Summary: Begins a few weeks after the season finale. Instead of facing her problems, as usual, Lorelai decides to run away from them. She takes that job from Mike Armstrong in Paris for a year. And in the that time, she begins to write letters to Luke.

Disclaimer: Nothing's changed. I still don't own them.

June 3rd, 2006

Dear Luke,

I know it seems strange, me writing you a letter after only a week, but today I looked at the calendar and I couldn't help it. I hope you will understand. I mean, you said to stay in touch. You told me that you wanted to hear from me. As, much as I wanted to, I can't believe that you might just be saying that. After all, you're still my best friend. Even in a different country. Even after everything. Luke, you're still my best friend. You're still one of the two things I'm going to miss the most from Stars Hollow.

So I looked at the calendar today and I realized it was June 3rd. Do you remember what June 3rd was supposed to be? Do you remember what we were supposed to be doing today?

Deep down, I'm hoping that you're not shredding this letter and burning it after reading those last few questions. I just have to know. You have to understand. I proposed to you and I spent a year with the idea in my mind that one day I would be Mrs. Lorelai Danes. In fact, I spent a few weeks thinking that on this day I would become Mrs. Lorelai Danes. I almost ordered new address labels just so I could have some with that name on top. And maybe I never stopped thinking that. Do you think it's possible that in the back of my mind I still thought there was a hope of us getting married today?

I know what you're saying. Lorelai, you're crazy. And I am. But still… I had hope...

I guess while I'm writing to tell you about today, I can also catch you up on what's been going on. I mean, if there's any possibility that you're still reading this letter after what I've written so far, then I'm sure you'd like to know. Of course you know that I flew out here last week. I told you that already. I left that in your instructions. You did see the instructions right? I really don't want to come home and find that you've killed my dog. No matter what you think of me Luke, please don't take it out on poor Paul Anka. It's not his fault that his mother's a horrible person.

So you know what I did the moment I got here? I mean the instant I stepped out of the airport. No, I didn't go right to my apartment and start decorating. I didn't go to check out my new place of work. Instead, I went right to the Eiffel Tower. Have you ever seen the Eiffel Tower? I mean, I know you've seen pictures, I showed you pictures from my trip with Rory a few years ago. But have you ever seen it up close? It's nothing like what you would expect. I mean, who would imagine that a brown metal structure could be such a thing of beauty. I stood at the base of the tower looking up at it, just staring at the top and I could see it just stretching to the heavens. I could almost imagine that if I climbed to the top I'd be in the clouds. Up there, I wouldn't have to think of everything down on Earth. I'd be all alone. Just me and the clouds and the Care Bears. Just us. Nothing else would matter anymore. I would be free.

Of course, that's not true Luke. You can't just go to the top of the Eiffel Tower and be all alone. There's masses and masses of people everywhere. And you're not really that high up off the ground anyways. Sort of strange, the view looking down from the top of the Eiffel Tower arouses such a different feeling in me from the view looking up. From the top you can see all the people walking around the square, like little flies in a carnival. I know, funny concept, flies in a carnival, I'm sure you've heard of a flea circus. Can you imagine it, little flies on a Ferris wheel? Or a carousel? Or a flying trapeeze? But that's what it looks like.

It makes me remember that time we were New York City. You remember, right? We got the limo to pick us up at the diner and it took us out there. The whole drive into the city, I kept thinking about how that time driving into the city was so different from any other. It might have just been the warm hand on my thigh the entire trip or the idea that it was the first time I was going to experience the city with you. I remember that the whole trip up you kept going on and on about how proud you were of me, how beautiful I looked, how you couldn't have asked for a better girlfriend. All I could do was stare out the window at the lights on the freeway, because I didn't know what to say. How do you respond to that? What can you say to someone who's making you seem as perfect as Helen of Troy? But I heard you, Luke. You have to know that I did.

I remember that moment. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about before I even describe it. I'm sure of it. But I'll do it anyways, because I love that moment. I love just remembering the feeling of that moment. We had taken the elevator to the top of the Empire State Building. And I remember how your hand gripped mine the whole ride up. I remember it was the first time I realized that you were scared of heights, like a little kid getting to the top of the slide at a water park and suddenly realizing that he's not on ground level any more. I loved that little boy side of you. It made me feel young. I know I like to joke about my immaturity, but sometimes, especially when I look at Rory, I just feel old. So just getting free of that, feeling young, it's nice sometimes. You know what I also loved? That, although you were afraid of heights, you were willing to attempt going to the top, just so I could have the pleasure of your company, just so that I would be happy. You really are amazing Luke Danes, you know that?

When the elevator doors opened onto the top of the building, I remember that I almost had to drag you out of the elevator. I wondered for a moment if you were just hoping that the elevator would take you right back down before you realized how high up you were off of the ground. Now that I think about it, that's probably what you were thinking. But I couldn't let you do that. I couldn't let the experience go by. I couldn't stand at the top of the building and look out without you next to me, sharing in the moment.

Then we walked around the top of the building until I found the spot we were looking for. You remember it? You asked me why I didn't want to look out at New York City and see Times Square from above. You wanted to know why we were looking out at New Jersey, at the ordinary people going about their ordinary days. Do you remember what I told you? I said that I want to see what we look like from above. Those little people down below. Living their ordinary lives. Having their ordinary days. They were us. And I peered between the grating, just watching them, imagining what they must be thinking, what must be going on in their lives, wondering if they were as lucky as I was right at that moment. And you stood behind me, careful not to get to close to view, so that you couldn't actually look straight down. And you put your arms around me. Your chin on my shoulder. Your warm breath against my ear. Your cheek against mine. And we just stood there. You and me. Wrapped together as one person. Watching ourselves from above. That was the first moment I told you I loved you. And I did, I really did.

I've never forgotten that day Luke. I've never forgotten that moment. Our moment. The perfect moment.

After leaving the Eiffel Tower last Monday, I moved into my apartment and the next day I started my job. The apartment is small but decent. I mean, who needs a large apartment when you're the only one living there? And when you know you're the only one that's ever going to live there? There's all the normal things that any apartment would have: a bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom and a living room. Thankfully, Mike arranged for the place to come furnished because there was no way my furniture was going to make it all the way from Stars Hollow. Besides, I want it to be there when I return. And in the long run, there's only one piece of furniture that I wish were there. That big chair. It's not like it's even in my house in Stars Hollow. It's not like I should be used to it or anything. But it's in your apartment. And you were going to move it over to my house when you finally moved in. That's what you kept warning me. And I kept whining and saying how I wouldn't marry you if you were going to threaten me with that.

Here's my little secret and I don't mind saying right now, except that I can only imagine the look on your face when you read this. But I figure that I know you pretty well. After ten years, I oughta know you pretty well. So the secret is that I actually wanted you to bring that chair over because that chair is you. I mean, if my chairs are flowery and colorful, then they are me. But that big comfy armchair is you. And I wish that I had that chair here. I could imagine that you were sitting it just waiting to pull me into your lap and hold me close. That you would hold me until I realized that I wasn't so alone anymore. But you aren't here. And the chair isn't here. And I am alone.

Oh Luke, you know that's what hurts the most. I did what I did so that I wouldn't feel so alone and do you know where I ended up? Alone. I really thought things through, huh?

So I did manage to convince them to exchange my living room couch for a futon. Rory promised to come and visit this summer and hopefully throughout the school year so she'll need a place to sleep. Are you surprised she's coming? I certainly am. Not that she doesn't love me, but if she's coming all the way to Paris, she might as well take a stop in London to see Logan. But she says she just couldn't stand it. She says if she visited she couldn't imagine that she'd be able to leave, at least without grabbing his hands and taking him with her back to Connecticut.

How do I tell my daughter I know exactly what she's saying? When I'm the one who left of my own accord. When I'm the reason I had to leave. When I can barely let your name pass my lips.

But I do know what she's saying. I wanted to grab your hands and drag you with me to the airport so we could run away and hide together, even though all we would really be hiding from is each other. When I went to tell you I was leaving, all I wanted to do was stay firmly planted in your apartment and never move an inch again, just have you with me forever.

How did you let me leave, Luke? How did you let me leave? How did you let me walk away and tell you it was over? Don't you understand if you had just moved, just said something, just my name, anything, that I would have turned around and run into your arms and pretended I had never demanded that you elope with me?

I really hope you did listen to me. I'm not talking about that fight in the street in front of the diner, but what I said to you last time I saw you. I hope you heard me. Otherwise I hope Paul Anka knows how to go knock on Babette's door. You are going to feed him right? You're taking him for walks? You're paying attention to that list on the fridge of the things he doesn't like to eat? Okay, I know you memorized that a long time ago, but still…

Luke he needs you. You know how it killed me to leave him. He looked at me with those sad puppy eyes that made my heart clench. He must have learned that from Rory. When she was little, I mean really little, and I had to leave her with Mia so I could get some work done at the inn, she would make that face. I think it's the one you call the 'Rory face'. She used to beg me to let her work with me, but can you imagine how little would have gotten done if I had my two year old following after me everywhere I went? Not that she would try to bother me, because of course she's Rory, she's an angel. That wouldn't be the problem. The problem would have been me. All I would want to do is play with her and hold her and make her laugh, bring that smile to her face that makes me think I'm her entire world. Basically I would do anything to get rid of that sad 'Rory face'. I swear, it's the same one that Paul Anka uses. Luke, seriously, look at the poor dog. He's got that face on, I just know it.

Let me know about him when you write back. Please write back Luke. If not about yourself, at least tell me about Paul Anka. Tell me about Lane's new place. Tell me about my house. Just please, Luke, just let me know that you read this, let me know that you're at least receiving the letter. Please.

With hope,

Lorelai