Confessions by patricia51
(NCIS is the property of CBS and the brainchild of Donald Bellesario and Don McGill, bless their hearts. Takes place shortly after the events of "Internal Affairs". No matter how good you are at lying, when someone really knows you they can tell that you are. One shot, I think.)
(From the episode "Internal Affairs")
Tony: I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of all this.
Jeanne: Was any of it real, Tony?
Tony: (pauses) No.
Jeanne: I wish I'd never met you
(Several days after the above incident)
"Ziva, I know what you told me," Anthony DiNozzo struggled to remain calm, not an easy thing to do when you are both in emotional turmoil yourself and talking to a highly excited Israeli woman.
"You do? I told you to tell her the truth!"
"Well that wouldn't have worked."
"Why not?"
"Ziva, what if I had told her that it had become all too real? That I had gone from playing a part to something a lot more? That standing there in front of her the other day was tearing my heart out? What would it have accomplished?"
"Tony it would have let her know just exactly how you feel," the Mossad agent replied with some heat.
"Ziva, you're not listening. To what point? She had found out that I had been lying to her for months. She wouldn't have believed me. Hell, I wouldn't believe me, not after what I put her through. She accused me of murdering her father and for God's sake Ziva even though I didn't do it my actions almost certainly contributed towards his death. And I liked him. He was her Father and even though he was in one damn bad profession in a lot of ways he was a damn good man. He certainly was a good father to Jeanne. He was proud of her and just as important he let her have her own dreams and ambitions."
"We're not talking about her father," Ziva reminded Tony. "We're talking about you and how you feel about Jeanne."
Tony nearly shouted into the phone, his calm completely evaporating.
"Ziva, I HAD to lie to her. It was the only way to give her closure. With that one statement I gave her the chance to move on with her life. Yes, it hurt her, but now she can find someone new, someone who can give her what she needs, an honest commitment from a man who is worthy of her."
"Why do you say you're not worthy of her? Because you lied at the beginning before she was anything more than an assignment? An assignment that you relished at the time, before you started falling for her? Or because you lied to her at the final grope?"
"I think you mean 'final gasp'."
"Gasp, grope, whatever Tony. Who cares? You should have told her the truth."
Tony collapsed into a chair. His voice became so soft Ziva could barely hear him.
"The truth. The truth about how important she became to me, every day more and more precious. The truth that all I wanted to do at that elevator was fall to my knees and throw my arms around her and beg her to forgive me. The truth that I love her so much that I was dying inside when I lied to her and my heart wanted to quit beating when she said she wished she had never met me."
A flicker of movement caught Tony's eye even with his head buried in his hands. He looked up.
"Ziva, I'll have to call you back." Ignoring her sputtered protestations he ended the call.
"I forgot you still had a key."
"I came to give it back," replied the slender woman. "I wanted to do it in person."
Tony nodded. "And?"
"And what?"
"Jeanne, I know you. You could have dropped it on the front steps. You could have mailed it. You could have thrown it into the river. So why did you come by?"
The woman stepped closer. "For the last few days I have thought about, well, everything. And I got really, REALLY angry. I decided that you needed to be told exactly what kind of low-down, lying pond scum I think that you are."
"Here you are. Take all the time you need to vent."
"I need to. But damn it, it won't be the venting I wanted to do."
"Listen, if it's about what you think you might have just heard I can assure you that..."
"SHUT UP Tony! Listen for once in your life."
"Okay." Tony was shaken for a second by the fury of her words.
"What I just heard only confirmed what I had already figured out. You lied to me when we started together Tony and back then I didn't know you well enough to tell you were lying. But you lied less and less as we progressed. Instead of lying you avoided things, changed the subject. You weren't enjoying it. You had real feelings for me and lying to me hurt you.
"And I got to know you and now I know when you're lying. You're good at it but you can't hide it from me. It took me some time to realize you were lying to me that day at the elevator. Maybe it didn't start out 'real' but it became that. I know it.
"I had come up with the perfect payback. I was going to come in here and make you admit how you really feel. Then I was going to laugh at you, throw your words back in your face and make you feel like you made me feel. And then I was going to walk out the door and never see you again."
Before Tony realized what was happening Jeanne was right up against him. Tears were spilling down her face. She pounded on his chest with small clenched fists.
"Damn you DAMN you, DAMN YOU, Anthony DiNozzo. I can't do that. I can't because in spite of everything I still love you. And I know that you still love me too."
Tony's arms enfolded Jeanne, holding her very tightly but gently, as though she was a reed that could be broken with only a little force.
For a moment he considered something. What could be the greatest zinger ever than to confess a plan to do something to get the other person to lower their guard completely and then smack them in the face, and the heart, when they were completely defenseless? It would be the ultimate "gotcha".
"Be a man, Tony." he thought he heard Ziva say again. And it was time. Time to be a man and offer his heart to the woman that he loved even if she cut it out and threw it on the floor. He gently stroked her hair.
"I love you Jeanne." She lifted her tear streaked face to his and he continued. "God knows I'm not worthy of you..."
Her laughter mingled with her tears and she hiccupped. "Well, there's one thing we agree on for sure."
Tony's laughter joined Jeanne. "Yeah, true." He sobered. "But no one else will love you as much as I do Jeanne and I hope to spend the rest of my life proving to you just how real everything I feel for you is."
Jeanne didn't answer in words. But she twined her arms around her neck, stood on her toes and kissed him, kissing with all the love and passion a woman could give. A passion that he returned just as strongly. The pair stood locked together, this moment marking when they commenced on their new life together.
(The End)