A/N: I'll preface this by saying that no characters added to the show past Season 7 Episode 33 will be present in this story. Yes, that is an oddly specific episode. You'll understand.

This story is rated T for...well, future prospects. Vague, I know. I've never posted a Rated T fanfic before. Actually, I haven't posted any fanfiction at all in over four years. How's everybody doing? Everything good? Good.

Furthermore, if I wrote this correctly, which I hope I did, you don't need to have seen The Godfather/any of its sequels for this fanfic to make sense. Lol. Although it's probably funnier if you have. This is not a parody. It's simply an homage.

...actually, I guess it could be both a parody and an homage. I don't know. What is a parody? What makes an homage? What is real? Who are we? Where are we going? (lifts laptop) What is this?! (begins to slam keyboard against head repeatedly while screaming)

Okay, I want everyone to calm down, and just, just...imagine a single trumpet, playing softly in the distance...

"I believe in Fairy World. Fairy World has made my fortune. Although, it's not an easy job...full of puny people, and insufferable morons who don't know how to read rule books. But there are worse things, I suppose. I could be a pixie. With their freakishly pointy heads and terrible, unemotional voices that could only belong to a corrupt businessman—or...maybe an...eye drop salesman...anyway, I guess, even worse than that, I could be a genie. Ha ha. Stupid genies. Trapped in their smelly little lamps, preaching their anti-smoof legalization propaganda. Doesn't get much more pathetic than that. In any case, I'm only bringing this up because I know that Fairy World has made your fortune too. And about two months ago…you were late on filing your taxes."

A long silence followed this.

Then, slowly, the fedora-wearing fairy man swiveled his chair around to face the man who had spoken prior. He slammed both of his hands down onto the desk in a moment of rage.

"You come to me, and you say, 'Big Daddy, bring me tax returns,'" the gruff Italian man snarled. "But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me 'Big Daddy.' Instead, you come into my house, on the day my daughter is to be married, and you ask me to do murder for money!"

Jorgen von Strangle, who was dressed in a neat tuxedo, stared at the man on the other side of the desk in utter surprise and confusion, blinking dumbly.

"I...what?" He cocked his brow. "For heaven's sake, all I asked about were your taxes—"

"Jorgen...Jorgen!" Big Daddy snapped. "What have I ever done for you to treat me so disrespectfully?"

"Well, okay, look, man...it's not even me who cares. Don't shoot the messenger. As you are aware, I work for the Fairy Council, and they were performing one of their routine checks, and they noticed that you—"

"You don't call me 'man,' bub!" Big Daddy grabbed Jorgen by the bowtie. Despite Jorgen's comparatively massive size, the smaller fairy was somehow able to forcefully hoist him face to face. "You call me by one name, and one name only! And do you know what that name is?"

"Big Daddy!" Jorgen yelped, fearfully. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry I asked! The Fairy Council told me to! I feel the need to clarify, once again, it is them—them"—he gestured empathically away from himself—"not I—who cares!"

"Tell them I'm thinking about it!" Big Daddy released his grip on Jorgen, and folded his arms. "I got things to sort out first, you know. More, uh, important matters to attend to."

"Okay, well," Jorgen said. "Just...don't ever say I didn't warn you."

Big Daddy glared at him again. "Are you threatin' me?"

"No...no, of course I'm not," Jorgen insisted.

"Because you know what happens to fairies that threaten me," He pounded his right fist into the palm of his left hand. "It ain't pretty, and it ain't something I wanna be dealin' with on this day, of all days! Capisce?"

"Alright, alright, capisce, whatever! Geez," Jorgen shook his head, "I should've never told the Fairy Council I was coming to this wedding, they wouldn't have made me talk to you..."

"I also am not so pleased by this executive decision," Big Daddy rolled his eyes. He then proceeded to straighten out his pinstripe suit and hat. "Speaking of which, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to my daughter's wedding." He gestured to the enormous party taking place outside his office window.

Jorgen let out a chuckle, re-adjusting his bowtie. "What a crazy day this is, huh, Big Daddy? Your family and mine, united in marriage. You know, I never thought Leonard was the type to settle down...but I guess you've probably heard that about Blonda at least eighteen times, haven't you? Haha, ha...ha…"

Jorgen stopped talking and cleared his throat awkwardly as soon as he noticed that Big Daddy was glaring at him again.

"You know what, Jorgen, why don't you try shuttin' your yap for a while?" Big Daddy spoke sharply. "You might find it suits you well."

"Well—ha...I'm the best man, Big Daddy," Jorgen defended, oblivious. "I still have to give my best man speech—mmph!"

A large bag of garbage fell on Jorgen's head, knocking the massive fairy to the ground. Without a second thought, Big Daddy exited the room and gestured to the first fairy he saw. "Hey, Guido! Get me a plate of the lasagna out there, will ya? I'm starving!"

"Eighteen times?" Timmy Turner exclaimed in disbelief.

"Well, nineteen, if you count today!" Cosmo responded excitedly. "Because that's eighteen plus one! Yay! I know math!"

"I just don't understand," Timmy shook his head, skeptically regarding the two fairies who float-sat beside him at the neatly-adorned table. "How does someone get married and divorced eighteen times?"

"Blonda's a celebrity, Timmy," Cosmo said in a sing-song voice, holding a plate of lasagna close to his heart. "And everyone knows that there are three things celebrities do best: get botched plastic surgery, have incredibly graphic public mental breakdowns, and get married as many times as possible!"

"While eighteen is an overall absurd amount," Wanda acknowledged, tilting her glass of champagne toward the boy thoughtfully, "you have to remember, Timmy, that our lifespans are much longer than yours. We're essentially immortal, which means there's plenty of time to get married and divorced eighteen times. And have an absolutely over-the-top, gaudy, extravagant wedding...eighteen times."

"Nineteen times!" Cosmo corrected.

"Nineteen times," Wanda sighed and took a swig.

"I'm just glad they always serve the same lasagna at Blonda's weddings," Cosmo spoke, food falling out of his mouth as he did so. He waved a forkful of the pasta in Timmy's face. "Have you tried the lasagna yet, Timmy?! It's deliziosissssssssima!"

Timmy wrinkled his nose in disgust as he wiped Cosmo's spit from his face and the dress shirt he was wearing. "Alright, I guess that makes sense." He paused, taking a moment to survey the wedding reception. Loads and loads of fairies were float-seated at dozens of dining tables that were scattered upon Garbage Incorporated's front lawn. There was also a large stage at the front of the venue, where a set of floating magical instruments were currently playing the Conga.

Sure, Timmy had been to a fairy wedding before, but he certainly didn't disagree with Wanda on the fact that this one seemed an awful lot more garish than it had to be. He put a hand to his chin, and waited for a massive conga line of fairies to pass by their table and make their way back to the dance area before continuing to speak. "That's crazy to think about, though. Like...for humans, being married for, say, fifty years, is a really long time. But for fairies, I guess that's like the blink of an eye, isn't it?"

Wanda immediately snorted. "Are you insinuating that any of Blonda's marriages have lasted fifty years?"

"I remember her marriage to Paul Stanley didn't last very long," Cosmo shook his head. "I guess he wasn't made for loving her. Ha! See what I did there? Ha..."

"Don't forget the April Fool," Wanda pointed out.

"Blonda was married to the April Fool?" Timmy was incredulous.

"For about four weeks," Wanda rolled her eyes.

"Turns out he's not as funny in May," Cosmo shrugged.

"She left him for the Easter Bunny, and then none of the Lesser Holidays would talk to each other, they would only talk to other people about each other, and boy, that was annoying," Wanda rolled her eyes.

"Blonda was in a relationship with the Easter Bunny?!" Timmy exclaimed.

"Oh, yeah, I remember that. They all tried to steal each other's jobs. Baby New Year tried to take up stand-up comedy. And Cupid made all of those Easter egg-benedicts….oh, man, those were good." Cosmo shoveled another giant forkful of lasagna into his mouth. "But n't as good as dis lasagnaaaaa!"

"Cosmo!" Timmy snapped, shielding his face with a napkin. "If you're gonna talk with your mouth full, can you at least face the other way?"

Head Pixie and Sanderson float-sat, idly, at a table in a very far corner of the venue. They both surveyed the events of the boisterous wedding reception without emotion.

Sanderson began to take a sip of coffee, and H.P. checked his phone.

"Have you heard from Anti-Cosmo yet, Sanderson? I thought he'd be here by now."

"Well, H.P., if my calculations are correct, based upon the parallel laws of fairies and anti-fairies, today would also mark the day of his sister-in-law's nineteenth wedding. Therefore, I'd speculate he's stuck attending it."

"Right," H.P. acknowledged. "Good point. I wonder, then, if we should expect to see him at all. Although I do recall him saying he would meet us today."

"Perhaps time got the best of him," Sanderson said. He PING!ed up two plates of lasagna, and offered one to H.P. "More lasagna? While I must say the Alfredo pales in comparison to my own, the lasagna is muy deliciosa."

"I believe that's Spanish, Sanderson."

"Lo siento."

"Again...that's still Spanish."

"With all due respect, sir, we can't all speak Italian. Are you going to eat the lasagna, or not?"

"I'll have it, grazie," H.P. rolled his eyes.

"The Easter Bunny is an animal, correct? Like...he's an actual...bonafide...animal."

"He's a bunny. It's in his name, Timmy," Cosmo rolled his eyes and swallowed his food. "And I'm the stupid one here?"

"So, you're telling me, Blonda was in a romantic relationship with a bunny. A literal bunny. Do you guys not see how weird—...is that not weird in Fairy World, or…?!"

Cosmo regarded Timmy with confusion. Wanda opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a purple-haired, tuxedo-clad baby POOF!ing into her arms.

"Poof-poof!" Poof greeted aptly.

"Poof! How's Mama's little world's-very-best-ring bearer?" Wanda asked, tickling the bottom of his chin. "Didn't I tell you to keep an eye on your great-uncles Piero and Carmino? Now where are they?"

Poof laughed, shook his rattle, and POOF!ed up an object wrapped in brown paper. Wanda took it and unwrapped the object, revealing a dead fish.

"Aaaahhhh!" and "Gross!" Cosmo and Timmy both yelped, respectively, in unison.

"I'm going to have to talk to them about the types of movies they're letting you watch," Wanda said with a sigh, and POOF!ed the fish away.

"EVERYONE, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!" A voice at the front of the garden boomed.

At the center of the stage in front of a microphone floated a blonde-haired fairy, who was wearing a very sparkly wedding gown and far too much makeup. As the music quieted and the members of the conga line, along with all of the other fairies in the dance area ceased their dancing, she folded her hands together and smiled a polite smile.

"I'd like to take a moment to thank all of you for coming; really, thank you all. It is such an honor to be able to celebrate this day with all of you wonderful people. So far, today has been the best day of my life, and I feel like I can safely say that no other day will ever come close to bringing me as much joy. Except for, perhaps, the day I finally win a Zappy. Ha, ha...ha..."

Blonda took a moment to clear her throat, as the wedding guests all began to laugh...some of them, hysterically.

"But, seriously, everyone," she spoke again, as soon as the laughter finally began to die down. "Today, I learned something very important. And that is, that there is no greater award to win in this world...than true love."

All of the wedding guests collectively "aww"ed; save for Timmy, who stuck his tongue out, and Wanda, who facepalmed.

"Today, I float before you, my friends, a new woman. Although I may look the same—beautiful, flawless, dressed to the nines in this exquisite diamond-encrusted wedding dress—thank you to my Uncle Valentino, he always knows how to pull out the stops—"

"Love you, baby girl!" Uncle Valentino yelled over the crowd. "You work those heels!"

"—but inside, I'm a completely changed person. And in a good way. And my husband..." Blonda paused, and glanced around. "Where is he?"

"I'm right here, honey!" A man shouted with a gruff, vaguely Germanic voice, very similar to Jorgen's.

A couple seconds later, what appeared to be a giant floating tuxedo and shoes ran up and stood beside the petite blonde fairy.

"It's funny 'cause he's invisible," Cosmo pointed out the obvious. "Like, he could've not even been at the altar, and no one would've known."

"Why is Jorgen's cousin invisible, anyway?" Timmy frowned.

"Oh my god, Timmy," Cosmo hissed in a tone similar to a teenage girl's, "You can't just ask people why they're invisible!"

Timmy threw up his hands defensively. Then, he folded his arms and scoffed. "Fairies are weird."

"Leonard and I got married because we love each other," Blonda said, joining hands with her unseen spouse. "But let it be known that I also want this marriage to be seen as a symbol of the fact that love is blind. That it doesn't matter what you look like, or...if you even look like anything at all. All that really matters...is what is on the inside."

The wedding guests once again collectively "aww"ed.

Except for Wanda. "Then what is the point of the diamond-encrusted wedding dress?!" She hissed in frustration.

"Shhh, Wanda! I'm trying to listen to Blonda. This is a very important day for her," Cosmo said.

"Cosmo, we have heard her give this same speech—with slight variance—eighteen times!"

"Nineteen!" Cosmo chided. "Shhh!"

"I love you with all my heart, darling!" Leonard von Strangle proclaimed, putting an invisible hand to his invisible chest (although his bulging pecs were visible through his dinner suit).

"I love you too, sugar plum!" Blonda replied. "And now, without further ado, it's time for the best man's speech."

The two floated in silence for a moment, looking around in curiosity.

"Where is he?" Blonda asked. "It's Jorgen, right?"

"Uh, yeah…" Leonard hummed quizzically. "Hm. I wonder where he went."

"Jorgen's not invisible, is he?"

"Not last time I checked," If Leonard's face had been visible, he would've been frowning.

"Outta my way, I'm flyin' here! I'm flyin' here!" Big Daddy was suddenly making his way onto the stage, shoving past various floating band instruments, and zipped up beside the newlywed couple. "Hey! Jorgen's not, uh, here right now, I think he got busy with some, uh, business."

"What business?" Blonda demanded. "Business that's more important than my wedding?"

"Uh, you know. His regular business, some...uh...stupid-giant-oaf-who-doesn't-know-when-to-shut-his-mouth...business."

"Hmm...that is his business," Leonard agreed without giving a second thought to what Big Daddy had just implied. Then, he shrugged. "Oh well. I don't need a best man—I already have a best woman."

Once again, most of everyone "aww"ed.

"I'm gonna throw up," Cosmo gagged.

"Because you've finally realized how ridiculous this all is?" Wanda asked.

"No, because I ate too much lasagna," He whined.

"And unfortunately, my designated maid of honor couldn't make it today, either," Blonda balled her fists, but still maintained a somewhat calm expression. "But Oprah is a very busy woman, so I understand."

"Oprah? Like...Oprah Winfrey?" Timmy asked.

"Oh, like she actually knows Oprah," Wanda rolled her eyes.

"In about ten minutes, we'll be cutting the cake. But first, I'd like everyone to participate in the classic Italian wedding tradition of placing envelopes with large sums of money into my purse for a chance to dance with me." Blonda POOF!ed up a small satin handbag and clapped her hands. "Chop, chop!"

The band began to play once again, guests began to rush to the stage, and chatter resumed throughout the party.

"Man," Timmy said, noticing the large brigades of fairies with cameras attempting to shove their way into the venue, only to be pummeled and/or violently picked up and tossed by the large bodyguards surrounding the circumference. "Look at all the pooferazzi trying to break into this place. What a life."

"Too bad for them. Daddy has the place patrolled 24/7 anyway," Wanda said. "You couldn't break into this place if you tried."

"But what about that one time Mama Cosma broke in and kidnapped Big Daddy?" Timmy asked, and then became visibly perplexed. "Do you guys remember when that happened, or was that just some weird fever dream I had?"

"I wish I could forget that it happened," Wanda pinched the bridge of her nose. Then, she flinched backward as Cosmo violently vomited onto the floor.

"Sorry I brought it up," Timmy grimaced.

"Fairies are weird," Sanderson droned, peering at the front of the party through a set of binoculars.

H.P.'s phone began to ring. He opened it. "Yes, Anti-Cosmo? Yes, we're at the fairy wedding. Is that so? Alright, I suppose we'll meet up tomorrow. Very well." The pointy-headed man hung up, and looked over at Sanderson. "You were right, Sanderson, he isn't coming. He has asked us to wait until tomorrow to execute our stratagem."

"But today seemed like such a perfect day," Sanderson commented as he twisted the lenses of the binoculars back and forth, attempting to bring his vision into focus.

"I'm inclined to concur. But we did make a deal with him."

"Has that ever actually stopped us before?"

"No," H.P. said. "And I never said it was going to."

Sanderson put his binoculars down. "I don't know this song," he said. "Do you think the band takes requests? I'm going to request 'Paradise by the Dashboard Light.' You can't have a wedding reception without playing 'Paradise by the Dashboard Light.'"

"If you're going to go all the way up there, at least bring me back a slice of cake."

Wanda had quickly solved the problem by shoving Cosmo's head into a nearby trashcan. Timmy pondered his surroundings with amusement.

"Y'know, for a venue decorated with conveniently placed garbage cans that's right next to a trash facility," he remarked, "this place smells surprisingly good."

"That was my doing, back when I temporarily took over Daddy's company and installed all of the air fresheners," Wanda declared proudly. "Although I still can't believe they didn't keep those stylish uniforms I designed for them!"

"You really think a bunch of tough-guy garbage men wanted to fly around all day in those girly, bright pink outfits?" Timmy asked flatly.

"Look who's talking!"

"Touché."

"Hey, they're playing 'Paradise by the Dashboard Light'!" Cosmo voice echoed in the trashcan between violent retches.

Timmy looked over at the stage. "There's a pixie talking to the band," he observed.

"There's a what?" Wanda looked up in surprise.

Timmy pointed at Sanderson, who had made his way off the stage, and was now seemingly caught in the midst of several dancing fairies. "A pixie, do you see him? Caught between all those fairies, looking super out of place? Just one pixie, all on his own. Poor little guy."

"A pixie?" Wanda seemed concerned, although it didn't seem to be for the pixie's alleged loneliness. "What's a pixie doing here?"

"Dunno. Pixies never really struck me as party people..." Timmy snickered. "Wonder how he ended up at this wedding. I didn't even think pixies came to fairy weddings."

"Me either," Wanda muttered. She rose from the chair she had been hovering over, and handed Poof to Timmy. "I'll be right back. Stay out of trouble. And don't let Cosmo eat any more lasagna."

"Roger that," Timmy replied, and Wanda flew away.

"Hey, Timmy," Cosmo said. He had lifted his head, but it was still submerged in the now upside-down trashcan. "When they bring the karaoke machine out, you and I should duet on this song. I'll be Meat Loaf, and you be the girl."

"What—...Why do I have to be the girl?" Timmy argued. "And also, no way, dude. I don't want to sing a duet with you."

"Alright, fine. You don't have to, 'cause I know Poof will sing with me. In fact, we've been practicing our Neil Diamond songs! Ready, Poof? SWEEEEEEEEEET CAROLIIIIINE!"

"Poof-poof-pooooooooooooooooooooooooof!"

Timmy groaned.

"And so I says to him—" Big Daddy gestured widely as he told his story to the crowd of people around him, "I says to him—that ain't no incinerator...that's a compost bin!" He shouted, and then began to guffaw at his own punchline.

Wanda floated up beside the cackling man, and gently tapped him on the shoulder. "Sorry if I'm interrupting something, Daddy, but I—"

"Wanda! There you are!" Big Daddy said. "I was wondering where you was at. We still gotta take the family picture—now we just gotta find Piero and Carmino, wherever they went off to…"

"Daddy—"

"Geez, those two are always missing in action. They think they're chefs or somethin'. Always going to the market and buying absurd amounts of fruit. I keep tellin' 'em, we can't eat all them apples! And do they listen? Of course not."

"Um. Daddy…"

"Listen, Wanda, there's something I've been meaning to ask you." Big Daddy spoke in a hushed tone and glanced around, making sure the fairies around him had departed and were no longer within earshot of the two of them. "Could you, uh. Could you possibly...balance my checkbook?"

"What? Uh, sure," Wanda said dismissively. "Anyway, I have to tell you—"

"Oh, thank you, Wanda, you're a lifesaver!" Big Daddy tightly embraced his daughter. "I'm so glad I got a girl like you." His face very suddenly became serious. "So. Uh. Do you think we could get this wedding as a write-off?"

"Unlikely," Wanda choked out, her windpipe muffled by Big Daddy's tight grasp.

Big Daddy released her. "Hmph, well, you oughta try, and if not, I'll give the IRS a piece of my mind."

"Daddy..."

"I'll make 'em an offer…"

Wanda sighed.

"...they can't refuse," Big Daddy finished.

"Alright, you said it. You said the line," Wanda rubbed her forehead. "Now can we move on?"

"Anyway, I'm sorry, were you try'na say something?"

"Right, yes." Wanda held her hands up. "I'm going to tell you something, but before I do, you have to promise not to freak out, and-slash-or ruin the entire wedding."

"Is it Rocco's Recycling?" He snarled. "I told that goon and his cronies to stay off our property! Our business is stinky magic! That 'eco-friendly magic' nonsense he keeps talking about is stronzata!"

Wanda sighed. "No, Daddy. It's worse."

"What?" Big Daddy gasped.

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE!" Blonda shouted, and clapped her hands together with excitement. "It's time to cut the cake!"

A very, very tall wedding cake, tens of tiers high, stood on a table beside Blonda and her beau. Blonda waved her wand and procured a large knife from thin air. She turned toward Leonard, and thrust the knife at him. "You go first, honey!"

However, instead of eagerly grabbing the knife from his wife, the invisible man shrieked in pain. "AAAAAHHH! My jugular!"

Blonda and many of the wedding guests gasped in horror. Timmy and Poof both winced as they witnessed the event.

"Welp," Timmy said, "I guess that's what happens when you try to hand a knife to an invisible person."

"Whaaaat?" Cosmo, of course, still had the garbage can over his head. "What's going on? Did I miss something?"

"Oh, nothing. Blonda just stabbed her new husband, is all."

"Wait, really? Already?" Cosmo said. "That usually doesn't happen until after the honeymoon!"

"Okay," Wanda said, "Now this is all a very confusing situation, and clearly, there is a lot of explaining to do, but before we begin, can I please, please just ask that everybody here keep try to their emotions level, and stay...calm—"

"WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT DO YOU KNOW? WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Big Daddy roared, his face mere centimeters away from the pixie in front of him. "TELL ME! TELL ME NOW!"

Wanda sighed. "Or...not."

Sanderson took a moment to consider his predicament. First, he'd been tied up to a chair against his will in Big Daddy's office. That in itself was embarrassing enough, but he also had to have the angry brute screaming and projecting his saliva all over the pixie's face. Behind Big Daddy, a pink-haired woman had her arms folded as she leaned against the front of the desk, and she had had the audacity to instruct him to keep his emotions level. As if pixies were known for their emotional outbursts…

"I'm not saying anything until I have a lawyer present," Sanderson replied.

"PIXIE SCUM!" Big Daddy asserted. "You got a lotta nerve showing up on my property! After what you did to my family? Sure, it's been thousands of years, but don't for a second think that I've forgotten!"

"Wait...aren't all pixies lawyers?" Wanda pondered aloud.

Suddenly, a loud rustling came from the corner of the room, and all three individuals turned to look toward the source of the noise.

"Oh, man," Jorgen rubbed his head as he shoved the garbage bag off of his body. "Geez Big Daddy, what do you even throw away around here? Giant rocks?"

Wanda regarded the man with surprise. "Jorgen! How long have you been in here? What happened to you? You missed your cue for the best man speech!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Wanda," Jorgen said sarcastically, and gestured wildly to the garbage bag beside him, "I was little too busy being knocked out cold by a trash bag! Wait a minute—" he finally noticed the tied-up pixie in the room. "Sanderson?! What is he doing here? You guys invited a pixie to Blonda's wedding? Weird—"

"No one invited a pixie!" Big Daddy shouted.

"That's the problem," Wanda said.

Jorgen put a hand to his chin. "Ohhhh," he said. "I see what's going on in here, then. A little interrogation of sorts? Some good-cop-bad-cop interaction going on here?"

"Here, Daddy, let me see if I can get some information out of him," Wanda approached Sanderson's chair, and Big Daddy floated aside. She then proceeded to violently shake the chair as she yelled, "GIVE US ANSWERS, YOU PROWLER!"

Jorgen blinked. "Or just…bad-cop-bad-cop. I guess that works, too."

Sanderson remained stoic. Although he couldn't help but wonder what happened to 'staying calm.'

A PING! sounded, and the larger pixie with the pointier head appeared in the room.

"You rang, B.D.?" H.P. said, dragging his words out lazily.

"Yeah! I'd like an explanation for why one-a' your cronies was runnin' around at my daughter's wedding today!"

H.P. looked at Sanderson, and the two shared an emotionless glance.

"Well, Sanderson," H.P. said, "care to explain yourself?"

"What can I say," Sanderson replied. "I love weddings."

"Unbelievable. You crash a fairy wedding and don't even have the decency to snag me a slice of cake?" H.P. said in his classically monotonous tone, although he put an unusual amount of emphasis on the last three words of his sentence for some reason. Wanda glanced at Big Daddy, and wondered if he'd picked up on that.

Sanderson definitely had. "They hadn't cut the cake yet, sir."

"I see." H.P. slowly turned back to face Big Daddy. "Pardon my colleague's manners, Big Daddy."

"Lotta nerve," Big Daddy snarled, "Lotta nerve comin' here!"

"My naive associate meant no harm. Rest assured that something like this will never happen again."

"Oh no," Wanda said sharply. "You two aren't getting off that easy."

"Oh?" H.P. said.

"'Oh' is right!" Jorgen exclaimed. "The dull dunderhead was trespassing on private property! There's a jail cell at Fairy World Maximum Security Prison with his name on it!"

"In the immortal words of Tupac Shakur," Sanderson said, "'Even a smooth criminal must one day get caught, shot up or shot down with the bullet that he bought.'"

"I believe that's a matter of whether or not Big Daddy decides to press charges." H.P. turned back to Big Daddy. "Big Daddy, I know we've had some quarrels in the past. But we've both stayed out of each other's hair for the past...how long has it been? Nine, ten thousand years? Surely there's no desire to reignite a feud between us again."

"Oh, but you two haven't stayed out of my hair!" Jorgen snarled. "Lest we forget that you enslaved Fairy World not too long ago! And there was a lot of singing!"

"Yes, but it was good singing. And you had your own polka number."

Jorgen considered this for a moment. "That was a good number…" then he shook his head, regaining his senses, "...but it still does not make up for what you did!"

"DAAAAADDYYYYY!" came a gratingly screechy voice from down the hall.

"Oh, no," Wanda groaned.

Suddenly, the office door swung open and hit the wall with a deafening SLAM!

Blonda floated in the doorway. And she was seething. And her face was covered in cake.

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?" She demanded. "Do you people not know that today is my wedding day?!"

"Blonda, baby!" Big Daddy exclaimed. "Can you hear us out there? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mess up your big day. And I missed you cuttin' the cake! How'd it go?"

Blonda seized up. "It—went—fine," she said, sharply. "I mean...Leonard doesn't need stitches or anything. So everything is fine!"

"Stitches?" Jorgen repeated. "You couldn't wait until after the honeymoon?"

"Are those pixies?" Blonda shrieked. "At my wedding? Oh, great! Just great! Wonderful! I can't believe this! This was supposed to be my day! My wedding! And now I'm watching everything crumble right before my eyes!"

"Blonda, please, calm down!" Big Daddy begged. "I'll make it up to you, peach, I swear!"

"Can't I just have myself a decent wedding reception?" Blonda pleaded melodramatically. "That's all I ask for! Please!"

"One might think you would have perfected the art by now, considering you've had eighteen of them," Wanda commented.

Blonda's overly dramatic sadness dissipated, and she turned instead to regard Wanda with overly dramatic surprise. "Oh...Wanda," she frowned. "I wasn't counting on seeing you here."

"You weren't counting on—...I'm your sister, you brat! Of course I'm here! My son was your ring bearer!"

"Isn't that the same dress you wore the last time I saw you?" Blonda asked abruptly.

"What? Are you surprised that I can keep a dress longer than you can keep a husband?"

Blonda gritted her teeth. "Don't test me, Wanda! This is my wedding day, ergo, the happiest! Day! Of! My! LIFE!"

An aggressive thought occurred to Wanda, and she grinned in a devious way. "You know what would make this the happiest day of my life?" She asked tantalizingly, rolling up her sleeves.

Blonda huffed with appall and waved both of her hands at her sister dismissively. "No! I am not engaging in a physical fight with you while wearing this wedding dress! Uncle Valentino said it's a rental..." She muttered.

"Uncle Valentino can put the dry-cleaning bill on my tab!" Wanda snarled, holding a fist up to Blonda's face.

Blonda forcefully pushed Wanda's hand down. "For goodness sake, Wanda! Why do you always resort to violence? Were you raised by a wolf?" Blonda scrunched up her nose, adding, "And were you dressed by one, as well? Honestly. That dress was out of style the last time you were wearing it."

"You know what else is out of style? Washed-up celebrities pining for press, desperately clinging to a show that's been running for too long. What is going on on All My Biceps, anyway? Didn't your character get a dog last season? Where did it go?"

"Yeah, I was also curious about that," Jorgen chimed in. "And why doesn't Poof show up in episodes anymore? I am of course referring to the character of Doctor Poof Everwish."

"Yeah, and nobody even mentions he's gone," Wanda added.

"Okay, firstly: I'm not on the writing staff, I just work there! Secondly: BLOW ME, WANDA!" Blonda howled, leaping at the pink-haired fairy with claws bared, eliciting a sound from Wanda that was akin to a war cry.

"HEY, HEY, HEY, STOP IT!" Big Daddy roared, yanking the two sisters away from each other, holding them both in his hands by the backs of their dress collars. "Now, if anybody's gonna be blowing anybody around here, it's gonna be ME!" He paused, and then grimaced. "Okay, no, that...that didn't sound right…that didn't sound right at all…"

"It is apparent to me that you have some more pressing familial issues to sort out here," H.P. stated, gesturing at Sanderson. "So I believe this is where Sanderson and I take our cue to depart."

"Yeah, alright, fine, you pixies get off this time," Big Daddy shook his head, "but mark my words, H.P., if I ever see you on our turf again—"

"I assure you, Big Daddy, you won't need to worry about that," H.P. said.

"Wait!" Wanda protested. "You can't just let them leave, Daddy! They were trespassing! They've committed an actual crime!"

"Don't tell me how to run my business, Wanda!" Big Daddy snapped.

"I tell you to do what's best for the business! You know I do! You trusted me with the company while you were gone! And you listened to me when I told you to keep the air fresheners!"

"You're right, that was a good call," Big Daddy muttered, tapping his chin, "But you know what? Right now, I'm here, and this is my business, and—disregarding the previous times I've let you tell me how to run my business—don't tell me how to run my business, unless I tell you that you can tell me how to run my business! Does that make sense?"

"No!" Wanda exclaimed.

"Yeah, I think I talked myself in a circle, but you know what I mean!" Big Daddy seemed exasperated. "Nobody tells Big Daddy what to do!"

"Are you really just going to let them get away with this?" Wanda exclaimed incredulously.

"Oh, come on, Daddy, just kill the little one already or something," Blonda rolled her eyes. "Clearly, Wanda has some sort of insatiable bloodlust, and my wedding's already been ruined, so—"

"Blonda!" Big Daddy released both of his daughters, and then pointed a threatening finger at the blonde one. "Ain't no time for jokes like that! I don't care if this is your wedding or not, you are still my daughter first and foremost, and you still submit to my rules! Capisce?"

"Yes," Blonda spoke, remorsefully and fearfully. "I'm sorry, Daddy."

There was a long pause. Big Daddy eventually turned to look at the pixies.

"Well, get outta here, ya lousy pixies!" Big Daddy snapped. "What are you waiting for? You're gonna be late to a business meeting or something!"

"No," Sanderson glanced at his watch. "Not according to my schedule, we're not."

"He's being facetious, Sanderson," H.P. droned, and lifted his phone in the air. "Goodbye Big Daddy. Wanda. Jorgen. And congratulations, Blonda. May your marriage be filled with unbounded love and limitless joy."

With a pair of PING!s, the two had magicked away.

Jorgen let out a whistle from the side of his mouth. "Can I just say something?"

"Oh, here we go," Big Daddy grumbled.

"At risk of being knocked out by another bag of unusually heavily garbage, I feel like that entire situation could've been handled better," Jorgen continued. "While the decision was up to you, Big Daddy, and—I'm not saying you made the wrong one, I'm just saying—like Wanda said, they committed a crime. And you just let them go fr—oof!"

Another bag of garbage fell on Jorgen's head, which didn't surprise anyone.

"Alright! Now does anyone else want to bother Big Daddy today?" Big Daddy challenged loudly.

At that precise moment, the door flew open again. Timmy swung in, almost stumbling over himself. Poof quickly followed suit, and Cosmo—who still had the garbage can over his head—came in fast behind them.

"Wanda! We were looking all over for you!" Timmy exclaimed.

"Yeah! And the worst part was, the entire time we were looking, I couldn't see anything!" Cosmo shouted, waving his arms in front of him helplessly. He then proceeded to violently collide with a nearby bookshelf. It toppled over, causing an avalanche of books to fall onto the other inhabitants of the room. "Sorry!" He yelled.

"Cosmo, take that stupid garbage can off your head already!" Timmy snapped, tossing away copies of Arsenic and Old Waste and Angela's Trashes that had fallen on his head.

"But the acoustics in here are amaaaaaaazing!" Cosmo sang in defense.

"Oh yeah, that's why we wanted to find you, Wanda—the karaoke machine's out! Cosmo says you do a mean Shania Twain!"

Wanda sighed and gently waved her wand to raise the fallen bookshelf. "I mean...I'm decent."

"THEY STARTED KARAOKE WITHOUT ME?!" Big Daddy yelled, seemingly angrier about this than any other event that had happened that day. "They know I always start karaoke! For the love of Oberon, I gotta get out there! Get outta my way, Idiot Brigade!" He demanded.

Timmy and Cosmo obediently got out of his way. Big Daddy gestured to Blonda.

"Come on, Blonda! Get out there with me! You're the bride! It's a tradition!"

Blonda groaned, begrudgingly following her father out the door. "Daddy, there are only so many times I can handle you serenading me with 'Walking in Memphis'..."

"Hey! I can't help the fact that I was born with a voice perfect for a hybrid of soft rock and folk music!" Big Daddy's voice echoed down the hall. "Marc Cohn and I are practically vocal twins, I tell ya!"

"Come on, guys, let's go!" Timmy said, and he and Poof made a mad dash back out the door. "Come on, Cosmo!"

"I'm coming!" Cosmo yelled back, waving his hands to try and find the doorway—only to once again run into, and knock down, the same bookshelf. "Sorry!" He yelled again, and then eventually made his way out of the room.

Wanda dug her way out of a pile of various garbage-pun-related books, and waved her wand, yet again repositioning the bookshelf. All of the books magically fluttered back into their respective places.

It was also at this point that Jorgen was finally able to shove the garbage bag off of his head. "Whoa, where'd everyone go?" He then noticed the female fairy who was still in the room. "Well, Wanda."

Wanda glanced back at him with an eyebrow raised. "Well, Jorgen?" She echoed.

"You and I both agree that he shouldn't have let those pixies go," Jorgen said. "They're up to something. I can sense it. I can smell it in the air. Oh...wait...I think that might just be rotting fruit," the large fairy winced, pulling a banana peel out from where it had fallen down the back of his dress coat.

"Big Daddy does what Big Daddy wants," Wanda folded her arms tepidly. "So long as he's in charge."

"Yeah, well, you know what they say about friends and enemies," Jorgen said as he proceeded to also procure an old apple core that had become wedged within his tuxedo.

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?"

"Oh...yeah, that's better than what I was gonna say."

"What were you going to say?"

"I was gonna say…'I get by with a little help from my friends. I get high with a little help from my friends. I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.'"

"The Beatles, huh?" Wanda said flatly. She didn't bother to question the fact his quote had nothing to do with 'enemies.' Or...with the majority of their conversation in general. She didn't fault him for it much, though; he had just experienced two severe blows to the head, after all.

"Yeah. Ringo was the most essential member, and I don't care what anyone else says. Ooh! Which reminds me!" Jorgen stood up excitedly, "I gotta get in line for karaoke!"

"I guess I do, too," Wanda conceded.