A/N: This is very bizarre. I am very sorry. I don't know what came over me. Blame my swimming coach for making me swim so far. It starts when the fellowship is camped on Caradhras (the big evil mountain)
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to my chlorine-saturated, de-oxygenated (hey that rhymes!) brain. And Aragorn who lives in my fridge.
"Give Frodo the ring," Aragorn ordered. Boromir shook himself out of his reverie and trudged through the snow towards the pair. He handed the ring to Frodo, grinned and ruffled the hobbit's hair. Frodo screamed.
"Look what you did to my hair!" he yelled, and immediately began sobbing inconsolably.
"Now look what you did, Boromir!" Aragorn exclaimed.
"ME?!" Boromir yelled back. "Maybe if you didn't coddle him so much-"
He stopped mid-sentence, realising what he said. Boromir cringed, expecting his head to be removed from his shoulders any second now. Aragorn was very touchy about his relationship with the hobbits.
Instead Boromir heard a very disturbing noise. He looked up, not quite believing what his ears were hearing. His eyes confirmed it. Aragorn was crying!
"He thinks I'm soft!" he wailed.
Legolas immediately rushed to his friend's side and hugged him tight.
No you're not. You're absolutely perfect," he said in a soothing voice. Aragorn looked up at the elf's face. Legolas smiled down at him. Aragorn screamed.
"Legolas is gay!!!!" he yelled and ran away. Legolas began sobbing
"Aragorn doesn't love me!"
Gimli felt compelled to go and aid the stricken elf. He began to waddle towards Legolas. All of a sudden he caught sight of his reflection in Legolas' shiny face.
"I'm ugly!" he bawled. He collapsed and began rocking slowly, "singing" to himself. Boromir shuddered. That was NOT a good noise.
Without warning, Sam began running in circles.
"Mr Frodo's hair!" he blubbered. His pack went flying off his back and bounced down the mountainside.
"The pipe weed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Pippin shrieked. He began sobbing hysterically. Merry noticed him and began sobbing hysterically as well, since he always copied Pippin.
Boromir was becoming more and more bewildered. What the hell was going on with the fellowship?! He heard a noise and caught sight of Gandalf tramping across the snow towards them.
"Gandalf!" Boromir cried in relief. Surely this all-knowing wizard would know what to do!
Gandalf looked, and seemed to notice the distraught fellowship for the first time.
"NOOOOOOO!" he hollered. "Emotions! Can-not-deal-"
And immediately hr exploded. Boromir was splattered with what he hoped was blood. He slowly turned, took a long look at his companions and ran straight into the mountainside.