Jeeves and the Unknown Problem
I have never quite understood the need for a wife. Since I am of the noblesse, she wouldn't be required to cook and clean and would actually cause Jeeves to give notice and leave, which just won't do. He does all of that abovementioned for me as it is and a wife would be exuent? No, exterior. No, extraneous. That's the word! Not to mention the fact that Jeeves has saved me from hot soup more times than I count, a number of which had me barreling towards the altar and a life-sentence to some female or other. No, this Wooster is, as Jeeves so eloquently (I believe that's the word I want) put it 'one of Nature's bachelors' and quite happy to remain so.
Unfortunately, I didn't come to this realization until after I'd spent part of my young adulthood attempting to find a girl to marry, as expected of me by society and family. Some of them are quite pretty, especially when seen from the side. Florence Craye, in particular, has a very nice profile. Regardless of how lovely the ladies in question might be, the thought of a life together with any of them makes me shudder with horror.
As a result of these pursuits, or my helping a chum in similar pursuits, a number of the ladies in question view me as a sort of 'stand-in' fiancé when they have a spat with their current beau, which can be quite often. I shan't rest easy until every last one of those girls is well and truly married -- to some other chap, mind you.
Sometimes, I wish the Code of Woosters wasn't so strict in re. keeping one's word. Once a Wooster's word has been given, he keeps it, even if he'd really rather not, especially when it comes to the so-called fairer sex. Even if I didn't have to follow the Code of Woosters, I still couldn't tell the ladies that I'm not interested in marrying any of them. It could be disastrous not only for self, but also for the other unmarried young men of my acquaintance.
The reason for said d. is that such a declaration would cause interested parties to suspect that self is an 'invert' (that's the politest term I can think of) and that I have been having carnal relations with the aforementioned young men. You see, not only does society as a whole frown upon c. r. between men, the law itself explicitly forbids such c. r. Considering the fact that I'm head over heels for my valet, one can appreciate my problem. Normally, I go straight to Jeeves with whatever difficulty I find myself faced with, but this is one problem I just cannot discuss with him. He would be sure to give notice if I were to say, 'Oh, and by the way, Jeeves, I love you.'
No, I cannot lose his companionship. My life would become meaningless without Jeeves to share it with me, in any way, shape or form. I shall be content with the relationship we have now and trust in Jeeves to keep the matrimonial noose from tightening around this Wooster's neck. I only hope I can stand to be so close to the man I love and yet so far.
End