Ok this is my first fan fic and I'm doing this all by myself. Please review so I can figure out what I'm doing!

What Not To Expect

Lily Irene Evans took in a huge breath, and then slowly let it out. She stood in front of double doors, her hand halted two short inches before turning it. She stared at it desperately before moving her gaze toward the doors. Those doors. The doors that determined how her last year at Hogwarts would play out. She surveyed it distastefully through her nervous interior. While Natalie might think the intricate designs on the Hogwarts Express were beautiful, Lily found them tacky. She hesitantly rose a hand up and traced a wooden curl lightly. She smiled tightly as she took a step back. She might not find the décor pleasing, but whatever the train looked like, whatever those doors looked like, Lily was going to miss it.

She shook her head and mentally scolded herself for allowing her mind to wander.

"You can do this, Lily," she thought to herself. She reached a hand into the pocket of her school robes and lightly fingered her letter. She had been in her room when it had come. She remembered sitting on her bed, staring at the ceiling, when it an owl swooped in and had released it on her bed. She hadn't expected anything out of it at all, least of all what she had gotten.

She shook her self mentally again. She needed to focus.

She surveyed herself critically; despite what everyone said, she didn't think she was all that pretty. Long, skinny legs folded into a small waist and medium chest, then curved into a long neck and oval face complete with high cheekbones, a full mouth, and amazing intense emerald eyes framed with long dark lashes. She was topped off with a gorgeous mane of long, dark red, straight hair. She quickly tucked a bothersome strand of auburn hair behind her ears, straightened her skirt, squared her shoulders and put on her best expressionless face, and then taking a last deep breath, pushed that door open before she could change her mind.

She stepped inside the head compartment and quietly closed the door behind her. She released the air and slowly turned around to see…

No one.

She deflated like a popped balloon, allowing a confused look emerge from her blank features. No one was here. The relief lasted only a second. She hurriedly checked her watch. 10:00 shined brightly back at her. She took a hesitant step and took the time to survey the room. Red and gold hanging streamed across windows while red plush adorned all the chairs. Lily couldn't help but roll her eyes when she saw the familiar carvings in the wood. A wooden podium was in front and gold velvet window seats sat below each of the windows. She almost smiled to herself. It looked the Gryfindor common room. She checked her watch again. 10:01 danced mockingly in front of her eyes.

She returned to problem at hand. Where was everyone? Lily pulled her letter out of her pocket, running her fist through it to straighten the creases. She scanned it quickly looking for the time. 10:30 it read. She groaned out loud and sat herself on a window seat, not fully appreciating the comfortable position it allowed.

"Well, at least I'm not late," she muttered to herself as she propped herself up against the wall. She then pulled out a book. She put her feet up on the seat and pulled her hair to one side of her face, to keep it out of her eyes. The steady hum of the train was comforting. She opened the book up and tried to submerse herself in its words, but however she tried, her thoughts always trailed back to him.

Lily could remember opening her letter, expecting nothing but the usual list of books, when she felt something heavy fall into her lap. She looked down, and picked it up with trembling hands. The Head Girl badge fit perfectly in her palm, about the size of her extremely widened eyes. Of course, she had immediately run downstairs to show her parents.

She grinned to herself, not even aware that her eyes had been trained on one spot on the page for a couple seconds. Her sister had obviously not cared, only giving her a feeble thumbs up when their mother had stared at her pointedly. Her mother and father were delighted, though they really had no idea what it the position meant.

But while she was explained to them what the Head Girl was and did, her thoughts had pulled away and focused on what this meant. If she was Head Girl, then there was always a Head Boy. And since then, she had been thinking of nothing else. And while she could only hope it was him, she didn't want to excite herself for nothing.

Lily sighed and abandoned all pretense of reading. She played with the window hanging absently as she remembered him. All last year, people had said that he was the best candidate for Head Boy. Though he was a little troublesome, and loved to have fun, no one could deny his outstanding academic accomplishments, sweet, but responsible personality, and absolutely gorgeous appearance. Not to mention Dumbledore's obvious favor toward him.

She shook herself out of her day dream and let the dazed look fall off of her face. She turned the page roughly.

She could only hope he was head boy. There was no positive way of determining whether he was until he go there. They had dated for the entire duration of sixth year, but at the end, had broken up.

Lily winced at the memory, but she could do nothing but blame herself. A rumor had been around that he had cheated on her, and without confirming it, she had marched right up to him and demanded an explanation. He had denied it of course, pleading with her to believe him. But she had refused, only to learn minutes later that it had, in fact, been only a rumor to separate them. But the damage had been done, and while Lily had sent hundreds, it seemed, letters to apologize, they were done.

She couldn't lie to herself.

She still loved him.

She roughly pulled a hand across her face, wiping tears that had started to built up and threatened to fall. She was angry with herself for crying. One thing that Lily Evans was known for was her emotionless self control. Since the beginning of first year, it seemed that there was nothing wrong with Lily Evans. She never complained, she never whined, she never asked for help. Lily Evans refused to share her problems. She had become excellent at hiding her emotions, and while some thought that made her cold, she was anything but it. Lily Evans just vowed to herself that she would always be the comforter and never the comforted.

She slowly sank back into her regular self, ashamed of crying for something she couldn't change. He would never be with her again.

She checked her watch. 10:20. She kicked herself mentally. She didn't need to spend this much time thinking about him. She opened her book again and stared at one spot again.

What could she do? She couldn't forget him. She had spent the entire summer writing to him, begging him to forgive her, and he obviously wasn't interested.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the doors opening. Her head snapped over, hope rising. They quickly diminished when she saw four prefects walk in. She nodded a greeting and motioned them to sit down. They just giggled like 5th years did and sat in the front. Lily rolled her eyes. The ones who arrived early always sat in the front.

Now with the constant talking of smitten 5th years, Lily gave up all hope of reading and stared out the window, not being able to stop her thoughts from straying back to him.

Him. Tall, dark and handsome. Sweet, passionate, and kind. Funny, adventurous, and exciting. Loving, caring, and comforting.

How could she not love him?

She rested her head on the glass, her forehead now wet with condensation. But she didn't care. She was heartbroken.

Normally, Lily Evans would have accepted the Head Girl position with drive and passion. She would have been confident, ambitious, brave, and strong. She had wanted head girl since the time when she first came to Hogwarts. She wasn't scared of anything and why she couldn't bring herself to open the doors to her last year at Hogwarts because of boy was something unheard of to her.

Lily wrapped her arms around herself and shivered lightly. Prefects were coming in streams now. She spared a glance over at the chairs. They were still half empty. She checked her watch. Five minutes to go until starting.

Five minutes until she saw him again.

And while she had really loved him with all her heart and his face was clear in her mind, the one thing she really had missed was his voice. Pure and soft, calm and sure; she could listen to him for hours on end.

She squeezed herself unconsciously, remembering his embraces and how he held her.

SNAP!

She awoke from her reverie to hear a prefect shut the door a little too hard. She looked around. All the seats were filled. She checked her watch. 10:30 on the dot. She checked the room again. The Head Boy wasn't here. He wasn't here.

Then the doorknob started to turn. She stared at it expectantly, waiting, hoping, wishing he would walk through that door. It opened and someone stepped in. Lily Evan's hopeful emerald eyes met James Potter's smiling hazel ones.

And Lily Evan's heart broke all over again.