WARNING: this is not your typical HGSS!
A/N: Hi guys this is another of my coffee and too much work induced stories. But in my defence even my friends who are not harry potter fans liked this story. As I said before this is not your typical story or rather ficlet. Just so you have been forewarned there be bad language ahead giggle and lots of it. And I am labeling this completely AU for safety and just a general all round R rating for intersesting stuff.
Enjoy ( those of you who decided to be daring and read it afterall. . . )
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The golden trio wandered through the deepest dungeon halls. Two weeks before the start of school and they had had enough of slytherins; and decided to go the last place anyone would consider looking for them, including the slytherins. And the dungeons seem to fit the bill.
Harry and Hermione were walking ahead talking about some new muggle movie they had seen over the summer. So poor Ron not having a clue about what they were talking about hung at the back of the group. His eyes wandered over Hermione and he sighed; they had decided earlier that summer that they would be better friends and that anything further wouldn't work. Although they continued to still be the best of friends. Ron couldn't help but notice all the changes in Hermione.
She'd gotten taller over the summer and her hair was still bushy and her mind was as quick as ever. But It was the little things, the not so hermione things like the muggle leather pants. Then there was the t-shirt she had on today that made a comment about how evil she truly was. And he couldn't help it but it seemed like she was becoming more of a warrior and less of a book worm. And it scared him, this just wasn't his Hermione. Not that she was really his Hermione anymore. But she weren't the same.
"Hey 'mione you smell that ?" Harry said stopping her with a hand.
"Smells like cigarettes." She said wrinkling her nose.
"What?" Ron asked, "what's a cigarette?"
"It's a thing muggles' have they smoke them."
"What?Ó" Ron asked still confused.
"I think it's coming from up ahead." Harry said moving deeper down the hall.
"I think your right." Hermione agreed pulling her wand Harry followed suit. and Ron took up the rear.
They continued on for what seemed like hundreds of feet and with every step closer the smell got stronger. And there were no more torches to light the way.
"Blimey, we must be really far down." Ron whispered praying for the absence of acromantulas. He'd gotten over his fear of spiders now but after his run in with Aragor he maintained that he had a legitimate fear of acromantulas.
"I agree, stick close." Harry said, " Lumos."
"Lumos." Hermione echoed beside him. Their wands together illuminated the end of the corridor and the figure sitting on the floor.
"Oh goody. The golden fucking trio." He said looking up at them. He had on ripped blue jeans a black turtle neck and a pair of trainers that looked like they had seen better days. His black eyes were glassy like polished marbles and Hermione spied the half full bottle of Ogden's dangling from his fingers.
"Professor are you all right?" she asked worried for the answer.
"Fan-bloody-tasctic." He said sighing. "And seen as I will not be your professor for another two weeks. . . Would you all kindly FUCK OFF! "
"Yes sir." Harry answered turning around, " C'mon on guys."
Everyone turned heading back the way they had come. Harry and Ron knew better than even consider staying for a second longer in the "good" professors presence for more time than was absolutely necessary and they forged on ahead mentally scrubbing the image from their minds.
Hermione hung back a little until the boys rounded around a corner and she could turn back with out them noticing. She walked back until she was once again standing in front of her pro... no, she decided she was not yet standing in front of her potions professor but in front of plain ol' ordinary Severus Snape. Although she figured he would never be ordinary.
"What the fuck do you want Granger ? Some sort of antismoking campaign ? Going to hand me some pamphlet on the concerns for my health and invite to a support group?"
"Oh, shut the fuck up." she said taking the bottle from his hand and taking a good swig. He raised an eyebrow at her expecting her to cough up the whiskey. She grinned at him knowing what he was expecting, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and handed the bottle back to him. She then pulled a silver lighter out of her pocket. "spare a fag ? I'm all out."
He handed her the pack. Too stunned to do otherwise. "You know smoking muggle or otherwise is against the school rules."
"Of course I know that!" She said pulling one from the pack lit it and took a long drag. "Why do you think I spend so much time in the fucking library reading? If it wasn't for breaks and hogsmead visits I would probably go insane."
"Your amazing Granger." He said taking another swig of whiskey.
"Hey Sev you down here?" Lupin called walking up with his wand tip lit.
"What the fuck? Did somebody put a fucking tracking charm on me? Maybe I should conjure some lamps and a sofa and we'll make a fucking party out of it."
"Don't be such an asshole." Lupin said pulling out his own pack of fags, "Hey 'mione want one?"
"Got one thanks. Need a lighter?" She said pulling hers out and lighting it.
"Thanks." He said handing it back to her.
"You knew about this Lupin?"
"Of course I did. Our little Hermione is not so innocent Severus. Are you Mi?"
"My best fucking act ever!Ó She said taking the bottle from lupin and swigging more of the whiskey. "Little goody two shows hermione won't drink, won't smoke won't do drugs. Give me a fucking break if you guys had any real idea. You probably would have obliviated me and put me in some muggle sanitarium because they wouldn't know how to handle me.And yes I have mastered some dark arts. One thing I can't figure out though is; I've got no idea how they manage to keep the leash on you Severus."
"My own stupid fucking fault." He said crushing out the last of his smoke.
"Well I better get back I have a course plan to write and hand in to Dumbldore by three." Lupin said crushing the last of his smoke. "Full moons close too. Finding it hard to concentrate lately."
"The wolfsbane will be ready in the morning I think." Severus said pulling out another smoke.
"Thanks for that . Mi you got anything that could help me till then ?"
"I got one. Trade yah for a couple fags ?"
"At prices like that I may dump my old dealer. His stuffs starting to smell like lemon drops anyway."
"Wouldn't surprise me." Hemione said handing Remus the joint and taking the cigarettes.
"Well better get back ta ra then."
"Ta ra." Hermione said with a wave.
"Did you just give him what I thought you gave him?"
"A Colombian cigarette?" She asked pulling another from his pack and lighting it. "Yes I did. I got another one if you need it. Good stuff too! Comes from a distant cousin in Canada.""I don't usually. But every now and then. . . "
"Know whatcha mean all you have to do is ask. Detention works, although it may look suspicious if little Hermione were to get detention."
"Not in my class it wouldn't." He said turning to look at her.
"True."
"How come the hat didn't put you in Slytherin?"
"It wanted to. But I am muggle born remember?"
"Right, fucking bullshit if you ask me." he said swigging the whiskey.
"If wasn't for that fucking bullshit we wouldn't have this fucking war." Hermione said tossing her cigarette against the far wall watching it burn out. Then she saw him watching her strangely. "What?"
He leaned over and kissed her fully on the lips, "I think you are the girl of my dreams."
"'Bout fucking time you noticed." She said her eyes meeting his and he leaned in and kissed her again, she met him full on encouraging him to go further.
"Won't the other idiots be looking for you?"
"Oh they've already been down here but right now all they know is that they have to stay in the quiddich pitch until supper time." She said with a sparkle in her eyes.
"Your fucking amazing Granger."
"You better fucking believe it." She said gripping his turtle neck and pulling him towards her.
Now that this is fixed please please R & R! And let me know what you think, do you like it ? do you hate it ? Should I keep this going? let me hear ya! thx y'all