Author's Notes: A random and silly Thanksgiving fanfic I wrote for RSBI back in 2004. Yes I'm aware that for those American readers that this is early for you guys, thanksgiving is in November. But I'm Canadian and we do it in October so consider this something early get you in the mood for the turkey dinner to come next month. Even then this is a day early for Canada, but this was the only time I could post it.
Turkey Attack
Part One
By Relm
Gourry sat at his chair in great anticipation of the great meal to come. He could smell it all the way from the kitchen. Many times had he been tempted to run into said kitchen and start eating from there. But he had already been kicked out of the kitchen and had been physically tied to his char.
After what seemed like hours of waiting the blessed meal arrived on the table. There was what you might expect for a large dinner. Lots of steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberries. But that wasn't what Gourry was interested in. His gaze fell solely on the large silver platter that was being so carefully brought to the table. You couldn't tell what was under the silver dome lid that covered the platter by Gourry knew what it was. The smell alone gave it away.
The platter was placed right in front of Gourry. Without any sort of hesitation Gourry lifted the lid to absorb the appearance and the smell of the perfectly cooked turkey in front of him. With fork and knife in hand Gourry was ready to carve the beast.
"Don't eat me!" A small high pitched voice pleaded.
Gourry looked around with confusion. "Who said that?" He asked aloud.
"Me!" The turkey cried out.
Gourry looked down not believing his ears. "You're talking?" He poked the supposedly dead fowl with his knife.
"OWW! That hurts!" The turkey protested.
"How are you talking? You're cooked!" Gourry exclaimed.
"Don't eat me!" The turkey just pleaded again in response.
Gourry scratched his head in thought. "But I'm hungry. I have to eat you."
"Please don't!"
"I have to." Gourry went to cut the turkey.
The turkey jumped from its' plate of vegetables and kicked the knife from Gourry's hand leaking stuffing while doing so.
"Huh? Hey you can't do that!" Gourry protested and went to poke the turkey with his fork.
The turkey retaliated and kicked the fork out of Gourry's grasp as well.
"Now you see here I'm going to eat you whether you like it or not." Gourry went to grab the turkey with his hands.
The turkey kicked him and smacked him in the face.
"Hey stop that!" Gourry frowned.
But the turkey didn't stop, it just kept smacking and kicking Gourry.
And somewhere along the line a black belt magically appeared around the turkey's body.
Gourry tried to defend himself but the turkey was too much for him.
"Die!" The turkey yelled grabbing spoons and hitting Gourry on the head.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Gourry cried out in pain. His vision blurred and he passed out.
...
Gourry woke later all groggy. He was in a dark place and he couldn't move. "Where am I?" Gourry tried to free himself. He heard muffled sounds all around him. He tried to look around to see what was around him but all he saw was a metal wall around him. It was then that he noticed what he was laying on. It was a bed of gigantic sized roasted vegetables. Instead of being worried about this Gourry craned his neck to get a mouthful of a nearby roasted potato.
The lid covering Gourry came off showing Gourry just where he was. He was the main course on a very large table. And the people sitting at the table were turkeys, extremely large turkeys.
"Mmmm... Looks good." One of the turkeys commented as he went to carve Gourry.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Gourry screamed.
...
Gourry woke up screaming in his bed with sweat dripping from his face. 'Wow what a nightmare! I guess I shouldn't have ate that midnight snack.' He got out of bed and got himself ready for the day. Him, Lina, Amelia and Zelgadis were in a little town called Baerna. A harvest festival was going on and of course Lina wasn't about go until the festival was over.
'What time is it' Gourry wondered out loud. He looked outside his window and noticed that it was dark outside. "Huh? It's night time? Did I sleep in or wake up early?"
Gourry went downstairs and noticed there was a lot of people in the restaurant area of the inn.
"Gourry where the hell have you been?" Lina demanded from the table she was sitting at with Zelgadis and Amelia.
"What time is it?" Gourry asked while joining them.
"Seven o'clock. What have you been doing? Sleeping the whole time?"
Gourry smiled sheepishly. "Yeah I was."
Lina, Zelgadis and Amelia sweatdropped.
"What's going on?"
"The finale to the festival, a large elaborate dinner." Amelia explained.
"Oooh boy! I'm hungry!" Gourry rubbed his hands together in anticipation.
"Here you go." One waitress said as and many other waitresses and waiters set their table with the dinner.
Gourry took a deep breath inhaling all the wonderful aromas. The main centerpiece of the table was the item under the silver dome on the platter. He pulled the lid off revealing the perfectly yummy turkey underneath.
"Yummy yummy!" Gourry was about to cut the turkey when it moved.
"Please don't eat me!" The turkey cried out in a small voice.
"AHHHHHH!" Gourry ran away screaming.
Lina and company frowned. "Why the hell did he do that for?"
"I think the main question should be how is a cooked turkey talking and moving?" Zelgadis commented frowning.
Lina just deftly pointed up.
Xellos grinned from mid air with thin wires tided on his fingers that were also attached to parts of the turkey.
"Ewww! Mister Xellos don't play with our food!" Amelia cried out.
"Shouldn't we go get Gourry to come back?"
"Heck no! More for us!" Lina said greedily attacking the turkey.
Author's Notes: I can't remember exactly what possessed me to write this story. But then what sort of Slayers fanfic could you write about thanksgiving that didn't involve turkey? ^_~
HAPPY (CANADIAN) THANKSGIVING!