"And this has been...ICarly."
All good things must come to an end. That was true for everyone, even a certain mischievous, close-knit, webcasting trio.
And the end for them was graduation.
Living with her dad was a mistake. Colonel Shay had been away for too long to just bounce back into his daughter's life. The second the High School diploma was in her hands, Carly left Italy and headed back to Seattle and her friends.
But nothing says the same. (Even if you wish it did).
They planned to go to College together, Freddie's grades had been outstanding as usual, Carly's were at least adequate and despite her weighty criminal record Sam had her own way of 'sorting it out'. The future was set.
Life however had other plans. Namely in the form of a slick Hollywood director and long-time ICarly fan, who offered her and Sam roles in an upcoming comedy series and signed Freddie on as an in-training technical producer.
They'd be stupid to say no. So the three of them moved to LA and immersed themselves in the celebrity world way, way way beyond iCarly. The dramas of running a web show were nothing compared to the intricacies of agents, contracts auditions, TV interviews, the paparazzi and everything else that came with the glamour of Hollywood.
Sam barely made it 9 months. She wasn't made for the attention and the glamour and the pressure. Her role was a bust, and she refused future auditions. Instead, she started a babysitting business with Cat Valentine of all people. Babysitting. Sam. Weird. (But at least she was happy).
Freddie left after six years. He established himself as a brilliant producer and director, and rose up the ranks fast. But he hated the celebrity life and all the backbiting and pettiness that came with it. He'd loved ICarly for so long because it was real and it was them: just three teenagers holed up in the attic carving out their place in the world. Hollywood wasn't like that and honestly, it wasn't where he belonged anymore. Carly had tried to convince him otherwise but he'd matured from the Freddie that obeyed her every pout and refused. He left the same night and went to study Computer Science at MIT.
Carly stuck it out. She was good with the press and the Hollywood 'people', America's darling they called her: Sweet, adorable, perfect.
And she was happy. She was.
Really.
X-X
"But James." She tried again. "I'm not really in the mood for –"
"Carly." Her boyfriend said wearily. "You know this party is important. For both of us."
She clutched the phone so hard the plastic buckled. "All these parties are important. Can't we miss just one of them and have the night to ourselves? Please."
He sighed down the receiver. "Stop sounding so needy babe. If you don't want to go, I won't make you. I'd hate to force you to do something you didn't want to do."
"Thanks."
"After all relationships are all about compromise. So if you really, really want me to stay with you I will. I'm not afraid to put you ahead of my needs babe. If getting pizza is important fine, we'll do that. Maybe I'll see this director at another party."
There was a pause. Tears pricked behind her eyes.
"Babe? You ok?"
"Fine." She said quickly. "And let's just go to this party. Sitting in is a waste of time."
"Ok babe, if that's what you want. See you tomorrow. Love you."
"Love you too."
She slammed the phone down.
Four years after Freddie Benson left Hollywood, America's Darling Carly Shay– buried her face in her hands and cried.
She was being stupid.
What did she have to cry about? International celebrities, stars of legendary web shows and thrice recipients of the 'America's Most Dateable Woman' award had no excuse to cry.
Carly had made her name in television, films and musicals. She had an incredible apartment, an ever increasing bank account and of course James.
Amazing James. Lovely James. Hot, rich, actor-model James.
(James, who she hadn't stopped fighting with since they got together. Whose parties made her want to scream rather than dance. James who encouraged the horrible paparazzi rather than avoiding them).
But he had nothing to do with this crying fit. It was hormones. Or maybe exhaustion.
Nothing else.
A knock at the door broke into her thoughts. The knock was quiet and cautious, almost like a tap; totally unlike James's confident rapping or her Agent Hannah's intense pounding. Carly raised her head and blinked in confusion; if it wasn't James and it wasn't Hannah...
The person tapped again and she stood up, quickly wiping her eyes and making her way across the room. Sam? Spencer? Gibby? They were all still in Seattle as far as she knew so unless it was a surprise visit...
With more eagerness than before she reached for the handle and swung the door open.
Freddie.
For a moment she just stared at him, frozen.
"Um...hey." He said awkwardly.
She swallowed. "Hi."
"Sorry to jump on you like this," he apologized, gesturing to the duffel bag at his feet. "And I promise I'm not staying. I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I'd...visit. Can I come in?"
Carly swallowed again, licked her lips and finally nodded. "Um, sure: just make yourself at home."
"Thanks."
He hoisted the bag on his shoulder and trekked inside. She turned away for a second and breathed deeply as she closed the door. She could do this; it was only her oldest friend for crying out loud!
"Put your stuff anywhere," she called, relieved to find her voice had returned. "And take a seat; I'll bring you a drink. Soda or juice?"
"Um, soda would be great."
He settled down on the leather couch (squirming uncomfortably as he did so) and she went to raid the kitchen, taking the opportunity to observe him. Dressed in a blue t-shirt and jeans, he hadn't changed much during the last four years. His hair was slightly longer and his cheekbones had hardened but apart from that he was still the geeky tech guy of high school ago. (Was that over a decade ago now? God).
She'd forgotten how short he was though: James at six foot six made Freddie look like a midget.
Where did that comparison come from? James and Freddie? She didn't even want to go there; it would be like contrasting James Bond Action Hero and The Extra Man #4 in the marketplace scene. (If her life was a movie that was).
Trying to distract herself, Carly rummaged in the fridge, searching for some drinks. Unfortunately finding half a cup of soda would be lucky and her bottle of juice was already three weeks past its sell by date.
"Sorry we're out for now," she said, running the tap. "Is water ok?"
"Water's cool."
She carried the glass over and sat down next to him. An awkward silence ensued.
"I hope I'm not disturbing anything." He said at last. "If you had friends coming over or something."
"No, no it's fine. I was just having a...quiet night."
"Well, I guess I'm lucky then: I know what you're like inviting half the neighbourhood over. You never could stand the apartment empty. Spencer always said he didn't recognise me and Sam not on your couch."
Carly laughed but cringed inwardly. Honestly she couldn't remember the last time she'd had people over for anything. Dropping in casually wasn't really done in L.A. These days she was either at a party with James or eating take out alone. What happened to the Carly whose home was open to all?
"How is Sam anyway?" She asked. "It's been forever since I've talked to her."
"She's good," Freddie said, "Busy obviously, with her babysitting business, but she's good. Having fun."
"Apparently she's been making quite a name for herself out there."
"Well this is Sam; can you imagine her not making a name for herself?"
The two of them laughed together and Carly relaxed: it was fine. This was Freddie, the one person she'd always been completely comfortable with. Yes it had been a shock to find him on her doorstep and only natural to panic but she'd calmed down enough now to enjoy the surprise.
"So:" She said, leaning back her head and smiling. "What about you? It's been what? Four years? You must be close to finishing your degree now."
"Graduated last week." He said proudly, "Got the diploma and all of that yadi yada."
"You should have called! We could have come watched."
"And have Sam pelt fruit at me while I walked across the stage? No thanks."
"Aw, it's all part of the fun."
"Riiiight..."
They quickly settled back into the easy banter of ten years ago, trading old stories and jokes. He told her about his life at College (she zoned out when it got too technical) and his plans for the summer. (He wanted to travel around Europe).
She told him about people in L.A and James but managed to deflect most questions relating to her own life. Eventually when exhaustion began to kick in they ended up sprawled on the couch, a bowl of popcorn wedged between them (practically the only food she could find), channel hopping.
"I know you're in the media now and I should probably be impressed by that," Freddie commented, as she flicked from channel 421 to 422. "But how can there be so much TV on and it's all crap?"
She elbowed him in the ribs. "Shut up! You'd better be glad Sam isn't here to hear that."
"You really think I'd say it around – ow! Stop it."
She laughed again and turned the TV off, swivelling on her bum muscles to face him. Freddie smiled at her and yawned.
"Obviously all the good entertainment ended with ICarly." He said. "Anyway, I'd better run. It's getting kind of late."
"How long are you here for?" She asked, oddly reluctant to see him go.
"About a week," He said, "Then I'm heading home to pack up the last of my things and start the real travelling."
"Where are you staying?"
He shrugged, stood up and reached for his bag. "I don't know yet: I checked out some places to stay before I arrived, I can book in with one of them."
"Why don't you stay here?" She offered, "I have a spare room and that would save money for your big trip."
He studied her for a moment, frowning. She bit her lip and gazed back, trying not to look away. His stare was far more direct than it had been four years before: not calculating like most people in L.A but assured and quietly thoughtful like he could analyze people the way he analyzed machines.
"Sure." He said at last, "Actually, that would be great– thanks."
"No problem." she gestured down a hallway, "Come on, this way."
X-X
Freddie quickly settled into Carly's life again (she kept reminding herself he was only stayingfor a week).
It had surprised Carly how keenly she missed Freddie, he'd always been a part of her life Primary school, middle school, high school...and she didn't realize how much she'd taken him for granted. He was kind of like the technical side of ICarly. She and Sam got the credit for the show's success but it depended on Freddie and his equipment quietly working behind the scenes. After he left her life felt like that: what's the point of performing if the real message couldn't find its way out? A show is only a show with two parts – someone to make action and someone to watch.
They'd kept in contact after he left Hollywood; he emailed – she replied, she phoned – he called back, but Carly was part of the life he tried to escape so the connection was tense.
If Carly was honest (not that she ever was these days) she'd admit she was jealous of Freddie. It sounds stupid of course; what was a computer science degreecompared to her life?
But despite all of that she was jealous because Freddie had control over his life. He had the guts to say that he didn't want this – as glamorous as it was – and to go out and do something he really loved. She wished she could be like that and since he left the thought of copying him had occurred to her frequently.
But the idea had just become a wistful dream: the type girls had about being singers or actresses when they grew up. (The irony of having become a dreamer within a 'dream' didn't escape her). Like always though she is doing what she does best and making sure everyone else is pleased with her – that her career is what the fans want, to avoid working out what she wants.)
But now he was back...all of those dreams were a reality again.
And it scared the hell out of her.
Carly took him to a couple of parties to mingle with various celebrities and even introduced him to James, who invited both of them out to dinner the night before Freddie left. The evening turned out to be one of the most awkward occasions Carly had ever experienced.