Author's Note: This is a AU slightly crack fic written for a prompt submitted to my meme 'give me a pairing and prompt, and I'll spit out a drabble for it that is under 1,000 words.' The prompt is: Nico, Percy, and Thalia - "we've got your back". Oh, did I go places that no one would ever expect me to go with this fic. Remember: it's AU and Crack. So, to sum it up, this fic is ridiculous. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

"Percy, if Nico and I can pretend to be flesh eating zombies, then you can too!" Thalia whispered loudly.

"What ever happened to the original plan, you know, of jumping the rooftops to get past the zombies?" Percy complained. "That was a great idea, don't you think? Then we don't actually have to - "

"Look asshole," Nico interrupted harshly, pointing his sword at Percy as if it were a yard stick. "That was the plan before Thalia joined our troop of the alive and fighting. And I would think you would know that Thalia's afraid of heights, and, therefore, jumping the roofs is no longer the plan of action! Now man up, and convince yourself that there's nothing you want more than to eat a nice, fresh human brain."

Percy frowned before saying, "Jumping four feet from roof to roof to get past the crowd of zombies is a hell of a lot less scary than pretending to actually be zombies so that we can pass through them unnoticed."

"I beg to differ," Thalia muttered, peering around the corner of the brick building they were all hiding behind, looking at the bloody undead roaming and moaning in the fiery streets.

"You know, you two are no good for anything," Percy decided, shaking his head. "A daughter of Zeus who's afraid of heights and a son of Hades that can't banish the undead? Really? I mean, if there was a river or a stream or even just a fountain around or something, I could at least give the zombies a bath and get rid of the smell!"

Thalia and Nico stared at Percy silently for a few moments, their expressions hurt. Finally Nico said, "That shit cuts deep, bro."

"Seriously," Thalia agreed. "Even the zombies can get along, Jackson. You are not being a team player!"

"You're just being a whiny bitch," Nico added for effect. "I mean, I saw Drew impersonate the zombies earlier to get through a bunch of them. Drew. And it worked."

"See!" Thalia said, gesturing towards Nico.

"Drew?" Percy repeated, leaning forward slightly, disbelieving.

"Drew," Nico said, nodding. "She was going all out too. She, like, took out some red lipstick and smeared her whole face in it so it looked like blood and shit. It was pretty badass."

Silence. "Drew?" Percy said again.

Thalia rolled her eyes, and extending a quick hand, smacked him. "Ow, what the fuck, Thals?" Percy said, holding a hand to his cheek. Nico was chortling with barely concealed laughter.

"Listen Percy," Thalia began, ignoring his protests. "If Drew can get through the crowd of zombies alive by pretending to be one then we sure as fuck can!"

Percy, still rubbing his cheek, straightened, and looking at Nico said, "Drew?"

"Drew." Nico agreed.

Percy sighed, slumping so much that the tip of Riptide dragged against the cement for a second. "Fine."

Thalia and Nico high fived.

"But I want to lead!" Percy added quickly. "There's no way I'm letting either of you hold my life in your hands."

"Yeah, whatever Percy." Thalia said.

"Let's do this," Nico said, switching his stance from foot to foot anxiously. "And just remember Percy: We've got your back."

...

"Okay, this idea may have been better in theory," Nico admitted lowly, slowly lolling back and forth, arms extended, doing his best impersonation of the undead surrounding him.

"Shut up, Nico! Zombies don't talk," Thalia reminded him, moving her body much the same as Nico, so far remaining unnoticed as the living by the creatures around them

"Yeah, Nico, zombies don't talk." Percy shot out quietly. "And you know what else doesn't talk? Dead people. Which is what we're going to be in a - oh, shit, fuck!"

"Percy, you idiot!" Thalia shouted, breaking her act as she turned to scold Percy who had tripped on an overturned garbage bin.

"Run, motherfuckers!" Nico yelled, slicing his sword through a trio of zombies which had turned their attention towards Nico, Percy, and Thalia.

As the children of the Big Three sprinted through the crowd of zombies, slicing and shooting arrows as they went, Percy slapped Nico over the side of the head, saying, "I told you that wouldn't work!"

"Look douchebag," Nico yelled back, sending his sword through the stomach of a zombie wearing a Keep Calm and Carry On shirt (on the irony), "all we were missing was the red lipstick!"

Remember: this is a Crack and AU fic. You cannot judge me! :) Review~