AN: My first SP story. Feel free to read and review. Credit goes to Ursula K. LeGuin for the plot's inspiration, and to Matt Stone and Trey Parker for the setting and characters. Do not get thrown off by everyone's OOC behavior, as this is completely intentional on my part.

ACT 1

SCENE 1

[STAN, KYLE and a slightly thinner CARTMAN are standing at the bus stop as usual.]

STAN: Hey, are you guys coming to my party tomorrow?

KYLE: Duh, dude, we're your best friends.

CARTMAN: Yeah, dude, we aren't gonna miss this.

STAN: Awesome. It'll have to be kind of short though, 'cuz my mom's taking me somewhere afterwards.

KYLE: Where?

STAN: I don't know, she wouldn't say.

CARTMAN: Maybe she'll take you to Casa Bonita or something.

STAN: No, dude, she'd take all of us there if it were Casa Bonita.

CARTMAN: Oh, yeah. Anyway, my mom gave me some extra lunch money, do you guys need any?

KYLE: I'm okay, thanks anyway. Your mom is so awesome, Eric.

CARTMAN: Not as awesome as yours, dude. Your mom lets us do whatever we want when we're at your house.

[The bus pulls up, and the boys get on. They greet the friendly driver, who smiles and waves at them to sit down.]

SCENE 2

[The third graders are sitting in their desks when the bell rings, and Mr. Garrison enters the room.]

GARRISON: Okay, children, let's take our seats. Today we're going to start a new unit in history, on the American Revolution. So back in 1774, the American colonies-[STAN is raising his hand.]-Yes, Stanley?

STAN: I just wanted to remind everyone that my birthday party's tomorrow afternoon. My mom's making homemade vanilla ice cream, so it's gonna be sweet.

GARRISON: Thank you, Stanley, I'm sure everyone here will be there, and happy birthday. Now, where was I? Oh yes. The American colonies were under the rule of King George III, who was King of England, and they...[Voice fades as we fast forward another hour, to the end of class. The bell rings.]...okay, that's the bell. Go out to recess, now.

[The class talks about the American Revolution as they leave, seemingly fascinated with the subject material.]

STAN: Mr. Garrison is such a great teacher.

KYLE: I wonder if teachers are always this good, or if our school is just really awesome.

[BUTTERS approaches the three boys.]

BUTTERS: Oh, hey, Stan. Uh, I just wanted to tell you that I'll be at your party.

STAN: [cheerfully] Okay, Butters, I'll see you there.

[BUTTERS leaves.]

KYLE: Dude, Butters is so cool.

SCENE 3

[The boys are lined up for lunch in the cafeteria.]

CARTMAN: It's a shame we can't get Chef to make food for Stan's party, 'cuz that would make it even more awesome.

KYLE: More awesome than your mom's pie?

STAN: My mom's ice cream is gonna be good, too. It'll be perfect with Eric's pie. Thanks for getting your mom to make it, Eric.

CARTMAN: It was my pleasure.

[It's the boys' turn to get lunch from CHEF. They line up in front of the kitchen.]

CHEF: Why, hello there, children!

BOYS: Hey, Chef.

CHEF: How's it goin'?

BOYS: Good.

CHEF: Mr. Garrison told me that your birthday's coming up, Stan. You little childrens are growin' up so fast.

STAN: Yeah, and my mom is making ice cream for my party!

CARTMAN: And my mom's making pie!

CHEF: Why, that sounds great, children. Are you ready for my special salisbury steak?

BOYS: Yeah!

[CHEF hands the boys their trays.]

CHEF: And children, to celebrate your birthday, here's a little song!

[CHEF sings a traditional birthday song. Then the BOYS sit down at a table.]

STAN: Wow, everyone seems excited about my birthday today.

[WENDY sits down at the BOYS' table.]

STAN: Hi, Wendy.

KYLE and CARTMAN: Hi, Wendy.

WENDY: Stan, you're turning nine?

STAN: Yeah.

WENDY: Then why are you so excited? Don't you know what happens when you turn nine in South Park?

[Beat]

STAN: No, why?

WENDY: Staaan...

[The GIRLS call Wendy over to their table.]

WENDY: [whispers] They're gonna make you-

BEBE: Come on, Wendy!

WENDY: But they-

[BEBE walks over and drags WENDY to her table.]

STAN: What the heck was that about?

KYLE: I don't know, dude.

CARTMAN: Maybe there's a special rite of passage for nine-year-old boys where they take you to Casa Bonita and-

KYLE: Dude, we already thought of that.

CARTMAN: Oh, yeah.

KYLE: Stan, you should tell us what it is after your birthday's over. I bet it's awesome.

STAN: Everything here is pretty cool already. I don't know if South Park could get any better.

[Loud scare chords play as the boys continue eating their salisbury steak.]

SCENE 4

[STAN's house. The third grade class is eating pie and talking in the living room. STAN is wearing a birthday hat.]

STAN: This is the best birthday ever, right guys?

CARTMAN: I'm seriousleh...too awesome to process...mind-can't-take-it...

KYLE: It sure is, dude. I can't wait for my ninth birthday.

[Enter SHELLEY, who is smiling and carrying a trash bag.]

SHELLEY: Okay, put your paper plates in here.

[SHELLEY collects the paper plates.]

SHELLEY: Happy ninth birthday, Stan!

STAN: Thanks, Shelley!

[SHARON enters.]

SHARON: All right, kids, thanks for coming. Stanley needs to clean up his room.

CLASS: Awww...

STAN: Bye, guys! [To SHARON] Aww, Mom, do I have to?

SHARON: No, Stanley, you have to come with me now. We're going on a special birthday trip.

STAN: Okay!

[STAN and SHARON get in the car and SHARON drives through the neighborhood. A deep voice is heard over the sounds of the car.]

NARRATOR: Little did young Stan know that his awesome life in South Park was about to change.

[Scare chords.]

NARRATOR: FOREVER!

[Louder scare chords as SHARON parks on the McCormicks' driveway. Fade to black.]

TO BE CONTINUED...