Ode to the moRon
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling Owns Harry Potter Franchise, no copyright infringement intended. No profit made.
AN: I hate Ron Weasley. So for your if you agree you'll read this and I won't really need to justify why I hate him. If you like Ron then click that ← button now cause other wise you'll just get upset.
Parody, Crack fic, Satire. Humor, Rated T. Oddly or sadly enough ships RWxHr.
Now Ron, or as I prefer to call him "The moRon" :
Year 1
Lazy, Its not my fault its Williams fault for having a cool career, he breaks curses.
Uncool, Its not my fault Charlie already handles Dragons. Chess can't compete with that.
Unmotivated to excel in academics, its not my fault Percy already made Prefect.
Jealous the twins bought themselves new wands, with gold they earned and didn't give it all to you instead.
Your first year and the twins meet a famous person before you did, what a crime!
You bullshit your way into a famous persons compartment, You'll be damned if anyone can join in.
Boy has a toad, better mock him so he leaves the famous persons compartment
Smart girl takes notice of the famous person before noticing you?! Better chase her away by being rude.
Wealthy well known kid introduces himself to the famous person, better nip that in the bud.
Lame homemade food or candy! the guilt trip worked candy!
You put on the sorting hat, Your loyal to yourself only, your not clever at all, you have grand ambition but no guile to carry threw, your brave if it can benefit you and it's enough your a lion by default and not by virtue.
Your insecure about your performance, and the smart girl dares be better how dare the witch embarrass you in front of the famous person.
Troll? Glory! to anyone who will listen you did it all by yourself, but only is the smart bitch and famous person aren't around. You don't even say your sorry to the witch, who cares you got fame!
Mysterious stone? what a chance for adventure and fame, bring up the stone at any chance.
Smart girl shares her homework, you use her for it, but better not let her know so you mock and ridicule rather than show respect and appreciation.
Glory and fame at last! Your the shinning knight who without, the famous one would have failed the challenge of bravery. House points brings home the respect your long overdue from the Lions den.
Year 2.
You save the Famous person from Muggle Filth, He owns you now!
Your sister loves the famous person? Shit!
Sister wants to sit with the famous person, fuck that "...Shove off Ginny..." "Oh that's nice!...I'll just go find the twins then Ron" The famous person is mine to use!
Sister is acting off, oh well as long as she stays away from the famous person.
Famous person is getting shit for a magical ability, meh bastard needed to be brought down a peg or two. Besides snakes are evil who'd want to talk to the slimy fiends.
Famous person is getting shit for being evil, meh less fame he has the better!
Well you can't let your sister die mom might blame you.
Get the famous person to do the heavy lifting and ride the glory it brings.
Year 3
Famous person fainted? what a wuss the Demetor did that to him you are much more powerful after all.
Famous person has a murderer after him LOL!
Famous person learns powerful and advanced magic, why didn't he teach you?! What a fucking glory hog he is!
Firebolt, Why the fuck did he keep it instead of letting you have it?! What a fucking glory hog he is!
Smart Witch cat won't leave whats your alone, the injustice!
Firebolt was taken away before you could even ride it once? Smart witch has crossed a line!
Firebolt...how dare the famous one gain such glory from riding it.
Murderer almost guts you! The sympathy from the other lions is good though.
Murderer is a dog?! Famous person gonna die! Heh heh
My Rat is a man?! Teacher was a were-wolf?! Murderer is a good guy?!
Year 4
French witch needs to take her nickers off right this damn minute and please me...
His name came out the goblet and didn't tell you how?! Fuck! that's the last straw from the glory hog!
The school hates the famous person, About time his ego deflated!
Famous person battled and won a dragon, and everyone likes him again? "...I reckon you have to be mad to enter the tournament.."
Famous idiot bought into that fake apology, heh that means I am smarter!
Can't get a date its not my fault, the famous person has all the attention from the girls
Fucking glory hog claims he can't find a date? what shit he's just holding out for the hottest bitch, yeah that's it! Bastard!
Smart witch suddenly got hot, and dare say no? bitch will learn her place
Smart witch now that shes hot dare's to show up with a famous person of her own, while all i get is a foreign looking whore that's smarter than me? Its her fault dammit!
Eh? what famous person won and didn't give you all the gold?! you won't forgive this
Year 5
Newspaper is insulting the glory hog, Justice at last
You overhear the professors talking about Prefects, a chance! you claim Harry wouldn't want it, Oh ho! the lie worked. Better pretend your shocked.
Smart witch dare to think famous bastard would get the badge!
Smart witch is hugging me for getting the badge, about time she showed some proper feelings for me
Prefect you demand respect who cares if you steal the Slytherin 3rd years Hogsmead candy, how dare they afford it while you can't.
Teacher is torturing the famous person, only a good thing.
Damn right the smart bitch get me on the team, about time she learns her place
Famous person will teach the shit he's good at about time he start sharing his stuff
No good at the sport, uh well it's the slimy snakes cheating, how dare they!
Famous person banded from playing the sport, well that's what he gets for having the audacity to be better at it!
I WON THE CUP FOR THE LIONS ME ME ME
Death Eaters, MORE GLORY!
Famous person had someone die? who cares? what about my glory from fighting dammit!
Book 6
Whore is letting me at her, and famous person doesn't have a bitch of his own? hahahahahaha
Not in the famous and important person club the new professor started, why the ever loving fuck not?!
Smart bitch is jealous of the whore as she should be
Smart bitch fighting with the famous idiot over a potions book LOL, it's just a book!
Sister is acting like the whore, with my own roommate what the fuck?!
Sister won't dump my roommate, how dare the bitch embarrass me like this
I WON THE CUP FOR THE LIONS ME ME ME MY SECOND CUP ALL MINE
Finally my sister dumped my roommate, and is with the famous idiot, lol like he's such a wuss compared to my awesomeness he won't even try to get into her nickers I got nothing to worry about.
-Dumbledore is dead, meh whats for dinner i wonder
Book 7
A grand adventure from Dumbledore no sweat.
Not enough food.
It's cold out here
Smart bitch won't drop her nickers dammit
Hungry
man fuck this...
Find a damn Horcrux after months and famous idiot doesn't know how to destroy it?
WHY THE FUCK WONT THE FAMOUS IDIOT SHARE HE'S STUFF DUMBLEDORE TAUGHT HIM I KNOW HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO DAMMIT?
SMART BITCH IS DROPPING HER PANTIES FOR THE GLORY HOG, THAT HAS TO BE IT!
FUCK THIS I AM OUT OF THIS SHIT!
heh I saved the famous fucker me! I destroyed the Horcrux I am the better Wizard!
Smart Bitch is looking at me more!
Smart Bitch is mine!
Time for war the slimy snakes won't know what to do with my Gryffindor power!
Charms flare, curses sizzle, blood and glory.
Famous fool died, eh..more whores for me then! what he didn't after all? better stay away from what's mine then!
I survived the battle! I am powerful the next Merlin!
All the Famous bastard got is my sister? For his war reward...lol what a loser.
Epilogue
Damn right the smart bitch lost her virginity to me I am a true manly man unrivaled by all!
-Auror with the famous fool, flunked out of training?! It was the famous fucks fault not mine dammit.
Working with George, Gold lots of gold!...Did I mention ALL THE GOLD!
19 years later.
"Now Rose be sure to do better than Malfoy's brat on all the test, and if you get into Slytherin I will disown you"
Heh...smart bitch thinks I'm joking about our brat becoming a snake and getting kicked out if she does.
I am smarter...me!