AN: Okay, this was an attempt to unblock my writer's block... It's filled to the brim with Angst (as a lot of my oneshots are - seriously ask those who've read my Sherlock ones...) and I basically cried when I read it back.
I'm still working on my other two fics "The Story Never Really Ends" and "Always Read The Fine Print" (ARtFP is over on AO3, please give it a click xx) so don't worry! I just thought I'd upload this little tidbit of emotional pain...
Uh... Enjoy?
Again
It seems history is doomed to repeat itself…
Warning: Major character death. Extreme Angst. Read at your own risk
His hands wouldn't stop shaking. His entire body was trembling as he was racked by desperate sobs…
Hieronymous Grabiner did not cry. He never cried. He had not cried since – No. He could not think of that now, he couldn't… But once the name had formed in his mind, resistance was futile.
He had not cried since Violet.
The minute he had left England, the tears had evaporated and a steel shell had risen to imprison his emotions. Nothing had ever cracked that shield.
Except her.
And now he was destroyed. All his emotions, every single one she had unlocked, turned into a poisoned dagger that flew straight through his heart.
She was dying.
And he was helpless.
"Please… Not again…" he choked as he cradled his wife's body carefully in his, as though she were china. A pale, cold hand reached up to cup his cheek and she smiled the saddest, most broken smile he'd ever seen. Her smiles has always been so bright…
"H-hieronymous…" he voice was hoarse. She threaded her fingers into his hair, twisting one of the graying strands around her index finger, and though it might anchor her to him for just a little longer. "I'm sorry…"
"This was my fault… I was supposed to protect you…" his voice shook, his breathing shallow.
"It's okay…" she whispered. He shook his head, about to protest verbally when she let her hand return to his cheek, and she silenced him with a single look. "Don't… Don't blame…" she coughed, blood shooting from her throat. When she stopped spluttering, she smiled. "I am glad I… I got to… be with you… Glad I… got to… love… you…" her eyes dimmed as her eye-lids drifted shut and, as if in slow motion, he hand slipped from his cheek to fall to the floor with a dull thud.
Not once in their ten years as husband and wife had Hieronymous Grabiner told his wife that he loved her. She knew. She always knew… And now, he'd never see that knowledge in her eyes again.
"No… N-no… Come back…" he pleaded, his tears matting into her blood-stained hair as he pulled her limp body close to his chest. "I… I love you…" he breathed desperately, as if the fairytales were true; as if love was enough.
She she was silent. There was no sarcastic comment about the ice king melting… or how he was really just a big softie… There was only the sound of his muffled cries as he sobbed into her hair.
Why? The question echoed in his mind. Why her? The same question… Why me!? A new question, burning into his skull…
He wished, prayed to Gods he knew weren't real, asking please let it be a dream… Just a dream… Let me wake up. When he did not wake up, his sobs grew in power and volume, and his chest began to ache as a tornado of energy whipped up around him and room was destroyed in the wake of his anger and despair.
His wife was dead.
It was his fault.
He had killed the woman he loved…
Again.
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so so sorry...
The "Ice King" thing is a reference to one of my other fics, see if you can find it? x
I hope I haven't broken you...
I'd love to know what you think x