I wrote this to answer a question I asked myself while reading a really bad 'the fellowship drops into the home of a underage girl while her parents are away' story. "this does not seem realistic. what the heck would i do if the fellowship actually showed up while my parents were away?" after some thought I concluded that I would probably call my parents then hide under the stairs until they came and saved me. then I though: yeah, but what would a person with intelligence do?
So I came up with this. this wasn't meant to insult anyone, I just thought it was funny, and I really do like 'the fellowship drops into this world type story's. I just never got how the girls were always okay with their new roommates after a couple chapters. But i do understand that a story about a the fellowship being arrested may end pretty quickly.
So.
Q: how would a girl with no metal disabilities actually react in a situation that is so often written about in fan fictions?
A: She would call the police.
Or, less offensively,
Q: How do you survive fictional characters waking you up in the middle of the night?
A: You be smart.
Here's what I think would really happen.
Meredith McCoy was smart. Not really book smart, whenever she had to do class reading it went in one ear and out the other. She wasn't that good at logic puzzles either. Or puzzles in general. She received a hundred piece box for her birthday last year and it took her a month to finish it. And lord knows she wasn't boy smart, she was far too busy hiking a ball at her usual pick up games of football to realize the QB had a crush on her.
No, Meredith was smart in the sense that she had self preservation. She didn't run across the street when a car was coming, she waited at the cross walk until the walk signal appeared. She didn't speak to strangers, and if they did talk to her she smiled and was polite, but found the next opportunity to stop talking with them. She obeyed all the traffic laws while driving, and never answered her cell phone while on the road, she always had a pocket knife on her, and double checked all Halloween candy before eating it.
And most importantly when she wakes up to find strange men in her house dressed as characters from a book, she most certainly did not let them live with her until they found a way home, soon becoming friends and working past they're differences while emotional healing occurred. she called the police. Then sat in her locked room with her pepper spray and pocket knife until they arrived.
Once they did, the police apprehended the intruders with stun guns, and having cuffed them, escorted them to the police cars, which then took them to the station. Meredith was told it was safe to come out by a sergeant and was taken to the station so she could identify the intruders and fill in the required forms.
She then spent the rest of the night in a hotel room. She wouldn't be sleeping in her house again until the police worked out how the intruders got in, and the crime scene was no longer needed.
She called her parents and told them all about it.
She later went to the scheduled court date where she watched the trial of the intruders. They're court appointed lawyers all pled insanity.
She refused to talk with the press when asked, and later that night had dinner with her family where they joked about the whole thing.
A few months later she was informed by the police that the men who had broken into her house had somehow managed to escape. It was publicized on the news, and the asylum worker who witnessed the escape said that he saw the nine men jump through a 'whirling rainbow portal that popped out of nowhere'
Meredith bought some new locks and alarms for her house and thought about buying a guard dog, but she was never bothered by crazy men who thought they were warriors from the middle ages breaking into her house again.
Sometimes her friends would ask her ' was it exciting when those dudes broke in?' and she would say, that 'yes, it was.' but she never said out loud that sometimes she wished that those men weren't deranged, that they actually were dragon slayers and elves, and whatever else they said they were. And then maybe she could have been on a adventure, helping them and going off and fighting the good fight. But they weren't, and she didn't. And most of the time, she was okay with that.
You all might think that Meredith is incredibly boring. Sometimes she would agree.
But that has nothing to do with the fact that Meredith was smart.
And Meredith was still alive.