Summary: Yachiru has to work hard to keep herself amused.
The bell kept ringing over and over. It was the third time the rear exit alarm had gone off for no reason. It rang and rang, the noise drilling into everyone's ears just as it was designed to do. It was driving everybody nuts! Akon groaned and lifted his head from his microscope.
"Rin," He snapped, "Go check that door and this time don't come back until you find out what's causing it!"
"Yes sir." Rin groaningly replied getting up from his workstation. The rear exit was a long way off and he had already gone to check it the last two times. This time, he picked up a tool box from the closet before he left. Though it wasn't very heavy, it was bulky and clumsy and he was starting to wheeze a little as he walked down the hall. Finally he arrived at the rear exit door. The bell stopped just as he reached out to open it.
"Same as last time." He muttered. "Why is it doing that?"
Opening the door, he propped it open with the toolbox and stepped out into the sunshine to get a good look at it. There was nothing obviously wrong with it to the naked eye. Still, he knew there was no point in going back until he had investigated it thoroughly. He squatted down to open the toolbox and began rummaging around for a screwdriver. Being so occupied, he failed to notice the dark shape that slipped in behind him…
People were so predictable, easily distracted and prone to manipulation by someone with a superior understanding of human nature. Having exploited social engineering to gain entrance, the automated internal security would present more of a challenge. A barrier soon presented itself in the form of a locked door. A number pad was set in the wall next to the latch. Typing in the right combination should unlock it. Now what was Captain Kurotsuchi's birthday again? March 30th? Sure enough, after entering a few variations of that date, the door yielded.
Moving deeper into the bowels of the laboratory complex, it took some time before hitting another major impediment. Laser break beams, pressure plates, hidden cameras, all were child's play to circumvent. The last real challenge was a thick, vault like portal, the final barrier to the objective, but this one was a bit trickier. It required a key card. Not having one, it was time to test the old maxim of sophisticated systems being vulnerable to primitive attack. It was a bit of a gamble. The attack would either open the door, or render it unusable until it was repaired. A tube of powdered sugar dumped into the slot and…jackpot. The door opened with a click as the sugar melted, shorting out the electronics. The way was now clear to the objective.
This level of the compound was all laboratory space. Doors lined the hall to various rooms where shinigami diligently worked on a wide variety of experiments. None of them noticed the quiet figure slinking down the corridor. The intruder could feel the target's energy signature clearly, leading unerringly to the correct door. Reaching the entrance, a young woman could be seen sitting on a lab stool bent over her work. Lieutenant Kurotsuchi Nemu. She had no idea she was being observed. The intruder kept to her blind spot, stalking the oblivious lieutenant, slowly and silently drawing closer and closer…
Nemu nearly dropped a petri dish as Yachiru's head popped up besides her.
"Hiya big sister!" She yelled. "Whatcha doin'?"
"Yachiru-chan." Nemu said "How did you get in here?"
"You guys left the door open." Yachiru answered. "Hey, you wanna come play with me?"
Nemu shook her head. "I'm sorry little sister. I still have a lot of work to do. You don't have anything to do today?"
Yachiru frowned. "Ken-chan is taking a nap and pachinko-head and peacock are on a mission and everybody else ran away. I tried playing with Byakushi, but he kicked me out. He did give me some candy though. You want some?"
Nemu looked at the handful of sticky, grimy candy the child offered and politely declined. Yachiru took no offense and shoved the whole mess into her mouth.
"If you are willing to wait, I do have a break coming up in an hour and a half." Nemu said "Would you like to watch me until then?"
"I dunno, what're you doing?" Yachiru asked.
Nemu picked the little girl up and put her on her lap.
"I'm incubating bacterial colonies from soil and water samples taken by our survey team." She said indicating the equipment before her.
"What's back-tah-re-riral colonies?" Yachiru asked.
"Bacterial colonies." Nemu corrected. "They're small animals, too small to see with the naked eye. I am putting samples into these dishes. In a few days, there should be enough bacteria for us to see."
She picked up a petri dish and held it up taking off the lid.
"This dish has a thin coat of agar jelly on the bottom."
"Jelly?" Yachiru exclaimed as she reached out for the dish.
"Don't touch it." Nemu warned moving the dish away from her hand. "It's not like jelly you eat."
Seeing the child understood, she moved the dish closer for Yachiru to get a better look.
"It smells bad." Yachiru complained wrinkling her little nose.
"This is what bacteria like to eat." Nemu explained. She demonstrated what she was doing as she talked. "I take a swab like this, dip in the sample, then run it across the jelly. Then I put it in the incubator and within 36 hours, we should be able to see the bacterial colonies."
Nemu put a lid on the newly prepared sample dish and marked it with a grease pencil.
"Even the shape the colonies take as they form tells us a lot." She continued "Would you like to see what kind of bacteria are on your hands?"
"They're on my hands?" Yachiru said looking down at her grubby mitts.
"Bacteria are everywhere." Nemu replied. "Here, hold out your hand."
Taking a sterile swab, Nemu dipped it in distilled water, then ran it across Yachiru's palm. Even with the brief contact, the cotton turned black. She opened a new petri dish and swiped the cotton across the agar jelly. Putting on the lid, she handed the dish to Yachiru along with the grease pencil.
"Go ahead and put your name on it." She directed.
Yachiru did as she was told, writing her name in shaky characters.
"Very good." Nemu said. "I will be sure to show this to you when it's ready."
"Cool!" Yachiru crooned bouncing excitedly up and down. "I can't wait."
Nemu then put the date and time on the lid and set it aside with her other prepared dishes. Putting Yachiru back down, she stood up and took the little girl by the hand leading her to the back of the room
"You should be able to watch me from here." She said putting Yachiru on a stool along the back wall. "Can you be quiet until my break time? If I concentrate, I can get done faster."
"Sure." Yachiru said nodding her head vigorously. "I can be really, really quiet. You won't hear a thing, I promise!"
"All right little sister. I'll try to be as quick as I can."
Returning to her workbench, Nemu quickly became re-absorbed in her work. Yachiru was as good as her word. She sat quietly watching Nemu's back as she went about her business. At least she did for a little while. After a few minutes she squirmed around in her seat. Then she propped her head in her hands. Then she shifted around again. Just how long was this going to take? Nemu didn't seem to be making any progress. She kept reaching for new dishes, making annotations and starting all over again. She couldn't find such work interesting, could she? She squirmed around on the stool some more. She was getting bored waiting. She had to do something. On the other hand, she did promise Nemu she would be quiet and not disturb her. Suddenly, she had an idea. She would go somewhere else until Nemu was done. Surely there was something fun she could do nearby. She slipped off the school and exited the room so quietly, Nemu never knew she left.
Captain Kurotsuchi Mayuri muttered under his breath as he made his way back to his office.
"That doddering old fool. How am I going to learn anything unless I conscript a few test subjects? No one is going to miss a few dozen peasants from Rukongi anyway! Hmph! I wonder if anyone will notice if I have another 'recruitment drive'."
Lost in thought, he made his way behind his desk, pulled up his chair and sat down.
"Hey!" A muffled voice protested.
Jumping up, Mayuri spun around to see the squirming thing he had sat on.
"You! What are you doing here?"
"Hiya clown-man. I'm bored." Yachiru declared. "I thought your computer'd have fun games on it, but it's just dumb."
"My computer!" Mayuri exclaimed. He whirled around again to look at his desk. Sure enough, his computer screen was covered in smudgy fingerprints, his keyboard sticky and full of crumbs.
"What did you do, you little brat!" He demanded.
"I played a game." She explained. She leaned forward and demonstrated. "See. I click on one of these squiggly things, hit this button and it makes a funny sound. Beep, bloop, beep, bloop."
Horrified, Mayuri saw that the little pink haired demon had deleted over half of his files! How did she do that? The directory was password protected!
"Stop that! Stop that at once!" He shouted.
"OK, ok, you don't hafta be all grouchy, clown face." Yachiru pouted. "I already told you, it's boring."
"Boring? Destroying my life's work is boring? We'll see how bored you are when I'm through with you!" Mayuri threatened. He raised his hand high above his head preparing to slap her out of his chair. Yachiru gave a wicked, knowing grin and pulled some documents out of her sleeve.
"Ah, ah, aaaahhh. Glasses-chan gave me some paper to sign. Something about money for the year? I haven't signed it yet."
Slowly, carefully, Mayuri lowered his hand. Curse the Shinigami Women's Association for having control of the budget. Double curses for their making this, this baby responsible for authorizing it! For the millionth time, he wondered just what had they been thinking when they made her president.
"Let's not be hasty." He said. "I'm sure we can come to some kind of accommodation. What do you want anyway?"
"Ya got any more o' these?" Yachiru asked holding out a mashed up pastry. "These were pretty good. This is the last one though".
Mayuri realized what the object was as Yachiru popped it in her mouth and gulped it down.
"My macaroons!"
Opening up his desk drawer, he saw an empty space where his afternoon snack used to be. That drawer had been locked! How did she get in?
"Well, ya got any more or what?" She demanded spraying crumbs everywhere. Mayuri cringed as he heard the rattle of the tiny bits of food falling all over his immaculate floor and desk and filling up the keyboard with even more with sticky debris.
"No, I don't have any more." He testily replied. "I guess that means you'll have to leave."
She vigorously shook her head. "Nuh-uh. I'm bored. Make your computer do something cool!"
Mayuri choked on the string of curses swelling up in his throat. How dare this little imp order him about? But he needed the budget approved. All of his research for the next fiscal year was riding on keeping this pink haired scamp amused! Perhaps playing the kindly uncle would do the trick.
"Something cool, eh? Well I think I can come up with something to amuse you, heh, heh. First I'm going to have to clean off this keyboard. I'll be right back"
Going to a small utility closet in the hallway, he took out a small, hand held vacuum and a container of anti-static wipes. Returning to his office, he dropped them both when he saw what Yachiru was doing.
"No! Don't spray water on it!" He yelled as he rushed toward her.
"Huh? Why not?" She asked as she sprayed water all over the monitor. Where had she gotten a spray bottle anyway?
Mayuri ground his teeth. "Because water is not good for cleaning computers little girl."
"Sure it is!" Yachiru asserted. "Ken-chan says water's good for cleaning everything. See."
She sprayed water at Mayuri's face causing him to sputter. His makeup ran down his face.
"Ha, ha, ha!" Yahchiru laughed "You looked even funnier now Mr. Clown"
Mayuyri's body shook with suppressed rage. Concentrate on the budget, he thought to himself over and over. Just deal with it until the budget is signed. Then he'd handle this humiliation properly!
"Ha, ha. Yes I'm sure it looks very amusing." Carefully, he picked her up and moved her away from the computer. "Tell you what. Why don't you wait over here while I clean off the computer?"
"Aw, it's boring over here." Yachiru pouted. "Why can't I help?"
Mayuri glanced around the room, trying to think of something to distract her.
"Here, take this piece of paper and these markers. Why don't you draw something while I clean off the computer?"
"Ok, frowny-clown!" She crowed. "I'm real good at drawing pictures. Real, real good."
"That's fine." Mayrui said as he turned away from her. "Just keep drawing until I'm done."
Retrieving his vacuum and cleaning wipes, Mayuri carefully cleaned off his computer, muttering vile maledictions against the pink haired terror in his office under his breath as he did so. Finally, it was back in a somewhat clean condition although the keyboard would never be the same.
"All right, let's see what old Uncle Mayuri can…WHAT DID YOU DO!?"
"What?" Yachiru asked from behind a small mountain of paper. "You told me to draw."
"Where did you get all this paper?" Mayuri demanded.
"From over there." She said pointing to an open file cabinet.
Mayuri sucked in his breath with horror. "My files!"
Running over to the pile of paper, he picked one up at random. It was one of his precious, precious research papers, now completely covered with stick figure people and lollipop trees.
"All that work." He whispered in shock, "Ruined. Completely ruined!"
"Hey, what's this over here?" Yachiru asked from across the room.
"What? NO!" Mayrui howled as he chased her away. "Get away from my sample case!"
"How 'bout over here?"
"Get out of that drawer!"
"What about this?"
"No, get away from there!"
"This?"
"NO,NO,NO! STOP IT! STOP IT THIS INSTANT!"
Panting and shaking in the middle of the ruined mess that was once his orderly office, Mayuri suddenly realized she was gone. At some time while he was running from one pink tornado induced disaster to another, she had made her escape from the room. What a relief! Slowly making his way to his chair, he plopped down with an exhausted sigh, putting aside the thought of how he was going to clean up the mess for a while to enjoy the blessed silence.
"Warning." His computer announced. "Security Breach on Level 14-A, Priority Alpha."
Level 14-A? That was the high energy research lab! Pulling up the file on his computer, he quickly located the breach.
"The anti-spiritron containment unit!" He couldn't afford any kind of mistakes or accidents in the anti-spiritron unit. The consequences of an anti-spiritron coming into contact with normal spiritual matter would be catastrophic!
The computer's automated alarm continued to sound in its dispassionate, factual tone. .
"Safety Interlock #1, disengaged."
"Safety interlock #2 disengaged."
"But that requires two keys being turned simultaneously from opposite sides of the room!" He screamed.
He took off down the hall in a full sprint. If he could get to the manual overrides in time, he could still prevent disaster. That could not be done from the shielded control room. It could only be done in the lab next to the magnetic containment bottle. Frantically, he worked the controls to the thick protective blast doors leading to the manual overrides. As soo as he could fit through the opening, he burst into the room where the indicators for the anti-spiritron container were flicking from yellow to red. He popped the access panel on the overrides and started to turn switches and adjust dials when a voice from above froze his blood.
"Hey clowny." Yachiru called through the control room intercom. "What does this button do?"
Mayuri raised his head to see Yachiru behind the thick ballistic Plexiglas of the control room about to press a large red button.
"No!" Mayuri shrieked. "Don't touch that…!"
Nemu looked up when the explosion rocked the building and instinctively shielded her work from any possible falling debris. After the shockwave had passed, and no alarm sounded, she got back to work. It had been an unusually large explosion, but such things were not uncommon during research and the laboratory complex was built to be very sturdy. Unless she was specifically instructed to evacuate or report to the scene of the accident, it was no business of hers. She picked up another petri dish and was half-way through preparing it when she felt a huge wave of energy flare up in the distance. Mayuri-sama. He was angry. Very, very angry! And he was headed straight towards her.
She stood up and faced the door just as Mayuri appeared. His smoking, blackened form radiated with unsuppressed reiatsu conveying his white-hot rage. Fear clutched as Nemu's throat as she anticipated the terrible abuse he would soon rain down upon her.
"Mayuri-sama. What happened?" she managed to ask.
If she had felt fear before, her entire body seemed to turn to ice as she saw him hold out the squirming pink-haired girl he held by the collar. Yachiru! Knowing it was pointless, she couldn't help but to look at the empty stool in the corner where she thought had been Yachiru quietly sitting. Naturally, it was empty. She turned back to face her father, her mind churning with possibilities as tried to find a way to get Yachiru out of there. She could accept being punished herself, but she couldn't allow the little girl to be harmed. What could she do? She still had not come up with a solution as Yachiru kicked and flailed her arms, trying to get out of Mayuri's grasp.
"Hey! Put me down!" She protested "I'm telling Ken-chan on you!"
Slowly, Mayuri approached Nemu, his arm steady as a rock as he held Yachiru before him.
"Mayuri-sama," She began. "I apologize for her behavior. If she has done anything wrong, please, do not hurt her, take it out on me. I…"
Her apology was cut short as the little girl was thrust into her arms.
"Get her out of here." Mayrui rasped.
Nemu couldn't think for a moment. She was very confused. She said the first thing that popped into her head. "I…I don't go on break for another fifteen minutes, Mayuri-sama."
"Take the rest of the day off. Take the rest of the WEEK off! JUST GET HER OUT OF HERE!"
With that, Mayrui stormed out of the room and headed back to his quarters. Nemu looked down at the child she was holding and carefully put her on the floor.
"So…what do you want to do?" Nemu asked.
Yachiru thought about it for a second. "You wanna go see if Bayakushi has any more candy?"
Nemu shrugged. "All right."
The End