Her Tears
She cries.
All the time now, she finds, she is crying. She has gotten used to the salty sting of tears running down her red cheeks. The puffiness in her eyes and throbbing in her head is now normal.
She cries when she is sad. When she is upset or hurt. Sick or well. Sometimes, she even cries when she is happy.
It is a vicious cycle. The pain, the hurt, the sobs, the tears. How she is never able to stop them from falling, for when she quickly wipes them away, new ones seem to appear just as fast. She doesn't remember a time when crying wasn't normal, when it wasn't just an automatic reaction, something that just happened. She can't remember a time where it was bad, or not allowed, or ever a time where she didn't want to cry. Until now.
Finnick, he was the only person who could ever console her. Who could stop her tears from flowing, and, to this day, she still doesn't know how he did it. He would hold her close, and whisper sweet nothings in her ear, slowly rocking them back and forth. Wipe the cool droplets of water of her cheeks, and kiss her head.
"It's okay, Annie. I'm here, it's okay." he would tell her, and she would nod back. Yes, it's okay now.
But he cries too.
It's only human, and she finds that she would comfort him too. And when he whispered, I'm sorry, after each time, she would smile at him."But, why ever are you sorry?" This would get a chuckle from him, a true laugh as she looked at him, dumbfounded. Then he would kiss her, and it would all be perfect.
But not anymore, because he is gone, so she sits here, and she cries.
He has his eyes.
She cried after she won her games.
The bell sounded, and Claudius's voice booms over a loudspeaker, but she doesn't hear. She hears nothing, but her violent screams as she paddles in the cold water. It's freezing, and she's in pain. Her tears are not at all happy. She doesn't want to be a victor; she wants to die, because her district partner, the one whose head is no longer attached to his body, was her brother. Her only brother, one year elder, and who protected her with all he had.
She doesn't want to win; she wants to go with him.
Finnick holds her. And squeezes her close to his body, comforting her, this is the first time, and not the last.
She cries almost everyday after that, for almost a full year. Silent tears that stream quietly down her face as she lays in bed, once more refusing to get up. But they don't call Finnick unless she screams. Violent, piercing shrieks. Horrid, horrid screams.
She cries at her parents' funeral. They were killed a few months after her victory, when Annie refused to go on the victory tour for the forth time. It was in a boating accident, or how Finnick puts it, "Accident, yeah right."
They dump there ashes into the ocean, something commonly done in district 4, and it takes all of her strength not to jump in after the remains of the only family she has left. She wants to, but she doesn't, she just cries.
Finnick holds her. He gathers her lightly into his arms as she sobs wildly, vomiting over the side of the boat. This time he doesn't have to rock her, because the steady waves beneath the boat do that for him. She is blinded by her tears as he comforts her, it is coming up on the 30th time.
She cries when he is reaped for his second hunger games.
Her whole body stiffens when she hears her name being called, and whips her head around, looking for something that will help her. She is so confused, she wonders what it happening. She is even more confused when Mags volunteers for her before she can even make it onto the stage. And once the actual reaping is over, she ran hysterically into his room and throws herself into his already open arms, crying wildly.
There is a brief moment when she wonders why he is the one comforting her, when he is going back into the arena, not her. Nevertheless, it passes quickly, as she is hit by another wave of sobs, and her heart is breaking inside her chest because her love is once again being taken away from her.
"Hold me." she whispers, because she wants to feels his arms around her, one more time, so he does.
They sit like that for the whole hour that they are together. Finnick holds her, rocking her shivering body back and forth, back and forth. He kisses away the final tears that linger on her cheeks, as she pulls back, able to breath normally again. She has lost count by now, but the number of times doesn't matter anymore.
That's when the peacekeepers come in, barging though the door and pulling her again sobbing form from a baffled Finnick. She is frantic, in hysterics as the wrestle her out the door, away from him. She wants to go with him, to stay with him, she can't lose him. She can't. Her head pounds and the room spins, but she is calmed down long enough to hear Finnick shout to her,
"I love you!"
And she let's go of her grip on the door frame at that, just having enough time to yell a desperate, "I love you too!" back to him as the thick door slams shut.
But once he is out of sight it hits her again. He is gone, and might not be coming back. She wrenches free of the guards and runs in the direction of the home they share. She throws open the front door, and launches herself through the many hallways until she reaches their room and flings her bawling self onto the bed they both sleep in. Here is where he hold her close at night, here is the one place she would feel safe.
A whimper escapes her lips and she buries her face into his pillow, which smells so strongly of him. And she cries.
Finnick isn't there to comfort her this time.
She cries everyday he is in the games, tears flowing freely from her eyes as she watches her love battle for his life on screen. She cries when Katniss and Peeta must dunk his unconscious boy into the cold salt water. She cries as he wildly screams her name, she screams his back, desperately wanting him to hear.
She cries the day the quarter quell arena blows up.
It's a flurry of wild sparks and deafening explosions booming throughout the arena. The arena where Finnick was. It wasn't the fact that it was being destroyed, but the fact that it was Finnick in there. Finnick, whom she loved with all heart and was the only person who could calm her. That fact that, it was him, and she had no control and no idea of what was happening what so ever. So she cries.
That was also the day that they took her. She cried then too.
It hadn't even been and hour, hardly 40 minutes, when they came bursting in through the front door, which had been turned to rubble by their forceful entry. She is still sitting silently on the couch, tears continuously streaming down her face, and the grab her. She opens her mouth and lets out a horrid scream, only for it to be cut off promptly by and strong, gloved hand clamping down on her face. They drag her, furiously struggling, out of the house and toss her into a large black cage. She can't see, her breath short and choppy, she has no clue what is happening.
"Finnick!" she screams, but with no use. The walls are think and unbreakable, and even after several minutes of pounding on them, they had no change. She is still crying, not able to help it now. The voices in her head grow louder. Louder, louder and louder, until she can no longer take it. Backing up to the corner, she sits rigidly on the hard cage ground. The voices are yelling at her. Her hands fly to either side of her head, covering her ringing ears. Trying to get them to stop. Stop. Stop.
She cries, and Finnick isn't there to comfort her now either.
She cries everyday she is in the Capitol, except the first, and the last.
By the time she is transported into her cell, the tears on her cheeks have dried and she makes a inward pact to herself not to cry. This only lasts one day, because that first day the leave her alone, but on the second. On the second day they come to her, with their cruel torturous machines and weapons, asking her questions that she doesn't know the answers to.
Her cell is next to Peeta's, and Johanna's, and Effie's and many other people in the same kind of pain she is in. She kicks and screams and sobs, sometimes Peeta tries to comfort her, or Johanna will softly speak to her, but others times they just watch her, because everyone knows that empty words are no use. She wants Finnick, so so badly does she want Finnick.
She doesn't cry on the last day either. Because, finally, she is numb, no longer feeling the agony that has been inflicted on her. She is is a bright haze of pain as the rebels carry her out of her cell and to the hovercraft. She isn't sure of what is going on, and hears talking but only catches one word,
"Finnick."
She smiles. Finnick.
She cries on their wedding day, except this time, for once, they are happy tears.
Instead of her shrieking painfully as she sobs into his arms, she cries tears of joy when his kisses her. Their first kiss as man and wife. Her wedding is all she could have ever hoped it to be. It's truly wonderful. Perfect, but not because of the delicious cake, or beautiful dress, or great music, but because of him. Because of Finnick.
The tears run blindly down her face, and he pulls away from the kiss to wipe them away, but he is crying too. Matching tears of joy run down both o their faces. They are so in love. And he holds her, and comforts her, and he will do this always. Till death so them part.
She cries when he doesn't come back.
But of course, she finds herself thinking that she should have expected this. She waits for him, and she sits there for almost an hour until Haymitch comes out to tell her. He is gone. Her Finnick is gone. She wildly shrieks his name, crying hysterically as they try to drag her from the room, it can't be true. It can't be true.
"Finnick!"
It's true. As much as she doesn't want to believe it, as much as she wants it to be lies, it's true, and she knows this.
Finnick is gone. And his is never coming back.
There is a slight pinch in her arm as they inject something into her that causes her vision to go all hazing. Rocking herself back and forth she cries. And he is not here to comfort her, and never will be again. She mutters his name, over and over, like it will somehow bring him back. But it won't, and even in her grief stricken state, and her certifiably 'crazy' mind, she knows this. She keeps saying his name anyways, her hands resting protectively on her slightly raised abdomen, she says his name.
There wasn't even a body to bury. She will never see him again.
Her horrible nightmares, the ones that had stopped ever since she began to sleep in his arms, come back that night. And they are worse than ever, but no one is there to stop her from waking up screaming now. So every night, her horrid dreams pull her from her slumber with a scream, and they will do this for many nights to come.
She cries now too.
As she sits alone in the all white hospital room, her newborn baby in her arms, she cries. The tears run silently and uncontrollably down her face, some falling from her cheeks and landing on his.
And she's not crying from the excruciating pain of giving birth, because she's faced worse, or because her baby boy is so wonderful, because he is, and she is so happy, or the fact he will never meet his charming father. She is crying because he has his eyes.
He has shining, beautiful, bright sea green eyes. And she can already recognize that mischievous glint, the wonderful original sparkle in his pupils that exactly matches the one of his deceased father's. The wound is still too fresh and the beautiful baby blinking up at her sends a powerful agonizing blow to her chest. Finnick is gone, and this wonderful child, with his sparkling eyes, is the only part of him she has left.
The door to her room clicks open and in walks Avalon Everdeen, her blue eyes empty, reflection the pain of the recent loss of her daughter. She takes in the scene of the frail girl in the hospital bed, giving her a somber smile. Of all people, Mrs. Everdeen understands what it is like to lose someone you love. She gets what this crying girl is going through.
"Mrs. Odair," Avalon begins.
This sends another painful blow to her chest, hearing the last name used towards her. She, and the little boy in her arms, are the only Odairs' left. She chokes back a sob, more tears streaming down her face, gone. The word echoes throughout her head. Gone.
And it's because he's gone, that she cries. Her tears soak her already wet cheeks. Her tears sting her eyes and rip at her sole. Her tears are uncontrollable and frantic and violent and unruly. Her tears are streaming down her face and landing on the perfect one of her newborn child. A child with his fathers 's eyes.
Finnick's eyes.
"Annie." she tries again, because out of all people, she knows what she has to handle right now.
"Yes?" she manages to choke out, her voice forced and weak.
"What are you going to name your son?"
She looks down at her lovely baby. Her little boy, so sweet and innocent. She knows exactly what to call him, and is certain that he will live up to the importance and bravery of the name.
"Finnick." she breaths, voice coming out in a soft whisper.
Finnick means fair. Finnick means true. And to this little boy, Finnick means father, and so much more.
"Finn. His name is Finn."
A/N: Well, thanks for reading. This came to me while I was flying into Buffalo, funny, eh? I hope you liked it, please tell me what you thought. REVEIW!