STV Election coverage
A/N: Okay people this is something we invented ourselves one day when we were really bored. STV stands for Stupid Television and is basically a parody on MTV. STV includes such things as TRL (Total Rejects Live), 2000 election coverage in February 2001, and Stupid Clip Moments. This is a script from our 2001 election coverage, covering our version of the debates, and making fun of both George Bush and Al Gore, because, and let's face it people, this election deserved to be made fun of! We hope this is something everyone can relate to and understand...
And remember, folks, this is STV, so if it's not accurate, who cares?
Christina Aguilera (CA): Hi everyone, this is Christina Aguilera, and I'm the moderator for the 2000 debates. Now, here are our candidates. First, Mr. George Bush.
Bush: (comes down stairs in baggy shirt and pajama pants, walks over next to Laz-E-Boy) McNair! The beer! (notices mug of beer) Oh, it's already here. Hey, everybody! Thanks, Christina. (sits down, leans back, gulps beer)
CA: And now, Mr. Gore of Tennesee.
Gore: (looking incredibly uptight and stiff) Hi. (Shakes Christina's hand) Christina. (turns to camera) My Americans. Hello. (sits down stiffly in chair, and says, as uptightly and rigid as possible:) Let's get this party started!
CA: And now, for our first question. Mr. Gore, what do you plan to do as President?
Gore: I plan to research why prisoners don't like prison.
CA: Really. Mr. Bush?
Bush: I plan to research why prisoner's aren't nice.
CA: Mr. Bush, what are your plans for Medicare?
Gore: Excuse me! Excuse me! I would like to speak as if it were my turn! Lockbox, lockbox, and...lockbox!
Bush: Umm....STRATEGERY!
CA: Right. Well, now a word from our sponsors.
(cut to commercial)
Show Bush, sitting on couch, drinking beer.
Bush: Ah! Bush beer. Ya gotta love it. I'm George D.W.I. Bush and I...well, I'm here to drink beer. What else is a man put on this earth for? Well, anyway, just buy Bush beer. Make me richer. And now, back to whatever show you're supposed to be watchin'.
(cut to debates)
CA: All right. Now, back to our debates. Mr. Gore, what is the lockbox combination?
Gore: Now, is that the REAL lockbox combination you're going for, or would that be the decoy lockbox combination you want there? As you know, there's a dif-
CA: (interrupting) ANYWAYS! Mr. Bush, how do you stand on the issue of independence?
Bush: I'm in favor!
Gore: It's my #1 priority!
CA: (exasperated) Huh, right. (normally) Now, Mr. Gore, how do you stand on the issue of abortion?
Gore: My #1 priority, of course, is abortion! I believe we should abort war with Syria right away! Using all that money and tanks and stuff is just not a good idea! It's going to diminish the military! I believe going to war with Syria was the worst idea we ever had! I believe we should abort that plan right now! (Bush makes little "blah blah blah" motions with his hands) What about you, Bush?
Bush: Wh-what? (almost spills beer) Uh...like he said. (points to Gore) Yeah, like he said!
CA: (audible sigh) Mr. Bush, how much money did you make on your campaign trail?
Bush: (is in the middle of a sip of beer, stops drinking hurriedly) mm, No.
CA: (slowly) Excuse me?
Bush: The answer to the question is no.
CA: Oh. Riiiight. Huh! Anyway, now a word from our sponsors.
(cut to commercial. Open with Bush and Gore whispering. They turn to the camera)
Bush: Well, folks, I think we've reached a fair decision.
Gore: An incredibly fair decision!
Bush&Gore: (shaking hands) We're gonna be President together!
Gore: And don't forget!
Bush&Gore: Bush plus Gore equals BORE!!!!!!!!!
(fade out of commercial, cut to debates)
CA: Hi, folks. We're back. And now, our final words. Bush, last words?
Bush: STRATEGERY!!!
Gore: Hmm...Lockbox!
CA: And there you have it, folks!
A/N: And now, an excerpt from one of our other stupid parodies, the "World News" from Dearie Poo.
Dearie Poo: First, in U.S. News:
In Michigan News, the price of Michigan Apples has dropped from 20 cents to 30 cents today, and Michigan Lemons are on sale at Krogers for $2.
There was a crash last Friday between an RV and a fishing boat near Honolulu, Hawaii. I hear the survivors are still searching for their pulse.
A recent study predicts the U.S. will become increasingly dependent on the unstable Mideast countries for oil. Either that, or we'll send Bruce Willis to Alaska to make "Oilageddon."
Net filters continue to fail blocking objectionable sites. However, parents report the filters mercifully block sites like sesamestreet.com and barney.net.
Host of show: Hey, special report!
Dearie Poo: Special report: Snow Removal in the 21st century has become far too high-tech, people! I saw the inside of one of them things yesterday, and it looked like the freakin' Pentagon! It's JUST snow removal, people! Its right up there with garbagemen and janitors: necessary, but it's not CRUCIAL!
In World News:
In French news...well, in French news:
Il pleut, Il pleut ta` verse, it's great outside, and Il fait beau. Bon apetite, and moving on!
In Food News:
I feel like a double-decker ham and cheese sandwich, but you know what's really good? Croissants, with chocolate! But I've heard that ice cream cake from Dairy Queen is just a little bit too sugary.
In Home News:
My brother is a real pain in the "derriere."
In Sports News:
People play games, one team wins, and the Bulls continue to suck. Moving on!
In Movie News:
300 Miles to...Vegas?
Host: oh no!
Dearie Poo: VEGAS? VIVAAAAAAAA LAS VEGAAAA-oh. Okay. (clears throat) So, uh, moving on, The Last Dance was Saved, Hannibal came back, and um...umm...
In Entertainment News,
Uh, Entertainment News Reports Sean "Puffy" Combs may have a secret compartment in his SUV. Don't give him any grief, people, if I were dating J-Lo I'd want an extra compartment for her (insert BEEP) *** too. Alri-
Host: Hey! (hands her special bulletin)
Dearie Poo: Special Bulletin! The chickens have escaped and are going to cross the...WHAT THE HECK IS THIS! I give UP on you people! (gets up and leaves)
And that's the end of World News. Well, we hope you liked that! Please R/R and tell us if you thought that was funny!
~Harmony, Sierra, and Star*dust~
A/N: Okay people this is something we invented ourselves one day when we were really bored. STV stands for Stupid Television and is basically a parody on MTV. STV includes such things as TRL (Total Rejects Live), 2000 election coverage in February 2001, and Stupid Clip Moments. This is a script from our 2001 election coverage, covering our version of the debates, and making fun of both George Bush and Al Gore, because, and let's face it people, this election deserved to be made fun of! We hope this is something everyone can relate to and understand...
And remember, folks, this is STV, so if it's not accurate, who cares?
Christina Aguilera (CA): Hi everyone, this is Christina Aguilera, and I'm the moderator for the 2000 debates. Now, here are our candidates. First, Mr. George Bush.
Bush: (comes down stairs in baggy shirt and pajama pants, walks over next to Laz-E-Boy) McNair! The beer! (notices mug of beer) Oh, it's already here. Hey, everybody! Thanks, Christina. (sits down, leans back, gulps beer)
CA: And now, Mr. Gore of Tennesee.
Gore: (looking incredibly uptight and stiff) Hi. (Shakes Christina's hand) Christina. (turns to camera) My Americans. Hello. (sits down stiffly in chair, and says, as uptightly and rigid as possible:) Let's get this party started!
CA: And now, for our first question. Mr. Gore, what do you plan to do as President?
Gore: I plan to research why prisoners don't like prison.
CA: Really. Mr. Bush?
Bush: I plan to research why prisoner's aren't nice.
CA: Mr. Bush, what are your plans for Medicare?
Gore: Excuse me! Excuse me! I would like to speak as if it were my turn! Lockbox, lockbox, and...lockbox!
Bush: Umm....STRATEGERY!
CA: Right. Well, now a word from our sponsors.
(cut to commercial)
Show Bush, sitting on couch, drinking beer.
Bush: Ah! Bush beer. Ya gotta love it. I'm George D.W.I. Bush and I...well, I'm here to drink beer. What else is a man put on this earth for? Well, anyway, just buy Bush beer. Make me richer. And now, back to whatever show you're supposed to be watchin'.
(cut to debates)
CA: All right. Now, back to our debates. Mr. Gore, what is the lockbox combination?
Gore: Now, is that the REAL lockbox combination you're going for, or would that be the decoy lockbox combination you want there? As you know, there's a dif-
CA: (interrupting) ANYWAYS! Mr. Bush, how do you stand on the issue of independence?
Bush: I'm in favor!
Gore: It's my #1 priority!
CA: (exasperated) Huh, right. (normally) Now, Mr. Gore, how do you stand on the issue of abortion?
Gore: My #1 priority, of course, is abortion! I believe we should abort war with Syria right away! Using all that money and tanks and stuff is just not a good idea! It's going to diminish the military! I believe going to war with Syria was the worst idea we ever had! I believe we should abort that plan right now! (Bush makes little "blah blah blah" motions with his hands) What about you, Bush?
Bush: Wh-what? (almost spills beer) Uh...like he said. (points to Gore) Yeah, like he said!
CA: (audible sigh) Mr. Bush, how much money did you make on your campaign trail?
Bush: (is in the middle of a sip of beer, stops drinking hurriedly) mm, No.
CA: (slowly) Excuse me?
Bush: The answer to the question is no.
CA: Oh. Riiiight. Huh! Anyway, now a word from our sponsors.
(cut to commercial. Open with Bush and Gore whispering. They turn to the camera)
Bush: Well, folks, I think we've reached a fair decision.
Gore: An incredibly fair decision!
Bush&Gore: (shaking hands) We're gonna be President together!
Gore: And don't forget!
Bush&Gore: Bush plus Gore equals BORE!!!!!!!!!
(fade out of commercial, cut to debates)
CA: Hi, folks. We're back. And now, our final words. Bush, last words?
Bush: STRATEGERY!!!
Gore: Hmm...Lockbox!
CA: And there you have it, folks!
A/N: And now, an excerpt from one of our other stupid parodies, the "World News" from Dearie Poo.
Dearie Poo: First, in U.S. News:
In Michigan News, the price of Michigan Apples has dropped from 20 cents to 30 cents today, and Michigan Lemons are on sale at Krogers for $2.
There was a crash last Friday between an RV and a fishing boat near Honolulu, Hawaii. I hear the survivors are still searching for their pulse.
A recent study predicts the U.S. will become increasingly dependent on the unstable Mideast countries for oil. Either that, or we'll send Bruce Willis to Alaska to make "Oilageddon."
Net filters continue to fail blocking objectionable sites. However, parents report the filters mercifully block sites like sesamestreet.com and barney.net.
Host of show: Hey, special report!
Dearie Poo: Special report: Snow Removal in the 21st century has become far too high-tech, people! I saw the inside of one of them things yesterday, and it looked like the freakin' Pentagon! It's JUST snow removal, people! Its right up there with garbagemen and janitors: necessary, but it's not CRUCIAL!
In World News:
In French news...well, in French news:
Il pleut, Il pleut ta` verse, it's great outside, and Il fait beau. Bon apetite, and moving on!
In Food News:
I feel like a double-decker ham and cheese sandwich, but you know what's really good? Croissants, with chocolate! But I've heard that ice cream cake from Dairy Queen is just a little bit too sugary.
In Home News:
My brother is a real pain in the "derriere."
In Sports News:
People play games, one team wins, and the Bulls continue to suck. Moving on!
In Movie News:
300 Miles to...Vegas?
Host: oh no!
Dearie Poo: VEGAS? VIVAAAAAAAA LAS VEGAAAA-oh. Okay. (clears throat) So, uh, moving on, The Last Dance was Saved, Hannibal came back, and um...umm...
In Entertainment News,
Uh, Entertainment News Reports Sean "Puffy" Combs may have a secret compartment in his SUV. Don't give him any grief, people, if I were dating J-Lo I'd want an extra compartment for her (insert BEEP) *** too. Alri-
Host: Hey! (hands her special bulletin)
Dearie Poo: Special Bulletin! The chickens have escaped and are going to cross the...WHAT THE HECK IS THIS! I give UP on you people! (gets up and leaves)
And that's the end of World News. Well, we hope you liked that! Please R/R and tell us if you thought that was funny!
~Harmony, Sierra, and Star*dust~