Hello, and welcome to Wing's very first DGM two-shot crackfic!

Please enjoy this ambiguous piece of crap generated from my sad excuse for a brain. My writer's block for my main stories are currently smashing my creativity into a million pieces at the moment.

Enough from me. I do not own DGM in any way, shape, or form. If I did, I would continue the freaking anime WHICH WAS TOTALLY CUT SHORT.

Btw, if I used the wrong honorific for Komui called by Lenalee (nii-san, etc) please let me know. I have no idea what the difference is. I apologize in advance.

Shutting up now.

The report of the magic mirror showed up in Komui's paper pig sty three days after it came in. Shuffling through the mountains of sheets, the young Chinese man pulled it out of one of the many piles sitting on his desk.

"A magic mirror, huh…" he murmured, sipping his coffee from his trademark mug. His eyes, playful and twinkling, flickered behind his glasses as he skimmed the paper. "Allen and Lenalee can probably handle this. REEVER!"

A tired face appeared in Komui's doorway. "What?"

"Bring Allen and Lenalee to my office; the intercom is broken. I have a mission for them."

"Kind of late, isn't it—"

Reever quickly ducked his head and watched a small Komurin prototype lodge itself into Johnny's head from Komui's room.

The cafeteria was unusually loud, Reever decided as he walked in to find Allen, surrounded by a fortress of food, flinging dumplings at Kanda, who was skillfully slicing every morsel into ribbons. Beyond them was an unmistakable food fight, and before he knew it, a bowl of ramen dropped on his head and dripped red-hot soup and noodles into his already bloodshot eyes.

With a cry of pain, he tore the bowl off of his head and desperately wiping the spicy broth with his sleeve. Tears continued to fall as he hollered, "ALLEN! LENALEE! COME TO KOMUI'S OFFICE NOW—ARGH!" Allen had accidentally shot a dumpling into his mouth, which he choked on for several seconds before painfully swallowing the entire chunk.

"Sorry Reever, sorry!" Allen exclaimed, throwing a large handful of noodles into Kanda's face. After wiping his hands on a handkerchief, he ran over to the disgruntled scientist with Timcampi in tow. The golden winged golem eagerly began eating the remnants of the ramen off of Reever's head as Lenalee arrived behind Reever, tying her damp hair into pigtails.

"Sorry, I was showering. What does Nii-San want?"

"He has a mission for you two."

"Just the two of us? Is this mission that simple?" Allen asked.

Reever shrugged. "I guess so; otherwise he would have asked Lavi or Kanda to join you. Well anyway, he's waiting in his office. I'm going to wash up-agh!" A large cream pie comically plastered itself to his face. Allen and Lenalee quickly slipped away as Reever ripped the pie off his face and flung the bits back into the cafeteria.

"A magic mirror?" Allen said, mystified. Timcampi sat next to him on the couch, twitching his long golden tail and nibbling on the end of Allen's shirt.

"Yes," said Komui, "the reports say that three people have had fallen into comas. The villagers thought it was some kind of disease, but when they saw the third person collapse in front of the mirror they were sure that's how the first two got into their comatose state."

"Could it be...Innocence?" Lenalee asked.

"That's what we think it is," Komui answered. Suddenly, his face broke into a wide grin and he have his sister a big hug. "My little sister is SO SMART!"

"Hey, hey, Nii-san..."

"So, er, Komui-san..." Allen said. At his name, the Chinese man looked up and Lenalee quickly slipped out of his arms. "Where is this mirror?"

"I love France!" Lenalee happily exclaimed as she gazed at the outside from their carriage window. Allen had to admit he was enjoying this part of this particular mission. The foliage, flowers, birds and other nature's creations were refreshing to see after the Black Order's stones and metal and dead trees. Even Tim seemed happy to be away from the hustle and bustle of the headquarters.

Finally, the greenery receded and a small village came into sight up ahead, and within minutes, the carriage pulled into the French town and slowly bumped to a stop on the cobblestone street. Allen and Lenalee stepped out of the carriage and followed the two Finders to an old, worn-down shack surrounded by what looked like the entire village.

"Move aside please, the exorcists have arrived!" called one of the Finders, and the townspeople part around them like Moses and the Red Sea. Upon walking into the shack they found the town mayor, whose picture they saw in the report, an old woman, and an ancient, full-body mirror with an ornate gold frame. Several grey cloths were draped over the mirror and tied with ropes.

"So this is the mirror?" Allen asked. He reached out to touch the mirror only to get his hand slapped by the old woman.

"Don't touch it carelessly!" she hissed through her seven remaining teeth. "You'll get bewitched by the mirror!"

Allen stifled a cry of pain. She was surprisingly strong for her age and size, and her slap left his hand throbbing even through the cloth glove. "Please, ma'am, we need to investigate the mirror so we can make sure no one else falls victim to it. That's why we were called here...

The woman scoffed loudly and crossed her bony arms. "Fine then, just don't blame me when you end up like the rest of them."

Allen nodded and began to untie the ropes.

"Allen, please be careful!" said Lenalee as she watched the braided threads fall gently to the floor. Finally, the last piece of cloth slipped to the ground noiselessly and revealed the shining reflective glass. Allen looked into it and saw his reflection normally. The rest of the people in the shack had quickly moved behind the mirror. He reached out with his hand to touch the glass.

"Could the Innocence be inside the-"

As soon as his gloved fingertips touched the mirror's surface, his reflection seemed to ripple and wobble as if the glass was water, and an incredible pain blossomed in his head. He could see the green cross on his hand glow through his white glove, and soft vibrations shook his arm. The colors of the room grew brighter and brighter till they almost blinded him, and then they slowly began to fade and darken. He could vaguely hear voices, panicked and anxious, but they echoed and faded with the colors. The last thing he saw before the blackness took over was Lenalee's face, twisted in horror as she watched him fall.

A/N:

I am so procrastinating on my main stories. But this idea nailed itself into my head, so here it is. My first DGM twoshot crack-fic! Confetti!

DGM has been one of my favorite manga/anime, but I've tried brainstorming my own stories and failed miserably. Too Mary-Sueish or too OOCish. So here's a crack-fic. SOLVES. EVERYTHING.

One request. If you feel you have the need to flame me, please do not waste your time or my time doing so. You could be eating, or doing homework, or doing something far more progressive than ranting about my poor writing talent, and I could be eating, doing homework, or doing something far more progressive than pissing over a flame. So again, don't waste your time or my time, and go do something nice for someone.

Well anyway, hope you enjoyed Part Un and Part Deux should come very soon. If my school allows it asjdfkl;.

I talk too much. Less A/N content in the finale I swear.

~Wings flying off