The secret of Severus Snape

Chapter one

It was a sunny Thursday morning, the clouds were puffy balls of cotton, and Professor Snape had a gleam in his eye that could have been easily mistaken for a smirk. He looked up at the clock, noticing that there were 10 minutes left until students began to come to his room. He sat down on his chair in the murky dungeons of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and opened his journal. He had put the remious spell on it, making sure that it would never run out of pages. He flipped through the pages of it… September 10, 1943, September 11, 1943, September 12, 1943. At this date he stopped to see what he had written:

Diary,
Mamma and Papa were killed today by He-who-must-not-be-named. I despise him, I really do. Auntie Snape told me everything would be okay, but she was crying too. I sat in my room all day and I wouldn't even drink any butterbeer, which always used to cheer me up. But not today, not now. My brother, Sirius, was not even able to talk. I asked him if he wanted to talk to me and he just stood there. I guess he realized that this is the last that there will ever be of Jane Black and Rudy Black. Auntie Snape said that we were to live with her, and change our last name to Snape. It kind of sounds weird… SEVERUS SNAPE. Anyway, I don't think that Sirius will want to change his name very much. I am mad at him for acting so immature. I am already 8 years old! He needs to act older and wiser than me, because he is 9! I have to go diary, Auntie Snape needs help with the wills.
Severus Black
1943

Snape snapped himself back into reality, stroking the dried up tears that stained the page. He flipped that page, holding his breath, to the next day:

Diary:
Sirius has run away. I may never see my own brother again. How can he do this to me? Now I have lost my brother and my parents! I hate him! If I ever do see him again, I will punch the lights out of him! That will show him to hurt Severus Black!
Severus Black, 1943


Snape flipped through many more pages, all of which were written in. He had never

Skipped a day in his life. He opened to a page that said: October 8, 1953.

Dearest Diary,
Through my many years of sorrow, I have found a puncture in my kindness. I had a very odd dream last night… I was a death eater. I know that it sounds quite odd but now I have an urge to kill. Why, I ask myself? Because I want to get away with murder? Maybe. Because my life is ruined? Maybe. Because James has Lily, and I want Lily? Maybe. Because I want to get back at Sirius for abandoning me when I was just a boy? Yes. Yes, that is it. After 10 years fighting back tears, many things have led up to this day but the departure of my brother had the largest effect. I love Sirius… well, I did… but I need to get this desperate desire to kill out of my mind. I will become a death eater. And diary… my secrets safe with you.
Severus Snape
1953

Snape tore his eyes away from the page, weeping hysterically. He stared at the tattoo on his arm, and turned to a new page in his book.

Diary:
Why did I ever become a death eater? What was I thinking? Am I mad? Sirius and I, we only pretend to be mad at each other because of James's dumb joke… we only act! But Sirius' god son… HARRY POTTER! Ugh! He drives me to insanity! Because I killed Lily and James potter! I was the one who nursed Voldemort mere hours before he went to kill Harry's parents! I wanted to kill everyone that was dear to Sirius… James, Lily, and Harry! Yes, the famous Harry Potter! But what had I done? I hid my fear when Voldemort came back from killing them, but I almost killed myself that night because I still love Sirius! I—

Snape heard the bell ring and fell off his chair, half because he was startled and half because he was crying so much. Gryffindor and Slytherin children began piling into he classroom– and Snape, rolling on the floor in tears, heard the Gryffindor laughter all around him– Longbottom, Granger, Weasley, Potter... he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.