I know you loved him
A long time ago,
Dinner was perfect, as usual. Instead of pasta this time, Italy attempted to make wurst, just for me. I inwardly smiled softly as I watched him. I know he dislikes the sausages, but he was trying. I don't know why...
It was always this time of year, in the early spring, that he seemed to have to try to love me. I didn't understand it at first, but as the years passed, it became more and more obvious. Instead of his usual space-cadet stare, he'd be lost in the past. It was times, when that sad smile came over his features, and he was looking outside at the first blossoms on the apple trees, that I found myself wondering who he was thinking about.
When I asked him once, he told me it was his first love. He told me everything about him—the drawing lessons, the war, the kiss, and ultimately, the promise to wait—and I couldn't help but feel my heart crack.
Even now in my arms,
You still want him, I know
After the leftovers of dinner were placed in the fridge and the dishes done, Italy headed to the bathroom to get the tub ready for our bath. It was something I had taken to doing with him almost every night, if only to assure me that, while I may not be his first love, he does love me.
As we stripped then settled into the warm water, I noticed that his demeanor was more melancholy than usual. Even in years prior, he would look at me, but his eyes were closed as he relaxed, a very slight smile gracing his lips. The way that his eyes moved beneath their protective lids confirmed my suspicions.
He wasn't thinking of being here with me... He was dreaming I was him.
But, darling, this time
Let your memories die
"Italy," I said softly, and that smile left his lips as his eyes opened to look up at me. I didn't say anything, resolving to kiss him in an unhurried manner. Think of me, dream of me. I internally pleaded as he kissed me back. I watched his eyes begin to close, and pulled back. "Don't close your eyes... Look at me," I whispered to him before I kissed him again.
His eyes were wide with shock, yet he did as he was told, locking eyes with me. I nearly lost my nerve, but when his hand came up to run through the back of my hair, I gave in, kissing him harder.
When you hold me tonight
Don't close your eyes
The bath forgotten, I stood up with him in my arms, carrying him to our bedroom. Laying him on the bed before pressing myself to him, I felt him shiver and clutch at my shoulders, needy. I couldn't help but feel smug about that.
I shifted and pressed kisses down his neck, my eyes half-lidded as his body sang to me. Nothing else in the world was as beautiful and melodic as his moans.
"Nngh... P-please," he whispered arching his back up.
Don't close your eyes,
Let it be me;
I pulled away from his neck to look down at him, disappointed that his eyes were closed. "Italy, I want you to watch me. Don't close your eyes to so much as blink," I stated as I pressed a finger into him. Lubrication wasn't needed this time. He was still loose from our tryst before dinner.
His eyes shot open to stare at me, a dark blush on his face. "G-Germany..." he whispered, chest heaving in pleasure. I kissed his forehead softly as I pulled my finger out of him, replacing it with my cock.
Don't pretend it's him
In some fantasy
I began thrusting into him easily, his legs wrapping around my waist tightly as he gasped out his moans. His eyes were on the verge of closing, but managed to stay open. However, I could see them already hazed over as his mind wandered. Another, larger crack split through my heart.
Darling, just once,
Let yesterday go.
"Italy, focus," I snap at him. His eyes open wider and focused on me instead. His hands gripped my shoulders tighter.
"Ve, Germany, it's s-so hard to focus when—ah!—you're moving like that!" he gasped out. I chuckledsoftly and just thrust harder, sending us both to our completions.
You'll find more love
Than you've ever known
"I love you, Italy," I whispered to him as we lay on the bed, my fingers running through his hair as he used my chest as a pillow.
When I didn't hear a response, I looked down at him, sighing when I saw his closed eyes. I kissed his forehead, freezing when he shifted, murmuring out his name.
Just hold me tight
When you love me tonight
And don't close your eyes
I sigh and give up for the night, knowing I couldn't command what he dreams, and drifted off into an uneasy slumber.
Maybe I've been a fool,
Holding on all this time
The next morning brought about an unpleasant awakening... Or the fight after waking, to be specific.
"Italy, we need to talk," I told him as he woke up. He sat up, the sun glinting on his skin, and I almost didn't tell him what I needed to.
"Ve, what about, Germany?" he asked through a yawn.
"Us," I told him. He froze beside me, fear in his eyes.
Lyin' here in your arms
Knowing he's in your mind
"W-what about us?" he asked, turning his head to look at me.
"Italy, you're not ready to commit yourself to me fully..." I tell him. He suddenly tackled me, looking down at me.
"D-don't tell me you're leaving me too, Germany." he said. I frowned.
"That's what I'm talking about. Italy, you're always comparing me to Holy Rome. I'm not him. No matter how many fantasies you have that I am him, it won't come true," I said through gritted teeth.
But I keep hoping some day
That you'll see the light
The sound of skin hitting skin sounded through the room.
I stared up at Italy, somewhat shocked. He was equally shocked, not bothering to fight as I pushed him off of me and got out of the bed. My cheek stung, my heart was aching. And he wasn't even trying to stop me from leaving.
Let it be me tonight
Don't close your eyes
I arrived home, or my old home where Prussia lived still, and sighed. After a quick glance around to make sure my bothersome other brother wasn't around, I finally let the flood go. I collapsed to my knees, right there in the living room, arms wrapping tightly around myself as my body shook with my sobs.
It was because of this that I didn't see Prussia enter the house, shell-shocked to see me like this.
"Why are you being so unawesome?" Prussia asked as he came over, kneeling next to me and setting a hand on my shoulder. I couldn't answer him verbally, just bringing my head up. It was a look he often felt himself having, I knew, and he pulled me into his arms, holding me tight against him.
Over the course of the next half an hour, I managed to tell him what had happened.
It was after, when my tears were still falling but my body had stopped the heart-wrenching sobs, that he told me the truth.
~With Italy, Italy's POV~
Don't close your eyes,
Let it be me
I sat on the bed where Germany had left me. My hand stung from the slap I had given him. I cant believe I did that, not to him. But the truth... It hurt so much.
I didn't mean to compare them. It was just that Germany reminded me so much of Holy Rome... They got embarrassed over the same things, they were both so passionate, albeit hasty, when it came to something they wanted and...
Don't pretend it's him
In some fantasy
No, I told myself. I need to stop comparing them. It's how I just lost Germany... I... I lost him for real, didn't I? This wasn't like betrayal for political reasons, this was betrayal of the highest kind.
Darling, just once,
Let yesterday go
I clenched my eyes shut, shocked to see Germany's face there instead of Holy Rome's. Every flash of pain he had in his eyes every spring, but never bringing it up. Every time he tried to get my attention back on him, the present, instead of the past.
You'll find more love
Than you've ever known
The walks in the sunset, the days just spend in each other's arms, the passionate kisses, the nights he would break down from stress and allow me, me, to comfort him because he held such trust in me.
Just hold me tight
When you love me tonight
What have I done? He rarely trusts anyone and I just throw it away? All because I can't move on from something that happened a few centuries ago?
And don't close your eyes
I clenched my eyes shut and rolled over onto my side, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Oi, what the fuck are you crying about now?" Romano asked as he passed. I quickly babbled out what happened. I knew he didn't like Germany, but he had finally accepted him. "You idiot," he seethes at me. "Go after him."
~Back with Germany, Germany's POV~
Don't close your eyes
Let it be me
I stared off into space as Prussia told me what happened, how he had defeated France and found me, then Holy Rome, and offered me the chance again at life, if only to see Italy. I swallowed hard, cutting him off as I stood up and went outside.
I froze when I saw Italy standing in front of me, eyes bloodshot with more tears leaking out of them. I knew I didn't look any better.
"G-Germany!" Italy shouted, throwing his arms around my neck, pressing kisses to my face, neck, shoulders... Anything really.
"Italy... I need to tell you something," I told him, pushing him back to stand on his own feet. He stared up at me, fearing the worst.
"W-wait, Germany. Let me t-tell you what I need to say first," he said, placing a finger to my lips.
Don't pretend it's him
In some fantasy
"I love you," he told me, chest heaving slightly from panic. "I'll always love Holy Rome, but it's a different kind of love. He was my first love, my first kiss, and I'll never forget but... He's dead, Germany." I stared at him.
Darling, just once,
Let yesterday go
"I want to move on, Germany. I'm ready to move on," he said.
You'll find more love
than you've ever known
I wrapped my arms around him tightly, nearly crushing him to me. "D-don't you dare move on," I whispered into his ear, clenching my eyes shut. "Italy, I am Holy Rome... Prussia just told me what happened. My god, don't move on, please..." I whispered harshly.
Just hold me tight
When you love me tonight
And don't close your eyes
I pulled back enough to press a deep kiss to his lips, relaxing just slightly as his hands came up and tangled into my hair, holding me there. He nearly tackled me as he kissed me harder, pushing his tongue into my mouth, and a repeat of last night christened my bed.
Just hold me tight
When you love me tonight
Hours later, as the moon peeked in through the window to land on us, I shifted in my sleep. I moved, smiling a bit at the grunt from Italy. "I love you, Italy," I whispered into his ear, settling down. I couldn't sleep but I'd content myself with watching him sleep.
"I love you too, Germany... Past, present, and future selves included," he muttered into my skin, in his sleep no less.
And don't close your eyes