Glowing Through the Tears (Reworked)
by: Kiora
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[Author's Note: This one was my first T/P fics, or maybe just my first *decent* one. In any case, I took a look at it and found that there was a lot of stuff that needed fixing. And while I was correcting some of the errors, I decided to work on the story itself a bit more, too. To those who reviewed the original, thank you *very* much, your advice and suggestions were appreciated. Be warned that it remains a bit sappy still, but I think this is significantly better. Enjoy!]
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I threw myself onto the bed and let the tears flow, pillow held against my face to muffle the sobs that violently wracked my body like an earthquake across land. Everyone expected me to be strong, to fear nothing and to have no second thoughts. They expected me to be the saiyan I pretended to be. They thought I was always strong and bold, brimming with courage and pride. But no one saw through. No one knew. They expected too much. By now, the hot, stinging tears wouldn't stop, they'd never stop. They lingered on my cheeks, a reminder of how I had let my self-control shatter, just from losing a guy I didn't even like. But with him, I knew, for the first time, someone had treated me like who I was, who I wanted to be. He looked past the façade, saw that I was a normal girl, with feelings, with emotions. A girl that would someday become a woman. For a moment, I wasn't just Pan, Mr. Satan's granddaughter, or Pan, the Saiyan warrior. I was a normal girl, and treated like a normal girl. Couldn't they see that that's what I wanted?
Suddenly, the images began to appear in my mind, images of him. The boy-- man, I had loved for so long, but was too afraid to admit. The one man who would never look upon me as more than a little sister. To him, I'd never be the woman I dreamed to be, not the warrior, not the little girl: the woman. For that, I hated Trunks, more than anything at all. I hated the way he was so perfect; he was strong, he was handsome, he was brave, he was everything I had ever wanted in a man. He was truly his father's son, just as fearless, just as arrogant, and he was everything I wished I could be. But most of all I hated him because of the way he could make me feel like a gurgling pool of jelly. How he could melt my heart and make me feel as if we were the only beings on Earth.
I clenched my teeth and made fists, grabbing clumps of blanket in my sweaty grasp. Just thinking of him made me want to scream in frustration, in anger, in hopelessness; because I knew that he would never see beyond my mask. In what as left of my consciousness, I thanked the Gods above that no one was home, still with too much of my saiyan pride to let my tears show.
The tears still streaming, I only faintly felt my ki nearly burst through the roof, utterly annihilating my room in the process. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw sparks dancing wildly in the shadows, growing into flames. Without a second thought, I flew, not caring. Not caring that it was almost nighttime, not caring about the storm clouds overhead, not caring about the billowing smoke rising from where the house once stood. Not caring about anything.
I flew for hours, even as the rain fell, letting it drench my clothes, and mix with the tears I had shed. It was already dark, and I knew my parents would be worrying, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. Because I knew the truth, I knew that I loved him. And they say the truth hurts? Well they're right. It does hurt. The thought made me sick; that I had joined his fan club of giggling, googly-eyed freaks-- but it was true, and I hated it.
"It's all your fault!" I yelled, knowing he wouldn't hear me, but that was the least of my concerns. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" Screams of rage filled the skies and echoed through my mind, and I felt myself being overcome with power, surging, brilliant power: the power of a saiyan. "I-I don't WANT you! LEAVE!" I cried out, desperately trying to hang on to myself, "I WANT TO BE NORMAL!" My eyes suddenly widened as I felt more of the cackling energy spark into me, breaking all of my barriers and pushing me way beyond normal. Rage dominated my senses and as my anger grew, so did the power.
The energy flowed within, illuminating me with a golden aura. Pure energy pumped through my veins like blood, and I knew that this was something I couldn't erase. Something I couldn't escape. And so I hated it. I hated the way I couldn't control it, the way it controlled me. I hated the way that this was a battle I would never win. And so I fought harder. I flew rapidly across the sky, trying desperately to rid myself of this power, to rid myself of this feeling of despair. But neither would leave me, neither would give me peace.
Vaguely, I knew that reaching a higher level would drain me. I knew that I couldn't take it much longer. But I also knew that I wouldn't-- I couldn't lose to this, I wouldn't lose to myself when I had lost to so many already. My lungs were straining now, my heart beating faster; pumping harder, and cold sweat dripped down my face, mixing with my bitter tears. The golden aura faded and the energy withdrew itself from my being; my body had failed me. I was losing.
My eyes opened-- later, much later, and bright lights blinded me. I was enveloped in warmth, soft blankets encircled my body, and slowly, I struggled to sit up. Pain shot through my muscles; a quick, stinging pain, and I lowered myself back onto the bed, defeated. A throbbing in my head told me that all was not yet right, and as I was ready to close my eyes once more, the door slid open abruptly. "I am NOT a maid," he murmured under his breath, shooting an accusing glare over his shoulder, "oh, you're awake. Hey." Flashing a quirky grin, his eyes met mine, "What happened?"
A sigh escaped my lips as I struggled once more to sit up, this time succeeding. Wincing at the pang of discomfort, I looked away, "Nothing happened. I just went flying for awhile." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't all of the truth either. He didn't need to know the truth. What would I have said, anyway? 'I was frustrated because I know you don't love me?'
Disbelief flashed across his stormy blue eyes and he leaned against the wall, eyes locked on me. "Out flying? During a storm? At night? Doesn't your dad have a thousand rules against that? Everyone was worried, Panny." His eyes were skeptical as they searched within mine for a reason, for some shred of the truth.
Narrowing my eyes, I felt anger rising within me once more. Who was he to judge my actions? Why did he care? As I gazed back into his eyes, there was concern, worry, things he had shown in his eyes so many times before while he was reprimanding Bra. So I'm just another little sister to him? Just another Bra? Anger building within my soul, I yelled, "I don't need a big brother. I'm not Bra. You have no right-"
"No right to care?" Trunks interrupted, his own temper slowly bursting forth, "Panny, I care about you. You know that. Is that really so wrong?" I studied his eyes carefully, watching the emotions flicker through. There was anger in his eyes, an anger I had never seen before. And in those eyes, I saw everything I'd seen before, I saw dreams and ambition, I saw strength and pride, everything that made him so perfect. Everything that made him so much better. And everything collapsed then and there.
Bitter tears ran down my cheeks rapidly, and my breath grew ragged and inconsistent. Biting my lip, I tore my gaze away from him, trying desperately to regain my composure. In those moments, I wanted more than anything to disappear-- fade away, completely and totally. That was one wish that never came true. Within instants, he was by my side, his anger washed away, and concern took its place in his eyes once more. He didn't say a word, but somehow, I felt better knowing he was there, knowing that he cared, knowing that there was still hope. "Trunks?" My voice was small and squeaky, but from his cerulean eyes, I drew courage. "I love you."
The tears didn't stop, but the aching in my heart slowly lessened until it was no more. I looked away, afraid to see what might lie in his features, afraid of the thousands of possibilities. Curiosity took hold, but before I could catch his gaze, I felt his arms around me; taking me into his warm embrace. Glowing through the tears, I saw love in his eyes, I saw hope, and all of my regrets vanished within an instant. Glowing through the tears.
by: Kiora
--
[Author's Note: This one was my first T/P fics, or maybe just my first *decent* one. In any case, I took a look at it and found that there was a lot of stuff that needed fixing. And while I was correcting some of the errors, I decided to work on the story itself a bit more, too. To those who reviewed the original, thank you *very* much, your advice and suggestions were appreciated. Be warned that it remains a bit sappy still, but I think this is significantly better. Enjoy!]
--
I threw myself onto the bed and let the tears flow, pillow held against my face to muffle the sobs that violently wracked my body like an earthquake across land. Everyone expected me to be strong, to fear nothing and to have no second thoughts. They expected me to be the saiyan I pretended to be. They thought I was always strong and bold, brimming with courage and pride. But no one saw through. No one knew. They expected too much. By now, the hot, stinging tears wouldn't stop, they'd never stop. They lingered on my cheeks, a reminder of how I had let my self-control shatter, just from losing a guy I didn't even like. But with him, I knew, for the first time, someone had treated me like who I was, who I wanted to be. He looked past the façade, saw that I was a normal girl, with feelings, with emotions. A girl that would someday become a woman. For a moment, I wasn't just Pan, Mr. Satan's granddaughter, or Pan, the Saiyan warrior. I was a normal girl, and treated like a normal girl. Couldn't they see that that's what I wanted?
Suddenly, the images began to appear in my mind, images of him. The boy-- man, I had loved for so long, but was too afraid to admit. The one man who would never look upon me as more than a little sister. To him, I'd never be the woman I dreamed to be, not the warrior, not the little girl: the woman. For that, I hated Trunks, more than anything at all. I hated the way he was so perfect; he was strong, he was handsome, he was brave, he was everything I had ever wanted in a man. He was truly his father's son, just as fearless, just as arrogant, and he was everything I wished I could be. But most of all I hated him because of the way he could make me feel like a gurgling pool of jelly. How he could melt my heart and make me feel as if we were the only beings on Earth.
I clenched my teeth and made fists, grabbing clumps of blanket in my sweaty grasp. Just thinking of him made me want to scream in frustration, in anger, in hopelessness; because I knew that he would never see beyond my mask. In what as left of my consciousness, I thanked the Gods above that no one was home, still with too much of my saiyan pride to let my tears show.
The tears still streaming, I only faintly felt my ki nearly burst through the roof, utterly annihilating my room in the process. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw sparks dancing wildly in the shadows, growing into flames. Without a second thought, I flew, not caring. Not caring that it was almost nighttime, not caring about the storm clouds overhead, not caring about the billowing smoke rising from where the house once stood. Not caring about anything.
I flew for hours, even as the rain fell, letting it drench my clothes, and mix with the tears I had shed. It was already dark, and I knew my parents would be worrying, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. Because I knew the truth, I knew that I loved him. And they say the truth hurts? Well they're right. It does hurt. The thought made me sick; that I had joined his fan club of giggling, googly-eyed freaks-- but it was true, and I hated it.
"It's all your fault!" I yelled, knowing he wouldn't hear me, but that was the least of my concerns. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" Screams of rage filled the skies and echoed through my mind, and I felt myself being overcome with power, surging, brilliant power: the power of a saiyan. "I-I don't WANT you! LEAVE!" I cried out, desperately trying to hang on to myself, "I WANT TO BE NORMAL!" My eyes suddenly widened as I felt more of the cackling energy spark into me, breaking all of my barriers and pushing me way beyond normal. Rage dominated my senses and as my anger grew, so did the power.
The energy flowed within, illuminating me with a golden aura. Pure energy pumped through my veins like blood, and I knew that this was something I couldn't erase. Something I couldn't escape. And so I hated it. I hated the way I couldn't control it, the way it controlled me. I hated the way that this was a battle I would never win. And so I fought harder. I flew rapidly across the sky, trying desperately to rid myself of this power, to rid myself of this feeling of despair. But neither would leave me, neither would give me peace.
Vaguely, I knew that reaching a higher level would drain me. I knew that I couldn't take it much longer. But I also knew that I wouldn't-- I couldn't lose to this, I wouldn't lose to myself when I had lost to so many already. My lungs were straining now, my heart beating faster; pumping harder, and cold sweat dripped down my face, mixing with my bitter tears. The golden aura faded and the energy withdrew itself from my being; my body had failed me. I was losing.
My eyes opened-- later, much later, and bright lights blinded me. I was enveloped in warmth, soft blankets encircled my body, and slowly, I struggled to sit up. Pain shot through my muscles; a quick, stinging pain, and I lowered myself back onto the bed, defeated. A throbbing in my head told me that all was not yet right, and as I was ready to close my eyes once more, the door slid open abruptly. "I am NOT a maid," he murmured under his breath, shooting an accusing glare over his shoulder, "oh, you're awake. Hey." Flashing a quirky grin, his eyes met mine, "What happened?"
A sigh escaped my lips as I struggled once more to sit up, this time succeeding. Wincing at the pang of discomfort, I looked away, "Nothing happened. I just went flying for awhile." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't all of the truth either. He didn't need to know the truth. What would I have said, anyway? 'I was frustrated because I know you don't love me?'
Disbelief flashed across his stormy blue eyes and he leaned against the wall, eyes locked on me. "Out flying? During a storm? At night? Doesn't your dad have a thousand rules against that? Everyone was worried, Panny." His eyes were skeptical as they searched within mine for a reason, for some shred of the truth.
Narrowing my eyes, I felt anger rising within me once more. Who was he to judge my actions? Why did he care? As I gazed back into his eyes, there was concern, worry, things he had shown in his eyes so many times before while he was reprimanding Bra. So I'm just another little sister to him? Just another Bra? Anger building within my soul, I yelled, "I don't need a big brother. I'm not Bra. You have no right-"
"No right to care?" Trunks interrupted, his own temper slowly bursting forth, "Panny, I care about you. You know that. Is that really so wrong?" I studied his eyes carefully, watching the emotions flicker through. There was anger in his eyes, an anger I had never seen before. And in those eyes, I saw everything I'd seen before, I saw dreams and ambition, I saw strength and pride, everything that made him so perfect. Everything that made him so much better. And everything collapsed then and there.
Bitter tears ran down my cheeks rapidly, and my breath grew ragged and inconsistent. Biting my lip, I tore my gaze away from him, trying desperately to regain my composure. In those moments, I wanted more than anything to disappear-- fade away, completely and totally. That was one wish that never came true. Within instants, he was by my side, his anger washed away, and concern took its place in his eyes once more. He didn't say a word, but somehow, I felt better knowing he was there, knowing that he cared, knowing that there was still hope. "Trunks?" My voice was small and squeaky, but from his cerulean eyes, I drew courage. "I love you."
The tears didn't stop, but the aching in my heart slowly lessened until it was no more. I looked away, afraid to see what might lie in his features, afraid of the thousands of possibilities. Curiosity took hold, but before I could catch his gaze, I felt his arms around me; taking me into his warm embrace. Glowing through the tears, I saw love in his eyes, I saw hope, and all of my regrets vanished within an instant. Glowing through the tears.