been Harm's intent to dance only with Rachel, but she soon set him straight, according to etiquette she insisted, he would have to have at least one dance with every lady at the table, and she for her part was almost drooling over the idea of dancing with such a handsome man as the general. Harm's look of dismay with which he met this idea was so pathetic that Rachel couldn't resist laughing softly as they took the floor for the first dance. "I may be drooling over the General," she told him quietly, as her laughter ended, "but he won't be the man taking me home tonight."
Bud noted Rachel's laugh and Harm's swift smile in response with nod of his head, and an explanation to a curious Harriett as to who Rachel Smithfield was. Harriett frowned slightly, she still half-wished that Mac and Harm would eventually realise that they loved - or by now it was apparent that they had at one time loved - each other. But as the couples circled the floor she was compelled to admit that not only did Harm look more relaxed than he had at almost any other time in the past eighteen months, but also that Mac looked not only happier, but more relaxed as she leaned back against the pressure of Tom Merrick's guiding hand and smiled up into his face.
Bud's ability to stay on the dance-floor was limited so when he decided to sit the next dance out he was joined by a sympathetic Dora Cresswell, who exaggeratedly slumped into the chair next to him and fanning herself with her hand groaned as she glared down at her feet. "I've heard it said, Mr Roberts, that all a woman really wants is a good man, a career and lots of comfortable shoes." She sighed, "Well I've got the career, and I've got the man, but right now I'd kill for just one pair of comfortable shoes!"
Bud smiled, grateful for the older woman's consideration, "It's alright ma'am, you don't have to pretend for my sake, it's just that instead of having two left feet, I've only got one foot at all, so dancing now belongs to my severely limited skill set. In fact," he laughed, "I never was much good at it. The first ball that Harriett and I attended, she asked me 'dance?' and I said 'no'; ma'am, you should have seen her face! Then I said, 'but I'd like to try', and so at great risk to her toes we tried." His face had settled into a smile of remembrance as he told the story.
Dora Cresswell, looked at him a quiet smile of her own on her face, and said enigmatically, "Do you know, Bud Roberts, you really are a remarkable man!" Leaving Bud totally speechless.
Harriett had managed to multi-task, keeping one eye on Bud as she always did, while dancing with Harm at the same time. Harm let her dance in silence for a minute or so, knowing that her curiosity was building to a high level, before he took pity on her and said, "OK, then Harriett, you know you're about to burst, so let it out!"
She smiled up at him, thinking as she had so often done before, that if she'd had an elder brother, then she would have him exactly like the man now dancing with her. "OK, sir..."
"Uh... Harriett?" he interrupted reprovingly.
"Ohhh! I do try... Harm," she protested.
"Yes, I know." He reassured her.
"OK, then Harm, who is she? She's very lovely, but you've never mentioned her before, how long have you known her? Who is this mystery woman?"
Harm smiled down at her, Harriett Sims was an incurable romantic, and he knew that for years she had been dreaming of planning his wedding to Mac. Dreams that he too had once had. But Mac had moved on, and now finally so had he. He sighed and gave Harriett a potted history of his involvement with Rachel, and winced when she interrupted him with a squeal of 'Six months!"
"Ssh," he told her, "you'll put the band off!"
"Harmon Rabb," she railed at him halfway between indignation and laughter, "you are almost as provoking as Bud Roberts!"
He laughed with her, and as the dance came to an end walked her back to the table, where the rest of the party soon returned from the dance floor, but only to exchange partners, and Harm found himself uneasily walking Mac out on to the floor. The band struck up a waltz and Mac moved easily into his arms with the ease of long familiarity and let out a sigh of contentment.
"What was that for?" Harm asked, unable to keep a hint of suspicion out of his voice.
Mac leaned back a little and said, "Do you know? I'm not totally sure..."
"Mac," he said warningly, "don't go there..."
"Oh? Oh, no... I'm not... not really. Just remembering the times, better times in the past, when we danced. We could have... We really screwed up didn't we Harm?"
"Yes, Mac sometimes I think we did, but then did we? Did we ever really have a chance, to be a couple, I mean?"
"I think we did at one time Harm, but that time is past. If we did have a chance at one time, we missed it. We've both moved on, and I know this last year hasn't been any fun for you, but it hasn't been a whole lot of laughs for me either. But I think I'm coming to terms with it, and it seems that you have. She really is quite beautiful Harm and you look good together. But more than that, you look more content, more peaceful than I've seen you since the Singer mess. Are you serious?"
"I don't know, Mac... maybe, I guess."
Mac sighed, here was the old Harm, finding it impossible to admit his feelings to himself, let alone to anybody else, then he surprised her, saying with an air of decision, "Yes. Yes, Mac. I am serious. So you can spare me the lecture about not missing another chance!"
"How... how did you know what I was going to say?" she demanded, thrown off balance by his declaration and with honest surprise on her face.
"Maybe I've been taking lessons from Jen, or just maybe, because despite all our fights over the years, I know my best friend too well."
Mac felt a small jolt of pleasant surprise; he had used the present tense, not the past. She buried her head in his shoulder so that he wouldn't see the moisture in her eyes, and asked, "Does that mean we're still friends?"
"No, Mac, it means we're still best friends... If you want to be?"
"Oh I want, flyboy. I want."
Rachel, dancing with Sturgis Turner, caught her breath as she saw Mac and Harm move into what seemed a close embrace. Sturgis hearing the little gasp, turned in the dance and saw what Rachel had seen, but he smiled down at he and said, "I know what you're thinking, Mrs Smithfield, but in this case you're wrong. All I can see, and I've know them both a lot longer than you have, is two friends making up again after a long, nasty and totally unnecessary fight."
Rachel look up at him, there was something in his warm, strong and gentle voice and in his warm brown eyes that almost compelled her to believe him. "Is that all it is?" she queried.
"My word on it, Mrs Smithfield, that's all there is."
She accepted his word, somehow comforted by the tinge of sadness in his voice that hinted that there was a 'what might have been'. If Harm's friends could see that whatever there was between Mac and Harm had passed the romantic relationship stage, then she was content to accept that judgement. And without her knowing it, a last little element of doubt in her heart had been put to rest.
The rest of the evening past in a whirl of waltzes, foxtrots and two-steps, Harm completed his round of duty dances, finding to his surprise that despite Varese Chesnut's stage background and training it was Dora Cresswell who turned out to be the best of his dance partners, but when he complimented her on her skills, she had chuckled and replied, "There is no cause to praise my dancing, Commander, it's just the result of having more years to practice than the rest of your partners!" But once the round of dances with the ladies of the table was over he managed to almost completely monopolise Rachel, preferring to sit watching her rather than dance with anyone else on the few occasions she took the floor with another partner.
At length carriages were called and the ball ended. Harm handed Rachel into the Lexus and turned in the direction of the Smithfield house. Rachel laid a hand on his forearm and said, "Harm, let's go back to the loft."
Harm felt mild surprise, but was agreeable to anything that might lengthen one of the happiest evenings of his life, and driving around the block changed course for the neighbourhood north of Union Station.
Entering the apartment, Harm shrugged out of and hung up his Mess Dress jacket and carefully draped his cummerbund around the same hanger, before turning to the kitchen island, asking as he did so, "Coffee?"
"No, I don't want coffee, Harm, thank you."
There was a slightly nervous quality to her voice that made him turn and look at her. She stepped forward taking his hand in hers and whispered, "Harm, take me to bed."
Harm caught his breath. They hadn't yet become lovers, she hadn't seemed ready and he hadn't wanted to push too far or too fast. "Rachel, you don't have to do this just because of this evening..."
"I know that, Harm. And if I didn't want to, really want to, then I wouldn't have said it. I want to because I have come to realise that I love you so very much,"
"Oh, God," he groaned, "not, not as much as I love you..."
She smiled in pure joy at his response, but continued, "and I want to be yours in every way I can be, I want..."
Her words were interrupted as he took her into an embrace and silenced her mouth with his. His tongue probed her lips gently and she opened to him with a soft moan. They had kissed long and often before, but there was something about the quality of this kiss... there could be no going back now. Almost without realising what she was doing, Rachel grasped Harm's hand and brought it up to cup her breast, where even through the material of her dress, he could feel the evidence of her arousal.
Bending slightly at the knees he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom and laid her gently down on the bed. Blushing slightly, she asked him tremulously, "Harm... the light... I'm feeling kinda shy, please?"
And as much as he wanted, he needed, to see her full beauty he understood her reticence, and thumbed the light switch, before he struggled out of his clothes, while she slipped the straps of her dress off her shoulders and dived under the covers. He slid under the cover to join her, and reached for the drawer in his nightstand, only to groan, and say, "Rachel, I'm sorry, we can't. I've... I've got nothing to use."
"I don't care!" she hissed fiercely, "I want to feel you, but, please, it's been over ten years, so..."
"Yes... yes."
Harm awoke to a warm drowsiness that he hadn't felt for a long, long time; Rachel's head was on his shoulder and the warmth of her body lay along his left side. He kissed the crown of her head gently and smiled as she opened her eyes and looked up at him.
"Good morning," he said softly.
"Good morning." she replied sleepily, her warm smile on her lips.
"Are you alright" he asked concernedly.
"No. I'm way beyond alright. But," and her smile became almost wicked, "I guess this is where I get to do the walk of shame."
"Oh." His face fell at the thought of her leaving so soon.
"But before I do", she murmured as she leaned forward to kiss him and her hand slipped under the covers down his chest and his stomach. Feeling the firm evidence of his need for her, she threw the comforter to one side and straddled him, her body fully revealed in shades of gold and ivory by the warm morning light filtering in through the blinds.
Later as they lay in a warm, companionable but sweaty embrace, he teased her, "Well, Mrs Rachel kinda-shy Smithfield, would you like to explain to the good people of Apartment Rabb, the sudden change in your demeanour?"
"That was last night. Our first time. I wasn't sure how, or even if you'd respond to me, to my body. I mean, I'm not some twenty-something super-model... Gravity's beginning to take over and..."
"Rachel Smithfield, I have never in my life heard such a load of bull-shit - and I've prosecuted and defended some of the biggest crooks in the Navy in my time and I've heard all sorts of excuses and I've prosecuted and defended some of the biggest liars in the Navy and Marine Corps in my time and I've heard all sorts of excuses. And if there is one thing you don't need is excuses of any kind, for anything, because, my love you are beautiful. In fact, I think I can honestly say that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met."
"And you Harmon Rabb are the most beautiful man, and the most beautiful liar, I have ever met."
They lay side by side smiling fondly at each other until a shadow crossed Harm's face. "What is it my love?" she asked him.
"I can't believe I've been so dumb! He told her. "So reckless. How could I put you at risk like this?"
"What do you mean?"
"Rachel, what if you've just become pregnant?"
"Well, the idea isn't without its attractions," she teased, but then became serious. "I think I'd welcome it, Harm. I'd like another son. Not to replace Joe, no other child would ever be able to do that, but I want to give you a son. I've seen the way you are with Mattie, and Susan and even Jen. You are a fantastic father, and you deserve a son to carry that on through to the next generation. And, despite your protestations to the contrary, my clock is ticking, so if we want children, then we don't have much time to spare, do we?"
"Well, if you want another baby, that's great. But, there have been enough Rabbs growing up without a father, so if you want a baby Rabb, then you're going to have to take daddy Rabb with him."
"Harm, what... what do you mean?" Rachel had gone pale.
"I mean Rachel Smithfield, that I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want you to be the mother of our child, our children. I mean Rachel Smithfield, will you do me the honour of marrying me, and becoming Mrs Rachel Rabb?"
"Oh..." Rachel was silenced, this wasn't the way she had planned this morning to pan out, and for a few moments she was lost for words as she tried to project a mental image that matched his plans, and then realised that he was looking at her with what almost seemed to be fear in his eyes. "Yes, Harm. Yes, I will marry you. But..."
"But what?" he interrupted anxiously.
"But what do you think the girls will say?"
Harm exploded into laughter, partly of real amusement and partly of relief, "What, you mean other than 'duh' and 'it took you long enough'?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I mean!" she chuckled.
Epilogue
That first night together, reflected Captain Harmon Rabb had been nearly six years ago. And those six years had, despite the occasional mild domestic upheaval, been largely ones of joy and happiness. Their wedding had been as quick as decency would allow, a bare two months after his proposal, and once again Harmon Rabb had decided to be unconventional. His groomsman had been his long-term partner and best friend, Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie, now sporting her own engagement ring and with plans for her wedding to Captain Thomas Merrick well advanced. The wedding had been swiftly followed by the announcement of his promotion to Captain and his appointment as Naval Force Judge Advocate General Europe, based in Naples. And then last year had come news of re-appointment as Chief of Staff to the new JAG at Falls Church. His re-assignment had come just in time for today.
Today, he with Mrs Rachel Rabb, five and a half year old David Joseph Rabb and three year old Sarah Patricia Rabb were sitting in a row of proud parents to watch their two eldest daughters, newly minted Ensigns Mathilda Grace Rabb and Susan Rachel Smithfield graduate from the US Naval Academy.