Chapter 1

"Let this be my last word, that I trust in your love."
Tagore

Valley Inn, Pine Valley, PA

David Hayward watched the twelve-year-old boy awkwardly make his way up to the stage.

The boy stumbled, and nearly fell, when he walked across the stage; quickly endearing himself to the black tie crowd that was seated at dozens of lavishly decorated tables.

David adjusted his bow tie, allowing himself a smirk as he watched the boy fiddle nervously with his glasses.

The master of ceremonies kindly told the boy where to stand and began his last speech of the evening.

"For our final award, I present to you one very brave young man, Tyler Grossman." He coughed into the microphone and paused before starting again. "Two months ago, a gas leak caused a tremendous fire in young Tyler's home. Tyler was home that night with his grandmother and his little sister, four-year-old Kayla. Most of us would have panicked at the sudden sound of an explosion in our home. Not our Tyler here. The very first thing he did was grab his sister and run out of the house with her. Once he was safely outside, he realized his grandmother was still inside. In spite of flames that now rose as high as Tyler is tall, and black smoke that reduced visibility to near zero, Tyler made the decision to go back inside and find his grandma. It took him nearly ten minutes to find his grandmother, as much time as it took for the fire trucks to arrive at the site, and to help her escape the inferno that was once his house." The man paused and let his words sink into his captive audience. "Tyler suffered third degree burns on his arms and legs as a result of his bravery, but even so, his first question to the fire fighters when he came out of the house was; 'Where's my sister?'"

A roar of applause interrupted him. "And now, to present Pine Valley's annual award for Exceptional Courage and Bravery in the face of Danger, I am pleased to introduce our very own Chief of Police… Anna Devane."

There was another, shorter round of applause as David's wife stepped up onto the stage. 'No…not your wife,' he corrected himself. 'Not any longer.' She had divorced him well over a month ago, in spite of his protests and pleas to the contrary. He'd even asked Leo, his brother, to plead his case to Anna at the airport before she took off for some Caribbean Island to finalize the end of their marriage. Now, more than month later, he still thought of her as his wife.

She wore an elegant black suit, slightly more conservative than her usual choice of attire. She accented it with a stylish white blouse and black designer heels. Her long hair was loosely tied back with a modern, silver clasp and she wore a touch more make-up for the occasion than she usally did. 'Minute details,' David thought, absentmindedly. Details he barely noticed when they were together and which his eyes now hungered for, with as much thirst as a plant in the desert.

David watched her walk towards the young boy, bending down to kiss him on the cheek, a gesture that made the boy blush a bright, poppy red. In an obvious attempt to relieve his nerves, Anna whispered something in his ear. Whatever she said made him smile and the audience smiled along.

The master of ceremonies lowered the microphone before Anna stepped up to it. At the same time Anna put a hand on Tyler's shoulder, offering him first a nod and then a smile. He returned it with a beaming grin of his own, revealing a row of metal braces on his teeth.

'That's a gift,' David realized, with pride. 'To take a nervous little boy and make him feel on top of the world. It's a beautiful gift, Anna.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's a privilege for me to be here tonight, to be given a chance to honour young Tyler Grossman."

David looked around the capacity-filled ballroom and saw all eyes focus on his wife. 'No, not your wife,' he corrected himself. Again. 'Ex-wife.'

Her voice, with its hint of an English accent, rang through the room.

"Working in law enforcement, it's easy to get caught up in all that is wrong and malevolent in our society," she started. "When you constantly come face to face with people that choose to ignore our laws and commit crimes that injure or kill others, it's easy to become disillusioned, jaded even. Yet, occasions like this one tonight reaffirm my faith in humanity," she paused and David lowered his eyes, suddenly worried that she might spot him in the audience.

"Occasions like these remind me of our incredible capacity to care and to love and to put the welfare of others before our own. When Tyler Grossman went back inside that house to bring his grandmother to safety, he did it without a moment's hesitation. He didn't know whether he'd come back out of that house, or whether he'd be able to help his grandmother. He simply acted with his heart, with the love of a grandson. His actions were heroic and courageous beyond that which we could hope to ask, or expect of any twelve year old. As I look into the room tonight I hope that Tyler's incredible act of bravery, may also be an inspiration. An inspiration to act with our hearts when someone is in need, and to value the lives of those we love, as much, or even more so, than our own."

She squeezed the boy's shoulder, "You're an inspiration to me, Tyler, and I can't thank you enough for that. It's an honour to present you with this award tonight."

He offered her another beaming smile.

Anna bent down to remove the shiny medal from the red, satin box she held in her hand. She deftly pinned the medal on his cotton shirt, giving him another kiss on the cheek before the audience erupted with applause.

The master of ceremonies stepped back into the scene, holding a microphone up to the boy's face. "So tell us, Tyler. What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"A police officer," he answered with a grin.

"Good," Anna replied, not missing a beat. "That'll make it easier for me to recruit you."

The audience chuckled and David listened to several more minutes of banter between the people on stage before the master of ceremonies finally gave his closing speech.

A voice from behind took him away from the scene in front of him.

"Doctor Hayward, we're ready to head out, before the crowds do." The voice belonged to the father of the young girl with the heart condition he'd accompanied here. It was the reason he was here tonight. The girl, who had also received an earlier award, had a condition that was so precarious, she was unable to leave the hospital without the care of a physician. Conveniently enough, the girl's need for a physician just so happened to coincide with David's community service requirements.

"If you could just see Sarah to the para-van, you don't need to ride back to PVH with us. Doctor Martin offered to accompany us," the girl's father told him.

'Doctor Martin,' David thought, frowning. 'I wonder which one of the self-righteous Martins he's referring to. Junior or Senior.' "It's no trouble for me to travel back to PVH with Sarah," David insisted, with as much politeness as he could muster. "After all, your daughter has a heart condition and I am a cardiologist."

The man tightened his lips, "No really, Dr. Hayward. Although I appreciate your efforts, I think we'd prefer to be accompanied by Dr. Martin."

'You'd prefer to be accompanied by a pillar of the community, rather than a convicted felon, that's what you want to say,' he thought, biting his tongue. "If that's what you prefer," he said, somehow managing a forced smile.

The man nodded, with a hint of relief. "It is, yes. Thank you for your services, Doctor Hayward."

"You damn well don't have to thank me. It's not as though I had a choice." He couldn't resist that one snide reply, even if it was masked under his breath, low enough for the man not to hear.

Later

Anna Devane stood alone in the plush hallway of the Valley Inn, debating whether to return to her suite or to the police station, where she knew a half dozen case files awaited her.

"That's all I do these days; work," she mumbled to herself. She felt nauseous again and moved a hand to her stomach. "Not again…" she sighed. She'd already thrown up twice today and frankly, as far as she was concerned, in the first two and a half months of her pregnancy she had enough morning sickness to last her a lifetime.

'Whoever came up with the term morning sickness was so obviously a man,' she thought. 'A man who saw his wife get sick in the morning and then left for the rest of the day.'

She sat down on a satin-covered bench in the hallway, hoping the nausea would pass rather than worsen, as it mercifully did on occasion. She lowered her head into her hands, closing her eyes.

When she opened them again, she saw a young Hispanic woman holding a walkie-talkie in her hand, standing mere feet away from her. Anna recognized her as one of the security officers of the Valley Inn.

"It'll have to wait," she heard the woman say. "There's only one of me, and I can't be in two places at the same time."

Anna gave her a wan smile. "Busy night?"

The Hispanic woman returned her smile, recognizing the Chief of Police. "The awards gala kept up busy tonight, Chief. Now I have a guest who locked himself out of his room without ID and some unauthorized guy playing the piano in the ballroom."

Anna checked her watch, deciding it was definitely too late to make the trip back to the station. "Why don't you help the stranded guest and I'll look after the delinquent pianist for you?"

"No, I can't ask you to…" the woman started, embarrassed

Anna stood up. "You're not asking, I'm offering."

The woman's expression changed to gratitude. "Are you sure, Chief Devane?"

Anna nodded. "Sure. I haven't arrested anyone all day. I have quotas to meet, you know."

The woman looked at her aghast, "Oh…no, you don't have to arrest him. Just ask him to stop, leave the building if necessary. Maybe I should do this, Chief..."

Anna smirked. "I'm kidding… I know."

"Oh…yes, of course. Thank you, for you help."

"You're welcome."

Anna waited until the woman was out of view, and then took a deep breath before heading towards the ballroom.

Inside the ballroom

Anna entered the huge ballroom, feeling her nausea rise with each step she took.

'Great,' she thought. 'Maybe if I throw up on him, that'll be all the incentive he needs to leave the piano. I won't even have to ask.'

She paused before heading towards the baby grand, unable to hide a smile as she listened to the music. Regardless of whether or not he was allowed in here, he played beautifully. It was a familiar piece that Anna recognized but couldn't name.

"Chopin…" she guessed, wishing she knew more about music. It was a sad, haunting tune that filled the room with its melancholy. Against her better judgment, she waited several long minutes before approaching him, frowning when she recognized the man seated at the piano.

"I should have known," she announced, startling him.

The music stopped.

"Anna…"

David Hayward. Her ex-husband and father of the child she was carrying looked as impossibly handsome as he ever had. He wore a crisp, tailor-made tuxedo, complete with tails and silk bow tie, which he'd loosened and now hung freely around his shirt collar. A strand of jet-black hair fell over his forehead when he turned around to look at her.

"I didn't know you played the piano," she remarked, hating that even now his presence could still make her heart beat faster.

He smiled at her, "You didn't think I was a one-note villain, did you?"

She stiffled a laugh, unwilling to give him the satisfaction.

It was well over a month since they'd been in the same room together. Since they so much as spoke two sentences to one another.

After the divorce, Anna had gone full steam ahead to build a case against him. She was certain without a doubt that Maria Grey's treatment involved an untested, unapproved drug. The modus operandi had David Hayward's name written all over it. Anna had seen him do it before, with her own eyes, when he tested unapproved drugs on himself, and eventually on the woman he once loved, Dixie Martin. It was the David Hayward way of force-feeding the world his genius. To hell with whoever got hurt in the process.

This time the people who got hurt were two young, innocent children, deprived of their mother for five long years, as well as her good friend, Edmund Grey; the same man who had patiently helped her reclaim her own memory.

This time it was too much. Anna could forgive him so much. But not this.

Especially not now, when she was pregnant with a child of her own.

His child.

Even so, much of her efforts to build a case against him had been futile. The drug in question was nowhere to be found. Maria Grey, or Maureen Gorman, as she now called herself, refused to testify against David, a fact that had both puzzled and angered Anna.

In short, the most damning charge she'd been able to pin on him was that of drugging one of her officers. It was a paltry charge compared to the ones she intended to raise in the near future. On top of it, David posted bail shortly after his arrest and was sentenced to nothing more than community service. It was as though he was toying with her efforts to make him pay.

"Are you going to arrest me, Chief?" he asked her, his charcoal eyes looking through her as though she were transparent.

She shook her head. "No. But I will ask you to leave."

"Is that your way of saying you don't like my playing?"

Anna bit her lip, annoyed at the effect he had on her. "You're trespassing. This is private property."

David nodded, his hand resting silently on the piano keys now. "I must've missed the 'Don't Touch' sign."

Anna's anger rose, "Are you going to leave, or do you really want me to arrest you?"

The nausea hit her again and she was afraid she'd soon have to make a dash for the nearest washroom.

David noticed her discomfort immediately. "Anna…?" His voice was low, gentle. "Hey, are you okay?"

Anna sat down on the piano bench next to him, clenching her teeth. The last thing she wanted was his help. Or worse, his sympathy. "I'm fine."

He took a deep breath and Anna could sense that took effort for him not to reach over and touch her. Theirs had always been an instinctually physical relationship. She could read his body language as well as his gaze. "Is the morning sickness still bad?" he asked softly.

She looked at him, "What do you mean 'still'?"

"I know it was bad in the first couple of months, but you'll be past the first trimester soon. It should stop, so should the lightheadedness. If it doesn't you should speak to your doctor because…"

Anna raised her eyebrows, interrupting him. "How do you know any of this?"

David avoided her interrogative stare, as if debating whether another lie or maybe the truth would better serve him this time. "I…" He paused, "Maggie. I talk to Maggie sometimes."

Anna deducted that 'sometimes' was a half truth. It had to be more than that for him to know as much as he did.

"Staying away from you, not being part of...your pregnancy, it's the most difficult thing I've ever had to to."

Oh no, you don't. You're not getting to me...not like this. "So you have Maggie report back to you, do you?"

"Don't be angry with her. She's my cousin…"

"I know she's a part of your life, I'd never begrudge her that. But I'd appreciate it if you didn't interrogate her about my health."

"I ask her how you're doing, that's all."

"I'm fine."

"I can see that," he started biting his tongue to avoid an argument, then looking at her as if he'd changed his mind. "Actually...you look tired, Anna. You barely gained any weight. Are you able to keep anything down?"

The inquisition made her blush. "Look, I'm leaving."

"I thought you were going to arrest me."

"I've never had any luck getting you to do anything I want, so I've deicded I'm not going to bother. Hotel security can kick you out."

"You got me to love you…"

Anna bit her lip, and stared at him in silence. You're not doing this. I won't let you. Not anymore.

She turned on her heel, ready to leave. Unable to look at him any longer.

"Anna…don't go!" All his earlier restraint evaporated now and he grabbed her arm. "For chrissakes...this can't be it. After a month of not seeing you. All I get is one lousy minute?"

"I have nothing to say to you."

He let go of her arm. "We don't have to talk…please. Five minutes, Anna. Just stay here for five minutes."

"No."

"Let me play something for you."

"David…don't…"

"One song, Anna. Please. Just one song."

She sighed.

"I don't even know what music you like…"

She managed a smirk. "Maybe we should have asked each other twenty questions before we got married….you know, like, who do you prefer; the Beatles or the Stones? Chocolate or vanilla? Do you take milk or cream? Lights on or off?"

He closed his eyes, resting his hands on the keyboard, grateful for the respite. "I think I could handle those…Stones for the first one. Chocolate for the second. As for cream or milk, neither. You take your coffee black…with a little sugar, but only when you're tired. Which reminds me, you are drinking decaf now, aren't you?"

Anna rolled her eyes.

David cringed. 'Idiot,' he mouthed softly.

"Lastly," he continued, relieved to see she hadn't moved from the piano bench. "Lights on or off, that's a tough one…both, really." He smiled at her. "Both."

Anna was surprised to see him display a trait she'd only caught in the rarest of moments before. Doctor David Hayward was nervous.

"I have to go," she whispered, her voice failing. She hated the effect he still had on her. Hated that a part of her wanted nothing more than to be in his arms again.

Seeing him seated at the piano in a tuxedo, Anna was mildly surprised that he was here alone, that none of the Gala attendees had thrown themselves on him. He was after all, David Hayward, cardiologist extraordinaire.

He took a risk and reached for her hand. "You didn't let me play you a song yet."

"Don't…"

"One song. That's all I'm asking for, Anna. One song."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I love you."

She turned away from his gaze, unable to meet his eyes.

"You asked," he said softly. "It's the truth."

She took a deep breath. "Fine. One song."

David exhaled. "Tell me what you'd like."

She shrugged her shoulders, trying to look indifferent. "I don't know…something happy."

He chuckled. "In other words, not Chopin."

"You play very well," she conceded.

"I took lessons for years as a kid. It became an escape to get away from the madness that was Vanessa." He blushed this time, as if taken aback by the unexpected confession. "I miss...talking to you, Anna. I miss loving you too, but I think I miss the friendship more."

Anna saw him blush and her eyes let him know that she understood, even now in her anger.

He looked like he wanted her to say something, anything, but Anna couldn't.

Uncomfortable in the sudden silence, David began playing.

This time Anna did recognize the music. Mozart. A Little Night Music.

Anna watched his fingers, tanned, long, elegant, glide effortlessly across the ebony and ivory keys, bringing the music to life, filling the room with it.

It was a piece meant for a symphony orchestra yet David made it sound as though it should have been a piano sonata. She closed her eyes and let the music envelop her, her nausea disappearing in its gentle rhythm. It was several long seconds after he stopped playing before she opened her eyes again.

David loosened the top button of his shirt, observing her.

"Mozart was a bit happier than Chopin, wasn't he? I hope you liked it."

"It was beautiful," she admitted. She didn't have to be an expert to realize he played magnificently, with the passion and delicacy of a professional. She allowed herself a smile. 'That's another Hayward trait, isn't it?' she thought. 'All or nothing. You either do something better than anyone else out there, or you don't do it at all.'

"I'm glad," he said, interrupting her thoughts. "I'm glad I could do something that made you smile."

Anna nodded and David's soulful eyes looked at her with all the sincerity in the world.

"I should go," she told him.

"I'd give you so much more, if only you'd let me."

"Don't do this…" God, how easy would it be to let him love her? When he did love her, he did it so completely, she felt like she was everything. He loved her the same way he played the piano, the same way he operated on his heart patients. He gave it his all. Always. No holds barred. How do you let go of a love like that?

His eyes penetrated her and Anna was certain he could read her thoughts and hear the pounding of her heart. If you let him in now, you'll never be able to let go again. There will be more lies. There will always be more lies.

"Why won't you let me take care of you, Anna?" he whispered.

"I want to tell you why I did what I did with Maureen Gorman...to explain..."

Anna turned around, unwilling to listen. Not yet.

He understood, but moved his hand over hers nonetheless, pushing it down onto the piano keys, where it rested.

"Let me into your life again, please. Let me be there for you during this pregnancy. " He was pleaded now, making no effort to hide the desperation in his voice.

Tears fell down Anna's face, and they made her angry. Not at him, but at herself, for being unable to steel herself against him.

"Why, Anna? Why are you so afraid of loving me?"

In a violent, sudden gesture, she brushed his hand off hers and stood up. Without so much as another glance at him, she moved away from him, walking at first and then half running, certain he couldn't hear the words she muttered under breath. "You're wrong, David. You're so wrong. I'm not afraid of loving you. What I'm afraid of is that I'll never stop loving you..."

-

David watched her leave.

He wanted to follow her. His every instinct was telling him to get up and run after her. She was shaken, upset, and he wanted nothing more than to put his arms around her.

'She's not supposed to get upset like this. Damn it!' He pounded a full, angry fist down onto the piano keyboard sending an ear-shattering clang through the ballroom.

He remembered Leo's words; "Are you listening to me? If you railroad her, you're going to lose her for good. Her and the baby."

"You have to give her time."

"Time," he sighed. "If I wait any longer our child will be born before we find our way back to one another. I'll have missed the entire pregnancy." He closed the cover of the keyboard. "I should go see if she's alright. It's the least I can do this time," he convinced himself.

His mind went back to the day he found her at Liza Chandler's estate, holding what she believed was the evidence needed to convict him, in her hands. He had pleaded with her then, pleaded first, then demanded that she hand the evidence over to him. Instead of doing that, she'd pointed a gun in his direction.

'You thought the only thing I cared about was that evidence. That and our child. Given what I did, I can't even blame you for thinking that.'

That same afternoon, Anna collapsed in her office, nearly losing their child as a result.

"But if you believe the evidence and the baby were the only things that mattered, you couldn't be further from the truth."

He'd hated himself that afternoon, hated what his actions had wrought. "You're so strong, Anna. Strong and stubborn. But even you have limits."

Halfway through the ballroom, he stopped from going after her. "And you keep pushing her to those limits," he scolded himself. "When are you going to stop hurting her?"

He'd never known fear as he felt that day, when Maggie had phoned him telling him theyd found Anna unconscious in her office.

"I thought I'd lost everything. And the worst part was that you wouldn't let me see you. You wouldn't even give me a chance to tell you how wrong you were that afternoon. How wrong you were to think that that evidence meant more to me than you do. Nothing means more to me than you and our baby."

It was the truth, he realized now, and it might have been as honest as he'd ever been with himself.

Because it was the truth, he didn't follow her.

He let her go.