*Disclaimer: I do not own TFiOS or anything like that. It's John Green's story, and Fox's movie (both are awesome, btw), and not mine in any way. DFTBA, and hope you enjoy :)
Any quotes or scenes from the novel belong to John and Penguin and not me.
Chapter 1: Pain Demands to Be Felt
It wasn't the loss of his balls that bothered him.
Well, to be more specific, that wasn't what bothered him anymore. Sure, it had been pretty terrifying to find out he had cancer and to have to go through the procedure, and yes, his love life had taken a hit in the process.
But now it's just a part of his story.
No, what bothered him were the names.
After his surgery and divorce, he found himself going to the church all the time – to sit, to think, to pray. To wonder where he'd gone wrong in his marriage or why he'd had to get cancer in the first place.
Somewhere in all of that thinking, he came up with an idea: he could run a support group for children with cancer. Maybe, in some small way, he could help these kids by giving them an outlet to share their battles or feelings.
Once he got the okay, he sent word to the area hospitals about his new support group, and the weekly meetings began.
He kept tabs on his kids when they didn't show up. If they died, he wrote their name down on a piece of paper to be remembered at the end of each meeting.
At first, he didn't read from the paper. He knew each name and remembered each face.
But as the weeks went on, the list got longer, and the names couldn't be memorized. The faces faded. And all that was left was an ever-changing group of Why, God, why are these kids so damn sick? children, and a thirty-six year old ball-less man who was free of cancer, but not of pain.