Disclaimer: I dun't own Twilight... Sadly

A Shattered Forever

Have you ever believed in fairy tales? I used to. But now, I'm going to tell you my story, the story of a girl who got left behind. My name is Leah Clearwater, and I'm going to tell you the truth about fairy tales.

First of all, Prince Charming. He's real. But don't be fooled, it doesn't always last. And 'forever', that means nothing. So don't get yourself locked in a tower, girl.

I guess we will begin with meeting Sam. I can remember the day. It wasn't love at first sight, as all fairytales say it is. Really, I thought he was nothing to special; he was pretty nice looking though. I was with some friends, Beth and Anna, and I accidentally walked into him. So he helped me up, and that was the end of that. The next day at school, we talked a little bit, exchanged phone numbers, and he asked me out.

So we went out for dinner that week. I liked him. He was interesting. He was the kind of person you could talk to. So I told him stuff. My falling out with my dad, how my mom wanted me to be perfect, how my little brother was the annoyingest of little brothers. He sympathized. And next thing you know, I'm his girl.

We gradually worked through our relationship; he was always there when I needed him—a real prince charming. He never got tired of hearing my little problems, or if he did, he never let on. Everyone agreed: Sam and I, we were a match made in heaven. I loved him with all my heart, and he loved me back, every single bit, if not more.

One day, he started acting weird. He hadn't been around in days, and everyone was starting to question me, asking if we'd had an argument or something. I shrugged it off, but when he hadn't been around for a week, I started to get worried. It started with that gnawing sensation in the pit of your stomach, and then it turned into full-blown dread. Where was my Sam? Why wasn't he here, with me?

After a while he came back, and he kept me closer then ever. He wouldn't tell me what had happened, and whenever I asked, he would start shaking, and sometimes leave the room. He would hold me in his arms, and he was much warmer than usual. He made promises about forever, told me that he'd never leave.

I never used to think I needed to be reassured, but now I do. I need people to tell me that they love me. I need people to be there for me. I need people to just be around, to show they care. And Sam did that. He was quiet when there was nothing to say, and he was there to tell me what I needed to hear.

There were times he wasn't around though. He started hanging around with Paul and Jared quite a bit. So I spent time with my cousin, Emily. At that point, she was closer than a sister to me. I adored her with all my heart. One day, Emily was teaching me how to make muffins.

After the muffins had been baked, I phoned Sam, to ask him to come over and try one. When he came, I answered the door. He greeted me the usual way, with a hug, a kiss and an 'I love you'. I returned the greeting, whispering softly, 'Love you too'. I didn't want our display of affection to bother Emily, who had just recently broken up with a boyfriend. I led him in, and Emily smiled and said, "So you're the boy my Leah's always talking about."

I looked at Sam, and there was a look in his eyes. It was more than just love. It was a mix of love, adoration and ardour. I was shocked. This look, he had never given it to me. Like I said, I don't believe in love at first sight. Maybe I had interpreted this look wrong, I hoped. But my hopes were dashed down when he replied. "Yeah, I'm Sam Uley. You are?" His voice, it was a tone even tenderer, more loving than any he had ever used on me.

He, the love of my life, was in love with my cousin. My sister! Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes, and I bit my lip hard enough that a warm metallic liquid entered my mouth. I gave one last look at my Sam, and turned on my heel. I slammed the front door, and kept walking. But before I could be far enough away, I heard Emily, "What was that about? Don't you think you should go after her?"

My walk turned into a run, and I fled from the house. I ran as far into the trees as I could. My own two legs couldn't carry me away from the realization that I'd just suffered through. He didn't love me. He was in love with Emily. How could this happen? How could he let this happen?

I finally collapsed at the base of a tree. Hugging my legs to my body, the tears began to flow. They moved down my face swiftly, silently. There reached a point I thought I'd never stop crying. When my tears ended at last, I heard hesitant footsteps, the cracking of a branch. "Leah?"

I lifted my tear streaked face at the sound of my name, but wished I hadn't when my eyes fell on the person who had said it. "Go away!" I said hoarsely.

"Leah, you can't stay here." Sam began, not once telling me anything I wanted to hear, that it was a mistake, he didn't love Emily, he loved me.

But he didn't say any of those things. Because he's not a liar. I buried my head in my arms, allowing my hair to cover any part of my face that was showing. "I asked you to go away." I said my words muffled.

"I'm not letting you stay out here, Leah."

Those words were each like a knife to my heart. In them was only a trace of the affection for me; they were calm and said like an order. It was too much. I stood up, looking straight at him, visibly shaking. I wasn't sure if it was because of my repressed sobs, or any other reason.

"I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you." Out of all the words in my mind, these were the only that made it to my mouth. The second they left; I regretted each one, the expression on Sam's face alone, was enough to kill me. I turned my back to him, and had only one thing left to say to him. "Why don't you go cuddle up with Emily?" The words were icy, and he moved towards me.

When I felt his warm hands on my shoulders, the tears started again. This time, silence was unattainable. Sobs ripped out of me, shaking my entire frame. He couldn't know how much this hurt. I'd much rather have somebody cut out my heart, than endure this pain. His gesture only got a small sentence out of me. I turned to face him, allowing him to see my face. In between sobs, I choked out, "How could you? Didn't you promise forever?" I shrugged his hands off my shoulders and started to walk away.

I wanted to get lost, maybe fall off a cliff and die. Both were good alternatives, but Sam wouldn't stand for it. He continued to walk behind me. I finally ended up back at my place. When I opened the door, Sam came closer, as if to walk me in. I entered swiftly and shut the door before he came in.

My mother and my father were both at the door, looking at me anxiously. "Emily phoned, honey, she said you ran off. We're so glad you're okay."

"Oh, so she didn't tell you anything about Sam, did she? What a great person she is." I whispered, stomping up to my room.

My mother looked at my father and in their silent parent language, they discussed which one should come talk to me. Minutes later I heard the familiar footsteps of my father on the stairs. He knocked hesitantly on my door, and opened it a crack when I didn't respond. He walked in slowly, and sat on my bed, next to where I had my face buried in pillows. "Sweetie, do you want to talk?"

"No."

He stroked my hair softly. "What happened?"

I lifted my head at the question. I stared at him long and hard. "You really want to know?" He nodded and I slide up closer to him, allowing him to rap his arms around me. "Sam… Sam… He doesn't love me… He's… In love… With…"

"With who, sweetheart?" He pressed, hugging me closer.

I spoke into his shirt, "He's in love with… Emily" I finally managed to say. It hurt much more to admit it aloud; there was no going back.

I looked up at his face, to see his reaction, and I was shocked to see such anger on his face. "How could that boy do that to you? Nobody hurts my little girl."

"Daddy, calm down." His expression frightened me, but I was glad he was here with me. We talked about it, and he never calmed down, but when my mother came up with chocolate fudge, we both settled down a little.

In a way, my father was my saviour. I had been considering something drastic. I hurt enough to consider taking my life. But my father, though he couldn't take my pain, he tried to relieve it; he hugged me tight, and told me that if Sam didn't love me, it was his lose…

But there was in his face, something he couldn't tell me, something he was hiding. I could tell he was angry with Sam, but there was also sympathy for him… This I didn't understand.

That night, my parents did something they hadn't done for ages. They tucked in me into bed, and told me stories. Our legends. They told me the story of how we are brothers and sisters to wolves.

I never knew how much significance to my situation this had, but them being there helped, so I didn't question it. My father kissed me on the forehead and whispered "Sleep well, sweetheart, you won't feel the pain in your dreams."

My mother on the other hand, hugged me, but when she pulled away, I saw tears glistening in her eyes. Seth even came into to say goodnight. He hugged me awkwardly, and then blushed beet red. I smiled wanly at him, and remarked on how tall he was getting.

My father was wrong, I found out in the morning. The whole night my dreams had been about reject, Sam, Emily and shattered forever's.

It's hard to heal a broken heart, but seeing Sam's face when he looked at Emily, well, that put me back to square one, every time. And one day, when I was just beginning to piece my life back together, I got this phone call.

About Emily.

Who was in the hospital.

Who apparently had been mauled by a bear.

Every bad feeling, every bit of hate I had felt for Emily had vanished the second I heard the word 'hospital'. I told them I'd be right there. And I was there, as soon as possible.

When they didn't want me in the hospital room, I pitched a fit. Tears and screaming and cussing. I wouldn't sit and wait to make sure my Emmy was okay. I was going in there whether they wanted me to or not. Finally, they let me in. Sam was already there, tears in his eyes, holding her hand, whispering soothing words while doctors and nurses fretted over her. I tried to keep myself composed when I saw the damage done to Emily. A tear escaped but I wiped it away. Somehow I managed to keep calm. I placed my hand on Sam's shoulder and gazed at him with concern, but it was mostly for Emily.

"I can't believe I let this happen to her. I just can't believe it." He whispered, his voice heavy with shame, anger and sadness.

The doctor approached, "She's fine, but there is going to be permanent scarring."

I had already assumed this, but being told it was a whole different story. My beautiful, my lovely Emily was going to have three big scars on her face. How could any animal be cruel enough to take the beauty from such a face? She was very pretty, I tell you, with clear russet skin, knowing eyes, and a kind smile. She turned her head to me, and whispered, "It's okay, Leah, Sam, I'll live."

It surprised me that she had addressed me first. She had came to my house multiple times since that day and each time I turned her away. I hadn't wanted her near me, her that could steal the love that was rightfully mine, with a single look.

But now, I realised how wrong I was. I was punishing her for something that wasn't her fault. But I knew that I'd always have those scars on her face to remind me of my mistake.

Emily did heal… She healed wonderfully, but the scars, to this day haven't healed. After this episode, Seth started hanging around with Sam… He went through a tremendous growth spurt, and started eating practically a weeks worth of food for each meal. I thought this was just a phase, but when he cropped his hair, I was shocked. It wasn't normal from someone from my family, from our Rez, to do that. I had noticed, that Sam, Paul, Jared, Jacob, Embry, and Quil had done so, and they were hanging around a lot.

But one day, I got angry. I walked to the grocery shop for Mother. I had picked up what we needed, and left. But on the walk home, I tripped and dropped all the groceries. The eggs broke, the milk spilt, the fruit rolled all over the place. I picked up everything that was still good, and threw the rest away. I knew this was just going to be a horrible, terrible bad day.

So, I when I got home, mother wasn't happy about the state of the groceries. So rather than defend my case, I left.

Wonderful daughter aren't I? Leaving when explanations are due. I went to Beth's house, to see if I could stay there for a while. She turned me away. Her excuse, she had just gotten the apartment and wanted to get settled in. That was fine with me. I went to Anna. She just said 'no', plain and simple. So I turned to the forest that growing up on the Rez had taught me to love, to respect and how to find my way around.

The tall trees were familiar, comforting. It helped to know that my ancestors had walked on this ground, had loved this forest more than I loved it myself. It was my sanctuary, my safe haven. It was my personal shelter. It was like I was something more powerful, something with control, something that was important when I was in the forest. Outside of it, I was just an insignificant troubled girl. And that made me angry.

I was just wandering mindlessly when I came to a clearing. From behind a tree I saw a rather large bear? Or was it a wolf? Either way, it was huge. I resisted the urge to scream; I didn't think it would be smart for it to acknowledge me, though it most likely had, already. I walked away, scared out of my wits.

I was quite far into the forest when for some reason, some how, Seth came bounding up to me. How he found me, I couldn't figure out. "You shouldn't be this far in the forest, Leah," He advised lowly.

And that got me. This was my little brother. I was five years older than him for goodness sake. "And you should, right, Seth-y?"

"Leah, please, just go back home, I don't want you to get hurt."

"Seth, just shut the fuck up. I want to be alone."

"Leah, I'm trying to tell you something!"

I started shaking. He saw this and scrunched his nose in confusion. "Leah, go back home. Just go home, damnit."

And that's when I exploded. Literally. I exploded. Into a wolf. According to Seth. Who was the only one there. And also, that was something unheard of. And my exploding had made me black out. When I woke up, I was on the couch at Sam's. And everyone was there. Sam, Paul, Jared, Quil, Jake, Embry, Seth, my parents. I mean everyone.

And then they told me I was a werewolf.

Later that night, my father died of a heart attack.

It was my fault. He died because his daughter was a freak. Because I was some sort of animal. Because his 'baby girl' turned into a wolf thing that was as big as a horse. Because I had anger issues. And knowing I was the cause of my fathers death just made me worse.

I had to learn how to control my emotions, or else I found out, whenever I was angry, I turned into this gigantic wolf. I started running at a temperature of 109o. I grew another two or three inches, and I was always hungry. I could eat and eat, and not gain a pound, or get full. I started to not talk to anybody, while I was in human form. It was my way of dealing. But it didn't help, because when I was angry, I turned into a wolf. And when I was a wolf, they knew what I was thinking. So I started talking again. But when I opened my mouth, it wasn't what I truly wanted to say. It was rude jabs at the other werewolves. Like about Embry's parentage. Or that Isabella girl and her Leech Lover and how Jacob was so smitten with them. Or how Quil had imprinted on a two year old. They interpreted my remarks as bitter, that I was horrible.

Really, it was just that if I felt better when I knew someone felt bad. So yes, I was horrible. I made horrible comments that no one should ever have to endure. Okay. I admit it. I was a bitch. I am a bitch. Still, I've asked them for forgiveness, and some of them have granted it, others are still hostile.

I had my way to cope, and they had theirs. And because my story didn't have a happy ending, I made some chapters of theirs miserable.

And for that, I'm sorry.