L was making out with Light when he turned into a large, gaping tentacle monster with several thousand phallus prongs. He inserted two-hundred of them into Light's protruding anus. The boy-man's stomach swelled like the effects of a bad self-enema. Thirty-three tentacle emerged from Light's mouth, skewered him through his digestive tract. They wiggled, and liked the warm effects.
Light moaned, blood gushing from his mouth in a hellish river as he did so. The pain and pleasure were too much to comprehend.
The field of puffy pink rape tentacles grew more swollen, fleshy and juicy as Light's blood rained upon them. L send a telepathic message to Light's family, telling them he had caught the Kira. The national news organizations of Nippon spoke in Nihongo as they arrived on the oddly familiar scene. Thirty years ago this day, Nagasaki and Hiroshima had been bombed. Countless civilians had died that day. The Emperor Hirohito was also impaled by Lawliet the tentacle monster that day. For you see, it had been Emperor Hirohito collecting his citizen's names and entering them in the Death Note.
Lawliet was man's last salvation against the Death Note. The Shinigami named Lawliet raised a thousand tentacles with Light's bloated corpse skewered on three-hundred of them. They were only able to identify him with dental records. A thousand cameras flashed as the press conference commenced. Three unruly children fed Lawliet's tentacles like they were ducks, with breadcrumbs. The tentacles wrapped around them reflexively and they died deaths pretty similar to Light Yagami.
With the radio waves in his head, L broadcast a message saying the purity of the nation was no longer at stake. He vanished in the sunset, pistachio gelato dripping from his massive, tentacled form.