She had cared about him. Even though she hadn't answered all his phone calls or replied to all his bloody texts, she had still cared about him and loved him. She was just beginning to question whether he actually cared about her.
He had done so many things to hurt her… to hurt all of them, even Sid. His best fucking friend. How could he do that to them? To her?
She had always known him to be a manipulative twat, but even she was surprised at just how twisted he had proven himself to be.
Trying to shag Maxxie for 'fun'? To liven things up around this dull shitty town?
Maybe the town was dull and could use some livening up, but not like that. Not at all like that.
It hurt her to realise that he didn't think that being with her was enough to liven the town up. She had always thought that with him around the town would never be dull, her life would never be dull. That was the way she liked things; exciting, sparkling with the promise of a good night ahead. That was why she always wore sparkly tops and shiny dresses, to catch his eye, to liven the night up to make him see her. Because she didn't think he really saw her until she stopped being there. When she was around, he didn't notice. Once she was gone he wanted her back.
Turns out he could be real fucking romantic when he wanted something.
He had been throwing rocks at her window, reciting Shakespeare, like he really loved her. She had ignored him, because despite everything he said, he wasn't in love with her. He was only ever romantic when he needed something, or when things were going wrong, it was never just because. It was never that easy, it was always more complicated than that, there was always some sort of reason or backstory behind him saying 'I love you'.
She didn't like Malcolm, she wasn't even sure whether her mother really liked him, but at the bar he had been able to apologise and say everything she wanted Tony to say. He had said it for real, no fucking games. No cheating, lying, undermining, taunting, manipulating. He had said it because he loved her mother, simple as that.
"It turns out… as it goes… I think I might love you."
Nine words too long… always longer, complicated ... knackering.
Life wasn't dull with Tony. It was fucking psychotic.
She felt like she was riding this constant rollercoaster. There were times when she would give anything to get off the damn thing and there were moments where she wished she could stay on the ride forever.
Forever.
She had turned the watch around and her mind had gone blank.
Such a Stonem thing to do.
She wanted to go and see him, but she didn't know what she would do if she saw him.
Scream at him? Punch him again? Throw the damn watch in his face? Cry?
Most of all she knew that she just really wanted to tell him that she still loved him. She had never stopped loving him, even if he had only really just begun loving her.
"Tell me you love me… Like you'd die for me, like nothing else matters, like your world stops turning because of me… Like you mean it you little shit."
He had finally meant it… before the bus, on the phone.
"I'm a twat. I don't' know why I'm like this, maybe I can change… I can change, you're the only one. The truth is… The truth is I love you."