Again
I heard from a friend today
And she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories came back to me in my
Mind
The texts started coming during church on Sunday. First from Santana, then Brittany, then Tina.
There's a rumor that Lips might be back in Lima.
Santana said to tell you Sam is back. And Lord Tubbington says hi.
M, I think Sam's back.
She responded to each one once service ended. Sam couldn't be back. His family moved six months ago. That's not nearly enough time to save up and move, and why would they come back to Lima of all places?
Yeah, nice try, Tana, and thanks for getting Brittany involved. I hope you both have been practicing choreography for sectionals while you're messing with me.
Thanks for the heads up, Britt. Send Tubby my best.
The one from Tina gave her pause. They joked around, but Tina knew how she felt about Sam. She was the first to find out about their secret relationship, and demanded a double date as soon as possible. It was one of the last things she and Sam did together before he left, and they both raved about how exciting it was to act like a couple in front of their friends. But the move was a few days away, and the reminder made the night turn somber. It was re-energized with passion as Mercedes led him up to her bedroom, where they spoke softly and touched freely, expressing through sweet caresses what words couldn't convey.
Mercedes blew out a breath, and decided to lump it with the first two.
That's what I'm hearing, but I'll believe it when I see it.
She had two responses from Santana waiting when the text to Tina sent:
Girl, I'm not messing with you! But I don't know for sure yet.
And our choreography going to be on point, best believe it!
Happy for the subject change, she replied:
Fierce, femme, phenomenal!
Mercedes spent that afternoon catching up on TV she missed during the week and helped her mother prepare dinner. Her brother made his regular Sunday evening call as she was going over her school notes, and they talked about his trip home for Christmas. She decided to close the relaxed day before school by straightening up her room. More often than not, it became a mess over the course of the week, and Monday mornings were always a little bit easier to bear without waking up to clutter.
She turned on some music and danced around as she tossed clothes into her laundry basket. Her phone rang from her dresser, and she sang into the receiver when she saw it was Kurt. "Hellooooooo...?"
"Mercedes, are you sitting down?" He asked in a hushed voice.
"Should I be?" She asked, shimmying as she hung up her coat.
"It might be a good idea," he continued in his quiet tone. She heard a door open and close before Kurt resumed, speaking normally, "I have some news about a certain blond from Tennessee who may or may not be standing in my living room right now."
Mercedes gasped, leaning against the door frame of her closet before sinking to the floor. "Sam's here? In Lima?" She was convinced the girls were playing a cruel joke earlier. She wished they had been.
"Sam is here. In Lima. In my living room," Kurt said, accentuating each statement with a dramatic pause.
"Wha-Why?"
"Rachel and Finn drove to Kentucky yesterday for the sole purpose of bringing him back here for sectionals."
Mercedes rolled her eyes, briefly forgetting what Sam's return could mean for her, specifically. "Ugh, they would." Those two were all about the drama. Driving four hours away to retrieve the former New Directions member wasn't shocking at all. What did surprise her was that Sam actually came back with them.
"We did need a twelfth," Kurt admitted. "But I just want you to be prepared."
She stiffened. "Prepared for what? This means nothing." As she spoke the words, she wasn't so sure. Sam had been gone for months, but she still missed him. Working through missing him was easier when she didn't think she'd see him again. Not to mention the fact that she didn't know how he felt now. They hadn't been able to keep in touch since Sam no longer had a computer or a cell phone, but she'd given him her address. He said he would write, but the letter never came.
"Mercedes..." She could hear the worry in Kurt's voice.
"Kurt, really. This doesn't change anything," she said, sounding sure of herself as she thought, "It shouldn't change anything."
"Well...okay. I just wanted to let you know."
"Thanks. Don't think this means Troubletones won't kick your butts at sectionals," she said playfully.
"Ha! Bring it on, diva!"
The two friends chatted for a little while longer, and Mercedes felt a tiny lump of sadness when it was over. She and Kurt didn't have conversations like that on a regular basis anymore, and it happened even less now that she was with the Troubletones.
She reached under her bed, sliding out a shoebox of pictures she had yet to put into an album or frame. There were pictures from her brother's graduation and the very early days of New Directions, before all the fights, relationships and break-ups. There were pictures from her stint as a Cheerio with Kurt, lots from the summer after sophomore year, and right on top, pictures from New York and the weeks spent with Sam afterward.
Mercedes picked up the one she'd stared at countless times. Even though they were no longer together and she was with Shane, she didn't think she would ever tire of looking at it. Sam's younger sister, Stacy, had taken it after picking up a sudden fascination with photography. She was taking pictures of anything and everything, so much that Mercedes bought her a three-pack of disposable cameras, much to her delight.
On a night when Mercedes came over to help Sam babysit while his parents were out working, the four settled down to watch Bambi. Stacy and Stevie took over one bed while Mercedes and Sam sat on the other. She had been sitting next to him until he opened his arms up to cuddle and Mercedes obliged, resting her head on his shoulder. They both ended up falling asleep.
It was Sam's voice that woke her up. "Stace! Give that to me. You can't just go through people's stuff!" He carefully shifted from underneath her as she opened her eyes. Stacy was holding her digital camera that had been tucked away in her purse.
Stacy pouted, handing her brother the camera. "Sorry, Mercedes," she mumbled.
"It's okay," Mercedes said, smiling gently at her and stretching. She didn't miss Sam's eyes on her as she did so.
It wasn't until the next morning that she looked at the pictures the young girl had taken, knowing she'd have to delete a good handful. In between photos of the television and Stevie picking his nose was one of her and Sam asleep on the bed. She was curled up against him, her hand on his chest. One of Sam's hands was sitting on top of hers, the other on her hip, and his chin was leaning against the top of her head. They both looked so at peace cast in the dim glow of the light in the motel room, and she couldn't believe Stacy had captured such an intimate moment without even realizing what she'd done.
Mercedes allowed nostalgia to wash over her for a moment, then put the picture away. "Keep it together, girl,"she told herself. In an attempt to drown out her feelings, she turned her music up louder and resumed cleaning.
How can I be strong I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again
Mercedes was sitting in her car doing a final check of her hair and make-up when she saw him for the first time two days later. Santana called her after Cheerios practice the day before, stating, "Yeah, he's back." as soon as she answered. The cheerleader stopped by the choir room on the way to the gym, armed with her insult book "just in case" and "Lo and behold, Trouty was there."
Sam was walking over to Finn in the parking lot, talking enthusiastically about something. Her hand, which had been fluffing out some curls, stopped in midair and she stared. He looked... really good. His hair was shorter and its natural dirty blond, and she couldn't tell for sure because of his jacket, but the white shirt he was wearing seemed to hug in all the right places it wouldn't have over the summer. Sam looked older in a good way. A very good way.
He glanced around the lot, seeming to pause when his eyes swept over where her car was parked. Mercedes slumped in her seat, despite the fact that he probably couldn't see her. He may not even have been looking at her car. Finn held the door open for him as they walked inside.
A knock on her window made her jump. "Shit!" She exclaimed, turning to glare at whoever startled her. "Fucking Shane,"she thought, and her eyes widened at the harshness of it. Grabbing her backpack and getting out, she cheerfully exclaimed, "Hey!" in an attempt to curb her own guilt.
"I didn't mean to scare you, baby," he said, putting an arm around her.
"It's cool." They walked inside together and she tensed, expecting Sam to be waiting just around every corner. Mercedes knew it was foolish, but couldn't help it.
"Are you okay?" Shane asked when they got to her locker.
"Yeah, why?" Mercedes asked, quickly examining the hallway for the second time.
"You haven't said much this morning, and you keep looking around like someone's out to get you."
"Damn,"she thought, not realizing she had been doing any of that. "I'm fine, Shane." She smiled up at him sweetly and he leaned down to kiss her.
"Okay, I'll see you later. Have a good day. Work hard." He held up a fist in mock victory and headed off to class.
Mercedes knew he meant well, but he could have stopped with "have a good day." The "work hard" part sounded a lot like a father speaking to his child. She was sneering as she watched him go.
As if on cue, the brown jacket she'd spotted in the parking lot came around the corner where Shane had just turned, and in it was none other than Sam Evans. Mercedes scoffed humorously. There was definitely something different about the way he was carrying himself, and she didn't catch herself staring until he was standing right in front of her, a lazy smile on his face. She frowned.
"What's that face about?" Sam asked. "No hello?" He pouted, making puppy eyes at her and holding his arms out.
"I'm sorry, it wasn't you." she said honestly. She hadn't meant to frown at him. That was more at herself for getting caught up. "Hi, Sam," she said, giving him her best smile but keeping her feet planted, unsure if she should walk into his arms.
He eyed her curiously, his head tilting adorably as he slowly lowered his arms, in case she changed her mind. She didn't. For a moment, he looked dejected, and she turned away, busying herself with retrieving the books she needed for her first few classes. She wrestled with the decision to not hug him and whether or not to tell him that she had a boyfriend. Should she tell him that now? He didn't seem concerned, and it would make things awkward. Her brows furrowed. More awkward?
By the time she closed her locker, he had recovered. "I'll walk you to class," he said, easily falling into step with her.
"You don't have to do that. Really." She was trying to say "Please don't walk me to class," but part of her wanted him to, so the protest fell flat.
Sliding his hands into his pockets, he leaned toward her. "I know I don't have to, but I'm going to."
Mercedes bit her lip to conceal a smile, looking down as she shook her head. They didn't say much on the walk, mostly making faces at each other. Sam would look at her, raising an eyebrow or smiling, and she would return the look, not really knowing what else to do. They used to do this sometimes when they were dating, but it was a game to see who would laugh first. Did this count as flirting?
"This is me," Mercedes said, stopping abruptly at a classroom door and rocking back on her heels.
"Thank you for letting me walk you to class," he teased. They stood there looking at each other for a moment, the entire exchange feeling like the end of a date.
Mercedes shifted her foot awkwardly before quickly giving him a hug to make up for earlier. Sam barely had enough time to wrap his arms around her before she backed away. "Bye, Sam."
"I'll see you later, Cede," he replied with a small wave and his crooked smile. Her back hit the doorway and her cool faltered. Sam chuckled, dipping his head, but his eyes stayed on her.
"Don't say anything," she said, pointing at him. He held his hands up in defense, remaining silent, a smirk playing on his lips. She smiled at him again and walked into class, thinking, "That wasn't so bad," refusing to acknowledge the flutter in her heart.
A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did
"I've moved on." A month later, Mercedes was starting to sound like a broken record and Sam just looked at her, bored. She wasn't even convincing herself anymore, her voice coming out soft and shaky.
"Glad we got that out of the way early in the conversation this time," he said as he leaned against the locker next to her. It was after school, and the former couple was going to the library to study. Sam immediately noticed the location change-they used to study in the dining room of her house-and when he asked about it, she told him it would be easier to focus.
They had been playing cat and mouse for weeks now. Sam kept his distance as much as necessary, considering the specifics of the situation, but he still made Mercedes question whether or not she was being completely faithful to Shane. Physically, yes. Emotionally? Not so much. But Sam had been there first and her feelings for him had never truly gone away, so was Sam the one being slighted? No. Shane was her boyfriend, and for the past two weeks, she'd been going to bed thinking of her ex. Shane was getting the short end of the stick. Or was it Sam? Or was it her?
She looked at him warily. "If you keep this up, we won't be going to the library together at all. Ever." Shane was already suspicious enough now that he knew she had dated the guy he saw her giving a post-slushie wipe down in the hallway.
"Ever? That's harsh."
Mercedes closed her locker and they started walking toward the school parking lot. "You're the one who keeps pushing it."
"I think it's paying off." He reached down to hold her hand, and she jerked it away, staring at him wide-eyed. "Friends can't hold hands?"
She didn't answer him, and kept walking.
"Mercedes, if it bothers you, I'll back off-"
"Okay, back off."
"Wait, I wasn't finished," he said, holding the door open for her then touching her arm gently so she'd stop and look at him. "I'll back off, but only if you mean it."
Mercedes opened her mouth to speak again, but closed it after Sam's quick head shake.
"If you say it, our time together wasn't anything to you. So you have to really mean it. And if everything we shared, everything we went through truly matters, I know you won't be able to."
"Sam, that's not fair."
"How do you think I feel?" The sadness in his eyes was overwhelming and she had to look away.
"But Shane..."
He visibly tensed at the name, and Mercedes wished she hadn't said it when his irritated tone came out. "What about Shane? Okay, you've been together for, like, three months longer than we were, I'll give him that, but I bet you don't have the same connection with him that we have."
"How would you know?" She asked quietly.
His green eyes were pleading and so was his voice. "Because you don't look at him the same way you look at me."
Mercedes noticed he didn't use past tense, and she was at a loss for words.
I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I've cried
And I never want to return
Never fall again
Mercedes released the grip she had on Sam's toned back, her body relaxing into the mattress. He leaned over her, smiling affectionately with hair stuck to his forehead, his skin glistening from a light sheen of sweat. She thought he looked beautiful. Sam had insisted they leave her nightstand lamp on, even after she expressed her embarrassing and insecure fear about him seeing her naked in the light.
"You are breathtaking," he said, peeling her shirt off of her.
"That's a good thing, right?" Her arms went over her stomach.
Sam removed them, holding her hands. He kissed the back of each before leaning down and placing his lips on her belly gingerly. "It's a great thing. Stop covering yourself up, Cede. I want to see you." And he studied every inch.
He lifted himself off of her after kissing her again and she turned toward him, twining their legs together. As their breathing returned to normal, Sam asked, "You okay?" while slowly running his hand up and down her thigh.
Mercedes pushed his damp hair off of his forehead and let her fingers continue to trail down the side of his face. "I'm great," she replied in a content sigh.
Sam's hand paused on her hip as she leaned forward to kiss his lips once, twice, and then a third time.
"I love you," he said after the third, and Mercedes pulled back, shocked.
She squinted nervously. "Are you just saying that because of what we just did?"
"No, no! Oh God, no," Sam said hurriedly, pushing up on his elbows to gaze down at her. Mercedes held the sheets over her chest. "I wanted to tell you before, but I thought it would scare you off."
She laughed softly. "Now why would you think that?" She asked jokingly. This was all new to her and Sam had become familiar with her unpredictable responses to changes in their relationship. "I love you, too."
"You don't have to say it back if you-" Mercedes put a finger on his lips.
"I mean it. I love you, Sam." She was thrilled that he said it first. It made her feel less awkward. She had been worried that it was too soon after hearing horror stories of guys heading for the hills once the love bomb was dropped.
Relieved, he leaned over and kissed her passionately. Mercedes wasn't going to be able to go another round tonight, but she hoped to do it again before he left. Sam rested his head on her chest and she stroked his hair. They didn't bring up the fact that he would be leaving in five days or that they would have to clean themselves up in half an hour and get Sam out before her parents got home. They just held one another, imagining a forever they could share together.
Making love to you
Oh it felt so good and
Oh so right
She pictured this easier than the way it was unfolding. Mercedes knew things with Shane had been on the outs for a while now, the relationship deteriorating before their eyes. They didn't have time for each other anymore-didn't make time for each other anymore. Now they were standing in his driveway on a Thursday afternoon, both looking uncomfortable.
"I care about you a lot, Shane," Mercedes said. It was true. She cared about him, but not in the same way she cared about Sam. Not even close.
"You still have feelings for him." He didn't present it as a question, but Mercedes nodded anyway, unable to meet his eyes. Shane sighed.
"But he has nothing to do with this right now," she stressed.
"Don't. Yes, he does. If he would have never come back-"
"Don't make this about Sam. If he wouldn't have come back, we would still be here, in your driveway, breaking up. We don't want the same things, Shane. You're talking about all these big plans you have, and every time you brought it up, I felt more and more dispensable. Let's be real, you could fit any girl into that pretty picture you painted," Mercedes explained. She paused. "Maybe not anygirl, not everyone can take home a Grammy," she added with a smile that Shane didn't return.
"I'm sorry you feel that way," he said, stone-faced.
"I'm sorry this didn't work out."
"Can we be friends?" She asked, knowing it was a cop-out. That was one of the questions she'd sworn she'd never ask in this scenario when she imagined it, and here she was, asking it. She wanted him to stop looking at her like she just poured salt in his cereal.
"Are you going to go out with him?" He asked, ignoring her question. Back to Sam again.
"I don't know," she said. "Probably,"she thought. "It doesn't matter."
Shane shrugged. "Okay. Then that's it."
"That's it?"
"Is there anything else to say?" He asked, eyes bugging out. That's when Mercedes realized he was angry, and she shrunk back.
"I guess not." She started to turn to leave when Shane spoke again.
"We can discuss that friend thing later." There was that fatherly tone again.
"It's not a discussion. You either want to or you don't," Mercedes snapped.
"I can't even think about trying to be friends with you right now!" He exclaimed, eyes still huge. He looked like a cartoon and she was sure she would have laughed had she not been so upset. This wasn't supposed to get heated. "So no, we won't be friends."
"Fine!"
"Fine," Shane replied calmly. She was seething.
"That was a one-chance offer," she growled. "And if you hadn't noticed, we've been acting like we're just friends for the past two weeks. As far as I'm concerned, that's when we were done." Not wanting to hear a rebuttal, she hustled to her car and left the scene.
How can I be strong I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again
Friday had been rough. Mercedes tried avoiding Shane's glare all day and people were slowly finding out about the break-up between McKinley's football star and "his girlfriend." She heard whispering when she walked by, saw the stares from the other football players. Even Finn, Mike and Puck knew, which meant Tina and Rachel knew, which meant all of glee club knew since Berry was incapable of holding her tongue. She didn't feel like facing it, so after her last class of the day, she went home.
Texts and phone calls started rolling in about the time glee ended and she turned her phone off, choosing to get lost in Singin' in the Rain, a pint of ice cream by her side. When her parents got home from work, they could tell something was wrong, but Mercedes said she didn't want to talk about it right then, promising to fill them in later as she went up to her bedroom.
In bed and in a dreary mood, she turned on every sad love song she had on her iPod. But she didn't think about Shane, instead falling asleep to the mental image of a shaggy-haired Sam smiling at her.
The doorbell rang when she was sitting at the dining room table for breakfast with her parents. Mr. Jones was still getting ready for work, having to go do an emergency root canal, so her mother went to the door.
"Oh! This is a surprise!" She exclaimed from the foyer.
Mercedes thought it was weird someone would just show up this early in the morning, but didn't get up from the table, pushing her steaming hot food around on the plate while she waited.
"No, no, come on in. Have you eaten? We're just sitting down for breakfast."
She heard the muffled sound of a man's voice and her interested was piqued.
"I insist. Mercedes is already at the table. Go sit, and I'll get you a plate."
At the sound of her name, she was straining to hear, but the voice that said, "Thank you," after the sound of footsteps coming into the house was unmistakable.
"Sam's here," her mother said cheerfully, rubbing her shoulder as she passed through the dining room into the kitchen. The blond wasn't too far behind, giving Mercedes a tiny wave as he walked through the entryway.
"Sam...? What are you doing here?" Mercedes asked, gaping at him from her seat at the table. She was still in her pajamas, a red sock monkey onesie that Sam had never seen her wear before, and she would have preferred it stayed that way. Too late. He sat down next to her, his eyes roaming from her face to her feet, quizzically. He rose his eyebrows in amusement and she elbowed him.
"Cute," he said.
"You haven't answered my question."
"I wanted to talk."
"You could have called."
"Your phone is off. And why call when I can just drive over and see you. That's a luxury I've missed," he said sincerely. Mercedes flashed him a tender smile.
Her father walked into the dining room, adjusting his tie. "Sam! How have you been, son? How's your family?" He asked as the younger boy stood to shake his hand. It was almost disgusting how much her parents loved him. They were nice to Shane, but never this happy to see him.
"Doing well, sir. We're all doing well, getting back on our feet."
"Good to hear it," Mr. Jones boomed, patting him on the back. "Where's your mother?" he asked Mercedes.
"In the kitchen, getting a plate for our unannounced visitor," she teased. Her father went to the kitchen, and Sam sat back down. Mercedes could tell he was a little closer than he was before.
Breakfast with Sam and her parents managed to temporarily take her thoughts off of the day before and her break-up with Shane. Sam filled in the Joneses on what he'd been up to in Kentucky and why he was in Lima again. They were pleased to hear he'd be there for the rest of the school year, inviting him to stop by more often. It was almost like they'd completely forgotten about Shane, who was still her boyfriend, as far as they knew.
Her father had to rush out to the office, and Sam helped them clear the table.
"I have to go change clothes," Mercedes said, touching Sam's shoulder lightly, once her mother had gone back to her bedroom.
"Okay, I'll be here," he said, grinning up at her from the couch.
She walked to the stairs, turning before leaving the living room to see Sam eyeing her down. "Don't break your neck," she joked and he got that shy look on his face that let her know he was beginning to blush. Satisfied, she went to change.
So here we are alone again
Didn't think it'd come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss
Mercedes and Sam sat hip-to-hip on the steps in front of her house. "How are you?" he asked. "For real. None of that 'oh, I'm fine' business," he requested, effecting a high-pitched voice. "We missed you in glee yesterday."
She laughed humorlessly. "I'm sure there was a field day about the break-up, though."
"Rachel told everyone who didn't know already," he admitted and she smacked her lips, annoyed. "But I shut everyone else up-me and Tina." That was a surprise. He caught her quizzical expression and answered without a question, "Nothing big, just that they shouldn't be discussing the situation without you being there to defend yourself."
"Why would I need to defend myself...?" She asked slowly, already dreading the response because Sam suddenly looked sheepish.
"There's a rumor..." he began. She braced herself. "That you and Shane broke up because of me."
Her nostrils flared. Hell. To. The. No. "What about you?"
"That we were seeing each other behind his back," Sam said quickly.
Mercedes jumped up. "WHAT?!"
He grabbed her hand to try to get her to sit back down, but she wouldn't budge, so he stood up. "I shut it down. I was pissed when I heard about it, too. No one knows who started it."
"I have a pretty good guess, and I'm going to kick his ass," she snarled. Nevermind that Shane was a mountain compared to her. How dare he tell people about the break-up! And Sam. This was the second time he'd been accused of being a cheater. "How are you so calm about this? After what happened last year..." She didn't want to say it, even though she had since apologized for joining in on the accusations.
Sam shrugged. "I said I was pissed, but it doesn't matter in the long run." He tugged on her hand he was still holding, pulling her close but not flush against his body. "You haven't answered my question," he said softly, repeating her words from the dining room. He held her gaze, watching the anger turn into moroseness.
"I'm okay," she sighed, her eyes hitting his chest. "I'm not as torn up about the break up as I thought I'd be. This whole rumor thing, though. I heard people whispering, but..." She trailed off, feeling like she was going to go off again.
"Don't worry about it," Sam said, his voice still gentle. "You know the rumor mill at McKinley. Come Monday, they'll be talking about something else. Shit goes down on the weekends."
Mercedes looked back up at him, amused. "'Shit goes down on the weekends?' Really?"
"Well, you know..." Sam said, giving her hand a squeeze. Mercedes slipped out of his hold and sat down on the bottom step, crossing her arms on top of her knees and putting her head down. Sam sat next to her, rubbing her back.
"We can't get back together," she said after a minute of silence. Mercedes raised her head. Sam was grinning. "Why are you smiling?!" She asked, incredulous.
I've come too close to happiness
To have it swept away
Don't think I can take the pain
Never fall again
"That was the first time you admitted out loud there was a chance of us getting back together."
"Except I'm telling you that we can't."
"Why not?" He asked, unfazed.
"They already think I cheated on Shane with you. If we get together, that's only going to confirm it in everyone's mind."
"Mercedes," Sam said, his voice riddled with disbelief as he cocked his head to the side. "Forget everyone else! This is all that matters," he said, pointing between the two of them.
"That's easy to say on a Saturday afternoon when you're not at school."
"That's easy to say everyday for me."
She paused, and just looked at him. He was completely serious. Sam was beyond high school drama, and she found it soothing. "Thanks for coming over, Sam," she said, leaning into him. "For checking up on me."
"Anytime," he said, kissing the side of her head. "I do have something for you."
She perked up as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a slightly crinkled folded envelope.
Handing it to her, he explained, "I was supposed to give this to you a long time ago. Maybe things would have turned out differently." She looked confused. "You don't have to open it now, but I want you to know that whenever you're ready, I'll be here waiting for you. There is no one else for me, and I don't care what anyone has to say about it. And definitely not at McKinley. I love you, Mercedes, and nothing is going to change that."
That was heavy, but effective. Maybe it was because she was emotionally drained, maybe it was because she wanted it to happen, maybe it was a little bit of both, but when Sam lifted a hand, stroking her cheek softly with his thumb before cradling her head, she didn't stop him. A second later, he closed the space between them with a kiss on her full lips.
It was nothing like the kisses she'd been sharing with Shane the past four and a half months. Sam had reeled Mercedes in with what he said, but his mouth pressed against hers made her feel it. Every word that had been spoken, even words that hadn't. Kissing Sam Evans was like a song, playing on her heartstrings, using its beat as the bass. It was a melody she never wanted to stop dancing to, and there, on her front step, he had her twirling.
Kinda late in the game and my heart is in
Your hands
Don't you stand there and then
Tell me you love
Me then leave again
Mercedes raised a hand to her lips as Sam pulled away, his eyes never leaving hers.
"When you're ready," he said again, standing up and taking a few steps backward. He put a hand up to his chest, over his heart, and shrugged helplessly, a small smile on his face. "I have to go, but I'll call you later from Finn's place, okay?"
She nodded, huffing out a quiet laugh when he animatedly spun on his right foot and went back to the truck, waving at her one last time before getting in, and driving away.
Mercedes watched until his pick-up disappeared around the corner, then looked at the envelope in her hand. She untucked the flap and peeked inside, there were at least three folded pieces of notebook paper in it, and her heart started beating quickly. Racing to her room, she fell back onto her bed, pulling out the first sheet that was dated six months prior. "Dear Mercedes,"it began, and her hand flew to her mouth. It was the letter he was going to send her from Kentucky.
She unfolded the other two sheets and realized there were three letters. All unfinished. Mercedes took a deep breath and began reading.
Dear Mercedes,
First day in Kentucky. I hate that I have to come here and start all over again, but at least now we're in a house. I even have my own room, which would have been awesome in Lima. We could have had some privacy. I'm going out to look for a job tomorrow, Dad starts work on Monday. I miss you. A lot.
It ended there. Sam had doodled in the margins, wrote his name a couple of times, and hers, too. She read the next one that was dated a month and a half after the first.
Dear Mercedes,
I am so sorry it took me so long to write. I got a job and I've been busy working. Things are picking up here. Both of my parents have steady jobs now. Stacy and Stevie asked about you not too long ago. Stace used all of the cameras that you got her, but we still have to get the pictures developed. I'm afraid to see what's on there. Stevie wants you to send some cookies. I told him I'd ask, so there you go. I'm really missing you, Mercy. I'm trying to save up some gas money and then beg my dad to let me use the car so I can drive to Lima for a visit. We'll see how that goes. I've been thinking that maybe we could revisit that talk about doing the long-distance thing.
It had been her decision not to go through with a long-distance relationship. She thought they were too young and it would be too hard on them, especially since their only form of communication at the time would have been letters. Soon after he left, she started having second thoughts about it. On this one, he'd written "I love you" in one of the margins and it made her smile. Mercedes picked up the last note and her eyebrows went up. He'd written it Christmas day.
Dear Mercedes,
This is extremely late. I tried to write you twice already, but I could never figure out what exactly I wanted to say. My family was still adjusting, I wasn't happy, I was stressed out. Everything I tried to write sounded like crap. So I'm writing you now that I'm back in Ohio. With you. Well, not exactly with you, but in the same city. I suck at this.
She laughed out loud.
But I want to be with you. I know you're with that giant football player guy, and it makes me insanely jealous that it's not my hand you're holding. Because it should be. It would be if I had never left. That first day I saw you at school, my heart stopped. It's like you got more beautiful while I was gone. You DID get more beautiful while I was gone. I can't stop thinking about you singing in glee club before the break. I can't stop thinking about you in general. I wish things between us weren't so confusing. I'm still in love with you.
Mercedes held the last one against her heart, squeezing her eyes shut against the tears threatening to fall.
Cause I'm falling in love with
You again
A week and a half rolled by. Sam kept his distance from Mercedes at school, but they'd met up a few times after school. He'd been right about the rumor. There was a new one going around by Wednesday after the break up that trumped her "cheating scandal." Shane was still giving her the side-eye in the halls, but she refused to let him get to her, continuing to take the same routes to class. If he had a problem with it, he could take the long way.
Mercedes walked up to Sam before glee club as he was closing his locker. "This is a nice change," he said, smiling down at her. "What's up? We're still on after glee today, right?"
"Yeah, but instead of my house, I wanted to go to the park, if that's okay."
"Of course it's okay," he said, shifting his backpack on his shoulder.
She grinned. "Okay, good. It's a date."
Sam cocked an eyebrow. "It's a date?"
"Is it a date?" She asked, clearly trying to mess with his head.
"Don't play games with me right now. I know how you like to rile me up," he said, narrowing his eyes at her.
She slid her arm through his. "It's a date...if you want it to be a date. Except it's just like every other time we've hung out this week."
"I don't know what's gotten into you, but I'm not even going to push it anymore," Sam said, grinning broadly.
"Yes, just go with it," she said, patting his arm.
Mercedes was giddy. She had so much emotion in her, she felt like she was going to burst and she needed to tell someone. Sam, specifically. The rest of glee club even noticed her chipper attitude with Tina commenting that she hadn't seen her this excitedly silly since they arrived in New York for Nationals. She wasn't sitting next to Sam, but he kept sending her strange looks, trying not to laugh.
Hold me
Hold me
Don't ever let me go
Mercedes had driven them both to the park since Sam rode with Finn to school that day.
"I read the letters," she said, sitting down on a swing.
"I was wondering about that," Sam confessed. "I didn't want to nag you about it."
"Yeah, they were all really sweet. You could have sent them as they were."
"I could not have sent those letters."
"Anything from you would have been nice."
That shut him up. "Point taken." Sam walked behind the swing and began pushing her.
"I have some questions, though," Mercedes said.
"Okay..." He sounded unsure. From the way she had been behaving, Mercedes didn't blame him, but he didn't have anything to worry about.
"You love me, right?" She asked.
Sam smiled. "Yes, I love you."
Mercedes swooned at how easily he said it, like it was the most natural thing in the world. It didn't come off as fatherly or platonic. He sounded the way she imagined an "I love you" would sound coming from a boyfriend. "Do you love me here?" She asked.
He pushed her again, not sure of what that meant exactly, but he replied, "I do love you here."
"Would you love me...over there?" She pointed way across the park, her hair blowing in the wind. Mercedes felt like she was flying.
"Yeah."
"Yeah what?"
"I'd love you over there."
"Would you love me in the park?"
"We're in the park, so of course."
"Would you love me in the dark?"
She didn't have to look at him to know he had a wicked smile on his face. "Been there, done that," he said, and she turned her head toward him quickly.
"Sam!"
He apologized, but was having trouble controlling his laughter as he continued to push her. "I love all over you in the dark."
She was blushing and happy she wasn't on the ground for Sam to see it. "Would love you me if I wasn't pretty?"
"I would, but you're beautiful so that's irrelevant."
Mercedes looked over her shoulder, smiling brightly at him. "Thank you," she said when the swing reared back toward him. "Would you love me in Old York City?"
Sam stopped pushing and walked around to the side of the swing, cocking his head as she breezed past him. "Is this going somewhere?" He asked with an confused smirk. "This is starting to sound like a remixed version of Green Eggs and Ham." Mercedes slowed to a stop, but didn't get up.
"It is, I promise," she said, smiling like she had a secret she couldn't wait to tell. She was only messing with him to calm the butterflies that had gathered at the pit of her belly. Plus, she liked when he smiled at her like that. It was a mixture of exasperation and amusement with a hint of possible knowing, like he couldn't help but love her even though she was causing him slight aggravation. She laughed, and he came toward her.
The smile slowly slipped from her face when he put his hands on the swing chains and bent so he was eye-level with her. Speaking slowly and deliberately, he said, "Yes, Mercedes, I love you...even in," he paused, chuckling as he shook his head in disbelief, "Old York City. Where did that even come fro-"
"I love you, too, Sam."
Say it just one time
Say you love me
Sam stared at her, then took a deep breath as he dropped his head.
"I missed you all the time and I pretended like I didn't because I thought it would be easier. The first day I saw you back at school, my heart stopped." He looked up when she quoted his letter, his eyes glassy. "I knew then I was still in love with you...and I'm sick and tired of caring about what people will say because I've been fighting it long enough. I'm ready," she said, reaching out and touching his cheek. "I want to be with you."
His lips came crashing onto hers with such force that she felt unsteady. He pulled the chains toward him, lifting the swing slightly, and her arms immediately went over his shoulders, hands clasped behind his neck. Kissing Sam was everything. Every feeling she had denied herself when he was gone, when she was with Shane, came rushing back with vigor.
Mercedes knew all along that Sam was it, but had been so set on doing what she thought was right, she tried ignoring what her heart really wanted. He was the one who was constantly in her thoughts, in her dreams, and the dreams didn't seem impossible. They felt real, like their future was unfolding right before her, and sometimes that scared her. But when his intense gaze fell on her, she could see the future reflected in his eyes, too, and he wasn't running away from it. Sam was ready to face it head on, no matter what happened, and it made her want to take the risk.
He jerked the chains again and she broke away from the kiss, feeling like she was going to fall backwards into the sand until his arm caught her around the waist and held tight.
"I got you," he said, pressing his forehead against hers. "Always."
That was heavy...but effective. Because she believed him.
God knows I do
Love you
Again