Vacationing with the Briefs
Author's Note: Alrighty guys! This is my first attempt at a humor story, so bear with my poor sense of all that is funny. Also, I might as well put my disclaimer in here. I don't own 'em and I'm broke.
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I woke up with the onna shaking me gently on the shoulder. After all the times she's been pushed into the far wall of this room with my hand around her throat, you'd think she'd learn to wake me out of my nightmares from a distance…But this time I didn't spaz, earning one of THOSE smiles that say, "Good boy! You're humanizing nicely!" You know, the kind that you give a puppy who just got that trick you've been trying to beat into it's simple mind for the last year. I accidentally cleared my throat from force of habit, but it still had that nice gruff ring to it.
"Onna, what do you want?"
"Vegeta, dear," she said as she snuggled up to me. I pulled her a little closer and buried my face in her hair. I've always admired its unusual color. "Are you forgetting what day it is?" I stiffened at her question. It wasn't our anniversary. Her birthday? No. The kids'? No. Mine? No. Did I even KNOW what mine was? No. Thinking of nothing better to say, I chose the generic smart-ass response. "Monday?"
She looked up at me with the same trick-dog smile as before. You'd think that I was someone with no sense of humor if ever joke got me that smile. "Vegeta! Of COURSE it's Monday, but that wasn't what I meant! Today we go on VACATION!" I could do nothing but groan and roll over, burying myself in pillows. I've always hated Mondays. I heard Bulma's weight shift a little on the bed, so that her feet were dangling off the edge with her back to me. After all our years together, I've taken this to mean disappointment and hurt. What did she expect of me? To jump for joy at the thought of spending a week with "our" friends, who were really just her cronies, but for some odd reason, they had accepted me as one of them. I didn't even know where we were going, only that "the whole gang" would be there too. Sounds like torture to me.
That feeling I get when I hurt her feelings started up, the one that feels like my gut is twisting and I'm going to be sick. Marriage is a disease. I swallowed my disgust of the whole plan, and turned to her, pulling the ningen's small frame to mine. "I'll go, onna." She turned and threw her arms around me. A small giggle at the door in my daughter's high pitched voice alerted me that we were being watched. I reached out to the chi behind the door and found that both of the little hooligans were there. "Alright brats! Get in here!" I the door opened and Bra flew into my arms, teal hair everywhere, blue eyes shining; the perfect miniature of her mother. Ah, my beautiful princess. I must say that I've been a much better father to her than I have been to the boy, who came and stood at the doorway of the room in his normal respectful manner. However, I am glad I raised him with the rigid discipline that I did. I turned out to be a fine warrior. Maybe one of these days I'll tell him that.
I stood and stretched, letting my tail rest lazily around my hips. Trunks quickly covered Bra's eyes from my lack of clothing and looked at the ceiling. I pulled on shorts and rolled my eyes. Modesty was totally overrated on this planet. Bulma giggled and stroked my tail as she stood and ushered the children downstairs for breakfast. After she left I stood in place and held my tail for a moment before looking for socks and a shirt. I was beginning to wonder when the little bugger was going to grow back. Now my balance is much better, and I got a wonderful little power surge. At first Bulma was all for getting it removed like she did to Trunks, but when I showed her that it was good for other things than just achieving the Oozaru stage, she quickly changed her mind. But that is an entirely different story. After I was dressed, I went downstairs, finding my family already at the table. Trunks and Bra were packing away the Fruit Loops like they were going out of style, while Bulma picked here and there at her eggs and cornbread. I still don't see how she doesn't starve to death sometimes. Of course, my own plates were at the head of the table, piled high with food. I smiled at the sight of ten breakfast egg rolls, packed with eggs, cheese, ham, and sausage. Egg rolls are my favorite of all Chikyuu foods. I must admit that Bulma's cooking has definitely improved over the years. She used to be able to cook spare ribs and spare ribs only. Now I think that her skills rival Radditz's, which were pretty damn good. He would have made a better housewife than a warrior, thinks I.
Once again my mind wandered to where we would be going, so I brought up the question between mouthfuls. Bulma was silent for a moment, never a good sign, and then she said quietly, "Well, Videl, you know that girl Gohan-chan is stuck on? Well, her father has a large lakeside cabin and we're going to be going with the gang and Videl and her father…I think you know him, Veggie." I slowly put down my fork and swallowed the Egg Roll that I had stuffed in my mouth whole. My appetite seemed to be retreating quickly as I remembered just WHO Gohan's woman's father was. I took a deep breath and ignored the kids who were staring wide-eyed at the muscle under my left eye, which was twitching and spazzing irritably right now. "Do you mean M…Mr. S…Satan? " I got the chills as she nodded, looking down and drawing a diagram of the main circuit system of the Gravitron in her egg yolks. "You mean I have to subject my family to a WEEK with that WEAK, PATHETIC MORON!?!" I stood, my chair crashing to the floor behind me. I pointed my finger at Trunks, who flinched like I had hit him. "My son beat him with a hit that was HARDLY at full strength when he was SEVEN years old! And I am supposed to sit there and take his BULLSHIT about how HE beat Cell and how HE is the strongest without doing ANYTHING!?!" I looked at her pleadingly, but she just nodded, keeping her eyes down. I fixed my chair and sat down again, counting backwards from ten like the idiots at that anger management place told me to do. "Fine," I whispered. "If I can do that, then I am truly the strongest." I started to shovel the food away again, acting as if nothing happened, but I noticed my family's grins.