Well, this is stupid. I am stupid. I have always been stupid. Well my name is Spoke. I live with an alicorn princess called Twiggle Spokes who sucks at being a princess. She always buys crappy things that don't even matter. She bought a bottle of Sriracha to put in her eyes. She never fed me. Ever. So I decided to go on a quest for a juice box. The ultimate drink.
So I walked down the never ending stairs, and went to the st-
Wait. I just bought a juice box.
Nevermind. I need to get another juice box. Twiggle has a stash in the basement, doesn't she? So I once again walk down those stairs, and I finally make it to the basement door. I'm just about to walk down the stairs when I trip, and start to fall. My bones crack against the hard stairs. Finally, I land at the bottom of the stairs, laying in a pool of my own blood. The last thing I see is the pyramid of juice boxes falling on top of me.
I wake up to see Twiggle.
"You stupid-" I am cut off by the doctor. He lays his hoof on my lips. Well I'm not going to take that crap, so I uppercut him in the chin, and smash his head through a window. I kick him so hard he flys out of the window and lands head first on the ground. Then I turn to Twiggle. She looks at me. Suddenly, she throws her Nintendo Switch JoyCons at me and I'm like "What the hell? Those fricking hurt!" so I start running after her, my super dope gold chain that I just got from the gods swinging around and my super dope OBEY cap that I just totally got from the doctor's dead body swaying in the air with my Justin Bieber haircut. I loot like a Skyrim pro.
Anyways doctors keep trying to barricade me, but I keep socking them in the face. Finally, I trap Twiggle in a corner. She is begging me to leave her be. I'm like "HELL NO SCRUB!" and I smash my fist into her muzzle, blood flying everywhere, and I grab the emergency sniper and 360 no scope her right in the face. "A job well done." the MLG gods say. I am a pro. Anyway as I'm just about to blaze it like a gangsta, I remember. My juice box. Suddenly, the Suddenly Police bust in and since I'm such a badass, I mow them down with my AK. I leave the hospital as it explodes behind me like in one of those action movies. I rush over to the store. Mrs Coke was there. "Hey there. Want some of dat juice box? Dat j2o?" I shoot her in the face and take all of the juice boxes. I drink them all at once like a badass.
Finally. I got my juice box. Now Equestria is locked in a meme war between Kazoo Colt and Muzzle Rosen. I am the ultimate warrior, of course, and once almost took down Hoofler, but I got shot in one of my hearts. I have killed a total of 1,222,493.1122349292938483 Kazoo Zombie Mecha Ponies, and this has proven I am a total badass, and that ponies are for little girls.