Author's Note:
So here is another assessment I had to do for school, this time just basic English. What I had to do was, to rewrite one of the scenes of the movie "Stand by Me". I got an A for it, but don't think I did a very good job.
Could you maybe read it and tell me what grade I should have got? It would help me get a higher grade next time my class does creative writing. Thanks.
Stand By Me
Chris Teddy and I walked along the train tracks to the Royal River where Vern's older brother said he had seen Ray Brower's dead body. "Vern, Teddy, you guys look on the left side of the tracks. Me and Gordy will look on the other side" Said Chris, my best friend. Teddy pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and followed Vern to the other side of the tracks.
We walked at least two hundred meters through the woods, following the tracks. It was so dark you never would have guessed that it was midday. Vern stopped abruptly looking deeply into the woods on his side of the tracks. He looked as if he had seen a ghost, yet I knew he had seen something worse. Ray Brower. Vern stuck out his fat finger and yelled "I see him, look over here, I see him".
Teddy turned around and ran over to Vern. In excitement and fear, Chris and I jumped over the train tracks and hurried over to where our two friends stood, still looking at the body of Ray Brower. Moments later, Chris, Teddy, Vern and I stood around the bush with a pair of white, stiff looking legs lay unhidden by leaves and twigs. "Guys, let's get some stick, we'll make him a stretcher" said Chris.
I crouched down next to Ray's lifeless body and thought of Denny, my big brother who died four months ago. The son my parents wanted back so badly. "Chris" I stuttered "Why did he have to die? It should have been me! Why did he have to die Chris?" By then I could feel tears streaming down my face, I looked up at him to see Teddy and Vern staring at me strangely. I looked away and wiped away my tears just as I did that, Chris said something to them quickly. I didn't hear what he said. My thoughts went back to Denny, I missed him so much. It should have been me who died. "Dad hates me! He liked Denny more; he agrees it should have been me".
"Gordy, he does not hate you, he just misses-" he was cut off by Ace and Eyeball, who had just walked over to us.
Ace and Chris were having an argument, I'm not sure what about, but I knew it was serious. Ace pulled out his knife, the little one that he kept hidden on the inside of his belt. Ace took a step towards Chris and put the blade to his throat. I got so angry then, I snuck over to Chris's knapsack and took his dad's gun. I held it in both hands and pointed it at his face then yelled "You're not taking him. Nobody is taking him". Ace looked at me like I was joking. I was going to kill him.
"Come on kid; just give me the gun before you take your foot off." He laughed, and then looked at Eyeball who chucked his fear away.
"Move Ace. I'll kill you, I swear to God". At this point I was more than angry, I loaded the gun. That was the point Ace finally figured out that I was not joking.
"Come on, LaChance, gimme the gun. You must have at least some of your brother's good sense". That was it, how dare he bring Denny into this
"Suck my fat one you cheap dime-store hood" I laughed at him.
"Are you going to shoot us all?" he teased, spreading his arms to show he didn't care.
"No Ace, just you" But I didn't shooting him would make me as bad as him. So I left him to run away like the little girl he is. Chris and I high fived once Ace and his gang left, feeling satisfied that we had outsmarted the bullies.