***UPDATED: for terrible formatting and secondary proofreading (cuz I no can read and write at the same time.)
"Runners whom renown outran
and the name died before the man."
-To an Athelete Dying Young, A.E. Housman.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Overlord or its subsidiary properties.
[9TH Floor, Inner Tomb of Nazarick - 12:05 AM Standard NZT]
It was mostly a night like any other; nothing was particularly special about the night sky or the weather, nor the happenings of that day for the inhabitants of this monument towards Death. Indeed, deep within the wombs of this labyrinth, under the layers upon layers of security, wards and watchful gaze of untold monsters, this particular room held little interest than any other day it had existed. This room, of course, was the sleeping chamber of the Supreme Being which overlorded all denizens of the tomb itself. Yes, a night like any other for this, the ruler of the Great Tomb of Nazarick - Ainz Ooal Gown.
Ainz was sitting in his bed, propped up by a series of velvet draped pillows - each more luxurious than the last. Upon closer inspection, a body could see that he was just reading a book of some sort. In truth, he had never needed to sleep or eat or use any of the facilities with which he was so thoroughly afforded luxury. The hour was late and one would not be out of mind to imagine that a majestic ruler as he, who oversaw and dreamt of numerous machinations and plans, had to have some downtime in which he could rest between hatching plots. Thus, all the maids and vassals of Ainz never questioned that between the hours of midnight and three to four in the morning, their leader was in a state of meditation or some other worldly rejuvenation ritual for which he required total and uninterrupted peace. Or something like that.
At any rate, it was a long perpetuated lie that he had spent many a night brainstorming for the sake of a modicum of time alone. Even the homunculi maids were not allowed to be present during this time period - much to their disheartened objections. He had enjoyed this respite for some number of months before a fateful event changed this situation. It was altogether not the worst of things to have happened to him, nor was it the best of things to have happened.
None of that, however, was worth mulling over in his head. Instead, what really had his rapt attention currently was his daily "lookin' regal" exercises. He took this seriously, as he did most things, because more than any existence in this life, so much of who he was was in fact superficial. Whether it was to give a final decision in battle, to announce a grand sweeping policy change, or to notify Pestonya that his toilet paper was hung in the improper underhand fashion - everything he did had to be done royally. Anything less and he [Satoru] always suspected that no one in their right mind would be convinced he ruled 90% of the world. Incidentally, the state of toilet paper within Nazarick was never the same afterwards.
Tonight, Ainz was not particularly interested in reading his book. In fact, this would have been about as pointless as the reading glasses that he currently had on - which were not magical nor even necessary in any way. He had been thunderstruck some time recently when Sebas, the manliest butler within this hemisphere of the multiverse, had taken out his pair of magical translatory glasses to read a parchment to Ainz. This act was so majestic and regal in bearing that Ainz could not help but wonder how many women had swooned or had their panties moistened in the past by this magnificent bastard's seemingly innocuous action. On that day, he vowed to himself that if there was going to be anyone in Nazarick that would be wetting panties, it would most certainly not be the exclusive domain of Sebas. Interestingly, the book that Ainz had in his hand was also superfluous, as it was just a leather-bound diary that no one had yet to write in and was therefore as blank as a sheet.
Currently, he was practicing in repeated motions the smooth practice of taking off his glasses and pointing them towards some invisible presence. Ainz was hoping to patent this action down and qualify it for some occasion in which orders had to be given in the most emphatic of ways. For example, if a subordinate were to approach him to report an action so heinous that Ainz himself needed to take off his reading glasses in shock. Surely, he thought, this smooth practiced reaction would prove to be the most punctual and useful in his repetoire to date.
Thus he practiced this motion several more times before bringing the arms of the glasses to his bare teeth, as if to chew over the thought of whether or not the performance was enough. Without looking, Ainz casually reached to his side with an outstretched palm to gently shake the other person in bed with him awake.
"Albedo."
'Hmm...maybe if I put a little more force into the pointing motion, I'd get my point across better-'
This was his thought before a sultry, low moan came from his side.
"Oh, Ainz-sama...? To wake me up in such a naughty way. Are you perhaps requesting of this lowly body another heir to your dynasty?"
'Well, what else would I wake you up for in the dead of night?'
Was what he wanted to say. But this was only a flashing reactionary thought, as it had little to do with the reason he ACTUALLY was waking her up for. Even this thought was quickly overridden by her seemingly off-topic question - until he noticed where his hand was placed. It seemed that while he was deep in consideration over his regal conduct, he had given less thought into how he was waking up Albedo to be his audience. As such, it was little surprise that her reaction had been of such a persuasion when his palm was currently resting outstretched on one of her buttocks. To be fair, Ainz fleetingly had a thought, she had ample real estate whereupon his hand was occupied and any lesser man would probably have long abandoned the thought of much else realizing this. Nonetheless, he withdrew his hand quickly, as if he were handling a live power line.
To understand this otherwise preposterous scenario, one would need to be prefaced with a little background history. Indeed, sharing a bed with Albedo had not always been the case for Ainz. It was not until the peerless mind that was Demiurge had allowed for the possibility of procreation did this occur. Ainz himself, as an undead, did not really feel the need to produce an heir as his immortality had never been in question. But after seeing that other royalty in many kingdoms speak of their heirs as a matter of everyday life, he could not allow himself to fall behind the trend. As such, he allowed Albedo to be with child.
Strictly speaking it was more of a clone, as the process involved only using her eggs and a healthy infusion of his mana to allow for cellular fission. Some genetic randomization meant that it was not an EXACT Albedo clone, but this was strictly academic. And so, she gave live birth to his heir; although paternal DNA testing would not likely have insinuated him in such an involvement, Ainz felt partially responsible after all. Importantly, before they had finally arrived at Demiurge's solution, Ainz had subjected Albedo to MANY different methods of inducing reproduction. Although it may have been fairer to say that Albedo was likely the aggressor in most of these scenarios. For all of the reasons above, Ainz felt that it was only right to reward the mother of...her child in a way most befitting the hardships she went through. Which explains the matter of Albedo moving in with his godhood.
Needless to say, this drowned Shalltear in an abyss of alcohol - though what effect this truly had, given her racial resistance to poison, no one could say. Her misery over this was only compounded by the fact that Demiurge's method of fertility could not apply to her. Shalltear had never developed passed a prepubescent age before her vampirism was set and therefore unable to bear children within her womb. Additionally, it was questionable that nurturing a child within her was even possible as her undead circulation could not possibly pass nutrients or oxygen naturally to the child. There was very little reprieve to offer Shalltear in any regard.
It was not until Ainz summoned two Death Knights which were then chibi-fied by way of magic and offered them to her as consolation that she was mollified. Incidentally, Demiurge also helped to modify the twin Death Knights to resemble Ainz, but this only involved brushing their teeth. Thus did the ordeal of his heir come to an end. And although Shalltear never spoke of her misgivings about Albedo moving into Ainz's room, no one truly cared.
"Er, um... No, Albedo, I have a head- er, skull ache from thinking about my plans 10,000 years into the future. Some other night, I will make love...upon you."
That...did not sound right to him. But this was to be expected of Suzuki Satoru, as outside of Albedo his exposure to women could be counted on one finger. No, in truth, even with her inclusion this number remained the same. Thus, he could not have been said to have the suave, cool aura of a Lothario; nor could it be said that he was quick to wit like a Don Juan when it came to matters of a romantic heart. Still, this did not seem to faze the succubus, who until recent years had only been a couple lines of code herself and not without some degree of naivete.
"Ku-ku-ku, no need to be shy with your woman, Ainz-sama," she said, jiggling her way over to him from her side of the bed. "Nigredo consulted the alignment of the stars and Demiurge always told me that the most fertile time of my cycle was the middle of the fire months. Additionally, with international and political strife both abroad and within our kingdom at an all time low, there is no better time for Ainz-sama to bestow upon his servant a crown of your love-"
"Albedo."
She looked at him expectantly with wide eyes and parted lips, moist from a dewey strand of wanton saliva.
"Yes, Ainz-sama?!"
"Shut up a minute."
There was a sharp drop in the atmosphere, as if a black hole had materialized within the room, sucking all the noise around it to a deafening silence. This was a broken a second later by a delighted squeal from the succubus.
"Oh, Ainz-sama! To be rejected with such a cruel and forceful manner! Truly, this could only be as expected of my husband. Then, take me right now!"
'Take you where?!'
Before this largely awkward conversation could devolve any further, a knock came briefly from his bedroom door. Thanking what ever god was currently looking over his affairs, Ainz quickly jumped out of bed and hurriedly took that chance to throw the sheets he shared with Albedo over her head. He had heard somewhere that this trick worked on birds to make them fall asleep. Albedo herself was unable to answer the door, as she normally slept in the nude in the rare hopes that Ainz would take advantage of her in the middle of the night. This had yet to ever be proven useful, though she took a sign from tonight that perhaps the Supreme Being was slowly starting to come her way.
When he opened the door, Ainz was greeted by the sight of three Pleiades maids and a small child being held by one of them. This trio was the perfect defensive combination in Ainz's mind for the purposes of bodyguarding and he trusted them implicitly with the safety of Nazarick's sole heir. Yuri Alpha was the robust melee offensive, Shizu Delta provided them over-watch with her anti-tank ballistic sniper rifle and Narberal Gamma rounded them all out with her multipurpose magic.
On this occasion though, they gave Ainz a different purpose than just merely bodyguard duty.
It would be the perfect time for him to test out his practiced glasses motion from earlier.
"Yuri Alpha."
His voice was low and intimidating as he ripped off his reading glasses in one smooth motion and pointed them accusingly at the Pleiades second-in-command.
"What have I told you about interrupting Albedo and my privacy during these hours?"
In the background, they heard a loud squeal followed by a dull thud as Albedo swooned. No one could blame her, as what woman would not react the same way seeing the man she loved "flexing" upon his subordinates? Indeed, even Yuri Alpha was taken aback and a small flush came to her cheeks. Although we can presume that this had more to do with Ainz using her reading glasses which he borrowed just the other day. Still, the effect was indicative indeed: Godlike...
"We beg your forgiveness, Ainz-sama," Yuri said after she collected herself from the momentary lapse earlier. "But the young mistress would not fall asleep after her bedtime story was read and asked us a question that we as inadequate servants could not provide. I apologize for our deficiencies, Ainz-sama, and seek your counsel to resolve this matter."
"Hoh?..." he said, a gleam of inquiry in his eyes.
He motioned for Shizu to pass his daughter to his waiting arms and bade the battle maids a goodnight. They were hesitant at first to leave, no doubt a symptom of 'inquiring minds need to know' and all that; but in the end, they could not refuse an order from the Supreme Being and retreated to brainstorm how they might wheedle the answer out of Albedo-sama another time.
"Papa."
She was so tiny and adorable despite her age. True to the inherent nature of her birth, she would no doubt grow to be the spitting image of her mother. Already he could see the miniaturized wings sprouting from her waist that would soon blossom with majestic feathers.
"Yes, princess, that's so" he agreed, setting her down next to Albedo - who had by now recovered from her nosebleed, "Now tell me, little one, what question did you ask Yuri-chan that she couldn't answer?"
"What does your name mean, papa?"
It was altogether not out of character for his daughter to ask such questions in spite of her age. She was a prodigiously intelligent and curious wonder, possibly the highest intellect to ever be produced out of Nazarick when she grew older. Or, perhaps it was because she was her mother's child that Ainz was not the least bit surprised when she asked questions or made little comments that he could not answer immediately. Or, as was more often than not, he didn't WANT to answer. Not to be outdone by her own daughter, however, Albedo took the chance to join in with her wide curious eyes fixated on Ainz.
"Yes, babu, what does your name mean?"
'That's wrong, too!'
Still, he thought as he stared at their innocent (?) eyes, it had been a long time since he was reminded of the painful memory that was the origin of Ainz Ooal Gown...
"Oooiii! Momonga-san, HeroHero-san, over here! Oi!"
Suzuki Satoru waved in the direction of his name, although inwardly he grimaced a little: they were the only people in this dive bar at the moment, so broadcasting across the room was patently unnecessary. Additionally, it felt a little silly to be referred to outside the game by their in-game handles. That being said, Nine's Own Goal had steadily been increasing their numbers since the day they began as a backwater, little known elite force of PK avengers. And although Satoru knew most of the current guild members by their actual name, not everyone had the same degree of courtesy. On top of that, it was true that most gamers were much more used to referring to screen names unless they actually knew each other in real life. The Nines mostly did not meet up outside the game, excepting a unique few like HeroHero-san tonight. This could not be said of the most junior member which Satoru was meeting up with currently though, whose real name was Yasutake Takeru but who went by a far less bourgeois screen name: [HentaiBoob].
"Oh, T.K.-kun," Satoru nodded, deciding on a less conspicuous greeting, "Thanks for inviting us out. I hope it wasn't too far out of your way."
The younger man shrugged non-chalantly, "Nonsense, after all you guys did save my life back there and I sure as hell can't show my gratitude if we can't get drunk together."
Satoru did not necessarily think that last part was necessary by way of showing thanks, but he had very few actual, PHYSICAL friends so he went along with this suggestion. He also could not deny that the Nines had pull this guy's ass out of the proverbial fire earlier in the evening when they happened across him being pummeled by several BOTS. They later found out that he mostly played using his brother's defunct secondary account and was very well versed in the game despite the decent equipment he sported. Another thing was that he often excused his miscast timing and out of sync gameplay with the fact that he had mostly been an FPS fan previous to trying out YGGDRASIL. Satoru supposed this was why the younger man often typed in the group chat such things as: 'MLG' and 'GG EZ game braj', despite the fact that the outcome had clearly not been decided. But he never said anything as the guild leader because he was afraid he was getting out of the touch with the younger generation. It was true that he often forgot what year it was and whether 'bad' actually was BAD or if indeed it meant GOOD.
"Haah? Oh, it's really no big deal, T.K.-kun. After all, HeroHero-san and I and the rest of the Nines have been doing this since we can remember. It's good practice for us and it looks better than us just going around preying on other players."
"Is that so...?" [HentaiBoob]-san mulled, bringing a mug of beer to his lips, "Well, whatever you crazy guys say your motto is, I'm glad you're out there! Speaking of which, isn't it time you guys updated your guild name? I mean, it's hardly accurate to call yourself Nine's Own Goal anymore right?"
Satoru felt his friend HeroHero slap him none too gently on the shoulder in agreement.
"That's what I've been trying to say to this guy! We're like, what, twenty people deep right now? You should really change our guild name, leader-dono. You don't want a bunch of people feeling like you look down on them or nothing do you?"
This was not altogether an inaccurate statement, Satoru thought as he sat down and poured two mugs of beer from the available pitcher. He noticed that it seemed like a much darker ale than he was used to drinking but did not otherwise pay it any matter.
"What am I gonna do, HeroHero-san? It's a difficult position for me to be in, y'know? I want to keep the spirit of our current guild name so that nobody who wants to mess with us will forget who we are. But at the same time, I can't think of a good way to do that and make the name future proof. It'd be pretty stupid if I just constantly updated our name every other year to accommodate the number of chairs on our team."
"You know what I'm gonna do for you, Momonga-dono," Takeru said, hefting his refilled lager up, "We're gonna load you up real good and then sit here all night until we can't sit here all night anymore."
Some 30-minutes later...
"...and then I said, super collide her? I barely met her," T.K. nodded with a glazed look in his eye, "And that's how I came to work on the super-collider."
Satoru did not really know why, but something about this man's half-drunk story telling was much easier to believe than his whole-drunk story telling. So he grabbed T.K. with one arm around the neck and brought him close, as if to disclose a secret.
"Look into my eye."
He then motioned to HeroHero, who up until this point had stopped talking the two of them and was more interested in coming up with an alibi for ditching two unconscious bodies in the alley out back. "Y'know wha, HeroHero-san? This guy... this is the guy..."
"Hey, aren't we supposed to be talkin' about the thing? Y'know, the thing..." T.K. motioned with a twirling of his hand, as if it would be all that was necessary to remind the other two.
"Oh, ya!" Satoru replied, letting out a prolonged burp that was worthy of legend before holding up his beer, "Tonight we celebrate Nine Hole Bones!"
The two men clinked their drinks together before proceeding to gobble the remaining contents. We say the remaining contents but really it was Momonga half drinking his, and half missing his mouth, while [HentaiBoob] missed entirely and poured his drink down his shirt. Nonetheless, they refilled their drinks before clacking them to each other again in a toast.
"To Nine So Blown!"
"Haah, you dummy, you mean...to Hanzo Goon!"
HeroHero looked up abruptly as there was a loud noise of someone slapping their mug onto the table. Although he had stopped paying attention some 15 minutes ago, he could not in good faith leave his guild master behind to his own devices - despite how little joy he found in their drunken crapulence. The other guy... he was less interested in what happened. But the important thing was that his guild master was not going to have one of those nights that he would wake up the next morning to regret. To that end, HeroHero did the only thing a good friend was duty bound to do in such a scenario: a pulled out his phone and started recording.
"...the fuck you say about my fat, ugly mama?"
"What?! I said, to Mine Saloon!"
"This ain't your lagoon, it's mein lagoon!"
Satoru thought about this for a moment, as something about that statement seemed to ring true to him. Before long, he found himself unwittingly raising his mug in agreement.
"Ok, to Hentai Going!"
"To Heinz Old Groin!"
The rest of the night remained mostly a mystery to Satoru. Despite the video evidence that HeroHero archived in the Grand Library of Ashurbanipal, there was never any clear evidence of either [HentaiBoob] or Momonga having clearly uttered the words 'Ainz Ooal Gown'. Thus did the humiliating defeat of Satoru go into the storied histories of the guild. And although many were quick to offer counsel, reminding Momonga the fact that his name would be forever tied to the guild's, he took very little comfort in this fact.
Ainz snapped out of his reverie as the memory faded, now lost to the abyss of dull ache that long since lost its nostalgia. It seemed to him that the old saying was true, in that it only seemed like yesterday since he made that memory. Contrastingly, to Albedo and her daughter, it also felt like just yesterday that they had asked the question about Ainz's name - since he seemed to be deathly still for the past 15 minutes. Nevertheless, Albedo was content to remain by his side, gazing into his blank, featureless face; meanwhile, her daughter too seemed to adapt the same blank, dead fish eye uninterested look. Albedo believed she was only following in the example set by her father, whom she revered - but this was not likely to be the case. In any regard, as Ainz looked at the two pairs of dewy eyes filled with wonderment, he was reminded of how much his past was a celebration as much as it was a pain. Only the two remaining in front of him was important now and, he convinced himself, it was not worth chasing the ghost of that memory further.
"My name? Nothing. It means absolutely nothing. Let us never speak about this again."